Ask for funny jokes, the funnier the better.

There are three treasures in Korean dramas: car accidents, cancer and incurable diseases;

Lies have three treasures: everlasting, everlasting, and love to the old;

There are three treasures in primary schools: attention, attention and being a good teacher;

There are three treasures in middle schools: tutoring, staying up late, and spelling the college entrance examination;

College students have three treasures: just copy and paste;

Three treasures of college boys: games, picking up girls and being a good junior;

College girls have three treasures: shopping, dressing up and wearing less.

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Obama is depressed. Other presidents brought their wives, and he brought the wife of the former president.

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Winter vacation homework, in fact, you write for a month, and the teacher writes an article "Reading" ~

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In the kindergarten, a little boy is building blocks, but it is always unsuccessful. A little girl next to her kindly said, "Let me help you." After listening, the little boy turned his head disdainfully and said, "Go! Women don't care about men's affairs. " ……

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..... When it comes to counter-offer, a friend does this.

Friend: How much is this dish? How much is it per catty?

Vegetable vendor: 1 yuan.

Friend: Eighty cents!

Vegetable vendor: ninety cents!

Friend: Seventy cents!

Vegetable vendor: eighty cents!

Friend: Please give me two Jin.

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The eighth set of broadcast gymnastics, I have practiced for three years, when can I get through the second pulse of Ren Du?

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I saw a girl with a familiar back, like a classmate. I ran over and patted her. When the girl turned around, I found that I mistook her for someone else. I quickly apologized and said, "I mistook you for someone else. You look familiar. " The girl smiled at me and said, "Rogues look familiar to everyone."

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Rich girl: Have you seen it? This is a French LV bag!

Me: Yes, I do. Have you seen Donkey?

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In fact, we can boil all the problems down to two kinds: one is that we are hungry and have no food; One is full.

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In fact, we can boil all the problems down to two kinds: one is that we are hungry and have no food; One is full.

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I'm not afraid that I can't spend Valentine's Day. I'm afraid that the person I like will spend Valentine's Day with someone else.

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The professor gave a lecture on the spot: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and licked it in his mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at observation. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. "

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Folk signboard: roast chicken is the best seller-the first emperor among birds.

The Best Welder-Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty

The best seller of candied haws-Emperor Taizong.

Mo, the best-selling steamed bread.

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An old farmer went to the county seat to buy a mobile phone. When he entered the store, he asked, "How much is a catty of mobile phones?"

The shopkeeper secretly pleased, and such a fool? Too much trouble to quote one by one? The mob waved and said, "5000 kilograms, take whatever you want!"

The old farmer chose a high-grade ultra-thin iphone4 and weighed it at 220, 1000 yuan.

The shopkeeper regretted it and pushed his machine, but the old farmer dismissed it: "Want to cheat me as a junk dealer?" Those are obviously refurbished machines, and the configuration is not good. Even angry birds can't play! "

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When I went shopping, I found a shop full of all kinds of clothes. On the glass in front of the door are posted: big rewards for opening a shop, 30 yuan/suit of high-grade suits, 5 yuan/shirt ... I am inexplicably happy: I finally caught up with such a good thing! So I rushed in, and I was dumbfounded when I looked up and entered the door: dry cleaners!

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Boys who spend all night in internet cafes hate it most. They rushed up and asked, "How much is the evening meal?" I'm not in the mood at all . .

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Shajia Datong performed, and Zhangjiakou returned to Beijing to pick up people. The two sides talked: "Where are you now?" "I'll wait for you in the sand room." "No matter what you say, I'm not familiar with that place." "I'm in the sand house now." "Don't you know? Ask pol.ice! " "I am really in the sand house." "I fucking know where you are?" (@ Yu Qian)

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It is said that egg white can protect hair. A classmate wiped it and prepared to wash it off. As a result, the water was too hot, and an egg flower was hung up and wiped all afternoon. .

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In other words, women who use Android are good women, because they have to go home every night to recharge their batteries! /snicker

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The worst dream when I was a child was that I was looking for the toilet. The most terrible thing is that the toilet was discovered before people woke up. . .

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Six months after breaking up, her first call was to ask me to help her with a math problem.

I cried and she didn't even ask me how I was doing.

I cried after doing it for a while, because I couldn't do it either …

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Military training must be carried out before school starts, and all freshmen are trained in a playground. In order to find a bigger place, our instructor took us left and right for a long time. A classmate in the team couldn't help asking, "Instructor, are you playing with a snake?"

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A couple are chatting on QQ. The woman's home uses 4M broadband, and the man's school uses 2.5G campus network. Woman: Do you love me? The man didn't respond. The woman asked again: Do you have any other women at school? M: Yes! Of course! Woman: You did it to me. Were you ever in love with me？ Man: That's impossible! ! They broke up as a result.

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When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful girl in a liberal arts class. Although she is an acquaintance, she has no chance to get close. For a long time, she could only look at it from a distance. My deskmate and I have discussed many ways to approach beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and few are feasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, that is, I met her and took the initiative to strike up a conversation. The content of the conversation is: hey, what a coincidence, you are XXXX, too. The content of XXXX depends on the specific situation. For example, when we meet in the library, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also come to the library. When you meet at the station, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then we can start talking.

With this in mind, I want to meet her every day. Finally one day: I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the pool. I was so excited that I quickly went over and turned on the tap to wash my hands. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly, hey, what a coincidence, right ... You ... you ... peed on your hand, too?

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Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I stretched out four fingers and said "three mutton kebabs" to my boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

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I won't tell you if you kill me. You haven't played the honey trap yet!

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Push me again and I'll play dead for you!

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I saw a beautiful MM in front. . . . Can't strike up a conversation. . So ... . . . Pick up a brick. . . Last/better/previous/last name

Before. . "Classmate, did you drop this?"

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In college, I taught myself. A strange boy stopped me. I asked him what he wanted. He said, "Nothing, you are so white. I just want to see if you look good. "

fall into a faint

After a while, he came over and said, "Do you think I'm black?"

"Black" I said.

He said, "Everyone says I'm black."

Faint again.

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My junior took a fancy to a handsome boy in our school and went over to strike up a conversation:

Handsome, do you have a girlfriend?

I see.

Then would you mind changing it?

Mind.

Would you mind another drink? >

Two months later, the junior successfully took the upper position ~ ~

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Sanya is really a killing place, even the license plate is laughing at the person who has no money: Joan B.

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A shy man was studying in the classroom, and when he saw a favorite MM who was leaving after reading the book, the shy man blushed and accosted: Can my classmates lend me 10 yuan to buy noodles? I lost my wallet in the dormitory. This is my student ID card. Please give me your mobile phone number and I'll pay you back later. MM thought about it and said, ok. When saving money, the shy man said, if I can borrow 20, I'll treat you to a bowl, too.

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One day, two farmers' uncles met in the market. Farmer A asked farmer B: Last year, your cow was sick. What medicine did you give it? Farmer B: Waste oil. A few days later, the two met again. Farmer A: What medicine did you say you gave your cow last time? Farmer B: Waste oil! Farmer A: Then why did my cow die after eating it? Farmer B: My cow died, too.

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A monk entertained him, and the city manager told him to leave, but the monk ignored him. The city manager found someone to smash the monk's things, but he was afraid of his kung fu! /kloc-urban managers above 0/0 can only say with sticks, are you going or not? The monk said, if I don't leave, you can arrest me. I'm not afraid of you fighting! Then he let out a cry and smashed the brick directly with his hand. The urban management saw it and said, You should be reasonable, and monks should not fight and kill. Everyone at the scene laughed.

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When quarreling, no matter what the other party says, you always answer "you have vegetables between your teeth." If the other person says, "nonsense, I didn't eat food today." You said in surprise, "That was yesterday!" And so on. If the other person says to you, "You have a green vegetable between your teeth", XX means "Do you want to eat it? I can dig it for you. "

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20 12 personality signature

I don't accept garbage, so I can't let you be on call.

You are calm because you are not afraid of death, and I am calmer than you because I am not afraid of your death.

Your shortness is lifelong, and my fatness is temporary.

I'm not a TV. Don't keep staring at me.

Even if you are already taken, I will use flowers instead of trees.

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The Buddha looked at Zhang Sanfeng with disdain: Oh, boy, what a big breath!

Zhang Sanfeng stare blankly for a moment, then corners of the mouth slightly raised, put his hand into his arms, took out a piece of chewing gum, threw it into his mouth and chewed it a few times.

Then look at Buddha: What about now?

Buddha smiled and nodded: Well, it's much fresher.

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Feelings are like two people being mean to each other. Suddenly one person can't do it, and the other person is stupid and forced.

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How does an electronic engine work?

Interviewer: "How does the electronic engine work?"

Application: "chug chug, chug chug ..."

The interviewer shouted, "Stop!"

Applicant: "Chug Chug ... Hum!" 1, go home at the weekend, get addicted to cigarettes after dinner, and plan to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a bag of white sand from me and gave me a good K.

After coming out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

3. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning and wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel. As a result, I said, "Push out my tires." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Fill my car with gas!" "

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

5, the last toilet was convenient, and there was no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping donkey!"

6. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "a man with two legs is hard to find, and there are many toads with three legs!" "

7. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

8. Colleagues argued with others and opened their mouths in a hurry: "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

9. In computer class, a classmate shouted when there was something wrong with his machine. "Boss, change the plane!"

10, reading a post while eating and reading a classic to my wife made her laugh to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or your brain will get indigestion!"

1 1, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his glasses were, and he wanted to say 400 degrees, but as soon as he said it, it became 400 watts, and his stomach ached to death!

12, a leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

13. Many teachers were listening to a physical education student's internship class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank, and he abruptly uttered a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! "

14, a group of students went to their home in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, "I cut the pumpkin." Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand!

15 There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in high school, who looked like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

16, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

17, I went to McDonald's to buy a cone, and finally it was my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " "I didn't expect the waiter to say to me loudly;" Two rollers, four dollars! "

18, I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. For a long time, I said, "Take a shower. Are there many men in it?"

19, once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out, "Husband! Check out! " The proprietress was nearby at that time. ...

20. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

2 1, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law rubbing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

22. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, but I have to decorate the hut (I forgot to say the word' blank'). "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "

23. The teacher asked me to do my homework. If I can't do it, I'll copy from others. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

24. I took a colleague home and couldn't find the key. I exclaimed, "I can't find the key to open the door!"

25. Go to McDonald's and say to the waiter, "A box of colonel chicken!" (Colonel chicken nuggets are KFC's specialty)

Xiaoming went out and saw his uncle buying food. He said, "Laocai, where did you buy food for your uncle?" Xiaoming's uncle said, "The child can't even speak."

27. Fudge is walking in the street. Suddenly, it said, "My feet are so soft."

A boyfriend and girlfriend are walking down the street. The woman said, "My feet are so sore." The man asked, "Did you step on a lemon?"