Excellent humorous jokes

A collection of the best humorous jokes

1. Four brothers are working in the fields.

The boss said: "Brothers, do your best! When you get rich in the future, let our father marry us a wife."

The second child said: "You are still talking about getting a wife. There is always a sister in our family, and she let someone else marry her away."

The third child said: "Don't talk nonsense, how can you marry someone from your own family?"

The fourth child said: Why can’t it be possible? Our father didn’t marry our mother?

2. When I was young, when I attended a dance, I invited a young lady to dance, but this lady I arrogantly refused and said, "I can't dance with children."

I had an idea and said with a smile, "I'm sorry, miss, I didn't know you were pregnant with a child."

3. "I want to ask you something, can you keep it a secret for me?"

"Of course."

"I am in urgent need of money recently, can you Can you lend me some money?"

"Don't worry, I just pretend you didn't hear me!"

4. In the middle of the night, I got addicted to cigarettes in the cold weather. I found that I couldn't find my lighter, and I looked at the roar outside. After an hour of determination in the cold wind (and enduring it for an hour), I finally took 1 yuan and walked 15 minutes to the store nearest my home, bought a lighter, but forgot to bring the cigarette, and ended up with 12 seconds 91 I ran home as fast as I could and found that the lighter had fallen on the road! I made up my mind for another half an hour and went out to look for it, but I couldn’t find it. The store was closed. I went home feeling depressed and irritable, and finally fell asleep until early in the morning. When I woke up early in the morning, I suddenly saw my wife elegantly walking into the kitchen. When I turned the switch, red flames were rising on the gas stove?

5. I passed by the door of an optical shop, and the etiquette lady at the door handed me a piece of cake. The glasses cloth was originally used as an advertisement for the optical shop. Every comrade wearing glasses passing by her door would be given a piece of beautiful eye cloth for free. Surprised, I walked back and forth from her 9 times and got 9 pieces of glasses cloth. By the 10th time, I suddenly felt embarrassed and took off my glasses, not wanting them anymore. But at this moment, the lady still handed me a piece of glasses cloth and said: "I still recognize you even if you take off your glasses." ?

6. There was an American young man who went to China during the summer vacation.

He learned Chinese Kung Fu from a martial arts teacher. After returning to China, he showed off in front of his classmates and even became a Martial arts master.

That morning, the American young man led a group of classmates to practice Qigong in the square. A Chinese international student stood aside and watched for a long time. At this time, the American young man came over and asked proudly: "How is it?" Am I practicing Chinese Kung Fu well?

The Chinese students said in surprise: Oh my God, I didn’t expect you to be so obsessed with China’s radio gymnastics!?

7. Zhang Sanjia was arrested The thief came by and posted a post online: I came home last night and found that it had been stolen. I want to call the police, but I don’t know the phone number of 110. If you know it, please tell me. Someone immediately followed up and kindly said: My dad works in the Public Security Bureau, I will call you to ask.

Idiot: You don’t even know the 110 number, and you still want to hang out in society, go to hell.

Some people argue: 110 should publish their phone number to everyone.

More comments asked:

What is the phone number of 119?

What is the phone number of 120?

What is the phone number of 315?

8. A family of three is sitting in front of the TV watching Animal World, which is playing on the TV A pack of wolves tearing apart their prey. The daughter said: "Dad, I'm afraid." ?Dad said: ?My daughter is not afraid, she has her mother. ?My mother thought in confusion: If a wolf really came, wouldn't my father be more powerful than my mother to drive away the wolf? The father then said: "Your mother is fat. She is enough for the wolf to eat by herself. When the time comes, the father will hold his daughter and run away."

?......

9. Ram: Wife, what are you eating today?

Ewe: Today we eat wolf meat!?

Ram (⊙o⊙)? Wow, that’s so good! Usually wolves eat us, but today we ate wolves!?

After the food was served, the ram took a bite and said:? Why is the meat so small and has a strange smell?

Ewe:?Dung beetle meat, this is what it tastes like!?

10. The tiger baby asked the tiger father: Dad, dad, Why do humans have a saying? A tiger’s beard cannot be touched? The tiger’s father replied: Son, this is because one time when humans were trimming dad’s beard, dad was hungry, so he couldn’t help but eat him!

11. A: What are traditional Chinese characters?

B: Characters with many strokes.

A: Why are they called traditional Chinese characters when they have so many strokes?

B: There are too many strokes, which makes writing troublesome and annoying. Therefore, it is called traditional Chinese characters.

12. The grapes have reached the ripening season, but my grapes are still green. The reason is not because of other reasons, but because of too much fertilizer and too much nutrients. Although the taste is not bad, no one comes to collect it. What should I do? My parents had no choice but to ride bicycles to the market to sell. In order to sell more, they split up. One is in the south of the road, and the other is in the north of the road. In short, they are only 5 or 6 meters apart. They agreed that grapes would cost 80 cents a pound. A buyer came over and asked: "Comrade, how do you sell grapes for 8 cents a pound?" Dad said. ? Cheaper, how about 2 pounds for one dollar? People bargain. ?One dollar and 2 pounds? Then go and buy it from the guy opposite! I won’t sell it!? Dad said. Before the man could come to his senses, he heard his mother shout: Why should I sell it if you don’t want to sell it? I won’t sell it either!

13. A said: Look at me Will this new perm make me look ugly?

B’s answer: No. ?

A asked: ?Really? Not at all?

B said: ?Really not. Because your ugliness has nothing to do with your hair. ?

14. Someone went to the store to buy a money counting machine and picked the two most expensive ones. At the same time, he asked the boss why this model was more expensive. The boss told him that it was because it was a fully intelligent voice machine. .

When paying, he asked his boss to use these two money counting machines to count money. Both money counting machines reported accurate numbers. He thought the voice function was pretty good, but he didn’t see any intelligence. , the boss said you will find out if you use it later. After paying the money, he put the money counter in the back seat of the car and drove back to the company.

On the way, he suddenly heard one money counting machine talking to another:? Hey, is it our buddy who is said to be the one who counts the money for others after being sold by others?

15. Xiao Ming and his wife went shopping in the supermarket and saw people queuing up at the counter selling roast chicken.

Wife: It’s definitely okay if there are people queuing up. Let’s buy one and try it. ?

Xiao Ming: There are a lot of people now. If we come back in a while, we might not have to queue up, and maybe we can grab a bench or a sofa. ?

When my wife thought about it, it made sense, so the two of them went to buy other things first. When the purchase was almost over, my wife found a place to sit down and rest for a while, then asked Xiao Ming to see how many people were still queuing up for the roast chicken.

After a while, my wife heard Xiao Ming calling her: Come here quickly, I have grabbed the sofa! When my wife went over and saw it, she became angry: Oh, it’s a paginated sofa!? ;