Find me a cold joke quickly.

Q: When do people have two mouths?

A: It's time for two people, hehe.

Q: Two people fell into the trap. The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living?

A: Call for help, haha.

2:

Q: Why do people go to bed to sleep?

A: Because the bed won't walk by itself!

3:

Q: The last thing you want to do at a barbecue.

I'll be with you, cook the meat.

4:

Q: Boss, isn't this called beef noodles? Why is there no beef? !

They call it the old woman's cake. Maybe you'll have a wife if you buy it? !

5:

Two bananas are competing for endurance, running and running. ...

The dominant banana ran full head and sweat.

While taking off the banana skin and throwing it on the runway, the banana at the back slipped.

6:

Q: One day, it took a bird 1 hour to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei. But it took 2 hours to get back!

Why?

Because it is raining! So cover the rain with one hand and let it fly with the other.

7:

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin.

Penguins pluck their hair one by one. After pulling it out, they said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

Hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out his own hair one by one.

Turn to the penguin and say,

"It's cold!"

8:

Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, let me ask you something." A shark ate a mung bean. What did it become? 」

Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? 」

Xiao Ming said, "Hey! Hey! The answer is "green bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are stupid! 」

9:

The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

Answer: Make the lunch box blue ~ ~ ~

10:

One day, noodles and steamed buns fought and the noodles ran away. The steamed stuffed bun chased him to an alley and saw the instant noodles there. He rushed up and beat them up.

Leave a sentence when you leave: "Don't think that I don't know you when you perm your hair!" " "

1 1:

Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

12:

A bean fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up?

The answer is you!

Because there is something called "pigs encourage beans".

13:

Late at night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed with long hair. Bush got a fright and said:

"How dare you break into the White House at night!"

Bin Laden dumped his chest-high beard, smiled coldly and said:

"Soft, so confident!"

14:

One day mung beans committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

15:

One person has a bad stomach. One day, he came to the stomach hospital and said to the doctor:

"I pull everything, eat watermelon and pull watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!"

The doctor wanted to think, said to him:

"I think you are going to eat shit!"

16:

How to distinguish octopus's hands and feet?

Answer: Let octopus participate in Super Girl. It's its hand that holds the microphone, and the rest is its foot ~ ~

17:

Zhenzi climbed out of the TV set, covered with messy long hair and a dazzling white dress. Then she smiled and said to me, "Diao brand washing powder is easy to use."

18:

Xiaoyu: My goldfish died again yesterday (depressed ...)

Koharu: What's the big deal? The fish in my fish tank are dying every day, changing every day!

Xiaoyu: Why! ! ?

Koharu: My family has opened a restaurant!

Light rain: ...

19:

Warm hands basically rely on the mouth, warm up basically rely on shaking, couples basically rely on cymbals, and singles basically rely on walking. You can't move your hand when you write a letter, but you can only shout when you stay. When will the temperature come out? The school answered no. It's not like a 70-year-old man has no endurance at all. He's only in his early 11 s, and you're frozen into a puppy If Siberia goes south, do you still have life?

20:

On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will flash!" "

2 1:

Q: What kind of chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow?

A: Chicken nuggets (quick)

Nicole Kidman (slow)

22:

Q: What kind of chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow?

A: Chicken nuggets (quick)

Nicole Kidman (slow)

23:

Another: Another old lady walked into KFC and said to the waiter, I want a KFC, a McDonald's and a hamburger.

24:

One day I went to my friend's house to play cards. As soon as I entered the door, my friends began to complain that I had been harassed recently.

A guy mistook his home phone for a takeaway and often called to order food. He is partial to that guy's intestines. Without any explanation, abuse and pleading are effective, and his friends are worried enough. Sit down and start playing. Soon, a phone call came in When I saw the call, it was that guy again (hereinafter referred to as S). My friend was going to answer it, but I stopped him and pressed the hands-free button, so there was the following conversation:

Author: 2008-1-2115: 21Reply to this speech.

-

The coldest joke in the world!

Me: * Hello, can I help you *?

S: * Jia Wang? Send me one. . . Rice *.

Me: * OK, just a moment, please. I'll send it to you later.

Put the phone down and continue playing cards. Three minutes later, the phone rang and I went to answer it:

Hello, I just ordered it. . . Food, you haven't asked me the address yet. How can I deliver it? What a clever brain.

Me: * I'm really sorry, there are too many guests, I forgot. Please forgive me. May I have your address? *

S: * I'm in Building X, Building X, Caiwuwei. *

Me: * OK, just a moment, please. *

Put down the phone, friends laughed and continued to play cards. Twenty minutes later, the phone rang, and I went to answer it:

Me: * Hello, can I help you *?

I just ordered it. . . Has the meal arrived yet? I live at 10. Caiwuwei x building.

Me: * Sorry, there are too many guests today. Your meal has just been prepared, and the waiter is going out. A moment, please. *

Student: * OK. *

Put the phone down and continue playing cards. Twenty minutes later, the phone rang and another friend answered the phone:

Friend: * Hello, I'm Jia Wang. *

I just ordered it. . . Why hasn't the meal been served yet? How long has it been? *

Friend: * Don't worry, let me ask you. * cried affectedly, * Xiao Zhang, did Cai Wu's meal arrive just now? *

I fought back a smile and said loudly, I sent it 20 minutes ago. *

Friend *: Sir, our waiter brought it to you 20 minutes ago. Maybe the terrain of Caiwuwei is complex, the waiter is new here and unfamiliar with Shenzhen. Can you wait a moment? *

But I'm starving. *

Friend: * Sorry, it won't happen next time. *

Put the phone down and everyone laughed. Twenty minutes later, the phone rang (it is estimated that the guy was hungry and stuck his chest to his back), and he was eager to show off, so he answered the phone first:

Hello, I'm Jia Wang. *

I live in Caiwuwei. I just ordered a meal that I don't want to eat. *

M: * I'm looking for you. You don't want it if you say no? Our sister has been out for almost an hour and hasn't come back yet. Tell me, are you a pervert? What did you do to your sister? I can tell you that Cai Wuwei is next door to the Municipal Public Security Bureau. We have your address and telephone number. The police will be there in five minutes. If anything happens to your little sister, I'll waste your martial arts and make you a hooligan forever. If my little sister doesn't come back in 20 minutes, we will call the police. * Bang, the phone is bang.

Everyone is absolutely defeated: * You are still so cruel, making others hungry for a long time, and you have to abolish their martial arts. I admire you. *

From then on, the world was at peace.

25:

It is said that a polar bear has to wear sunglasses to see because the snow is too dazzling.

But he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling, looking for sunglasses with dirty hands and feet. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror before I found out: Oh, I'm a panda.

26:

A rookie buddy asked me, "What does MM mean?" I randomly replied: "Mom!" She asked again, "What does PLMM mean?" I casually replied: "mother-in-law!" Ask her what happened. She replied: "One person added me as a friend and asked me if I was a' mother-in-law '(PLMM)? I said no, and he asked me' Mom' (hmm)? I refused again. Then he called me' Dad '(88)! "

27:

Two hunters from New Jersey are hunting in the forest. A man suddenly fell to the ground, rolled his eyes and stopped breathing. Seeing this situation, the companion picked up his mobile phone and called the emergency center. He shouted to the waiter in panic, "My friend is dead! What should I do? " The waiter said gently, "Don't be nervous, don't worry, I'll help you." But you have to convince us that he is really dead. "

There was silence ... and then there was a gunshot. The hunter picked up the phone again and said, "Well, what's next?"

28:

A woman got on the bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said, "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!" " "

The angry woman went to the last row, sat down and said to a man next to her, "This driver just insulted me!" " "The man replied," Go and get even with him at once, and I'll hold this ugly monkey for you! ……"

29:

First of all, the animal world

1. Why is the mouse in the cartoon Tom and Jerry worse than the cat?

A: This mouse must have eaten spinach. (Popeye's blood splashes three feet ...)

Because this cartoon was written by a mouse. (The cat's blood splashes three feet ...)

2. Why do you say "the tiger's ass can't be touched"?

Answer: because touching the tiger's ass, the tail will throw people's hands to the ground, which is very painful.

Tiger's ass is too big.

Touching the tiger's ass is uncivilized behavior. (The world has its own meaning ...)

3. How to stop mosquitoes from biting us?

A: please ask a nanny at the door. (Nanny's blood splashes three feet ...)

Put some oil on your body, step on it and the mosquitoes will slip away.

Put some glue on your body and mosquitoes will stick to it.

If you play a lullaby, the mosquito will go to sleep and stop biting.

4. Why do crabs spit bubbles?

Crabs are sweating from the heat.

It's hungry and drooling.

5. Why are there no dinosaurs now?

A big earthquake destroyed the dinosaurs.

The dinosaur went to make a movie. (... I see. )

6. Why does the white rabbit like to eat radishes?

Because its eyes are red.

Radish is rich in nutrition.

Because rabbits can't afford meat. (The blood of the white rabbit splashes three feet ...)

7. What does a giraffe's long neck do?

A: You can see its good friends.

It looks good to wear a gold necklace around your neck. (……)

This can spy on farmers growing vegetables.

8. What will the fish do if there is no water in the sea one day?

A: Let the water in the river flow into the sea, and add some salt to turn it into the sea. Understand the difference between seawater and fresh water! )

Tell fish to learn to breathe on land. (Animals evolved from sauce purple ...)

9. What is the function of the bird's tail?

A: You can cover your ass. (shameless ...)

It's good to open it when dancing.

10, what's the use of a squirrel's tail?

Answer: when the quilt is covered.

As a parachute.

You can sweep the floor.

As a pillow.

30:

1. What is a child's face for?

A: My face can be used to wash my face. (Knocking on the ground ...)

Without a face, your tongue, teeth, nose, eyes and mouth will be exposed.

Scrape the old dough.

My face was pinched by my grandparents.

2. Why don't people hatch from eggs?

A: Because my mother is a human being, not a chicken. She can only give birth to people, not eggs.

Chickens have sharp mouths, but people don't. We can't get out of their shells.

Winged animals are born from eggs. There is some truth in this statement. )

My mother carried me out after she died.

3. Why is the child born from the mother's stomach, not from the father's stomach?

A: Men give birth to boys and women give birth to girls.

Dad's belly is full of beer, and all the children born are drunk.

Dad doesn't have maternity leave, but mom does. (Dad's blood splashes three feet ...)

Dad is a man. If he has children, it will be difficult to have them. (Dad continues to bleed three feet ...)

Dad couldn't be born because grandma didn't teach him

4. Who remembers what he looked like when he was born?

A: The head is very small, like a table tennis ball.

I was bald when I was a child, and my hair didn't grow out yet.

Small, like a thermos.

I can crawl when I was born.

5. What's the use of human nose?

Without a nose, you can't smell food. It tastes strange.

Without a nose, nose hair and snot have no place to live. (Hold your head ...)

You can't sell perfume without a nose.

6. What's the use of hair?

I won't be hit by snow in winter.

Give the barber something to do. The barber's blood spilled three feet ...

7. Why does Dad shave?

A: It's inconvenient to drink porridge with a long beard.

His face hurts when he grows a beard.

When the beard grows, it will turn into hair.

If my father doesn't shave, my mother doesn't like him. (Dad is still bleeding three feet ...)

8. If children grow into adults one day, ok?

A: Time flies too fast. It's time for dinner, and my stomach hasn't digested yet.

If time flies and people die quickly, then there will be no one in the world. (... well, so far-sighted. -o-)

If you are older than mom and dad, how do you call mom and dad?

9. When does a person have four legs?

A: When hitting a puppy.

When two people hug each other. (Knocking on the ground ...)

10, is there any way to make fat people lose weight and thin people gain weight?

A: Thin people fight more, and fat people are the targets. (Fat man's blood splashes three feet ...)

Tell the fat man to drink more water, and his stomach will become very big. When he presses it, he will lose weight. (Fat man continues to bleed three feet ...)

3 1:

1. Why are so many people grabbing a ball on the football field?

A: They have no money and can only afford one ball.

There are too many balls to kick.

Because the ball is beautiful.

2. Why should Children's Day be held in June 1?

A: Mom and Dad celebrated many festivals, so we should celebrate some festivals for the children.

I'm not free on other days.

3. How did the name of the train come from?

His mother gave him this name.

Because it's angry.

4. Why do some balloons fly?

A: Balloons that can fly to the sky are all light skeletons. (……￣□￣; ; ; )

Balloons fly when they are angry.

5. Why is it called Pudong?

A: Many ducks jump in and plop, so they are called Pudong. (... all the mysteries are solved! ! ! Come out and crush the duck! ! ! )

6. where is the money better?

A: At home, because no one knows that you have saved money.

Hidden in leather shoes.

7. What are the two streamers behind the navy hat?

A: For beauty.

The more streamers, the bigger the official.

Because he wants to wear a braid.

32:

1, why do you want noodles for your birthday?

A: Noodles grow fast after eating.

Noodles are cheap.

2. What part of chicken do children like to eat?

I like chicken because I exercise my muscles every day.

I want to eat chicken feet, because I can walk after eating them.

3. Why is jiaozi round?

Because its name is Tangyuan.

If you can't eat a square jiaozi, it will get stuck in your throat.

Because the mouth is round.

4. Where does the milk come from?

A: It was washed out with milk powder. (over there! ! ! )

Cow urine is small. (My blood spilled three feet ...)

5. Where does coconut milk come from?

Answer: Give the coconut to the cow, and the milk squeezed out is coconut milk. (over there! ! ! )

33:

1. How do the children feel after listening to the music of Blue Danube?

It seems that the puppy is wagging its tail.

It feels good.

I feel a little. A tortoise is crawling.

2. What is the story of the music "Spanish Matador"?

A: Titanic.

Sister Xiao He is knitting her hair. (Sister Xiao He's blood spattered three feet ...)

Someone is fighting.

An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

That horse will definitely come back, because it knows its footprints.

I think Ma has gone out to get married and won't come back. (Good, so romantic ...)

I will come back, because my grandfather still has savings. (Good, good reality! )

What would your parents do if you killed a rabbit in front of your house?

My mother will take it to the hospital.

My father will drool with joy. (Dad: ...)

5. What can Taishan do when he comes to the city?

A: Fishing for the moon. (strong! This is called mastery, do as the Romans do! & gt“& lt)

Repair the wire.

Be an acrobat.

He can go to the zoo to translate for animals.

6. The tortoise and the rabbit race. The tortoise wants to win. What should it do?

Answer: Give the rabbit medicine to make it have diarrhea.

The tortoise said, "Let's race who runs slowly."

Put a spring on your feet and paste the rabbit's feet.

Let the turtle's brother wait at the terminal. The rabbit thinks that the tortoise has arrived. In a word, the tortoise is not very clever. - -! )

7. Why didn't Yu Gong move away, but let his descendants dig mountains?

They want to open a small shop halfway up the mountain. (Pioneer of private economy ...)

There are gold coins in the mountains.

Digging stones can sell money. (Pioneer of mountain mining ...)

34:

1, kid, who knows what "talking" means?

A: Talking is like feeling so weak.

Two people are sitting on the sofa talking about business.

Heart-to-heart conversation is a person talking about his heart with the opposite person.

2. What is a laity?

A: Just sweating.

Hercules stood outside.

3. What does the threshold nature mean?

A: This is a threshold made of gold.

There is a monster sitting on the threshold.

What do you mean by "gossiping"?

A: Say it when you shouldn't, and don't say it when you should.

Stick out your tongue.

Eight people are noisy and seven people are quiet.

5. What does parrot talk mean?

A: That is, it wants to catch eight snakes and go home.

Parrots imitate snakes.

6. What is a "scholar"?

A: People who catch mice. (Scholar's blood splashes three feet ...)

Uncle's child. (Uncle's blood splashes three feet ...)

35:

1. What do aliens look like?

A: His eyes are like his brother's, his nose is like a hippo, his mouth is like my mother's and his ears are like ghosts.

The alien wears a glass cover on his head, in which fish can be put.

2. Brother Yan asked an uncle to give his seat to his grandmother, but he didn't. Why?

He is pretending to sleep.

His trousers are torn. (……)

3. Is there any way to let children know if they snore at night?

Ask mom to do me a favor and look in the mirror. You can tell when you snore.

I listened with my eyes closed.

4. Is there any good way for the police uncle to direct traffic without danger?

A: Wear a sign for the police that says "Don't hit me!" .

Put an umbrella on the policeman's head, hang him in the air, and the car won't hit.

Uncle policeman can stand on the tree.

The police uncle can wear armor, and it doesn't matter if someone hits him.

36:

Three college students are talking about a man who came to school to get married.

A (junior undergraduate): How tall is he? Is he handsome?

(Host): What does he do? How much is the monthly salary?

C (Ph.D.): Where is he?

37:

The printer is broken, so I went to the street to repair it. A man stood in the way and asked, "Do you want to sell ink cartridges? Do you sell powder together? "

Soon after, another man blocked the way: "Can't you sell your mobile phone?"

Distracted, I tripped and broke the printer. The rag collector asked, "Do you sell packing cartons?"

I had a heart attack in a rage and went to the hospital for an intravenous drip. A man asked in a low voice, "Are you short of money? Do you sell organs? "

I grinned at him angrily and he asked, "Do you sell false teeth?"

38:

The Canadian space agency began to send astronauts into space for the first time, but they soon got a report that astronauts could not write with ballpoint pens in weightlessness. So it took them 10 years,1200 million dollars, and scientists finally invented the ballpoint pen. This pen is suitable for weightlessness, handstand, water, any flat object, MINUS 300 degrees Celsius.

Russians have been using pencils in space.

39:

Two wishes of pandas

First, have a good sleep;

Second, take a color photo.

40:

Wu Zongxian's classic joke ~ ~

"In this world, I hate two kinds of people ~ one is a person with racial discrimination ~

The other one is black. "

4 1:

A pair of corn fell in love.

So they decided to get married.

Wedding anniversary

A corn can't find another corn.

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

42:

Next, two pieces of steamed bread fell in love.

So they decided to get married.

Wedding anniversary

A steamed bun can't find another steamed bun.

The steamed bread asked the flower roll next to it: Have you seen our steamed bread?

Hua Juan: Honey, I'm wearing a vegetable head.

43:

another

Child: Mom, mom, why do you always teach me to go high and water flows low?

Mom: because ... because people are monkeys.

44:

Oh, ha, and

One day, an ant was playing in the forest. At this time, an elephant ran to this side in the distance. The ant quickly hid in the hole and put out a foot. A bird saw it and asked it, Ant, what are you doing?

The ant replied: Lao Zi, trip it to death!

45:

One day, 0 said to 8: Fat is fat, wear a belt!

46:

I want a glass, it's extremely cold.

Q: A mute went to the store to buy a hammer. He clenched his fist in his left hand and patted his right hand. The salesman understood and sold him the hammer. Then a blind man went to the store to buy a chainsaw. what should he do ？

Answer: Scratch your neck with your fingers!

47:

Dali bought a parrot, and as soon as he entered the house, he couldn't wait to make the bird talk: "Yours, can you talk?" Da Li stretched out her neck to tease. The parrot didn't respond. "Yours, it's rare to talk." Li picked up a bug to lure him, but the parrot still didn't respond. "Yours, don't talk and go to hell!" Suddenly, the parrot straightened its neck and shouted, "Down with Japanese imperialism!" "

48:

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables! ~~

49:

Q: There is a swallow standing on the branch. How can you pick that branch without disturbing the swallows?

A: Wait until the swallows fly away by themselves.

50:

Have you eaten?

B: No!

Q: Where is this conversation most likely to take place?

A: Toilet B: Bathhouse C: Hutongkou.

Answer: C. Those who answer B get half a point, and those who answer A are dragged out of the examination room immediately.

Author: 2008-1-2115: 24 reply to this speech.

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The coldest joke in the world!

5 1:

Dialogue I heard in the canteen: (A boy finished his meal)

What is this?

Fried meat with potatoes

What is fried with potatoes?

Fried meat with potatoes

What is fried with potatoes?

Fried meat with potatoes

What is fried with potatoes?

Meat ... (Finally the chef woke up and added some meat to the boys)

52:

The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered.

The teacher asked again: Does nobody know?

At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

53:

Sichuan jokes. . .

The teacher asked to make sentences with demands and entreaties.

One of the students wrote: "Mother's stewed ribs can't be chewed. Mom said: I ask you to chew. "

54:

Ming wrote: I went to the market to buy food today. . . . Wait, wait, wait. The result is a number, and the word is bad. So, he went on to write: Today's food is really cheap, really cheap. It is really cheap.

55:

Famous works

Sneer; Let me tell you a joke.

Everyone: ok! !

Sneer: One day, there was a turtle. When it was walking, it suddenly tripped. ......

Everyone: Then keep it down.

Sneer (a burst of laughter): That's it. ...

56:

Super classic sneer

One day, I asked my deskmate, is it necessary to save electricity by wearing only one earphone?

%^$^%*($#@%$#%

57:

There is a boy in the class who gets good grades, but he is not attentive in class.

One day in physics class, the physics teacher couldn't bear it anymore and told the man to stand up.

Say to the man: Why do you have so many questions?

I saw the man slowly answer: I am hairy and not sick! !

58:

The big bear and the little white rabbit shit on the grass ~ ~

Bear asked the white rabbit, "Your hair is so white, aren't you afraid of stinking Mao Mao?"

The little white rabbit said, "I'm not afraid ~ I do this every day ~"

Bear then safely picked up the white rabbit and wiped his ass ~ ~ ~

59:

In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit, and she proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit:

"Oh, little rabbit, do you know how good it is to have a long neck? Do you know how sweet the top leaves are? ... do you know that drinking cold in summer means that the neck feels cold water flowing slowly through the neck? ... oh ... "

The rabbit looked at her and only said, "Have you tried to throw up?"