Xitian joke

1. the Monkey King once organized and led criminal gangs of underworld nature, snared many social idlers in Huaguoshan and engaged in various illegal activities, which caused extremely bad influence and seriously destroyed the local social order. In the process of arrest, he repeatedly violently resisted the law and openly challenged our heaven. Our heaven has shown great restraint and made progress by retreating, which has greatly dealt a blow to its arrogance. Finally, he was arrested and sent to the West for ideological re-education.

2. Zhu Bajie, former director of Tianhe Water Conservancy Bureau. After being drunk at a public banquet, Chang 'e tried to * * the front desk of Guanghan Palace. Chang 'e recorded a voice in the process of resisting her violence, and then reported it to heaven. When the relevant departments of heaven investigated this matter, Pig Bajie gave him 12,000 gold as hush money, but his ugly behavior was finally exposed. Because he pleaded guilty and repented, according to the facts of the crime, God thought he was a "temporary attempt" and gave him a lighter punishment as appropriate.

3. Bodhisattva, I really quit! I am also the third prince of the West Sea Dragon King! Let Master ride me instead of walking all the way, but as long as there are some attractive women in Lu Yu who want to hitch a ride, Master will take me with him. Many times, he and a woman rode me to a deserted place to play Ma Zhen! The most exasperating thing is that the names given to me by Master and several brothers are so disgusting that they all call me white instead of white. ...

4. Wukong! You are Po Hou! Thanks to your mother and uncle, otherwise I'll see how the teacher scolds you! How many fucking times have I told you, but after the banshee catches me, wait for my signal, wait for my signal to save me! Don't giggle! When you look at being a teacher, you get soft every time you suddenly break in. Do this a few times and you will never be a teacher again. What a pity! Wukong loves his disciples. Look at the teacher's tears and swear it won't happen again, okay?

5. Guanyin Bodhisattva, please cancel all accounts of Black Bear Monster, Green Lion Monster and Yellow Eyebrow Old Demon. We can't afford it, damn it. You sent us to deal with Tang Priest and his disciples, but you raised their level to such a high level. How to fight? Especially the Monkey King, equipped with high attribute points and summoning skills, the most exasperating thing is that physical attacks are invalid, fire immune attacks and magic immune attacks ... Don't say that we are single and the team can't beat us! Forget it, I got off, 88.

6. Bajie! You idiot! It's already ten miles, so you can't change a song to hum! Keep singing "Blessing" and watch Master cry!

7. Amitabha, don't talk nonsense. Patriarch, you are indeed the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever seen since I traveled east. Look at your hair, hands, skin and feelings. ...

8. benefactor, I am from the eastern Tang dynasty. Please stay here for one night ... Huh? Donors? Donor, would you please open the door? Fuck!

9. Empress, I'm Sanzang. We have arrived in the lion camel country, missing you and kissing you. If you don't reply to text messages, it's inconvenient for your apprentice to be here.

10. You Po Hou, you are so disrespectful. In front of that spider spirit, why is it sexy to get a leopard apron? Why steal the limelight for the teacher? Shut up! I don't care if you are leopard print or tiger skin! Do you still know who you are? You were released. What are you pretending to be in front of me? Look, you dyed your yellow hair and held a steel pipe. Are you pretending to be a gangster? I fucking ... Hehe, Ami camel Buddha, kind and kind, a little rude as a teacher.

1 1. Wukong, let Bajie go into the water to catch carp essence. You are not good at swimming. If you drown, how can you afford this salvage fee for your teacher? Oh, no, no, it doesn't matter to Bajie. He will float on his own.

12. Bajie, Wukong is not here. Go and make some vegetarian food. Jason Wu, you drink the horses first. ..... Bajie, Bajie, come here. Remember! Just go to the house we passed just now, yes, the one where the village woman took care of the children. After smelling the fragrance, I am making sauce elbows, which are very fragrant! Go ahead, just a mother and son, give or rob! Go back!

13. Monkey, did you propose to the fairy Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

14. Hehe, the market here is really lively. I haven't been through such a prosperous area for a long time. Hey, Wukong, look, those little dolls in the western regions who have been following us since just now, with curly hair and big eyes, are so cute! It's really simple and cute, hahaha ... huh? Bajie, where is your rake? Hey, Jason Wu, where are our luggage? Ah! Where is my white? !

15. Wukong, Bajie and Wukong, come to the teacher. Alas ..... I don't blame your teacher, but have you forgotten all my teaching? You and I are both Buddhists, so we should avoid many commandments. You should always remember that you don't steal, talk nonsense, hate your mouth, be greedy, jealous or stupid! Since you believe in Buddhism wholeheartedly, how can you practice without practice? Ok, I'll ask your teacher, who the fuck is it! Last night, when I was sleeping for my teacher, I sneaked in and stole my food? !

16. Look, Brother Sha, just catch a cockroach essence. Monkey, will you invite all the gods in the sky? Seriously, this time, have you ever seen this monkey catch a demon by itself? Every time, I shouted at the devil, "Don't go! Don't go if you dare! I'll blow my whistle and have you hacked to death! " Oh, miracle, my ass! Hey, look how many immortals have been here. Hey, there are some people riding brooms, too. Wow, I called all the sanitation workers in the sky.

17.。 "The wu is empty! Don't be rude Oh, old man, I'm a native of Datang Dongtu, and I passed by here today. I don't know if the old man can open the door conveniently ... Old man, please don't insult me again ... Old man, please don't pestle the poor monk with a cane ... Old man, please calm down ... Old man, can you touch me again? ..... Oh, shit? Wukong! Cut him! When Bajie realizes that you are going too, knock out your teeth and punch a hole in your leg, and it will be discounted! Good! "

18. Wukong bastard! Don't do this! Those benefactors are not monsters. How can you persist in teaching and kill people at will? ! ..... oh? Are they businessmen who buy land in Gai Lou? Amitabha-Jason Wu, help me hold the five Buddha crowns for my teacher; Wukong, lend the golden hoop to the teacher! No, Bajie, give me your rake! blackguard; bastard; son of a bitch; chat good for nothing; wretch; skunk ...

19. Master-I'm back! Idiot Bajie is right. Shage is really good at showing off! Ya didn't go to alms, but went to the Internet cafe. He was posting on the forum when I sneaked in! What do you mean, "Rough and handsome men travel to China at night, giant PP, please hit lightly" ...

20. Ah ha ha! Monks in the Tang Dynasty, polite! I am the county magistrate of this county, and these 25 colleagues are the deputy heads of this county. Oh, there are more than 100 people outside, all of whom are assistant magistrates. There is no need to change customs clearance in a hurry. Why don't you ask the four great disciples of the Tang Priest to follow me to Yingge Garden on the upper floor of the county hall for recreation? Of course there is! Everything, the eldest daughter of Huanghua yesterday. Safe! Absolutely safe! It belongs to my uncle's brother. ...

2 1. Signature of the daughter country king MSN: the elder surnamed Tang, sweet with sadness.

22. Monkey, did you propose to the fairy Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

23. Wukong, are you all right! Wake up! Don't run, Bajie has no experience! Come back and save it for the teacher! Ah ... Stop it, stop it! ..... I really went to the Western Heaven to learn the Buddhist scriptures ... I just came to the yamen for customs clearance! Right, right! Those are customs clearance letters, not secret reports ... those are my apprentices! We really didn't come to petition collectively ... Ah!

24. Wukong, bring the Zijin alms bowl and chopsticks to the teacher. Jason Wu, go to the kitchen and see if Bajie is cooked.

25. Master, get on the horse. What figure can you keep by taking these two steps? A monk, what idol are you pretending to be? Look, you sent monkeys to pick wild fruits again. Can improving food kill you? My existence has fully demonstrated that you can't lose weight by being a vegetarian.

26. Parents say that if you love, please love deeply. At this moment, I was in tears. Although I said to myself more than once: "Yutujing, you must be happy!" " "But, he is a man like the wind, crushing my elegant dignity and making me as lonely as fireworks ... will you stay? Elder Tang, will there be a banshee in the Western Heaven to love you for me?

27. Look, Jason Wu, you don't drink horses, but you take selfies with your mobile phone. As the teacher said, you have a big face, a wide mouth and a bushy beard, and no matter how pouting you are, you can't be Kawaii. Come on, take some pictures for me and teach you some scissors hands for the teacher.

28. Bajie, your eldest brother has been driven back to Huaguoshan by me, but you are so embarrassed! Don't change your bad habit of being a leader in the sky before being detained! The teacher asked you to go to the cave to find out about the goblins, but you stole a Chinese bra! Bad behavior! If I had known this, I would have renamed you the Nine Commandments! ..... show it to the teacher. Is it original?