Women's Day is coming. I am anxious to find some jokes about women's day on March 8.

1: One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said: you see, I stabbed her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is so swollen; Mantis said unconvinced, what's the matter? I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and now she is bleeding every month. ...

2. A poor scholar studied hard and wrote a couplet in front of the door to encourage himself. The first couplet is "Sleeping in the thatched cottage and typing with the door closed", the second couplet is "Lying on the foot and playing the flute", and the horizontal couplet is "Willing to listen to destiny". One day, a Henan man passed by and was curious to see this couplet. He read aloud in his hometown dialect: "Who did my ass?" ,' I told him to make it hurt' ... Yo, and comments! But this time he read backwards: "Do it again tomorrow!" " "

3: A row of prostitutes are waiting for guests in the street. An old lady in her 80s saw them and asked curiously, What are you waiting for? The prostitute said angrily, wait for the lollipop! The old woman lined up to join the team, waiting for sugar. As a result, mop.com caught her. Mop.com asked the old woman, Can you do without teeth? The old woman smiled and said, I can lick it! ! !

4. Only one executive officer read the newspaper three times and said indignantly, "So many extramarital affairs, what society!" The official lady replied, "That's right. Should be arrested and shot! " The official stared thoughtfully at the official's wife. "Tell me honestly, after all these years of marriage, have you been unfaithful to me?"

"How can you ask such a question?" The police officer's wife asked in surprise.

"Don't run, answer my question!"

"Well," Mrs. Guan was obviously afraid, "promise me that you won't hit me first."

"I haven't hit my wife for a long time." He said with emotion.

"All right," said Mrs. Guan with a cross heart and a gnashing of teeth, "just three times."

"Three times? ! "The official is very anxious. "Which three times?"

"For the first time, do you remember your doctoral exam at the University of Chicago, and an examiner made things difficult for you in every way, just not letting you pass? If you don't get a doctorate, your family will be humiliated and our future will be ruined. Later, the difficult professor personally came to our house to congratulate you on passing, because I ... "

"No wonder you did it for me ... the second time?"

"The second time, do you remember when you were an ambassador in South America, and the king of that country threatened to break diplomatic relations with China? If you break off diplomatic relations, you will become a diplomatic ambassador and your political future will be over. Later, the king suddenly changed his mind and stopped talking about breaking diplomatic relations because I ... "

"Oh, you still did it for me ... the third time?"

"The third time, do you remember that you were nominated as the Premier, and when the Legislative Yuan voted, you were still short of 72 1 vote? ………"

5: Lao Huang was unlucky and sent back to his hometown. On March 8, the county magistrate will speak at a women's conference in a certain district. Knowing that Lao Huang could write, I forced him to write a speech. Lao Huang was so angry by this bastard that he wrote an article, which the county magistrate read word for word: "... I am a woman and very experienced." I touched it under you recently and got first-hand information. I am a lout. You female directors know best how rude I am. I talked to her all night last night. At first she didn't know my length, and I didn't know her depth. I just can't get together by hiding. After many confrontations, the situation was finally put on the table. Now that the disguise has been peeled off, the following is easy. We aim at the key points, take a correct attitude, make great efforts, explain things in simple terms and persevere until the backlog is completely solved. It's really a relief. It's so exciting. At last she was happy and I was satisfied. Well done! ..... All the lesbians stand up "The lesbians present stood up for fear of the arrogance of the county magistrate, waiting for instructions. The county magistrate licked his finger, turned a page and read: "Yes! " "

On a beautiful morning, the sky was very clear, but a farmer sat at the door drunk and lost his mind.

A passer-by asked curiously, fellow villager, the weather is so good today, why don't you enjoy it and drink here instead?

The farmer replied, well, there are some things you can never explain.

Passerby: What misfortune happened?

Farmer: Today, when I was milking the cow, I poked it. The cow kicked over the tongs with her left foot.

Passerby: Bad luck, but not bad enough.

Farmer: Well, there are some things that you can never explain.

Passerby: What's next?

Farmer: I tied her left leg to a post with a rope and squeezed it. As a result, a bucket was just full, and she kicked it over with her right leg.

Passers-by asked with a smile, and then what?

Farmer: Well, there are some things that you can never explain. I also tied her right leg to the post, just filled a bucket, and she swept it down with her tail.

Passerby: It's bad enough. Forget it, don't be sad.

Farmer: Well, there are some things that you can never explain.

Passerby: What else? !

Farmer: I don't have a rope this time, so I'm going to tie her tail to the post with a belt. I pulled out my belt and grabbed her tail. At this moment, my pants fell off and my girlfriend came in. ......

7. One day, the software industry collapsed. SUN, UNIX and Microsoft, the three giants of the software industry, have all decided to switch to the condom business. The condoms they produced were named JAVA condoms, X condoms and ms condoms.

A customer who used JAVA condoms came to Sun Company to complain that it was inappropriate. Sun Company replied that it would wait for the International Organization for Standardization (ISO) to formulate corresponding standards, and boasted that the condoms they produced would be suitable for every man by then, so customers had to switch to X condoms. But he found that after he read the instructions attached to the suit, his wife had fallen asleep, and he himself forgot why he used X condom. Finally, he had to switch to a lady condom. To his surprise, women's condoms are very easy to use. He used it happily for several months and suddenly found out that his wife was pregnant.

He was very angry and aggressive to find Microsoft, and Microsoft's answer was: the patch will arrive soon!

8. Tortoise's ass-answer a word.

Turtle stands upside down-answer five words, there are rules on it.

Climb a little turtle on the turtle shell-answer six words with new rules.

The tortoise built a house and climbed into it-a three-word lid.

The tortoise tore down the house, built another one and climbed in-a new cover with four words.

The tortoise tore down the newly built house, built another house and climbed in-it can be built in three words.

One day, in a bar, there were three people in the bar. A said, "My wife and I came here four times last night. In the morning, my wife told me that my husband and I admire you very much. " B said, "I came here with my wife six times yesterday. The next morning, my wife said that she would never fall in love with anyone else again. Everyone asked C, "How many times did you and your wife come last night?" Qin Feng said, "Once. Everyone disdainfully asked, "What did your wife say to you that morning?" C said, "Dear, shall we have a rest? 」

10: In the middle of the night, the vet got a call from an old maid:

"That's great! Doctor, my two puppies are stuck together and I can't separate them. " "You pour a bucket of cold water on them," said the doctor.

"I tried, it's useless!" The old maid replied.

"You can hit it with a stick." The doctor said.

"I tried, but it didn't work," she replied.

Veterinarians in every possible way helplessly say:

"Well, you take the phone and I'll call them."

"Is this effective?" She asked curiously.

The vet replied, "It must be effective! That's how you separated me. "

End———