Looking for a good joke!!!

1. In the advanced mathematics class, the teacher was writing furiously on the blackboard, and there was a commotion underneath. The teacher couldn't bear it and said, "Keep your voices down, students!" A buddy said, "Teacher, you will get used to it gradually." ! ”

Teacher faint!

2. The whole high school must wear uniforms... There is a repeat student who never wears them...

Don’t worry about this. The teacher squatted at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the student was not wearing a school uniform and asked him why he was not wearing one. The classmate said angrily: My mother is not dead... Why do I have to wear mourning clothes...

The teacher is sweating to death...

3. This may not be considered a conversational answer. : The teacher dragged the class, "I want to say one last thing..." A strong man shouted loudly, "It's not sweet if you force yourself to do it!", the whole place was silent...

The teacher's face was ashen: "... get out of class is over”

4. Our teacher once said during class: “The boss is the boss with a face, and the wife is the old woman and mother. The wife is always by your side~~~~~”

My deskmate asked the teacher loudly: "Teacher, is that teacher just a wet guy?" Then the teacher went berserk!!

5. When I was in junior high school, I liked a few boys to flutter butterflies together after class (now that I think about it, it really is true) (Boring). As a result, a classmate was so excited that when the bell rang, the math teacher called him several times without answering.

After 5 minutes of class, this student ran to the door to shout a report. The teacher said angrily: "I just call a dog, and it will wag its tail!"

This student whispered Received: "I don't have a tail..." The whole class burst into laughter, and even the teacher couldn't help it...

6. One of my brothers was asked by the teacher in the advanced mathematics class: "Calculus is A very useful subject, what is our goal in learning calculus? My brother: No cavities!

7. The teacher in the Chinese class said: In fact, weasels do not eat chickens. This is what scientists have discovered through experiments. There was a time when a chicken and a weasel were locked together. Guess what happened the next day?

The chicken was pregnant.

8. Junior high school physics class. When it came to the use of neon tubes, a fat man in our class who was sitting in the last row stood up and asked: Teacher, what should I do if the milk in the neon tube leaks out?

The whole class was silent, and the teacher kept talking about other things without saying anything. After class, the teacher started to get angry with the classmate yesterday at the beginning of class the next day, and the whole class became aware of the teacher's reaction speed.

9. The PE teacher yelled during class: "Turn right, don't do it." He glanced randomly and glanced at the classmates next to him. Someone below said in a low voice: Only his bladder is in the corner of his eyes.

10. A painting teacher is quite famous, and there is a famous article in a certain newspaper. A large-scale report with photos, so I boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always tell me, teacher, you are so good, you have been published in newspapers and even published photos..."

Me: "Looking for Is it human revelation? "Result: The teacher glared at me for at least 5 minutes and then lectured.

11. In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher is a bt old lady who loves to brag and is extremely annoying.

Yi* is in class Above: "I am highly regarded by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study problems together. Every time, I am picked up by car...and dropped off by car." (Note: This old lady from the south deliberately has a hint of confusion when she mentions this. Pause to emphasize the tone)

Me: "Three rounds?" "Result: I was banned from taking geometry classes from now on.

12. The junior middle school leaders held a meeting, and the students below were very unconscious and threw tissues all over the floor (the temperature that day was almost 50 degrees.

After the meeting, a leader continued: Students, there were sanitary napkins all over the floor today, and the dirty floor was messed up. All the male students were left to clean up. < /p>

13. I still don’t know whether the teacher was right or wrong. When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her 10s and 50s) thought some of the boys didn’t listen to us, so she Cursing:

"What are you thinking about?" "I miss you!" I replied after being silent for a while, pointing at me and yelling: You are a stinker!

< p>14. When I was in high school, I had my first labor class. The teacher was an old man. He introduced himself, "My name is Wu Shushan." I immediately said, "Looking northwest to Chang'an, there are countless mountains."

The whole class burst into laughter, the teacher looked livid, and was occasionally punished with heavy work.

Cold ~~ Press: "Looking northwest to Chang'an, there are countless pitiful mountains" excerpted from Xin Qiji's "Bodhisattva Man's Book Jiangxi Ostomy Wall"

15. In Chinese class, the teacher called up a sleeping classmate to answer a question, and the classmate was confused. He couldn't say anything... The teacher said: "Can you do it? If not, just squeak!"

The student said: "Squeak." The teacher sweated.

16. In a photography class, a classmate photographed two children playing near a fountain. The teacher asked: "What kind of picture is this?"

The following sentence came from: "Mandarin ducks playing in the water." Everyone laughed wildly~~~~~

17. In music class, the teacher does music solitaire, that is, the previous student drinks a "pull" with a tone, and the next student has to repeat the previous one. A classmate's "pull" is followed by another tones of "pull".

There was a boy who was bored and added a word after everyone's "pull" sound, such as "pull wind", "ramen", "poop", etc. Wait until he used a very beautiful tone After singing "pull", the music teacher looked at him with a smile and said: "Let's see what you can do."

18. In the Chinese class ＜＜Yandang Mountain＞＞Teacher: "...The above sentences indicate that he is a very curvy, steep and straight classmate, right?!" All the boys answered loudly: "Yes!!!"

A girl suddenly said : "Is it safe when using it?!" Everyone laughed wildly... This lesson is endless!

19. I think our high school mathematics teacher is the most classic. A girl in my class was sitting in the back row, listening to her Walkman. Her ears were blocked so she spoke loudly. She said to her classmate: "Teacher, come here and tell me." Almost all the students heard it.

The teacher was no exception. He looked at the classmate and said: I won’t go.

20. At the flag-raising ceremony, the principal made an ideological report: "...I am the son of the Chinese people." The students below said, "I am the Chinese people."

21. A school party Yes, the teacher (an old lady in her 60s) will give up the program. The classmates started booing: The teacher also made a festival and danced. A boy shouted: Do a pole dance.

The teacher didn’t understand the meaning of pole dancing, so he thought he wanted her to dance and said: I’m too old to be able to do it anymore. I was fine when I was young, but...

22. Our high school It was time to take the exam, and I was taking a geography class. The teacher named a place on the top and we answered minerals below. After talking about a lot of places, the teacher suddenly asked: "What is produced in Jiangnan?" All the boys in the class answered in unison: "Produced in Jiangnan." Beauty!!!!”

23. In the physics class, the teacher talked about convex lenses and cameras. I was writing on the blackboard when I heard people talking and laughing below, so I turned around and clicked on that idiot. , asked him what he was talking about, the boy hesitated and finally managed to say: "Teacher, you wrote it wrong."

So we looked back at the blackboard, and saw that the words written by the teacher on the blackboard were too cursive. "Photo camera"... The whole class burst into laughter, and the teacher, who was always known for his strictness, blushed and said nothing...

24. During the self-study class, the dean of academic affairs came in and asked The monitor said, "Find me two people, I want the class beauties." So the monitor organized the whole class to vote for the class beauties. After a class, they finally unified their opinions and selected the two most beautiful girls in the class. The two sisters shyly went to the director, who said, "Follow me to the Academic Affairs Office, I want to move the flowers..."

25. Sitting in the last row to sleep, next to the back door of the classroom, every time After class, my deskmates woke me up, and then I walked straight out of the classroom to soak up the sunshine.

During a certain class, the teacher asked me to answer a question for the first time. I was woken up by my deskmate while I was sleeping. I stood up and opened the door and walked out of the classroom. Five minutes later, I felt a strange environment outside the classroom, and then I quickly Rushing back to the classroom, all the teachers and students looked terrified.

26. The high school entrance examination was coming soon, and the teacher said: "Now is the critical moment. Everyone has to really work hard, and work hard!" Xia Yun said: "The question now is what to do. It’s a question of how to do it!” The teacher said, “As long as you work hard, you can do it!”

27. A masterpiece by a junior high school biology teacher.

Once he was talking about the ecology of the African grasslands. No one in the class listened, so he got angry and said: "You all look at me!" How do you know what an African wild cat looks like if you don’t look at me?

28. When I was in high school, after class, my classmates rushed outside to buy lunch boxes. In order to arrive before others, a girl took a shortcut, but the manhole cover in front of her was not covered properly and fell down. Get down! At this time, she was holding on to the manhole cover to climb up... It was very embarrassing. A group of junior high school children ran past to buy food. As she climbed, she said: Hey! It's really difficult to repair... (Sweat!)

29. In high school, the politics teacher said in class? : "Capitalist developed countries, especially the United States, always bully other countries when they become strong. Our socialist China will not do this. Even if we become strong, we will not bully other countries..."

My deskmate continued: "If you don't bully others, how will you know if you are strong or not?" The whole class burst into laughter, and the teacher went berserk! ! !

30. When I was in high school, there was a silver substitution experiment in chemistry. At that time, one of my classmates succeeded in the substitution and shouted: Teacher! Silver really came out! Then he said: Teacher~ you Why don't you sell silver (sell *)?

(Note: The teacher is a female) The teacher didn't hear it, and replied: Selling silver is not something you can do casually, you need the permission of the state... .

The whole class turned upside down

31. Strong sports committee member: In high school, the head teacher (a female teacher in her 20s) said to the sports committee member: "Go and find the sports committee member in the class." "Two boys, the stronger one, I will use it later." I couldn't stop laughing after the teacher left

32. In junior high school, there was a school-wide student meeting, and the head teacher wanted the physical education committee member to confirm that all the girls in the class were here. Qi didn’t. So he said to him (the sports committee member is a very strong and lustful boy): "Go and clean up all the girls in the class."

The sports committee is not a fuel-efficient lamp, so he hurriedly asked: "Which one should I kiss?" The teacher After thinking for a while: "I know I want you to go!"

Answer: gkdajian - Manager Level 4 12-31 10:36

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The eagle chased the rabbit, but fell to his death because of the rabbit's words. Do you know what the rabbit said? ? It shouted to the eagle: You are not wearing a bra! When the eagle heard this, he hurriedly covered his chest, and the result...

> A certain woman was going to the public restroom for convenience. She was worried about forgetting to bring paper, and a stack of toilet paper was stuffed through the crack in the wall next door. "Thank you

> Thank you, who are you?" After a long time, a deep voice said: "Leifeng!"

>

> The hunter saw There was a bird in the sky. I fired three shots without hitting it, but the bird still fell down. It turned out

> When the bullet missed, the bird patted its chest and said: Scared to death, scared to death. Got it!

]

> Three nurses recounted how they played tricks on the new doctor. A: I put cotton wool in his stethoscope. B: I pricked all the condoms in his drawer with needles. B fainted.

> A white man went to a black area to deliver a campaign speech. In order to win the support of black voters, he blurted out during the speech: "Although my skin is white, my heart is white." But as black as you.

”

>

> A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws, jumping down again and again to learn to fly, beside

> The mother beside The bat looked at it with a broken head and blood, and said worriedly: If its father doesn't tell it, it is not our biological child

> An old man lost his car. When he put the newly bought car downstairs, he put three locks and put a piece of paper: Let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and there were two more. A lock and a piece of paper with the words: Let me ride!

>

> A certain literary young man climbed the Great Wall for the first time. He was inspired by poetry and wanted to compose poetry. One song chants: "The Great Wall

> Ah, the Great Wall... is really as long as his grandma! "

>

> Robber: Tell me the password to the safe! I'll kill you if you don't tell me! Female staff: I won't tell you if you kill me! You

> I won’t tell you if you ruined me! The robber looked her up and down and said:

>

> A certain man’s wife often cheated on her. If you don’t see me, I’ll give you a couplet from my colleague. The first couplet is: As long as you live well.

> >

> One day a drunk man took a taxi home after drinking. He stopped a 110 patrol car and shouted: Even if

> you pay one dollar per kilometer, there is no need to write in such big words. !

>

> A woman met a man because of her small breasts. The man asked: Is it as big as a steamed bun?

< p>> So he married her, and during the wedding night, the man rushed out and shouted to the sky: Wangzi’s little steamed bun! Is it considered a steamed bun?

>

> The couple quarreled, and the wife said: Morning You should listen to my mother and not marry you! Husband: Are you saying that your mother has stopped you from marrying me?

> The wife nodded and slammed the table: I have really blamed her all these years. !

>

> Do you still remember that time you went to the TV station to sing a song, and 3 of the 4 referees fell down? Fortunately, there was one referee

> Go on stage and hold your hand excitedly and say: Talent! Others cost money to sing, but your singing costs money!

>

> Two dwarfs live in a hotel. One person went to bed very early and heard the dwarf next door shouting all night long: "One two three hey, one two three hey!" ”

> The next day, he praised me and said, “You are so awesome. You exercised all night long.” "The answer is: "Grandma, I didn't jump on the bed all night

>!

>

> Man: I like you so much... I really like you... Can I kiss you? ..Female: No

> It’s shameful....Male: Then I’ll kiss you....

>

> How many people are watching the sun? When he came out, one person pointed to the treetop and said: I saw it. Others also said they saw it. At this time, someone came out from behind the tree with his pants lifted: If you see it, you will see it, what are you shouting about? !

>

> Female spy "I got General Dai Yang's latest plan, and I also captured his son" "Great!

> In Where? We will interrogate him immediately." "No! He won't be born until ten months later."

>

> One person queued up to go to the toilet. Finally, there was only one person left in front of him. He said, "I can't hold it in any longer. Can you let me go in first?" The person in front of me squeezed out one sentence after a while: "At least you can still fucking talk!"

>

> A group of swallows pecked at the mud to build a nest under the eaves. After the nest was built, the swallows screamed on the roof, and the children in the yard were curious

> , go ask dad. The father replied: Alas, the contractor went into hiding and didn’t pay his wages.

>

> One day, the male mouse saw the female mouse crawling into the weeds. After a while, a hedgehog came out, and the male mouse grabbed it.

> Live: You You said there was no affair, who bought you the fur coat?

>

> Today you wake up with a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note next to it: I struggled all night but could not sting

> Your face, your shame%B

Answer: Xiaojin Blog - Trainee Magician Level 2 12-31 10:37

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Joke: A man stalks two nuns

There are two nuns, one is called Mathematics Sister, the other one is called Sister Logic. It was almost dark now but they were still a long way from the monastery.

Mathematics: Have you noticed that there is a man behind us who has been following us for thirty-eight minutes and thirty seconds? I don’t know what he wants to do?

Logic: This makes sense, he wants to invade us.

Math: OMG! At this speed, he will catch us within fifteen minutes. What should we do?

Logic: The only reasonable way is of course to go faster.

Mathematics: It seems useless!

Logic: Of course it didn’t work, the man walked faster and faster very reasonably.

Mathematics: So what should we do? At this speed, he still has a minute to catch us.

Logic: The only reasonable way is for us to escape separately, go that way and I go this way. He can't catch both.

The man continued to stalk Sister Logic.

The Mathematical Sister arrived at the convent safely, but she was worried that something would happen to the Logic Sister, and then she saw the Logic Sister entering the door.

Mathematics: Sister Logic, you are finally back! Thank you Lord! Tell me quickly what happened?

Logic: The only logical thing happened, the man couldn't follow both, so he came after me.

Math: Right, but what happened next?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. I ran with all my strength, and he also pursued with all his strength.

Mathematics: What then?

Logic: The only logical thing happened, he caught me.

Math: OMG! What to do?

Logic: I did the only reasonable thing and pulled up my skirt.

Math: Oh my god, the logic nun! What about that man?

Logic: He did the only thing that made sense, he pulled his pants down.

Math: OMG! What happened next?

Logic: Isn’t it very reasonable, Sister Mathematics? A nun who pulls up her skirt must run much faster than a man who pulls his pants down!!!

II , Joke: A reporter interviewed 100 penguins about what they do in a day. The first one said: eat, sleep, and play bean sprouts, and the second one said: eat, sleep, and play bean sprouts. I kept asking 99 of them and the same thing happened. When I asked the 100th one, they said: eat and sleep. Reporter asked: Why don’t you fight Doudou? Penguin said: I am Doudou, your grandma.

The most classic joke and the most cunning sentence in the world

More than 60 years ago, a friend told me a joke that made me laugh so hard that I later fell into the hospital because of my stomach pain. Hospital. Before the doctor performed the operation on me, he asked me why I was smiling like this, and I told him. He laughed wildly after hearing this, and finally died of laughter.

I was taken to court. The judge asked me to tell the joke and let the jury decide whether it met the factual requirements for manslaughter. I asked to sign an exemption contract. The judge adjourned the case and reopened the case one day later, announcing that he had accepted my opinion. So, I told the joke in front of the court. As a result, some people laughed so much that they knocked on the table, and some people rolled on the floor with laughter. Later, everyone who heard the joke that day died laughing.

I became a celebrity instantly, and reporters from all walks of life asked to interview me. I knew that telling this joke might constitute an infringement of public opinion, so I said vaguely to the camera, to the effect that That is: "Reason is always a lie, and belief is always masturbation. After the program was broadcast, it caused a huge response. Unexpectedly, one day, several mysterious plainclothes broke into my bedroom and dragged me into a dark room. After a long time, a bright light shone on my face. I reluctantly opened my eyes and was shocked. The person sitting in front of me was the only person who was as well-known as me - the president.

The president roughly explained the purpose of arresting me, which was very simple: to record the joke and send it to the dictator of the hostile country in the Middle East to laugh him to death. I had no choice but to agree to his request and also pointed out that the joke was a weapon of mass destruction. , not targeting civilians.

Two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology of the joke and successfully tried it in the desert. This caused an uproar in the world and panicked many countries. International military experts named this "laughing deterrence". At this moment, a country in the East suddenly announced that it had mastered the joke, and the guy who told me the joke defected to that country. So, a "laughter deterrence" was formed between us. Laughter deters the balance.

Three years later, on April 1, what I had been worried about finally happened: a terrorist organization in the Middle East stole the original technology of that joke. As a result, civilization suffered unprecedented destruction , governments were in panic all day long, and the United Nations had no choice but to hold a global summit and finally set April 1st as April Fools' Day.

More than 60 years have passed, and I am already dying as a witness to history. Man, I think it is necessary to tell this joke to everyone. The joke my friend told me that day was very simple and short, just one sentence:

Hide:

Ben. Part of the content has been hidden. You must reply before you can view it.

Funny text messages: You don’t have to laugh, but if you laugh, you have to like it. Please indicate which text you started laughing at.g

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn it, what can I do? I will pay the price according to the price.

2. I haven’t heard from you for a long time. I feel bad. When I thought about dying, I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over a building with a parachute, and hung myself with noodles. But if I die, just treat me to a meal and let me die.

Outcome 3. If you feel frustrated, please call me! To talk about love, please press 1, to talk about work, please press 2, to talk about life, please press 3, and to introduce someone to me, please press 5. , please tell me if you want to eat, or hang up if you want to borrow money from me.

4. The giraffe married a monkey, and a year later the giraffe filed for divorce: I don’t want to live this kind of jumping up and down anymore! Furious: Just leave! Who has ever seen someone climb a tree just for a kiss?

5. The fish said: “I keep my eyes open all the time because I don’t want to leave. "Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up properly. Guo said, "It's almost fucking ripe and you're still so stubborn." "

6. Have you eaten? Please receive a text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help singing: Ya la Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7. You have grown up, and you should know some things: the sky is for wind and rain; the earth is for Flowers and grass grow; I am used to prove how great human beings are; you are used to stew vermicelli.

8. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

9. Money can buy a house but not a home; it can buy marriage but not love; it can buy a clock but not time; money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me the money and let me bear the pain alone!

10. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! Alas, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

11. I give you the 12 zodiac signs. I wish you are as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, and as naughty as a sheep. Monkey is as beautiful as a chicken, as loyal as a dog, and looks like a pig!

12. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being stupid

having no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying. It's like saying hell in daylight.

13. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I care about you, little boy. , I’ll make you dizzy!