Any good jokes or riddles?

On his birthday, Georgia got a snare drum as a birthday present. A few days later, when his father came home from get off work, his mother said, "I think the neighbor upstairs doesn't like the sound of Georgia playing drums, but he said it very implicitly." "What did he say?" Dad asked. . "This afternoon, he gave Georgia a knife and asked him if he knew what was in the drum that made such a beautiful sound." A beautiful woman was following her night shift and was followed by a man of the same color. The beautiful woman was very scared. Passing by a cemetery, the lewd man was about to attack the beautiful woman when he walked to a grave and said, "Dad, open the door, I'm back." The frightened man ran away wildly. The beauty laughed proudly for her cleverness, but before her laughter ended, a sinister voice came from the tomb and said, "Daughter, why did you forget to bring the key again?" The beauty was so frightened that she ran away screaming. . At this time, a tomb robber crawled out of the grave and said, "It will affect my work and scare you to death." Suddenly I found an old man in front of the tombstone, carving the tombstone with a chisel in his hand, and asked curiously: "What are you doing?" The old man said angrily: "These unscrupulous descendants have engraved the wrong tombstone on me, so I have to change it myself." When the tomb robbers heard this, they were so frightened that they ran away. Looking at the back of the tomb robber, the old man sneered: "You will be scared to death if you compete with me for business." Accidentally, the chisel fell on the ground. The old man was about to bend down to pick it up when he saw a hand sticking out from the grass. At the same time, there was a cold voice: "Ah, you dare to change my house number randomly." The old man was so frightened that he rolled and crawled away. A scavenger crawled out from the grass, picked up the chisel on the ground, and sighed: "These days, it takes so much effort to pick up a piece of scrap metal. I suddenly felt a stomachache while shopping, so I walked into the 199 all-you-can-eat hot pot on the corner of the street. I wanted to borrow a toilet in the store, but I searched all over the first floor and couldn't find it, so I ran to the second floor. The second floor was still being renovated and was empty, but I found that there was a toilet door with a *Fault to be repaired, please do not use*. I couldn’t bear it anymore. No one was around, so I took off my pants and squatted down towards the toilet. It was like a thunderclap... It felt so good! After it was over, I walked downstairs only to find that no one was there. It was strange. It was dinner time and there were so many people downstairs just now. They said, why is the building so empty all of a sudden? Even the waiter and receptionist were gone... So I left He approached the bar and asked, "Is anyone there? Why is there no one?" At this time, a male waiter came out from under the bar and said, "*!... Shit fell from the ceiling just now. Were you not there when we arrived at the electric fan? Consider yourself lucky. One homework question from primary school. Look at the children’s BT answers. Chinese language in primary school is too difficult now. Look at one of their homework questions: Requirement: Use the following four sentences. Related word connections: 1. Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed; 2. Sister Zhang Haidi studies tenaciously; 3. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages; 4. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned acupuncture (Note: The correct answer should be: Although sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed, But she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.) As a result, one child wrote: Although sister Zhang Haidi learned acupuncture and many foreign languages ??tenaciously, she was still paralyzed later. The child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned foreign languages, but she also learned acupuncture. She studied so tenaciously that she finally became paralyzed. The reason why sister Zhang Haidi became paralyzed was because she studied tenaciously. Not only did she learn many foreign languages, she even learned acupuncture. Sister Zhang Haidi learned so many foreign languages ??and acupuncture, she also learned paralysis through tenacious study. I learned many foreign languages ??and acupuncture, but ended up paralyzing myself by reading a foreign language acupuncture book. 1. Once upon a time, there was a man named Ah Shuang. On the day of his funeral, his family cried: "Shuang Ah..." "It's so cool." The passerby asked, "Why are you so happy?"

' The family cried bitterly: 'It feels so good... it feels so good!! 2. One day, the turtle father, turtle mother and turtle son's family decided to go for an outing. They brought a Shandong pancake and two cans of sea chicken and set off. Went to Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener! Turtle Son: "...Then I'll go back and get it." Turtle Dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents will wait for you to come back and have dinner together. Go and come back quickly!" Turtle Son: "You must wait for me when I come back! Don't break your promise. !” So ??Turtle Son set out on his way home... Time flies, and time flies. In the blink of an eye, 20 years have passed, but Turtle Son has not yet appeared. Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..." Turtle dad: "No! We promised our son! Well... wait for him for another five years, and if he doesn't come, we won't care about him!" It's five years in a blink of an eye. Years later, turtle son still has no trace. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start. He took out the big cake and was about to eat it... Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree... Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would eat it secretly! Did you trick me into going back to get the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty After five years, I finally got it! I hate people for lying to me! 3. Xiao Xin: Dad, why is there three gold in my name? Dad: You are short of gold, so you are named Xin. For example, some people are named Miao because they lack water, and some people are named Sen because they lack wood. Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life? 4. A couple of male and female friends are sitting in the park. While we were having sex on the bench, the woman suddenly wanted to fart. There was a loud fart. Woman: Didn’t it sound like a bird? Man: The fart was too loud. 5. The turtle was injured. Two hours passed and the turtle didn’t come back. Anxiously, he cursed: If you don't come back, I will die! At this time, a snail's voice came from outside the door: Don't you stop saying that I won't go! 6. One day, an elephant was taking a bath and suddenly there was an ant. Come over and say to the elephant. Stand up. Ant! Sit down. The elephant asked the ant what he wanted to do. The ant replied: I lost my underwear. Let me see if you have worn it. 7. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out in large numbers and climbed onto the elephant. The elephant shook himself and the ants fell off. There was also an ant falling on the elephant's neck, and he shouted "Strangle it to death". 8. One day in the computer class, a row of students' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said: "Teacher." , the computer crashed, and our row was all dead. At this time, many classmates said: "We are also dead." At this time the teacher asked: "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?" 9. Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to put them into his butt and then take them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed him a peach, but the peach core couldn't be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now he must measure it carefully. eat.

10. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy..." 11. Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch... ..." Someone couldn't help but asked: "Where is it down there?" He continued to tell the story: "Down there? It's gone..." 12. A man who just learned a foreign language was walking on the street and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. , the man hurriedly said: "I'm sorry." The foreigner also politely said: "I'm sorry too." When the man heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." When the foreigner heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." I was stupid and asked: "What are you sorry for?" The man said helplessly: "I'm sorry five." 13. A letter written by Tang Monk to Sun Wukong Dear Wukong: I wrote this letter very slowly. Because I know you can’t read quickly! We had rain twice this week, the first time it rained for 4 days and the second time it rained for 3 days! How are you doing in Huaguoshan? I have a very bad life in heaven. Since there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall. Do you think it's hard? The beef noodles we have here are delicious. When you come another day, we will go to the restaurant on West Street to eat hot pot together! Your eldest sister Guanyin is about to give birth, and because I don’t know whether it’s a boy or a girl, I don’t know yet whether you want to be your uncle or your aunt! Have you received the clothes I sent you? When I was going to mail it, I was afraid of being overweight, so I cut off the buttons and put them in my clothes pocket! It’s getting late, so I’m writing this here. If you have time to come to my place to play, remember not to drink too much water, otherwise it will be very uncomfortable if you can’t pee when you get here! P. S I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was already stuck! 14. · A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have diarrhea when I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit. 15. · Someone went to Shanghai on a business trip and lost a dollar on the street. The police said, "We will help you find it." The man went back a month later. The street where he lost the money was dug up for road construction. He I can't help but sigh, "Shanghai is the real thing." 16. Classic joke: This ant. One day, an ant was basking in the sun. Suddenly he saw an elephant walking slowly. He stood up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to him asked what were you doing? The ant said: "Shh~~~~~~~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him." 17. The earthworm family was very bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Mother earthworm thought this method was good , he cut himself into four pieces to play mahjong. Dad Earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "... suddenly I want to play football. 18. The tortoise and the hare race... the hare quickly ran to the front. ..The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly.. He said to him: Come up, I will carry you..Then...the snail came up..After a while...the turtle saw another snail. The ant... said to him: "Come up too." So the ant also came up. After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him. Do you know what the snail said? The snail said. :Hold on tight, this turtle is so fast... 19. One day, a fire broke out in a house. Both parents escaped, and only one son was left inside.

The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son...you are doing it...it's on fire and you still can't come out..." The son replied: "I'm putting on socks... .." The mother said again, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire..." Five minutes later, the son hasn't come out yet... The mother nervously shouted again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, and you’re still in there..." My son said, "I’m taking off my socks... 23. A man went fishing by the river and wore a leaf first... He didn’t wear it for a long time. When the fish took the bait, he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it to earthworms. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He was so angry that he took out 100rmb, threw it into the water and cursed: "*—# What to eat! Go buy it yourself! ! ! 24. gt; My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, so he kept sucking the snot into his nose. gt who was writing on the blackboard; the Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough! Stop it! It's so noisy!" The whole class was quiet. The teacher said again: "Who is eating noodles secretly and making such a loud noise in class?" 25. The patient said to the dentist: "You are really good at making money. You made 3 US dollars in just 3 seconds." The doctor replied: " I can pull it out for you in slow motion if you want.

" 26. "Narcissism" means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in my next life, and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means that when I order two dishes at a restaurant, I eat the first one: "There is something worse than this in the world. Is that?!" Eat the second one. "Damn! It really does happen!" "Speechless" means the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money. 27. The Weaver Girl went down to earth to take a bath and met the Cowherd, performing a story A shocking love story, this incident tells us: There is no chance to take a shower at home, so you must go outside to take a shower... 28. After using the toilet, Xiao Ming returned to the classroom and said to the teacher: "The toilet is available "A lot of ants." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ant, so he tested Xiao Ming: "How do you say ant?" Xiao Ming looked confused... and said: "Ant... didn't say anything..." 29. When one person is at work, he always says When he farted loudly, his colleague couldn't help but said to him: "Can you not make any sound?" Then they saw him sitting there shaking. His colleague asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I am not making any sound. It has been set to vibrate now!!!" 30. Female mosquito: "My child, what's wrong with you?" The little mosquito cried and said: "Today, the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire." Female mosquito. Mosquito: "Don't pay attention to it. They are not good things. They all grew up eating shit." 31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou Dynasty clay pot, and I went to the treasure appraisal column yesterday to have it appraised. The expert said seriously: "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week! 32. Son: "Mom, I failed the math test today" Mother: "Why, what question." Son: "The teacher asked me 2* 3=? I said =6." Mother: "That's right, what next." Son: "Then the teacher asked me again 3*2=?" Mother: "Aren't these the same thing!" Son: "I That's what they said... 33. A prisoner was executed by firing squad. The bullets were produced by "XX County" and were of poor quality. The first shot was not fired, and then he fired the second shot...the third shot... At this time, the prisoner cried: "Strangle me to death, it's too scary!" 34. The father told his son a story: "The uncle asked Xiao Yang to chop wood, but Xiao Yang chopped down the uncle's favorite peach tree. , the uncle was very angry when he saw it but didn’t scold him. Do you know why?” The son replied: “Maybe it’s because Xiaoyang still has an ax in his hand, so he didn’t dare to scold him. 35. The dung beetle and the mosquito fall in love when they first met, the dung beetle : "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, injector." The dung beetle grabbed Mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: "It's fate, I am also a doctor, a traditional Chinese medicine, and a pill maker. 36. A man always looks for When I didn't get a girlfriend, I had no choice but to go to fortune telling. The fortune teller said: You are destined to have no women in the first half of your life. But the man's eyes lit up: Then I should have one in the second half of my life? The fortune teller said: Hey, you will get used to it in the second half of your life. A person's life 37. When someone was eating, he couldn't see a piece of beef in the beef ramen, so he pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef ramen? The boss said lightly: Don't take it too seriously. Do you still expect to eat from the wife cake? Want a wife? 38. Three mice tasted American, Japanese and Chinese wine respectively. The mouse that drank American wine fell after walking for 3 steps; the mouse that drank Japanese wine fell after walking for 2 steps; the mouse that drank Chinese Erguotou The mouse, holding a kitchen knife in his hand, shouted: "Where's the TMD cat?" 39. While eating in a restaurant, a customer who had been waiting for a long time called the waiter and asked, "Why is the braised fish I ordered not ready yet?" "Please wait a moment, sir." "What? Are you still waiting?" The customer was angry and asked, "Are your fishes caught fresh?" 40. One day, the cow posed a problem to the donkey and asked Which of the two bugs under the word "Stupid" is male and which is female. The donkey racked his brains, but still couldn't answer.

The cow scolded: What a stupid ass, men are on the left and women are on the right! 41. A man was about to jump off a building, and his wife who had just returned shouted, "Don't be impulsive, dear, we still have a long way to go!" After hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. A negotiator standing nearby said : "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this. 42. The director and the section chief *** were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief, "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't do it." Soon the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "You can't take on such big things, so what's the use of you?" 43. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat treated the mouse in every possible way. The mouse quickly became fat. The mouse was very moved: "My dear, why are you so kind to me?" The cat chuckled and said, "You will know when you get a little fatter. 44. Every time I look in the mirror, I always feel self-conscious. I encouraged myself by saying: "I am very creative. Being ugly is not my original intention. God, please don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to bring out the beauty of this world! In fact, I really It’s really creative... 45. My friends went hiking together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland! My mother! A boy who had a crush on her quickly followed and shouted: Motherland! I Mother-in-law! 46. I bought two puppies before, the one named "Lian" for you, and the one named "Butt" for myself! However, "Lian" unfortunately died in a car accident two days later. Whenever I see "Butt", I will Thinking of your "face"! If your "face" was still there, it would be as big as your "butt" now! 47. After Tang Zeng drove away Wukong, he encountered a monster again. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon, in the air A voice came: "I'm sorry. The user you called is not in the service area, please try again later." 48. The mouse went to the convenience store and saw the bear was there, too scared to say anything. The bear glanced at the mouse and said: "You Will it shed its fur?" The mouse trembled and said nothing. The bear asked again: "Are you losing your fur, you?" The mouse said tremblingly: "No..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left! [Treat mice as toilet paper... 49. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all! 50. On Panda’s birthday, I would like to say to everyone: I made two wishes. One is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo. 51. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries a snail. Bee puzzled: How is he better than me? Butterfly replied: I have my own house after all, but it’s not like you living in a dormitory. 1. Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed 4,000 yuan from me and said He was going to have plastic surgery, but now he has no idea what he looks like. Oh, 4,000 yuan. 2. Note to robbers: Our bank staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator with you. Thank you! 3. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head! 4. I think I should lose weight. The last time I donated blood, a hundred milliliters of lard actually leaked out. 5. I have lost all my money, all my furniture, and all my clothes. Now I go out like an Arab. 6. Dear, we are facing such a problem. Currently, there are three necessary monthly expenses: food, rent and clothing, but our current income can only pay for two of them at most. 7. I am quite forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to pull out an umbrella when I go out to do errands on rainy days, so I already have ten umbrellas at home. 8. Except for one item, the other columns were filled in quite well. The "relationship" column should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "tension". 9. Yesterday, scientists conducted the latest research. One hundred men participated in the experiment. After each person drank 20 bottles of beer, all of them became extremely talkative but illogical. They were prone to crying and anger, acted impulsively, and their driving skills declined. Weight has increased.

So scientists concluded that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen! 10. Tragedy is like me accidentally cutting off my little finger; comedy is like you accidentally falling into the sewer. 11. When arguing, the difference between men and women is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun. 12. Can we find a place to have a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet directly? 13. Don't call your children "little brats", because from a genetic point of view, this is not good for parents. 14. Wife, I shouldn’t use bedsheets to polish my shoes, but I just came back from a business trip and I can’t change it for a while. I was wrong. 15. In order to improve product safety, we decided to print: Please open this end on the cap of the Coke bottle; and print: Please open the other end on the bottom of the bottle. 16. Husband: Hahaha, that hat you are wearing is so funny, like. . . Hahaha, I'm sorry, hahaha, it's so funny! Wife: Humph! I'll see if you still smile when the bill comes in a few days. 17. Reporter: According to a recent public opinion survey, citizens’ concern for current affairs at home and abroad is very low. Mr. Congressman, what do you think of this? MP: No opinion, I don’t care. 18. Mary, if you don’t agree to marry me, I will commit suicide immediately. This is my usual approach. 19. I am the only bachelor left in my village. The other men who got married and had children have already been sterilized. Doctor, please sterilize me too. I am afraid that if any woman gets pregnant, I cannot bear this responsibility. ah. 20. Tourist: Master, is that thatched house over there a toilet? Monk: Except for the thatched cottage, the rest of the place is a toilet. 21. If idiots could fly, my company would be an airport. 22. If a lawyer and a politician fell into the river at the same time, would you go to drink coffee or go to a movie? (Multiple choice question) 23. If it hadn’t happened to me, this would have been really funny. 24. Do you want to have a good set of teeth? Here are three lessons for you: 1. Rinse your mouth after meals and brush your teeth in the morning and evening; 2. Go to the hospital to check your teeth every two years; 3. Mind your own business. 25. The hair is gone without a trace, and the dandruff is even better! 26. We are always accustomed to thinking that the brain is the most important organ of the human body, but don’t forget who made this judgment. 27. We should keep quiet when listening to sermons in church. It is very impolite to disturb others' sleep. 28. These are not rags! These are antiques from my collection! Of course, if you don't like it, you can throw it away. 29. Artificial intelligence and natural stupidity cannot be compared - because we advocate pure nature. 30. If a person smiles comfortably in the face of criticism from everyone, then he has probably found a scapegoat. 31. Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class and they asked me to wear loose clothes during training. Is this unreasonable? If there are loose clothes, then why should I sign up? 33. If idiots could fly, my company would be an airport. 34. All men are created equal, except those who are married. 35. Can we find a place to have a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet directly? 36. Yesterday, scientists conducted the latest research. One hundred men participated in the experiment. After each person drank 20 bottles of beer, all of them became extremely talkative but illogical, prone to crying and irritable, behaved impulsively, and their driving skills declined. Weight has increased. So scientists concluded that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen! 37. I think that as long as I have a little more modesty, I will be a perfect person. 38. If you need consultation or advice, we will provide it free of charge; if you need the correct answer, please pay additionally. 39. In the past, when the alarm clock went off, I often had the habit of tapping it and going back to sleep. But since I put three mouse traps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated. 40. If Beethoven is said to be the "father of symphony", does that mean that Beethoven's father is the "father of symphony"? 41. I have done a lot of stupid things, but I don't care. My friends call it "confidence."

42. The Blind Association sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive. 43. I think I should lose weight. The last time I donated blood, a hundred milliliters of lard actually leaked out. 44. Experiment with two worms. The one in the whiskey died, proving that whiskey doesn't cause worms in the stomach. 45. My creativity is indescribably high, my work ability is indescribably strong, and my writing skills are indescribably wonderful. 46. ??If Bill Gates could get one dollar for every time his computer restarted, he would give it away. 47. Ten years later, the court sentenced the murderer to death for the second time. 48. I would like to dedicate this book to my brilliant and outstanding wife. Without her, I would be nothing. When I was in pain, she comforted me; when I failed, she gave me confidence again. She never complained, never interfered in my career, never inquired about the details, and never made comments. She always suffered the hardships of life silently. . . (Author's Note - Special thanks to my wife for writing the foreword to this book) 49. I pretended to work for my boss, and my boss pretended to pay me a salary. 50. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, and I have no chance to interrupt her. 51. Have you ever heard the story of "The big pig said yes, and the little pig said no"? 52. I never watch TV. I just always check whether there are any misprints of TV programs in newspapers. 53. Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, one is the first day of the lunar month and the other is the fifteenth day. 54. Why are you so ignorant? Your uncle is here, why would you think of going to the zoo to see bears? 55. My eyesight is very poor. For example, can you see the thumbtack on the wall over there? You can see it, but I can't. 56. Every day I set a new world record - the number of days I have lived on this earth. 57. Clerk: Miss, these ten hundred dollar bills are all fake. Pretty girl: Ah! I was raped! 59. Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today? Thief B: No, you will know after reading the newspaper tomorrow. 60. In the Internet world, your girlfriend may be a man and your boyfriend may be a woman. This is painful, but you have to accept it. 62. If you want to compete with a tiger to see who can starve more, you will definitely win. 63. I put the TV remote control on my waist and pretended to have bought a new mobile phone. 64. Just having money does not make people happy, so I also stole some jewelry, stamps, watches and so on.