Who has a joke about Vision Wei? Urgent!

1. What Chinese herbal medicine is the most lost?

Answer: Ginseng (a stranger).

2. Moderator: For example, if you want to buy this ... how do you bargain?

Prince: hmm ... (embarrassed to laugh) ... this is the national unified retail price.

3. A woman is fat, and then she goes to see a slimming doctor. Then the weight-loss doctor said, "Well, you can eat two pieces of bread and an apple every meal, so you may lose a lot of weight after a month!" " Then she said, "All right". Then she went home. A week later, she came and said,' Hello, doctor, I want to ask you if you want to eat these two pieces of bread and an apple before or after meals! "

4. A polar bear has been plucking its hair ... and then what? It's cold!

5. Xiangxi children brought by the prince wipe their hands directly on their clothes after dinner. The prince said, "If you wipe your hands on clothes again, people will wear white clothes, and yours will become camouflage clothes!"!

6. At a castle lunch, talking about the morning beauty class, I woke up and said to the prince, "I used to use Olay. In the morning, they said that I am not suitable for Olay, but I am suitable for water-based oil. "

The prince said, "Suitable for water!"

Wake up and say, "Yes!"

The prince said coldly, "You can use Nongfu Spring!"

Wake up immediately picked up his arm: "ah! Vision Wei! "Then I started rubbing my arms, and I was so cold.

"Then Ji Jie said," actually, just use a good bottle of facial cleanser and a good bottle of cream. "

"The prince said," Just use a good bottle of facial cleanser and a good bottle of Dabao. "

7. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet without saying hello. Why? Because they are all unfamiliar ~

8. What kind of person is Spider-Man?

Answer: Loser, because he is Spider-Man.

What color is Spider-Man?

Answer: white, because he is Spider-Man (white)

9. Prince: What's the difference between falling from the second floor and falling from the twentieth floor?

He Laoshi looked childish: Although I have heard of it, I still have to ask, what's the difference?

The prince looked sweaty: yes ... thump ... when he fell on the second floor.

Falling from the twentieth floor is ... Ah, ............, bang.

10. When shooting the propaganda film of the Sixth Five-Year Plan, the prince sat on a skateboard and walked forward with his hands on his back. .....

The reporter asked, "Chen Chen, what are you doing?"

The prince said calmly: Yesterday was not the Dragon Boat Festival ... I was rowing a dragon boat ... (then I laughed myself).

1 1. On the day A Mu left, they ate whole sheep together. The prince said, "Xiao Bai looks like his brother, so he played an idiom."

Answer: The truth is clear.

12. When the express train went to Xiangxi, it was surrounded by mountains and the road was slippery. The prince said, "Director, if we fall down, there will be no need to broadcast the happy male voice ..."

13. After the visit, the host said that there was a gift for the prince.

Prince: "Really? Well, can you come again tomorrow! "

14. At a lunch, the prince asked Xiao Xin, "Chengde has Lulu, but Changde has what?"

15. One day at noon, it was very hot. Two bananas are walking on the road. The banana in front said, "It's so hot!" Then I took off my clothes and the banana in the back slipped ~ ~

16. How many faces does Chen Chusheng have?

Answer: Four. (besieged on all sides! ).

17. At lunch, the prince asked Jason, "Jason, what will happen if the shark accidentally eats mung beans?"

Jason thought for a long time and couldn't answer! So are the others. ...

The prince smiled and said, "green bean paste!" Ha ~ "

18. A black cat and a white cat are walking on the road. As a result, the white cat fell into the ditch What did the black cat say when the white cat climbed up?

The black cat said, "Meow ~ ~".

19. After Super Girl checked into the castle, at lunch, Tang Xiao said, "I was in the toilet last night, and suddenly I heard Vision Wei fans shouting downstairs:' Vision Wei!'" "I almost peed. The audience burst into laughter.

The prince said, "Oh, I'm sorry!" " (Cold ~) After a while, the prince asked her, "Did it succeed later?"

20. When the super girl entered the castle, everyone moved their luggage. Some people play tricks and bring the awakened box into the room of the transcendental girl. Chen Chusheng said it was put on the first floor to sober up, so he was embarrassed to carry it out. At this time, the prince who has been sitting quietly beside him replied with a straight face: "wake up, you are too scheming!" "

2 1. On the breakfast table, national DD sprayed oil all over his face while eating soup buns. The prince sat next to him and asked the child brought by DD, "Do you regret following him?" Isn't it shameful? "

National DD keeps laughing ~

22. At PK, the host asked the prince, "Why did you choose ham?"

Prince: "Because we are all handsome."

23. One day, a male deer ran faster and faster ... Finally ... he became a "highway". ...

24. A fast tortoise and a rabbit race. Who won? The tortoise won. A turtle with sunglasses races with a rabbit. Who won? Or Wu Shuo's 40 jokes. My favorite turtle won, because this turtle was the one that ran very fast just now. ......

25. During the break, the prince, Jason and Liang-Ge Xiao get together to take photos. After three postures, Jason said, "Come, Third Sister Chengdu".

Liang-Ge Xiao: "Why don't you kneel down and take a picture of the three of us?" "

Then the prince said, "three musketeers-three musketeers". ......

26. A matchstick felt itchy, so it scratched and burned itself! !

27. Four people were playing mahjong, and the police came. Why did they take five people?

Answer: "Four people beat one person together, and the person who is beaten is called" Mahjong ".

28. The host behind the scenes asked the contestants, "Who will you call baby in the future?"

The prince said, "Call the baby ~"

29. In the five-in-four quiz shot by VCR, the prince and Bao Jiejie: "We are a combination of morning (sheng) meals!" (Then Baby Jay thinks about the slogan) The prince says, "We are Chen.

Rice combination, follow us and we will have food! "

30. At the mock press conference of the top five, Super Girl asked, "Do you all have girlfriends? Answer honestly! "

Prince: "Who answered it? Why do you want the teacher to answer? "

3 1. Behind-the-scenes interviews of the top three. Supporter: "Vision Wei, if you are promoted, please perform in the crazy version."

Prince: "Crazy, crazy all the way out of this studio." .

32. Moderator: "What is handsome? Do you wear sunglasses like this? "

Prince: "If I take off my sunglasses, you will still see two sunglasses ~ ~" (big eye bags)

Moderator: "What are you most afraid of?"

Prince: "the game was extended, and then I had bags under my eyes."

33. In an interview, the host asked, "What car do you like best?"

Prince: "Hummer"

Moderator: "What about our program?"

.......

After the performance. ......

Prince: "Don't give me a car ~ ~"

34. Having dinner with the super girl, after the fast men introduced themselves, the prince suddenly looked at the baby Jie and said, "He Jie, please introduce your hungry name ~ ~"

35. When Super Girl checked into the castle, Fast Man introduced the castle. The prince pointed to the air conditioner next to him and said solemnly, "This is an air conditioner."

36. In Xiangxi, I woke up and told the students there: "The mountains cover the white sun, and the ocean exhausts the Golden River, but you can broaden your horizons by walking up a flight of stairs." Then I asked, "Who can explain the meaning of this poem?"

The prince raised his hand innocently and asked, "Teacher, what is the title of this poem?"

Buck teeth speechless ~ ~ embarrassed expression ~ ~ ~

37. A dentist was treating someone and found that the patient had a decayed tooth. He said, "There is a hole in your tooth." The patient said, "Why did you say it twice?"

The doctor said, "The last sentence is an echo."

38. Moderator: "chenchen prepared a big basket of jokes for us, didn't he?"

Prince: "Yes, a big basket is equal to one."

39. A tortoise built a house and named a medicine.

Answer: cover the middle cover.

The tortoise built another house and gave the medicine another name.

A: The new cover is in the middle.

The little turtle went crazy, built more than 300 houses in one breath, and named another medicine.

A: A giant can cover it.

40. Sohu Entertainment broadcast, the host: "Let's see if Chen Chen is very handsome today!"

Prince: "it is more handsome!" "

1. Chu Sheng, Awakening and Vision Wei went to Africa to explore. Unfortunately, they were caught by local cannibals. Ji Jie, the head of the clan, asked each of them to find ten round things. Chu Sheng found ten cherries and ten Le Oranges, but Chu Sheng hasn't appeared yet. Ji Jie said, "Whoever eats fast in your competition will leave first." Waking up soon ate up ten cherries, but Vision Wei couldn't stand eating the eighth Le Orange. He looked around and burst out laughing. Ji Jie, it's strange that people who are about to be eaten can still laugh. With Vision Wei's eyes, I saw Chu Sheng take away ten cacti! !

One day, a hospital in Xi 'an sent four seriously injured people, two with fractures, one with no limbs and the heaviest one with a broken spine. A closer look shows that these four men are none other than the four little kings of Happy Boys-Jason, Chu Sheng, Awakening and Vision Wei! ! It turned out that the night before, I woke up warmly and took them home to drink. Four people blew all over the floor and finally drank too much! Jason suggested playing cards at this time, but there were no cards at home at this time, so Chu Sheng said, "I'll buy them." Go to the window. Jason said quickly, "Wait a minute, I'll go with you." Followed Chu gave birth to the window. Vision Wei suddenly reacted: "That's the window, pull them back quickly!" Stick out a foot. Woke up and called, "Why don't you pull it alone? I will help you. " Then he walked out, too. Later, according to witnesses, four people jumped out of a building in the community that night! !

Thirdly, one day, Hao Ming and Chen Wei grabbed their hands for a lollipop. At this time, Jason, who was surfing the Internet, coldly threw out a sentence: "You two are really full and have nothing to do!" "

Tribal tiger has been short of exercise recently. When he climbed to the third floor, he was already out of breath. He knocked on the opposite door and shouted, "Hao Ming, come and have a look. What's wrong with me recently?" I feel dizzy, my limbs are not diligent, my whole body is weak ... it's too uncomfortable. What is wrong with me? "Don't worry, don't worry. When you go back, you should exercise frequently, pay attention to your diet and wear a pair of glasses. " "With glasses? Why? " "Hao Ming is on the second floor, I'm awake. "

4. Who is more stupid than Chu Sheng and Hu Hu? Chu Sheng called A Mu, gave him ten yuan and said, "A Mu, I need a Porsche urgently now. You can use this 10 yuan to buy one in Checheng. Come on, I need it urgently! " A Mu promised to run to Checheng. Hu Hu called Hao Ming and said to him, "Hao Ming, go to my house to see if I'm here, and then come back and tell me. Come on! " Without further ado, he ran to gruyter. ...

Six, 13 military training, with Ji Jie as the instructor. On the first day of the drill, Ji Jie said in a strong dialect: "One class kills chickens, the other steals eggs, and I will cook porridge for you." Everyone looked at each other, and it took a long time to finally understand what Ji Jie said. It turned out that what he said was: "One class shot and the other class bombed. I'll show you."

7. In class, Teacher Wang Zhengliang talks about the relationship between contradiction and unity, while Bird is reading extra-curricular books. Teacher Wang called the bird up: "Can you tell us something about the relationship between contradiction and unity?" Bird paused and said, "Never mind!" Teacher Wang is angry: "Why?" Bird said confidently: "Mao Dun is a writer, and unity is instant noodles. Of course, it doesn't matter. "

Eight, usually nothing. 13 likes to get together and chat. Today they talked about the people they hate the most. Land Rover said, "I hate people who owe me money and don't pay it back." Guo Biao said, "I hate people who are full of lies." Yao Zheng said: "I like two kinds of people best, one is racist, the other is black, and the third is illiterate."

9. The Land Rover family recently moved to a neighbor's house. The next day, the brothers asked him how his neighbor was. Land Rover said, "It's annoying to knock at my house in the middle of the night." Guo Biao said, "That's disgusting. You didn't call the police? " "No," Land Rover smiled generously. "I ignored him and continued to practice my trumpet."

Ten, wake up to his dog, ask Hao Ming's opinion, Hao Ming said: "You and he are brothers, sell it!" Wake up happy: "it's still on, refreshed!" Is this dog loyal? " Hu Nuts: "Of course I am loyal. Hao Ming sold it four times and ran back every time. "

First, it is said that A Mu was particularly studious when he was a child. One day, he asked Wang Zhengliang, the head teacher, "Miss Wang, are the dwarfs in Snow White as tall as lambs?" "No, they don't have lambs." Teacher Wang said patiently. "Are they as tall as eggs?" "No, they don't have omelets." "So they always have tooth height?" "They don't have toothpaste." "Strange, how tall are they?"

A * * * 51~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Hehe ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Very tired.