Funny short sentences in classical Chinese

1. Classic funny sentences in classical Chinese

1. Chirp, chirp, Mulan flies a plane, what kind of plane is it, Boeing 747.2. I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I am ill. There is no music in the remote areas of Tokyo, and I have not heard of Sima Guang all year round.

3. Money is what I want; beauty is what I want too. You can't have both, just give up money for beauty.

4. If you don’t leave me here, I will leave you somewhere. If you don’t leave me everywhere, I will go to the railway. 5. I have many diseases and cannot survive at the age of nine.

Lonely and lonely, as for the founding of New China. There are no handsome men, but there are always beautiful women.

If the gate is weak and the gate is weak, there will be rest in the evening. 6. And Liu Suying's illness is always in heaven.

Chenshi urine soup has not expired. 7. I love Rejoice in the Holy Dynasty; Li Kui, the former prefect, loves Lafang even more.

Later, Leslie Cheung, the governor, raised ministers and servants. 8. The edict is severe, and the official Ultraman is responsible.

People from all over the universe are forcing me to hang myself. I had no choice but to obey.

9. A minister without a grandmother can live a hundred years; a minister without a grandmother can live a thousand years. Mother and grandson are incomparable to a turtle.

10. Chen Mi is twenty-two this year, and grandma is ninety-nine this year. Please forgive me for the personal relationship. 2. Looking for funny phrases in classical Chinese, the more concise the writing, the better

Huaishi Pagoda

Wu Mingxuan ①, Nan Lanling is a fable Jin Zhi said: Huaiyou Pagoda guest Wu, day drinking In the market, he is drunk and crazy, and he rushes into the market with his arms and arms, and all the pedestrians avoid him. The city soldiers heard about Wu Mu. Mu recorded and armed him, and gave him five hundred as a talisman, so that he could protect him and return to Huaiyou. Wu Bai criticized the pagoda and said: "Kang Kun, you have to sit here for thousands of miles, and I am suffering." Every morning, he kicks the road, and he pounces to drive behind him, and he can't rest; at night, he kicks his feet and runs to the ground. Niudai. The pagoda came out of the waist gold market to fight for wine. At night, he was five hundred drunk and had his head tied up. Tomorrow, when the sun is getting late, Wubai will wake up. The pagoda is nowhere to be seen, and the wall is already slumped. He said: "Hey, he's escaped." He looked at the clothes on his body and saw black ink, and when he started to follow his head, he didn't make a sound. He also had his weapons and clothes and couldn't leave the house. He shouted to the counter traveler and said: "Kang Kun, so I'm here. I'm alone." "My ears"

Whenever guests see Wu people saying this, Wu people also laugh to themselves.

The old man Qianyan said: This is definitely not a fable. The only person who has lost me in this world is Wu Wubaizai who was born with this me. It is also true that there is no loss for glory and haggard. What I see as glory and languor are all external things, not the so-called suave coming②? Those who died in the past are now prosperous, and those who have come to gather their bodies are becoming more and more prosperous day by day, and their bows and steps are also changing day by day. The people who passed away in the past now see the good as different from those of the past, and their self-view is almost no longer the same as me. . Is there some connection between it and Wu Wubaiguo? My old friend or Liojun ③ Huayao should write this legacy. (Volume 20 of "Wenlulu of the Southern Song Dynasty·Wu Wubai")

[Note]

①惃: chng is stupid.

② Suanlai: came by chance.

③骎鎎: qn The way a horse runs fast, here it means suddenly. 3. Funny translation of ancient Chinese short sentences

Funny translation of ancient Chinese sentences Zengzi said: I will examine myself three times in a day.

The host Zeng Zimo said: My body traveled three provinces in one day. Confucius said: If your parents are here, you will not travel far away.

There must be a way to travel. Confucius said: When my parents were around, I didn't dare to swim too far.

If you swim, you must have a steering wheel. Confucius said: Those who fail to make promises are rare.

Confucius said: Losing your virginity because of dating sounds new to you. Confucius said: Virtue is never alone, it must have neighbors.

Confucius said: Germany was not isolated after World War II. It must have neighboring countries. The Master said: Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Confucius said: No precious sculptures can be placed on rotten wood (it will be easily broken). Confucius said: I have not seen anyone who is strong.

Confucius said: I have never seen anyone like Guo Degang. Confucius said: When three people are walking together, they must have me as their teacher.

Choose the good ones and follow them, and change the bad ones.

Confucius said: When playing 3P, there must be one person who will get wet by me. Choose the person who is good at (3P), and ask the person who is not good at it to correct it quickly.

Confucius said: Prosperity comes from poetry and establishes itself from etiquette. Be happy.

Confucius said: When you are happy, you will be wet; when you stand up, it will be like a salute. After everything is accomplished, you will be very happy. Zigong said: There is beautiful jade here.

Zigong said: There is a piece of beautiful jade in Russia. Confucius said: I will defend myself against Lu, and then I will be happy.

Confucius said: I was quite rude when I had sex, but I was quite happy afterwards. Confucius was on the river and said: "The dead are like a man! He does not give up day and night."

When Confucius went to Sichuan to eat hot pot, he said: The dead are like Stalin and Khrushchev, they died overnight. Confucius said: I have never seen anyone who loves virtue as much as he loves lust. Confucius said: I have never seen anyone who loves Germany as much as he loves Israel. Not now? If you are in your forties or fifties and are unknown, it is not enough to be afraid.

Confucius said: People born in the 1980s are terrible, but you don’t dare to say that they are not as good as today. People are scary. If you don't feel scary at the age of forty or fifty, then it seems that there is nothing to be scared of. You will know where the mountain eagle is hidden in the forest and snow. Confucius said: Those who are near will tell you who is far away.

Confucius said: If you whisper to the people next to you, the people far away will definitely listen. Come and listen. Confucius said: If a state has a way, warning words can be dangerous.

Confucius said: After the Libang paint is painted, if there are still words on it, it will be dangerous for you to talk and walk (it is probably a dangerous building). ). Zeng Zi said: A gentleman cannot think about his position.

Zeng Zimo said: A good man always thinks about how he cannot succeed in his position. Confucius said: Don't worry about what others don't know.

Confucius said: People who are not sick do not know that they are impotent only when they are sick. Confucius said: There are few people who know virtue. It’s so refreshing to know how to govern a country with virtue! Confucius said: If you want to do your job well, you must first sharpen your tools. Confucius said: If you want to improve the quality of your sexual life, you must first sharpen your words.

Confucius said: If a person does not worry about his long-sightedness, he will surely worry about his short-sightedness.

Confucius said: They are similar in nature. Practices are far apart. Confucius said: Most of the postures are similar, and most of the habits are very different.

Confucius said: Only the superiors know. The matter of letting the people below be fooled has not changed since ancient times.

The Master said: A gentleman is brave but without righteousness, he is a thief. /p>

Confucius said: People are guided by Marxism-Leninism. Good people who have the courage but do not adhere to Marxism-Leninism must be prone to rebellion; bad people who have the courage but do not adhere to Marxism-Leninism must be corrupt. Original text As your mother grows old, if I don't leave it up to you, today I will close my eyes and take a nap, and I will definitely say no less than two or three sentences to express my anger. What can I say? I haven't lost my mind yet, so I am wronged.

What can you do? If you are really capable, why are there more than half of you who are disgusted with you? 6. Are you kind? It can be seen that you are not responsible for what happened in the past, but what happened today is abominable, so don’t be angry about it.

! Mother, I am sincere and my mother is not happy. Vernacular ***'s dead teacher. If my score hadn't been decided in your hands, I would have fallen asleep in class today and I would have contradicted you no less than two or three sentences. I'm not happy! I'm not the only one dozing off. Why do you only miss me? Besides, I haven’t completely fallen asleep yet, which is really unfair! What talents do you have? If you are really capable, why are more than half of the students sleeping on their desks? Six out of ten students hate you. Are you teaching well? You can tell from the number of people sleeping. I won’t argue with you about what happened before, but what happened today is really hateful and makes me really angry. Damn, I’m so fucking unhappy. 4. What are the classic funny sentences in classical Chinese?

1. In an extremely cold place in the north, a woman sat on a wall to urinate. Her urine was frozen before she could finish drowning, and her vagina was still caked on the rocks. Call her husband to come and greet him with your mouth. A man with shortsightedness and a beard will not melt when he touches it, even his breath will freeze into ice, and his beard and hair will freeze together and will not dissolve. He ordered his boy to chisel it open and said: "Look carefully and see that the hair is connected to the straight seams and the whiskers are connected to the horizontal seams."

2. Two brothers went to bathe in the river together. The brother's penis was bitten by a water snake and it couldn't be taken off. The brother held a knife and wanted to cut it. The brother said: "Look at the knife carefully! Two eyes." It’s a snake head; the one-eyed one is a crook.”

3. A slave girl accidentally farted in front of her master. The master was angry and wanted to scold her. Seeing that her buttocks were very white, he got angry without realizing it. Tomorrow, the master will be in the study. Suddenly he hears a knock on the door. When asked why, he replied: "I just farted again."

4. There are those who have never been close to women in their lives and don't know what vagina is like. When I asked someone about it, they said, "It's just like an eye raised up." This person takes it to heart. One day, the prostitution suddenly broke out, and I didn't know where the brothel was, so I ran into the street and saw a sign with eyes on it. I accidentally placed it sideways, thinking that it must be a prostitute's house. When he came inside to explain his purpose, the doctor was furious and scolded him to chase him away. The man said: "It's not a brothel, how can we put so many things outside?"

5. A person who is good at divination and also loves humor. When a pregnant man or woman came to ask, after the divination was completed, he held his hands in his hands and congratulated him and said, "It's a man with an egg inside." The woman was very happy and said that she was undoubtedly pregnant. When she gave birth, she turned out to be a daughter. Because of this, the fortune teller said: "Only men have eggs, and only women can hold them. If there is something to hold the eggs, why is it not a woman?"

6. The husband and wife are going to have trouble, but it is not known whether the two sons are sleeping soundly or not. Then each called out to test it. The two sons did not respond to each other, knowing that they wanted to do this. When there are heavy clouds and rain, his mother is so happy that she almost dies. One son suddenly laughed, and the mother was ashamed and scolded him. Another son said: "If you beat her well, if you beat her well, your mother will not cry after she dies, but she will laugh instead."

7. An unmarried girl secretly asked her sister-in-law: "Is this a pleasant experience?" The sister-in-law said: "What a pleasure it is to make arrangements for the couple as a courtesy to Duke Zhou." When my daughter returned to Ning after she got married, when she saw her sister-in-law, she laughed and scolded her, saying, "What a liar."

8. On the bride's first night, the groom is not very good at it and puts his penis in without moving. The female *** said: "Oh, that's not good, it hurts"! The husband said: "Take it out"? The woman said: "Oh no, it hurts!" The husband said: "It feels bloated and painful when it goes in, and it feels empty and painful when it comes out. What do you want?" The woman said, "You can take it in and take it out."

9. A woman was lying awake during the day, and a man put an eggplant into the female's body. When the woman woke up and saw the eggplant inside, she realized that she had been deceived, so she kept scolding her. A neighbor woman said, "This is very ugly. Madam, please save your words." The woman said: "That's not what you said. If you don't scold me if you stuff the eggplants this time, then the winter melons and gourds will come all at once."

10. When a married girl is rich and the boy is poor, the husband’s family is afraid that the girl will not get married, so they lead a group of people to snatch the bride, and accidentally carry the aunt to escape. The female family member shouted urgently: "It's time to rush!" The aunt said on her back: "Not bad, not bad! Come closer, don't believe he is trying to coax you."

11. On the wedding night, send off the bride. Xi San. The next day, the chef checked the table and found no candy hat. After asking around, the newcomer burst into laughter. Xi Niang was standing by and asked: "What are you laughing at?" The girl replied: "No wonder a man's tongue was so sweet last night."

12. A man meets two boats, holding his hands outside the window sill, I pinched a finger and complained to my wife.

His wife was horrified and told him, "If you encounter two ships from now on, remember not to urinate."

13. Dong Yong performed filial piety, and God ordered a fairy to marry him. All the fairies saw him off and said: "Go down below. If there are any filial piety people, be sure to send a letter."

14. A woman complained to the official: "When I went to draw water from the well, I was killed by someone. The official said: "Why didn't you stand up at that time?" He replied: "If you stand up, you may come out of the ear." 15. If you have sex again, you will have sex on the first night. Not aware of it. She asked her husband: "Are you going in?" He said: "Yes." The woman then frowned and said: "Well, I feel a little pain." 5. Classic funny sentences in classical Chinese

1. Chirp after chirp, Mulan Flying a plane, what kind of plane is it, a Boeing 747.

2. I left Beijing last year and lived in exile in Tokyo, where I was sick. Tokyo was a remote place with no music, and I never heard of Sima Guang all year round.

3. Money is what I want; beauty is what I want too. You can't have both, just give up money for beauty.

4. If you don’t leave me here, I will leave you somewhere. If you don’t leave me everywhere, I will go to the railway.

5. I have many diseases and cannot survive at the age of nine. Lonely and lonely, as for the founding of New China. There are no handsome men, but there are always beautiful women. If the door is weak and the gate is weak, there will be rest in the evening.

6. Liu Suying’s illness is always in heaven. Chen Shiwei Decoction has not expired.

7. I love Rejoice in the Holy Dynasty; Li Kui, the former prefect, loves Lafang even more. Later, Leslie Cheung, the governor, promoted ministers and servants.

8. The edict is strict and the official Ultraman is responsible. People all over the universe are forcing him to hang himself. I had no choice but to obey.

9. A minister without a grandmother can live a hundred years; a minister without a grandmother can live a thousand years. Mother and grandson are incomparable to a turtle.

10. Chen Mi is twenty-two this year, and grandma is ninety-nine this year. Please forgive me for the personal relationship. 6. What are some funny classic sentences?

1. I am not a casual person, but when I am casual, I am not a human being.

2. I am in the world, but there are no legends about me in the world... 3. Follow other people's paths and leave others with nowhere to go. 4. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like siblings. Looking back, I actually ran around naked for 19 years! 5. I would rather believe that there are ghosts in the world than believe in a man’s bad mouth! 6. When the water is extremely clear, there are no fish; when people are extremely humble, they are invincible.

7. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel - my mother said, it is a birdman. 8. A mountain cannot accommodate two tigers, unless there is one male and one female.

9. I, a college student’s goal in life: to be a peasant woman, have a mountain spring, and have some farmland. 10. Women should remember: they must eat well, have fun, sleep well and drink well.

Once we are exhausted, other women spend our money, live in our house, sleep with our husband, pick up our boyfriend, and even beat us. 11. In spring, I buried myself at the entrance of the village. In the land, many handsome guys are harvested in autumn. Then I changed the name of the village to "Handsome Guy Village", and I became the village chief as I wished.

12. One day, I dreamed that I had spent all my money. When I woke up, my pocket was really empty... 13. I have achieved great success in losing weight. You see, my three The chin is pointed! 14.The trouble with chocolate is: when you eat it, it’s gone. 15. Never wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

16. If my friends can sell them for five yuan each, I can make a small fortune. 17. A big belly is not scary. What is scary is that it is big and empty.

18. The biggest advantage of going on a blind date is that if there are problems in your marriage in the future, you can shift the responsibility to the matchmaker.

7. What sentences or words can be translated into funny classical Chinese texts? The sentences should not be too long

Classical Chinese texts

Translations

Ru Biniang is so old, go to the old woman, ** *'s dead teacher

If it weren't for you to take care of me, if it weren't for my score to be decided in your hands,

I would like to take a nap with my eyes closed today, and think of me today. Dozing off in class

Be sure to say no less than two or three sentences. I will definitely contradict you with no less than two or three sentences

I am angry, and those who take a nap are not just me, I am unhappy! I'm not the only one who dozed off.

Why should I say that? Why do you only miss me?

Moreover, I have not yet lost consciousness, so I am unjustly accused. Besides, I haven’t completely fallen asleep yet, which is really unfair!

What can you do? What talents do you have?

If you are really capable, if you are really capable,

Why are there more than half of the students lying on the desk? Why do more than half of the students sleep on their desks?

Six out of ten students hate you, and six out of ten students hate you.

Are you kind? Did you teach well?

The number can be seen. You can tell from the number of people sleeping

Don't blame the past, I won't argue with you about what happened before.

What happened today is abominable, but what happened today You are really hateful

and it makes me angry. Makes me really angry!

My mother, my mother is not happy. Damn, I’m so fucking unhappy

! ! ! （づ￣ 3￣）づ8. Looking for funny quotes

A reporter interviewed the director of a mental hospital and asked: "What method do you use to determine whether the patient has fully recovered?" The director said: " We gave him a test. We filled a bathtub with water, put a spoon and a big bowl next to it and asked them to drain the water out of the tank. The reporter said disapprovingly: "Of course they use the big bowl!" The dean looked at it! She glanced at him and said slowly: "Normal people pull out the plug.

" In the mental hospital, a doctor was testing three patients.

The doctor asked the first patient: "What is 3 times 3?" "274." The first patient replied.

The doctor asked the second patient: "It's your turn, what is 3 times 3?" "Tuesday." The doctor turned to the third patient: "Okay, now it's your turn, 3 What does it equal to 3? ""9."

"Very good," the doctor praised, "How did you calculate it?" "Isn't it simple? Just divide 274 by Tuesday! ? "In a park, two people were sitting on a bench. One of them is reading the newspaper quietly; the other is constantly making fishing movements in the air.

After a while, many people gathered to watch. At this time, a policeman ran over and said to the person reading the newspaper: "Are these your family members?" The person reading the newspaper said: "Yes, yes." The policeman said: "If he is mentally unstable, please take him home immediately, okay?" The man reading the newspaper apologized repeatedly: "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" and then hurriedly made rowing movements.

Brother: "Doctor, my brother has always imagined that he is a hen! What should I do?" Doctor: "Let me take a look. Well, he looks serious! Why did you bring him here now?" "Brother: "Everyone in our family is waiting for him to lay eggs! "Skills" "Please tell me, Mr. Smith," the interviewer asked, "Do you have any other skills that you think are worth mentioning?" Indeed," the applicant said modestly, "Last year, two of my novels were published in national magazines, and I also completed a novel."

"It's not easy," the interview said. The officer commented, "But I want to know what skills you have that can be used during office hours." Mr. Smith happily explained: "Oh, these are all done during office hours."

Blood Circulation The teacher is explaining blood circulation to the students.

In order to make it intuitive and clear, he told everyone: "Students, if I stand on my head, you all know that blood will rush into my head and my face will turn red because of it."

"Yes. ,Teacher!" the students answered together. "So, think about it now, why doesn't blood flow into my feet when I stand normally?" As soon as he finished speaking, a small student rushed to answer: "Because your feet are not empty. "

The usage of "good" Chinese teacher: "The Chinese word 'good' is used in this way: so easy means very difficult; so hard, it is actually very hard; so happy, that is It's very happy. Do you understand?" Foreign student: "It's easy to understand."

The consultation fee is too high. Psychologist: "I have been too impatient and nervous recently, so I need to see a psychiatrist." : "But, aren't you the best doctor in your field?" Psychologist: "I know, but my consultation fee is too expensive."

The lovers met on the street, and the woman ran away like flying He came and hugged the man and said, "Hurry up..." The man panicked and said, "Are you sorry?" In front of so many people! The woman said: Are you sorry? There was a boss who was sleeping with his lover with his pants unzipped in front of so many people. The phone rang and the lover said: The user you called is drunk! When I came home the next day, my wife yelled: How much did you drink yesterday? Even mobile companies know about love, right? Be happy! You’ll spend a lot of money from now on! Get married! So cool! Someone should take care of it from now on! Get divorced! Be free! Talk about spending money! It's AIDS! What a fool! Lie in bed and wait to die! Damn Tires There was a doctor who was driving his car home from his emergency care class. On the road he saw a man lying motionless next to a car.

He quickly jumped out of the car and said to the person lying on the ground: "I am an emergency doctor at the hospital. Can I help you?" The person lying on the ground moved and said: "Okay, can you fix this damn tire for me?" It was a hot day and I wanted to cut my niece's hair, which she hadn't had in over two years. I didn't want my 3-year-old niece to cry: "Cut my hair, how painful it will be!" I repeatedly told my niece that cutting her hair wouldn't hurt at all, and bought her a lot of snacks, and she finally agreed.

After cutting my hair, I asked my niece: "Does it hurt to cut my hair?" My niece said: "The cut hair is left in the barber shop. I don't know if it hurts now."