What funny god replies have you seen?

First of all, I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your questions. Let's talk about the divine reply of fraudulent information on a friend's mobile phone.

A friend once received a message from a liar.

Hello, I'm Wallace Huo. I am filming in the deep mountains. A martial arts scene was played and we lost contact with the crew. I had no money, so I lost a phone number and found you. It is really fate. Can you call me 1000 fast money? I'll pay you back when I get back

10000, and my autographed photo and handwritten thank-you note. You can also ask the director to arrange a role for you. Can you help me?

The account number is 6 1 12XXXXX Zhang Xiaoming. This is the business card of my other star friend. If so, please tell me.

My friend thought about the answer.

Can you tell me first whether you like Ruby Lin or Hugh? ?

I burst out laughing.

There is also a text message from the number shown as 95598.

Hello, I am the representative of ICBC credit card. Our bank shows that your credit card spending abroad (Australia) is 654.38+0.88 million. Excuse me, are you spending it yourself?

The friend replied: Yes, what's the matter?

Hello, due to your huge consumption, we need to know where your funds are going. What did you buy?

The friend replied: I bought a kangaroo. What's the problem?

What did you buy kangaroos for?

The friend said: stew, stew potato vermicelli to eat.

I ate it last night, but it was not as delicious as yesterday.

Then I laughed and collapsed on the ground.

Story: At the parent-teacher conference, migrant workers broke in, and everyone's face showed disgust and contempt. The teacher began to call the roll by grades. As a result, the last parent is the boss of the company, and the last student who is the first in the class is the son of a migrant worker who just came in. At this point, those people are already flushed.

God replied: However, the son of the big boss will be the big boss in the future, and the son of the poor is still fighting for his own life.

God replied: then the boss's children didn't go to college, went abroad to study, and came back to start a business with their father's money or inherit their father's company. The children of migrant workers were admitted to the university, found jobs after graduation and became employees of the boss's children.

In the evening, I called my grandma and asked her how she was. I said she was fine and gained weight, and I kept saying that she had a lot of fat in her belly. Grandma said your mother exaggerated and wasn't that fat. At this time, my mother just came back and heard my grandmother's voice. My mobile phone is on speakerphone.

Just say, mom, I won't tell you. I'm going to take a bath.

Grandma: I heard from your daughter that you are fat now and your stomach is getting bigger?

Mom: It's true! I became very fat! Mom, I weigh 92 Jin now. Do you think I am fat?

Grandma: Cut! 92 pounds! ! Are you showing off? Who is not 100 kg? 92 kilograms is nothing!

At that time, my mother and I broke out tacitly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You can feel the resentment of the old man through the screen.

Who is not a fairy weighing 100 Jin? Please explode in situ below 100 kg.

The year before last, a courier driver went to his freight station to load the goods. When he got there, he saw so many goods today. When I filled up the car, I found it was someone else's goods! ! ! Just then, the boss called and asked: There are 300 pieces of express delivery today, which has been more than 2 hours. Why haven't you come back? The driver said, "It's just full, and it's loaded with goods from the next door." . When the boss is silent, he will say: you pull the goods back for me! Let his driver put our goods back and then put his goods away! ! !

A few days ago, a super cute beauty student came to the driving school and was super obedient. One day, the coach said, "The exam is coming soon, so you can open it yourself today." I'll watch you from below. If you have any questions, just call me on the intercom. Remember, pay attention to safety. Whoever thinks he is good at technology can drive home. "As a result, the female students felt boring after the meeting, so they drove directly to the small restaurant outside the driving school for breakfast.

After almost half an hour, the coach saw that the car had not come back and asked in the intercom: Where is the car? Who is driving now? After asking for three times in a row, the female student's voice finally appeared on the intercom: Coach, I am eating breakfast at the door. Do you want some?

I remember playing dungeons in those years, and a classmate left a message on my QQ space for several days, saying: Today, I washed the number of someone inside and someone inside, hehe! Then a divination master I met in the game commented below: Look at your handwriting, little brother, it's not easy to go to the streets recently, and there may be a bloodbath! ! !

1. What is the deepest routine you have ever seen?

God replied: there is no way to set it.

Why are there so many anti-Japanese dramas now?

God replied: nonsense, there is something in my hard disk that is not anti-Japanese.

Describe your local temperature in one sentence

God replied: Hello? what did you say ? /Excuse me? The signal in the refrigerator is not very good

4. What should I do if I resent my small breasts?

God replied: excellent women even have breasts.

How to be famous in school is well known.

God replied: focus on the key points and become famous in one fell swoop.

6. Do you have obsessive-compulsive disorder?

God replied: Of course I don't have obsessive-compulsive disorder, because

7. How do you explain watching action movies in self-study class when the teacher finds out?

God replied: As I said, I said it was "self-attack".

8. At which moment did you have the strongest desire to survive?

God replied: There is only one card left.

9. Tap water can't be drunk directly, and apples can't be eaten directly. Why can apples washed with tap water be eaten again?

God replied: You can't eat shit. Don't you eat organic vegetables grown in shit?

10. What should I do if I can't sing in KTV and want to show it in front of everyone?

God replied: What could be better than you rushing to pay the bill?

1 1. Summer is coming. How do you calm yourself down?

God replied: looking at the balance of the bank card, my heart is half cold.

I collected some before, and now I share them, just for Bojun's smile.

1, what is bigger than the universe?

God replied: the scope of the exam.

2. What did I do wrong? I went to a terrible university!

God replied: I made a mistake ...

This poem was written by Xin Qiji?

God replied: How do I know when it was written? Today should be Tuesday!

4. Why do you like to take off your coat when fighting?

God replied: if you take off your pants, is the atmosphere a bit strange?

According to the survey, young people nowadays like to play mobile phones when they go to the toilet!

God replied: Don't play with shit if you don't play with your mobile phone? Really.

6. Describe your cup in a few words!

God replied: with dad. ...

7. One day, you will be the person you hate the most.

Thanks for reminding me, I hate rich people!

8. In school, teachers often explain that the questioner's intentions should be clearly thought out before doing the questions.

God replied: He wants me to die!

9. How to hook up with a girl who is studying medicine without appearing abrupt?

God replied: just say you are sick.

10, someone is chasing me, how can I refuse and let the other person give up that willingly!

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God replied: remove makeup on the spot!

Because I often wander around major social networking sites, I personally think that the divine reply I saw is classic, so I will share a few paragraphs with you today. Because it was a long time ago, I can't remember it clearly. If there is anything indecent, I will look forward to it!

Ask; Why do you feel a little more handsome after taking a shower and washing your hair?

Answer; Because I'm out of my mind

Ask; Girls eat duck heads, girls think duck heads are salty, please take a second helping!

Answer; Gay friends smears the engine oil, and the engine oil is thick. gay friends is worried!

Ask; What's it like to be in love with a lawyer?

Answer; Don't get divorced, or you won't even get your underwear.

Ask; What is the routine of playing a good hand to pretend to be a grandson?

Answer; This is called Sun Tzu's Art of War.

Ask; How's the League of Legends God practice?

Answer; I remember when I first joined the league, more than a dozen regiments couldn't find anyone and couldn't fill the soldiers. My teammates kept scolding me, so I worked hard day and night, and finally everything paid off. A month later, no teammates dared to scold me anymore, because they couldn't beat me.

Ask; Xiaoming did a terrible thing at school and was praised by the head teacher. Why is Xiao Ming still unhappy?

Answer; The class teacher said; Oh, dear! Young man, all that glitters is not gold!

Ask; In ancient times, why could locust trees and willows be refined, but fruits and vegetables could not?

Answer; Determined to practice in the morning and stew in the afternoon.

Ask; A girl said "love is warmth" or "I hope you are April on earth". How should I reply to her?

Answer; It's him, it's him, it's him, our friend Nezha Jr.

God's reply is an unexpected answer or analysis based on a question or a phenomenon. Let's enjoy the divine reply of others!

Dialogue 1,

One day, I was sitting on the bus. A beautiful girl just got on the bus and saw that the bus was full of people. She muttered, "how so many people? There is not even a seat! "

Unfortunately, as soon as I heard it, I patted my thigh and said to my sister, "Sister, I have a soft seat here!" " "

Who knows that my sister said with disgust: "Forget it! I am afraid that the soft seat will become a hard seat, and then the hard seat will become a socket. I can't even walk! "

Dialogue 2,

A netizen asked in the post bar, what is more disgusting than eating a piece of shit?

Reply: "Eat two pieces"

Netizens don't want to ask again: "Is there anything more disgusting than this?"

Reply: "It's blocked!"

Dialogue 3,

Me: "What's the matter, buddy? Why aren't you in the mood today? "

He: "Hey, don't mention it. I ate instant-boiled mutton last night. I bought too much mutton and didn't want to waste it, so I threw up myself. My dog didn't finish vomiting. "

Me: "Call me if I can't finish eating. What a waste! "

He: "If you had told me earlier, I would have stopped my dog ..."

Friends circle: Teacher Tony designed a new look for me. Do you think my new image is awesome?

Reply: I like it.

Friends circle: Thank you, Chairman's Committee, for giving me the "Best Performance Award" of this grassroots Spring Festival Evening.

Reply: The chairman's meeting means that you reveal the essence of drama from top to bottom.

Friends circle: Phillips grabbed the bouquet at the wedding today. She is only seven years old, and I am not ready to accept a son-in-law.

Reply: hello, mother-in-law

Friends circle: I just dyed my blonde hair, and a friend said that my head is as cute as corn.

Answer: Corn, the dialect "bonzi", says you look like a bonzi.

I don't know if you have seen the video of Yam and Huanong Brothers. They especially like to cook food or roast bamboo rats in the wild, so they derive a bunch of funny fire slogan comments, some of which are borrowed and some of which are made by themselves. They are funny and catchy, and the imagination of netizens is really endless.

I will list a few as follows:

In the afternoon, a fire broke out on the mountain of the police station.

A single spark can start a prairie fire

There is a fire on the mountain and I am in the house.

There is a fire on the mountain during the Chinese New Year, and there is me in the Qingming Institute.

The fire on the mountain locked the door below.

A wisp of smoke on the mountain in the morning and a fairy race in the afternoon.

The fire in the mountain was so burning that I cried two lines in the office.

I have to say that the power of netizens is really too strong, but I still want to remind everyone here to play with fire less. Even if you have to make a fire, make sure that it has been put out before you leave.