Jokes suitable for tour guides. Interesting thing. Stop joking.

A luxurious bus, driving on the expressway, is full of passengers, and the tour guide is calling to everyone. T

Guide: Attention, passengers. Let me tell you about security and our terminal. C_G "

Everybody: Say something quickly. 6a@0.r

Guide: The car you are riding has been scrapped for ten years. l

Everyone: Ah-n *

Guide: This car has no braking system, no alarm system, no -7!

Everyone: Um-lm: P0.

Guide: Don't panic. Fortunately, our main driver has superb driving skills. He has a record of 26,859 crashes. ; #\@*?

Everyone: Wow-M.

Guide: We are crossing a dark tunnel. Please protect yourself, especially your head. FUj6A

Everyone: (afraid, everyone wants to get to the station quickly. What time do we arrive at the terminal? l CvF

Guide: The speed of our car is 200 kilometers per hour, and we will arrive at the station soon.

Everyone: (with a sigh of relief) So what's the next stop? v$X F

Guide: Paradise. 8Om & lt

Four tourists from China are sightseeing in Japan. It's time for lunch They walked into a sushi restaurant. These four tourists don't understand Japanese, are drawing pictures, and are mixed with spoken English. They ordered enough food and drinks and finally filled their stomachs. Unexpectedly, there was a big accident when I was ready to check out:

A said, "Can you pay in English?" ! Hey, Bill, please! "The boss, a lady, quickly bowed:" Hey, bear. "Send four bottles of beer.

B said, "I said, how much is it?" The face of the female boss is getting redder and redder: "Hi, Hamachi (red shrimp)!" " Send four red shrimps in a row.

C quickly stood up and said, "Listen to me. In Japanese, the checkout should be I-ku-ra, yes, I-ku-ra! " "The boss shouted happily to the back hall:" I-ku-ra (salmon egg)! "The other four salmon eggs will be sent up soon.

D finally couldn't help it: "Shit! March 8! " The female boss repeatedly bowed: "Yuxi, Sanma (saury)!"

After seeing the saury sent up, all four tourists took a deep breath and collapsed in their chairs together. Finally, the bill came, and the price was predictably expensive. C said in dialect: "Bargain!"

After the female boss gave them a surprised look, she could no longer conceal her happiness: "Hi, Shaq!" " "Then came up four salmon. It is said that these four tourists are still ordering food in Japan and will never come back. ...

Chen Atu, a farmer in Taiwan Province Province, has never been far away. After saving money for half my life, I finally joined a tour group and went abroad.

Everything abroad is very fresh. The key point is that Chen Atu joined a luxury group and lived in a standard room. This makes him novel.

In the morning, when the waiter knocked on the door to deliver breakfast, he shouted, "Good morning, sir!" "

Chen Atu froze. What does this mean? In my hometown, strangers usually ask, "What's your name?"

So Chen Atu shouted, "My name is Chen Atu!"

If so, for three days in a row, it was the waiter Chen Atu who knocked at the door and said "Good morning" loudly every day, and also replied loudly: "My name is Chen Atu!"

But he was very angry. This waiter is so stupid that he asks his name every day and tells him that he can't remember. Very annoying. Finally, he couldn't help asking the tour guide, "Good morning, sir!" " What do you mean? The tour guide told him, oh, my God! ! That's a real pity.

Chen Atu practiced saying "Good morning, sir!" This word allows you to deal with waiters with dignity.

Another morning, the waiter knocked at the door as usual. As soon as the door opened, Chen Atu shouted, "Good morning, sir!"

At the same time, the waiter shouted, "I'm Chen Atu!"

China people, Koreans and Japanese people travel to the desert together. They have no water and are thirsty.

Walking, they met Aladdin's magic lamp.

Everyone can make three wishes. The Japanese said, "Give me some money; Give me a sum of money; Take me home. " The Korean said, "Give me a woman; Give me a woman; Take me home. "

Koreans and Japanese went home. China people said: "Give me a bottle of Erguotou; Give me a bottle of Erguotou; Call them back. " For example, Koreans and Japanese were called back by China.

The scenery is the most beautiful.

Some people like climbing mountains very much. Once, he went to Switzerland for a holiday and hired a local as a guide to climb a high mountain. When they passed a dangerous place, the guide said to him, "Be careful, sir, it's very dangerous here and it's easy to fall down." . However, if you fall, don't forget to look to the right, where the scenery is the most beautiful. "

I'm not joking with the webmaster!

An old man drove a donkey into town. At the intersection, the donkey ran a red light and was fined 5 yuan. The old man whipped the donkey and said, do you think you are a traffic policeman and run a red light casually? Before moving forward, the donkey knocked down the fruit stall and compensated 10 yuan. The old man said angrily to the donkey, Do you think you are a city industrial and commercial tax official? Go on, Yugong * * rested in the green space, and the donkey chewed the grass and was fined 50. The old man whipped the donkey and said, you think you are a national cadre, so where are you going to eat?

Immediately drive the donkey back to the village, and the neighbor hung the fishing net on the tree. The donkey threw it hard and the net broke, and paid 500 yuan. The old man whipped the donkey with tears in his eyes: Do you think you are China Telecom, and you don't need money to get on this broken network? The donkey kicked the old man angrily, and the old man cried. Do you think you are the stationmaster and you can kick whoever you want?

The magic return of chewing gum

After the plane took off, an air hostess distributed chewing gum to the passengers. "That's very kind of you. What's this gum for? " Asked a gentleman who was flying for the first time. "Keep your ears from buzzing." After the plane landed, the gentleman said to the stewardess, "This gum is really in charge! Now can you help me get him out of my ear? "

Catch up with the world's advanced level and return

"Last year, the Germans used 65.438+0.7 billion condoms, the British used 65.438+0.6 billion condoms, and the French only used 65.438+0 billion condoms. We can catch up, but we must speed up. "

-Philippe Douste-Blazy, French Minister of Health, said when he announced that the French government would reduce the price of condoms in order to ensure safety.

Wait a minute and return.

A man asked God, "Great God, what does a thousand years mean in your eyes?"

God replied, "It only means one minute."

"Almighty God, what does ten thousand gold coins mean in your eyes?"

"It just means a penny."

"Merciful God, please give me a penny!"

"Well, poor man, please wait!"

Traffic broadcast return

The latest news: "A pig was found in the driveway of 1!"

An hour later: "There are no pigs on the 1 road."

Return of KGB

In the Kremlin, Brezhnev picked up the phone and called the Egyptian presidential palace: "I am Brezhnev, I am."

I want to speak to President Sadat's widow! "

"Widow? President Sadat has been alive? " A surprised voice came from the other end of the phone.

Old Bob put the phone down and shouted at the KGB leader beside him, "Bastard! Why put the original action time

Delayed? "

Answer back

Customer: "Waiter, can you explain the flies in my soup?"

The waiter bent down to look at it carefully and replied, "it's swimming, sir." It's swimming. "

Threat reward

The postman was very unhappy because he had to row a boat to send a birthday card to the lighthouse keeper.

"If you mumble again," said the tower keeper, "I will subscribe to the daily newspaper".

Caterpillar returns

Mrs Carter's kitten is running around outside, running from the roof to the cellar. The uneasy neighbor knocked on Cardiff.

Man's door: "Why does your cat run so crazy?"

"Well," Mrs. Carter explained, "I just had it operated on by the vet, and I've been busy looking for it everywhere recently.

Cancel the original marriage. "

Random strain return

Once, a hotel recruited waiters, and many people came to apply. The boss wants to test them:

One day you walk into a guest's room and find a female guest in a nude bath. What should you do?

Everyone rushed to answer, and some said, "I'm sorry, miss, I didn't mean to."

Some said, "Miss, I don't see anything." The boss kept shaking his head after listening.

Then a young man came up to him and said, "I'm sorry, sir!" " As a result, he was hired.

Telegraph reply

Soldier: "Commander, just received a telegram from the chief. 」

Commander: "Good! This must be an urgent instruction. Read it to everyone. 」

Soldier: "Because of your stupidity and incompetence, the battle failed.". You are a pig! " ! 」

Commander: "This is an encrypted telegram. Translate it quickly. 」

The Return of Female Secretaries

Female secretary: "manager, your wife's phone." She said she would kiss you goodbye on the phone. 」

Manager: "I'm busy now. Didn't I tell you that no matter what happens, you should hold it first and then transfer it to me when I am free? " 」

Salesman return

A salesman was taken to the police station for questioning on suspicion of committing a crime. Half an hour later, three policemen came out of the interrogation room.

Secretary: "Well, what did you ask? 」

Policeman: "no, we can't ask anything, but he has sold us three pumping units, two refrigerators and four hair dryers." 」

Come back for the first time

A young lady came out of the bathtub and was going to get a towel.

Suddenly she found a window cleaner at work and saw her.

She was stunned and looked at the man stupefied.

"What's the matter with you, madam?" The man asked:

"Haven't you seen a window painter?"

Two men and a beautiful woman are back.

Two men and a beautiful woman swam to a desert island after the shipwreck. What will happen between them?

If those two people are Italian, they will fight, and then the winner will be a beautiful woman;

If those two people are French, they will get along well and share the beauty;

If those two people are English, they will try to murder that beautiful woman, and then they will get together by themselves;

If those two people are Singaporeans, they will only wait for Mr. Li's instructions.

Borrow and return

A farmer in a neighboring village borrowed money from Gabbro Furen. Gabbro Fu Jen agreed to lend it to him, but for 9 points.

Interest. "

"You are simply plundering," said the farmer angrily. "Let God punish you."

"God, from the sky, this 9 and 6 are the same."

Secret return

John: "Let me ask you something. Can you keep my secret? "

David: "Of course."

John: "I'm a little short of money recently." Can you lend me some money? "

David: "Don't worry, I'll pretend not to hear."

Borrow money from Jews and return it.

Ivan wanted to drink, so he borrowed a silver coin from a Jew in the village. They discussed the terms: Ivan will pay off his debts next spring and double his money. At the same time, he will use an axe as collateral. Ivan was about to leave when the Jews stopped him: "Ivan, wait a minute, I remember something." It is difficult for you to collect two silver coins next spring. Wouldn't it be better if you paid half now? "This let Ivan understand. He returned the silver coins. He thought for a while on the road, and then said to himself, "Strange thing, the silver coin is gone, the axe is gone, and I still owe a silver coin-that Jew is quite reasonable." "

Debtor's reply

"Dear Sir, I'm very sorry for your letter urging me to pay my debts, but I have to inform you that I can't pay my debts because my money and property are suspected of carrying infectious germs. Because of this, I was isolated from the world during my one-year hospitalization in a mental hospital. So, when you finish reading this letter, I hope you will burn it immediately and wash your hands with disinfectant. This is for your safety. "