If anyone has a funny joke, it should be short and not the same!

①?Chinese language in primary school is too difficult now. Look at one of their homework questions:?

Requirement: Connect the following four sentences with related words:?

1. Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;?

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studies tenaciously;?

3. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages;?

4 , Sister Zhang Haidi learned acupuncture. (Note: The correct answer should be: Although sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.)?

The result is: A child wrote: Although sister Zhang Haidi tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, she is still paralyzed. ?

Later, I discovered that the more powerful child wrote: ?

Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned foreign languages, but also acupuncture. She studied so tenaciously that she finally became paralyzed. ?

The reason why sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed was because she studied tenaciously. Not only did she learn many foreign languages, she even learned acupuncture. ?

Sister Zhang Haidi studied so tenaciously. Not only did she learn many foreign languages ??and acupuncture, she also learned to become paralyzed. ?

Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages, learned acupuncture, and is stubbornly studying to become paralyzed. ?

Sister Zhang Haidi learned many foreign languages ????and acupuncture through tenacious study, but ended up paralyzing herself by following a foreign language version of an acupuncture book?

②The strongest in history This is how a history class is taught~~~?

In a history class at a famous university, the professor was asking students from all over the world: "To survive or to perish. Whose famous saying came from In the mouth?"?

After a long silence, Gutian stood up and said: "William Shakespeare"?

"Very good, being known as the "conscience of Europe" means. Who?

"Romain Rolland. "?

"Give me freedom or let me die. Who first said this famous saying?"?

"It was said by Bartlick Henry in 1775. ”?

“Very good, then, who said ‘of the people, by the people, for the people’. "?

"In 1863, Abraham Lincoln said. "?

"That's absolutely correct, students. The person who answered the question just now was a Japanese student, but as a student from a European country, he couldn't answer it. It's a pity. "The professor said with emotion."

"Kill little Japan!" Suddenly someone shouted.

"Who! Who said that!" The professor was so angry that his voice trembled.?

"In 1945, President Truman said it. "John stood up."

"What do you think you are doing?" "The professor said angrily."

"Madonna said it." "Jack also stood up."

"This is really disgusting and simply lawless." "The professor was shaking with anger."

"In 1991, Bush Sr. said this when he met with the Prime Minister of Japan. "Stephen couldn't sit still.?

The class immediately fell into chaos. All the students began to talk about it, and some students began to boo: "Yeah?! ?It’s really exciting. "?

" Clinton said to Lewinsky. "Mary answered expressionlessly.?

The whole class fell into chaos. Some students shouted at Furuta: "You piece of shit, if you dare to speak again, I will kill you." "?

"What Gary Condit said to Levi in ??2001. (Note: Levy was a White House intern who was murdered in Washington in 2001. Her ex-boyfriend, Democrat Condit, was resisted arrest as a suspect)?

The professor was so angry that he could not speak. After a while, he strode out the door. When he reached the door, he gave everyone a cold look: "I will be back."?

"Arnold Schwart Singer said it," Bob finally interjected. ?

Gu Tian spread his hands in grievance: "I didn't do anything bad, why is this happening?"?

"Leslie Cheung said that." Li Xiaoli replied with an expression of admiration?

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All the students gathered in a circle, and Tom was a little dejected: "Damn, we're done."?

"Hitler said that." Ikhanova replied immediately.

?

A student said: "We are in big trouble this time." ?

"In 2002, Arthur Anderson said it." Jane replied. ?

(Note: Arthur Anderson, Arthur Andersen, one of the five largest accounting firms in the United States, went bankrupt in 2002 due to the Enron scandal)?

Wright Sighing: "Today will be a very meaningful day."?

"Ben.**** said it." Chris was finally proud that he could name a name. ?

"This is by no means my proudest day." Gutian said ashamedly. ?

"Tony Blair said it." I don't know who is answering. ?

At this time, the principal and the professor came in together. His face was ashen and he said almost word for word: "You have to pay the price for this!"?

"Stalin said "The whole class answered in unison

1 Question: If you see Meng Po soup at Naihe Bridge after death, what would you say?

A: Don’t let me forget my relatives, okay?

B: No coriander or chopped green onion, thank you! 2

The teacher asked Xiao Ming: "Is there any way to protect the environment and stop deforestation of trees?"

Xiao Ming replied: "One less paper will be issued every day, and there will be no business if there is no business." "No killing." 3?

The chef in the cafeteria must have been heartbroken, because I found that the newly changed menu has a unique scenery:

Ecstasy lotus root slices, heartbroken cucumbers, and chubby salad. Skin, lentils of remembrance, shredded shredded tofu, innocent musu meat.

4

I am playing checkers with my 5-year-old daughter. The phone rang. When I looked at the number, I saw it was my friend Lao Hou, so I said hello: "Hello, Brother Hou!" and we started chatting enthusiastically.

At this time, my daughter ran over and stared at me with eyes full of reverence without saying a word.

After I finished chatting with Lao Hou, I put down the phone and asked my daughter: "What's wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like this?"

My daughter asked in a low voice: "Dad, how are you and Sun Wukong?" Do you know me?" 5

Why did I put my phone in airplane mode and still break it after throwing it down the stairs?

Answer: Because you did not adjust to landing mode when the phone was grounded. 6

The captain flattered the new stewardess: "Ask each other, if you don't know it, you give me $5; if I don't know it, I'll give you $100."

The stewardess said : "Okay."

The captain asked: "What is the cruising speed of the 747?"

The flight attendant lost $5.

It was the flight attendant's turn to ask: "What is it with 3 eyes, 6 noses, 9 legs and a tail?"

The captain gave the flight attendant $100.

The captain asked unconvinced: "What is the answer?"

The stewardess gave the captain another $5.

7

I was on a date with my boyfriend today, and he sent me a text message: "I'll be there in 5 minutes. If I haven't arrived, please read this text message again..."

8

A certain science student cursed: "You are simply the solution set of X+2>4!" It took him a long time to figure out that the answer is "two to positive infinity"?

On September 9, Xiao Zhen’s mother saw Xiao Zhen’s father rummaging through boxes and cabinets looking for something.

She asked Xiao Zhen, “What is your father looking for?”

Xiaozhen said doubtfully: "I don't know, maybe I'm looking for you, or maybe I'm looking for grandma."

My mother was puzzled.

Xiao Zhen continued: "Because he was talking about grandma while looking for it. It's so damn hard to find." 10. Everyone in IT knows that working overtime every day, staying up late is normal, and there is no possibility of double breaks. . One weekend, everyone had been busy together all morning. At around eleven o'clock, a colleague suddenly got up and rushed out without saying a word. He said: You guys are busy, I will go out to get married and come back. . . 11A young man sat at the door of the Bird's Nest, looking depressed.

The police came over and asked: "Didn't you buy a ticket for the 30th anniversary of the Rolling Stones today?" The young man took out two tickets. The policeman was surprised and asked him why he didn't go in.

The young man said: "I originally wanted to make an appointment with the girl I had a crush on and call her.

The girl asked what kind of concert it was, but as soon as I said ‘get out’, my phone died? ” 12 The boss asked me: “Can you come to work this Saturday?” I know you love to have fun on weekends, but we really need you here. ”

“Okay, no problem. But as you know, the public transportation is so bad on weekends, so you might have to arrive a little late. "

"Well, when did you say you could come? "

"Monday. ” 13

The husband asked: What should I do if I have an affair?

The wife smiled sweetly: I am very gentle. I will cripple you at most, but not to death!

The husband said movedly: You are so kind!

The wife smiled and said: If we can’t be husband and wife, we can still be sisters!

14

Someone The dating website has a test question: If a poor guy pretends to be rich and falls in love with you, how will you react when you find out? 90% of the candidates: Resolutely cut off the relationship. Honesty is one of the most important qualities.

A month later, the website asked another question: If a rich man pretends to be a poor man and is in love with you, how will you react when you find out? 90% of the candidates: Continue to date, I love him, It’s not his money.

15 Xiao Ming’s father beat him twice yesterday. The first time, Xiao Ming was beaten when his father saw him holding a test paper with only 20 points on it. After he finished the beating, Xiao Ming’s father discovered that the paper was from when he was a child, so he beat Xiao Ming severely again...

16 One day, a friend went to the supermarket, and when he came home Encountered a robbery with a knife on the road, he calmly looked at the knife in the young man's hand and took out the 42 cm long watermelon knife he just bought from his bag...

My friend said that he has never forgotten that moment. The young man's expression when he saw the watermelon knife...

17 A classmate wrote in an exam: There is always love in thousands of mountains and rivers, can you give me some points?

Teacher who corrected the test. I read it and replied to him: There is love in the world, and giving 0 points is also love.

A classmate in dormitory 18 went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his phone while playing with it.

< p>Then, he went back to get a pair of chopsticks and was about to take them out.

Seeing this, the man asked with concern: "Brother, I haven’t eaten yet.”

19Q: What is the most self-deceptive thing in the world?

Answer: In the first step of website registration, I have read and agreed to accept the above terms.< /p>

20 I remember this year’s Lantern Festival, someone posted a picture.

There are six glutinous rice balls in the bowl, which read: wealth, happiness, success, wishful thinking, health, and happiness.

p>

It’s a pity that such a good thing was ruined. 22 You were walking on the road, and a bitch pounced on you and bit a piece of meat from your foot.

Swallow it quickly.

When you stretched out your foot to kick it,

the dog said with tears: Go ahead and hit it, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly! 23 I dreamed of God yesterday and said he could grant me a wish.

I took out the globe and asked for world peace. He said it was too difficult to change.

I took out your photo. He said, "I want this person to become beautiful." He thought for a moment and said, "Let me take a look at the globe. ”

24 On Women’s Day, my daughter came home, pulled her father to sit on the sofa, turned on the TV, and then said to her mother: “Mom, today is my father’s holiday, you cook!” "

My mother was surprised: "Whose holiday is it? "

"Me and dad! Father and Daughter's Day! "My daughter announced loudly. Girl 29: "The happiest moment of the day is when you ride your bicycle and take me to the corner of the street to eat braised pork rice after get off work. "

Male: "Tell the truth. ”

Female: “You take me on a bicycle to eat braised pork rice.” "

Male: "Tell the truth. "

Female: "Braised pork rice..." 30

The company has hired a new group of employees, and there is a test for job placement. There is only one question: 1+1=?

The answer from the Human Resources Department is as follows:

If the answer is equal to 2, go to the technical department,

If the answer is greater than 2, go to the sales department,

Answer Those with less than 2 will go to the finance department.

Those who answer nothing will go to the office.

Those who say they got SB on this question will not be hired.

31?

Question: Looking for a costume TV series. The plot is that the male protagonist fell into a cave, ate mushrooms and became very powerful in martial arts!

Some people say it is "The Golden Sword and the Eagle Feather", and some people say it is "The Legend of the Condor Heroes".

The last person answered: Super Mario! 32

For physical examination in the morning, blood needs to be drawn.

The nurse who gave me the first injection said I was too fat and couldn’t find the blood vessels.

The nurse who gave the second injection said that my skin was too thick and the injection could not penetrate.

The nurse who gave the third injection said that the first two nurses were new. 33?

When my brother was two years old, I was eight years old. Play games with him at home.

I said: "Let's play the game of picking mushrooms. I will dress up as a mushroom and you will pick it." My brother happily agreed.

So I put on a quilt and wrapped myself into a big mushroom. My younger brother came over and stamped on my head. 34

The results of the college entrance examination came out, and the teacher took a deep breath and said to me: "Actually, not passing the exam is a blessing to you and the university." 40 My classmate and her friend went to eat pizza. When the classmate was paying,

as soon as the money was given to the waiter, a boy suddenly called me, come, come, I will come,

and then snatched the 100 yuan from the waiter's hand,< /p>

Put it into your wallet, and then take out 100 yuan from your wallet to pay the bill.

The whole movement was so smooth, leaving a row of girls behind petrified.

One day on the 40th, three people were sent to the funeral parlor. Strangely enough, their smiles after death were all ^_^...? The funeral parlor manager asked pol.ice in confusion: Why? Their faces after death will be ^_^? ?pol.ice said: This... it's a long story... Look at the person on the left... He was spending spring night with his wife in ***... ..At the most passionate moment... couldn't bear it... and died? The administrator replied: Alas... I would like to die under the flowers... be a ghost. Ye Fengliu... Then how did the one in the middle die? ?pol.ice: That one in the middle... He... What a tragedy... He was walking on the road... Suddenly he heard that he had won the jackpot. .....The prize is more than 700 million...? When he laughed happily...but he was hit by an oncoming car...As a result...he died The administrator replied: Alas...he is really not lucky enough to enjoy this glorious and wealthy life for the rest of his life...What about the remaining one? ?pol.ice: ...This one's death is a bit pitiful... He was struck to death by lightning while climbing a tree? The administrator replied: ... This is a bit wrong. Why is he still smiling after being struck by lightning...? Pol.ice said: Because after he climbed the tree, he thought... there was a sudden flash of lightning...? He Think... someone took a picture of him...? 41 One day when I was in school, I received a phone call. After receiving the call, my classmate handed it to me and said, "Your mother is looking for you." I picked up the phone. He casually said: "Male and female"? Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for 4 years...?

49

1. Red Mansion: Mostly women; Water Margin: Mostly men;

Journey to the West: The Great Some are not humans; Three Kingdoms: Most are all humans.

2. The Red Mansion: The girl is thick-skinned; Water Margin: The court is thick-skinned;

Three Kingdoms: The military advisor is thick-skinned; Journey to the West: The gods are thick-skinned.

3. ?Journey to the West: Brother Monkey, save me?; Red Mansion: Sister, save me;

Water Margin: Uncle, save me; Three Kingdoms: Military Advisor, save me! !

50

A teacher said to the students: "Any students who think they are stupid please stand up."

After everyone was silent for a few minutes, a The boy stood up slowly.

The teacher said: "Why do you think you are stupid?"

The boy replied: "No, teacher, I can't bear you standing alone..."< /p>

51 My sister enrolled her six-year-old son in many weekend classes.

The day before yesterday, my nephew didn’t want to go, so he cried and said to me: “Auntie, I feel like my life is just a pants.

"

I asked: "Why? ”

He said: “I have to catch up on whatever my mother farts.” ”

52 Fill a large jar with Coke and put a white mouse into the jar. The mouse will die after a while.

Experts believe that there is an ingredient in Coke It can poison mice to death, but what are its ingredients? Is it harmful to people’s health after drinking it?

After three years of careful research, a lot of manpower, material and financial resources were spent, and hundreds of experiments were carried out. After many times of verification and discussion, we finally came to the conclusion:

Too much Coke drowned the mouse!