Red dust assassin joke

1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!

2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

Someone farted on the bus. A coquettish woman spat, "bah-bah-bah-". A man said, what, you spit out your shell after eating fart? !

One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?

5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city, but she didn't meet it for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead, where is the mother toilet?

6. Freshmen on campus: students who repeat grades are called "international students", those who have money at home are called "rich students", and those who doze off in class are called "poor students".

7. An American called Bush a stupid pig in front of the White House, and was immediately arrested for revealing state secrets.

The thief stole a chicken and plucked its hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: This chicken is swimming, and I help it look after its clothes.

9. The tortoise said to the mouse, "I work in a five-star hotel!" "Nonsense" "Really, they made soup from my bath water just now."

10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

1 1. A leader made a report: "Now men and women are equal, lesbians stand up ..." All the lesbians present stood up and waited for instructions. The leader turned over a page, which read: "Le"

12. A wife searches her husband thoroughly every day to see if she can find a woman's hair. One day, I searched for nothing for a long time, but I scolded: Now you even want a nun!

13. The teacher visited the home and asked the students: Is your family happy? The student proudly replied: happiness! Father came over and slapped him in the face. "Boy, who let you change your surname!" "

14. A heavy smoker goes to space to experience life. He brought 50 kilograms of cigarettes. A year later, I returned to earth with a yellow face and said indignantly, damn it, I forgot to bring my lighter.

15. Sorry, my chicken ate your vegetables. It's nothing. My dog has eaten your chicken. No wonder I found chicken bones in the dog's stomach.

16. A man stormed into a unit and shouted: Is this the Animal Protection Association? Staff: Yes, who bullied you?

17. A young woman took her child to a restaurant for dinner and lifted her skirt in public to feed her child. A waiter came over and pointed to the notice on the wall and said, I'm sorry, we are forbidden to eat food that is not served in this restaurant.

18. Xiaoming: Dad, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widow. What should the queen call herself? Father: silly child, of course the queen is called a widow!

19. Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned man sitting in the electric chair: Do you have any other requirements? Death row: I just hope you can hold my hand during the execution and make me feel better.

20. Two drunks were walking on the track, and one of them complained, "Why isn't this staircase finished yet?" . The other snorted and said, "Its armrest is still so bottom."

Xiaoli: Mom, Xiao Qiang wants me to marry her today! Mom casually asked: Does he have a regular job? Xiaoli thought about it and said, he is responsible for cleaning the blackboard in our class!

22. Melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, no charge if it is not sweet!" Hungry passerby: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one. "

23. Priest: Which one of you happened to have a birthday today? Tom raised his hand happily. Priest: Good. Please blow out these candles after the service!

24. During the Gulf War, an old submarine floated on the coast, and an old man with white hair climbed out and asked: Is the war over? Others said: still play! The old man sighed: Damn Hitler!

25. Wife: You used to send me roses. Why don't you send me some now? The husband replied, have you ever seen a fisherman feed him bait after catching a fish?

26. the patient escaped from the operating room and went to the dean: the nurse said don't be afraid, calm down, the operation is very simple. Dean: Right? Patient: But she said this to the doctor.

Khrushchev visited the farm, and the reporter took a photo of him in a pigsty with pigs. The next day, I saw a postscript in the newspaper: the third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.

28. A law school exam: "What is the punishment for bigamy?" Answer: "Two mother-in-law."

29. Two middle-aged Americans limped into each other in the street. One of them is very excited: friend, Vietnam, 1969! The other pointed behind him: friend, banana peel, 20 feet!

30. Wife: "Hey! How can a housewife always have endless housework? " Husband: "Impossible! You don't agree with me to marry two. "

3 1. Woman: Why do you look so old-fashioned? M: If you like RMB, do you still care what year it was issued?

32. Professor of Philosophy: A fool's question 10 can't be answered by a wise man. Student: No wonder I failed the exam.

33. The victims were floating on the sea. He asked his companion, how far are we from the land? About 3 kilometers! 3 kilometers! Which way? Down there!

34. A Dai failed in the exam, so he sent a telegram to his brother to prepare his father psychologically. After a while, my brother called back: Dad is ready. Now please be prepared.

35. A fat woman said to her husband: What worries me is not my weight, but my height. According to the ratio of weight to height, I should be 2.5 meters.

36. Son: Dad, why did God create men first and then women? Father: Maybe he doesn't want a woman to nag him about making men!

Tom went to his girlfriend Mary's house to look for her, and Mary's brother came out angrily. "Damn guy, why do you always come to my sister? Don't you have it yourself? "

38. "I learned to swim after only using your lifebuoy once." "Thank you for your compliment." "You are so modest. This lifebuoy ran out of air at the sight of water, so I had to swim hard. "