Selected long jokes

On the internet, there are countless paragraphs, which are deeply loved and sought after by netizens. I wonder which long jokes you have read. The following is a selection of long jokes I compiled for you. I hope you like them.

Excerpts from long jokes

1. Our teacher said that it is too naive for you to fall in love at your age. If you really like someone, do a math problem every time you miss her. When you finish one, show it to her and tell her that it's all proof that I like you. So, I did, did two questions, and found that I didn't like her anymore.

2. My brother in the lower berth is introverted and asked me one day. How should I get along with my roommate? Me:? You buy a bag of paper and put it on the table! ?

3. invigilator, it is unnatural to see a young man. I looked at the book on my leg and said, classmate, this course is open. You can take the book to the table. He said:? It doesn't feel like an exam! ?

4. A classmate, surnamed Shi, doesn't study hard and always makes trouble. Teacher:? Are you excited? ? He:? My name is not Dung, my name is Shi. ?

5. A classmate can sleep especially. One morning while reading a book, he was sleeping when the teacher came over and slapped him directly! ? Dad? ! The noise was so loud that the teacher taught him a lesson. After the teacher left, he shook his head and asked me, What's the matter? I said:? The teacher caught you sleeping and slapped you. You asked me what happened. ? He said:? She slapped me? Me:? She didn't slap you. How did you wake up? He said something that almost thundered me to death: I heard a bang and scared me. I woke up! ?

6. I met a friend today and said to him politely: invite you to dinner another day! ? As soon as the voice fell, he took out his mobile phone and said, what day? Let me make a record. ?

7. I went to a restaurant with a brother. I just sat down in the restaurant. Brother: How big is the boss's frog lung? Boss: Hello, we don't sell frog lungs. Brother: I mean frog lung ~ Boss: Sorry, we don't have frog lung. Do you think it's okay to fry frogs? Brother: I mean WiFi where wireless prevails. Me: Boss, I don't eat this person. I don't know him.

8. Buy socks and ask the boss: How many pairs? Boss: Two pairs. I said, how much is it? Boss: They are sold in pairs. I clenched my fist: I mean the price! Boss: The price is absolutely reasonable! I trembled and said: I said RMB! Boss: It must be RMB! This is made in China! Boy! At this time, I felt extremely collapsed inside: I ask again: what is the price? Boss: I told you, this is the market price! Whether to buy or not, you have been complaining for a long time! ? I see clearly, you're fucking looking for trouble! Brothers, let's go.

9. Korean stars took a shit, and Ta's brain powder was eaten together. Passerby: That's disgusting. Brain powder A: How dare you say this shit is disgusting? You can pull it. Brain powder b: if you can't pull it out yourself, it will make others sick. You are obviously jealous of others. Brain powder C: You didn't see how seriously I pulled XX, and you didn't understand the effort behind him. Brain powder D: Why curse? You don't know anything about Ta. You can know what Ta ate yesterday from this shit. Passerby: I mean, your food is disgusting!

10. I was at work and received a WeChat message from my supervisor. I am in the toilet now, and there is no paper. Who will help me? As soon as I saw the opportunity to make contributions, I immediately put down my work and ran for credit. When I arrived at the door of the toilet, I saw the supervisor standing there and saw me coming. Hey, hey, smile: you play mobile phone at work, and your bonus is gone this month.

1 1. The employment survey of college students has been released. The top five incomes are construction, safety engineering, geological engineering, machinery and electronics, nursing and so on. The top five probably translate into: moving bricks, security, coal mining, network management and nanny.

12. Seriously, there are not many friends. One or two sincere friends are enough. Life and death friends are more realistic than many casual friends. The most important thing is that you can give a lot less red envelopes when you get married.

13. The only original chicken stood up: I didn't take it personally, I meant everyone present. It paused and went on? It's all spicy chicken garbage. ?

14. Go out for dinner with my wife. After eating, I found that neither of them had any money. So I had an idea and said to the waiter, well, waiter, I don't have any money with me. My wife is sitting here. I'll go back and get the money, okay? After hearing this, the waiter took a look at my wife and said slowly, your bet is a little insufficient ~

15. China people, Americans and Jews drink together. Three flies flew into their drinks. Americans drank an important drink, but China ignored it and drank it. The Jew caught the fly and shouted, spit it out, spit out your drink! ?

16. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, she hoped to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: Please pay attention to the order. ?

17. Once my best friend drank too much and accidentally rushed into the men's room. In front of the panicked face, the goods pretended to be calm and shouted: What are you afraid of? I didn't bring my ruler ~?

18. Guess what? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of KTV! Do you know what KTV is? Then k stands for you, t stands for you, and finally I'll make a V gesture!

19. There are 23 pairs of human chromosomes. One day, the old man who taught biology asked slowly: Students, how many chromosomes are right? ? Some idiot in the corner loudly replied:? 64 right! ? The old man nodded calmly and seriously. So, now tell me, what's the purpose of your coming to earth?

20. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, You protect the scene, and I'll call the police! ?

Appreciate long jokes and jokes

1. Two drunks were driving at a gallop. A:? Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. ? b:？ What? Don't you drive?

2. A farmer's daughter is so ugly that he has to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

3.？ I like to get to the bottom of things since I was a child. My wish is to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of the newspaper. What about you? I like playing since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. ?

Go home at night and hear crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. What's the matter, miss? I was violated by a pervert! ? Me:? Are you okay? Miss a:? He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go. Then why are you crying? Miss a:? Because? That pervert actually said, what bad luck, he actually got a man. ?

5. A gecko strayed into the crocodile pond. When he died, the gecko used his quick wits and hugged the crocodile and shouted:? Mom! ? The crocodile was shocked and immediately burst into tears: Son, you are so thin, don't go to work again! Let's have a rest during the holiday. ?

6. A policeman went to Thailand to handle a case and called a young lady at night. After making love several times, the young lady has been touching the policeman's penis in his arms. The policeman asked comfortably. Do you want to come again? Miss dim:? No, I just miss it. I used to have one, too?

7. Today, I told my daughter-in-law: Scientists say that men who do housework are prone to dementia. ? Then my daughter-in-law said: Hum, men who don't do housework die easily! ? Me.

8. My girlfriend asked me: Are you bothering me? I smiled and said, I won't bother you even if I bother the whole world. ? Girlfriend: Dare you say that you are not bored? Didn't you say I was your world?

9. I was born in a scholarly family, and my family education was very strict. Even the details of my life are strictly regulated, so I must conform to the etiquette. For example, when I was a child, my father always admonished me: don't shake your legs when smoking! ?

10. I quarreled with my girlfriend today. I said rudely: Are you really ashamed to be so lazy? She also showed no weakness: Why don't you look at yourself? What man can't do anything like you? Since you think I'm bad and I think you're bad, let's just ... ? I smoked a cigarette and sighed. Let's stay together forever, and don't go there again. ?

1 1. On the radio, a girl said, I am a girl, and I especially respect our manager. He used to take care of me when I was drunk and sat all night, so I wanted to order a song for him. ? What song? What a nice man. ?

12. I quarreled with my boyfriend and said angrily, son of a bitch, are you there? I want to see you. Boyfriend: Can't you be gentle? Me: Tortoise, are you there?

13. A sister paper said something to explain to me what a surprise is! She said:? /kloc-I'm pregnant in 0/0, and I'm afraid every day. I didn't expect the baby to be a boyfriend after birth. I am surprised and happy! ?

14.I: Honey, have you ever been cheated? Husband:? Yes, before we get married, you tell me why I can't eat fat. Hey, now look at your figure! ?

15. My wife has a twin sister. I heard that twins are telepathic! One day I asked my wife: Did your sister feel anything when we had sex? My wife looked up at me and said, you little thing, I can't feel it. Can my sister feel it?

16. Husband is going to work, wife:? I just know that I can go to work every day, so can I accompany you? ? Husband:? I want to make money! ? Wife:? Ok, ok, go to work, I don't know who this class is. What a bitch! She pays me back every day! ?

17. Wife: I will be angry if you don't wash your feet! The husband looked away from the computer screen reluctantly and said to his wife, don't be angry in the future, just have a baby.

18. Recently, there is a popular saying on the Internet that Ma Yun is the richest man, with15 billion people in the country and1300 million people in our province. He gave each of us/kloc-0.00 billion people, so we are all billionaires, and he still has/kloc-0.00 billion people. This sentence deeply touched me.

19. I took a taxi to my friend's house and dozed off for a while on the way. Originally, the journey from 30 yuan was rounded off by the driver to 80 yuan! I said bravely: Brother, this is 100, keep the change! ? The driver looked around the car and said, where's the money? Where did you put it? I got off the bus and shouted at the driver as I ran. I told you not to look, you won't find it! ?

20. During the exam, the invigilator took the menstrual towel of 2cm underwear leaked from the same table as a cheat sheet and pulled it out on the spot?

Long jokes and jokes collection

1. Two days ago, my security door was broken. Call the manufacturer. After half an hour, the technicians couldn't open it either. Helpless, we can only call 1 10 to call the police. The police came with a thief who had just been caught and said, Hurry up, you have ten minutes. I'm still in a hurry to get off work ? The thief looked at the lock. No, only five minutes. ? After a while, Kaka, the door opened. Seeing the technicians in the factory look ugly!

The retired couple felt very lonely sitting at home, so they decided to call a young couple they knew to see what they were doing. After a while, the wife put down the phone and said, people are chatting over drinks, so let's do the same. ? The husband said, OK, let's make a pot of coffee. ? Soon, they made coffee, sat down and stared at each other. The husband said, call again and see what they are talking about. ?

I have a 6-year-old cousin at home. Super precocious, saved a lot of private money. Yesterday was her father's birthday. I knocked on her father's door early in the morning and said seriously, "I heard them say today is your birthday." I have nothing for you. I will give you 100 yuan to buy my birthday cake! " Her father froze for three seconds, and was moved to tears, saying that your mother only gave me 10 yuan once. Now showing off everywhere is really his own daughter!

The school will hold a parent-teacher conference. Xiaoming failed in the exam for fear that his father would hit him. After thinking hard, he quickly made a sign and came to the labor market. The sign reads: Parents will recruit temporary dad, and the price is negotiable!

Liu Zongyuan met Li Bai in prison and asked him why he came in. Li said: For the crime of spreading rumors, it is thousands of feet who is completely at a loss. Not that long, is it? . Liu said, you are the same. I said, there are no birds in the mountains. Someone reported that there is another one in the tree? . Just as he sighed, Du Mu came in. Everyone asks, how did you get in? Du Mu said:? Alas, suspected of whoring. ? Everyone said with one voice:? Will you stop and fall in love with LAM Raymond Night? ?

6. One day, a young man asked the master: Master, I am thirty years old and haven't found a girlfriend yet. Can you tell me why? The master didn't speak, so he took out a lotus root and took a bite. Youth: Oh, I see, you want me to be more careful! Master: Take care of your sister. Come on, repeat after me. Eat the ugly lotus root!

7. I remember my wife called last weekend and said, Buy yourself more delicious food outside, and don't treat yourself badly. ? I said:? Honey, don't worry, I will take care of myself. Don't worry about me. ? My heart is bitter: You have a salary card. You don't know how much you give me a month. What do you want me to buy and eat? ?

8. I opened a box to watch a movie in the Internet cafe last night, and bought a bottle of nutrition express drink and put it next to it. When I was drinking, I saw a punch line and couldn't help spraying it on the screen above the computer. I was wiping it with a paper towel when the door suddenly opened. I will never forget the eyes of the stationmaster at that time!

9. My surname is Nie. I just went to the airport to meet a client. After the meeting, the customer warmly greeted me and shook hands: hello, Mr. Nie! Hello! Then his secretary looked at me strangely? Your sister! You're the asshole! Your whole family are assholes!

10. In junior high school, there was a buddy who was very naughty. He was often punished by the head teacher and kicked his ass, but this guy didn't say a word. We asked him if he was okay, and they all said, "Nothing, it doesn't hurt. Anyway, it is his father! " We always thought he had backbone! ? Until we went to the toilet together, he took off his underwear and took out a photo behind his ass. I was shocked! I wonder how he did it. It's really the head teacher's father in the photo!

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