Make a friend laugh, joke. Super funny

1. A person invited a guest to tea, and because there was no tea, he went to a neighbor's house to borrow it. For a long time, the neighbors didn't send it, and the water was boiled, so I didn't bring it. No choice but to continue to add cold water to the pot. After a long time, the pot was full of water, and finally the tea was not delivered. The wife said to her husband, "You can't drink tea. Let him take a bath."

When I joined the league at school, it was just me and a girl. When our Communist Youth League Secretary presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation, "Today is a big day for two students ..." The rest of the students laughed their heads off. I think this is the first time in my life to get married, and the scene is very festive, ha ~ ~ ~.

4. Late one night, a man walked into the dentist's office and said, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I am a moth. "

Dentist: "You shouldn't go to the dentist. You need to see a psychiatrist. "

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "Then why are you still here?"

Man: "The light is on here."

1, Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! "

2. The first time a person sells popsicles in the market, he is embarrassed to sell them. A man next to him was shouting "selling popsicles", so he had to shout "me too."

4. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "

Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

6. Two drunks were driving wildly. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

7. A customer angrily ran into the tailor's shop and pointed to the fashion designed by the shopkeeper for him, saying, "I was standing on the street corner yawning, and two people put letters in my mouth!"

8. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

9. China, Americans and Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. Americans drank an important drink, but China ignored it and drank it. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, spit it out! Spit out your drink!

10, there is an orangutan in the zoo, which is extremely ugly. One day I went to see it and I threw up. You went to see it, and the gorilla vomited ... I was bored. Why is the difference between people so big?

1 1. A farmer went to a car sales center and saw him take out 2000 yuan and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santana." The salesman was surprised: "You don't have enough money!" The farmer is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "oh ... then go out and turn right." That company's Mercedes is only 600! " "

12. One day, a man came home from work and said to his wife, Dear, I have a new secretary. Guess what happened! Her bra is actually red and white, which is the color of my favorite football team. Of course it's no big deal, but it really feels good. "

The next day, when they came home, his wife asked, "How was today?"

The man said, "Great! Not only her bra is red and white, but also her underwear. You know it's no big deal, but I really feel good. "

After returning home on the third day, the husband asked his wife, "Dear, is there anything in your company today?"

She replied, "Nothing special. Just a new boss. His things are two inches longer than yours. Of course, it's no big deal, but I really feel very good. "

13, a gentleman went to test his driver's license. During the oral examination, the examiner asked, "You saw a dog and a man in front of the car. Did you run over the dog or the man?"

Without thinking, the gentleman replied, "Of course, he ran over the dog."

The examiner shook his head and said, "Come back next time."

The gentleman is not convinced: "I don't run over dogs, do I run over people?"

The examiner reprimanded loudly: "You should brake."

14, the class is undergoing vision training.

A clever recruit was called out by the monitor to count the diggers in the distant wilderness. Those people looked small, but the recruits answered without hesitation: 16 soldiers and a sergeant, sir.

Correct, but how did you know there was a sergeant there?

He doesn't work, sir.

15, something's wrong

"Who likes music, take three steps forward!" The monitor gave the order.

Six soldiers came out.

"Good. Now please take this piano to the conference hall on the third floor."

16, one day, Xiaozhen's mother saw Xiaozhen's father rummaging through things and asked Xiaozhen, "What is your father looking for?"

Xiaozhen said doubtfully, "I don't know, maybe it's for you or grandma."

Mom doesn't understand ~

Xiaozhen went on to say, "because he said grandma's while looking, it's really fucking hard to find."

17, teacher: "There is something covered with beautiful feathers to remind you to get up early every morning. What is it? " Child: "It's a feather duster!" " "

18, Zhang San and Li Si are doormen. Zhang San is on duty at noon, and Li Si takes the place of eating. Zhang San suddenly said, wait a minute, I have diarrhea! Li Si answered: Then pull it quickly, and I can eat it when I finish.

19, husband: "Why did you give that beggar so much money at once? He is pretending to be blind! "

Wife: "Didn't you hear him say to me,' Beautiful and kind lady ...'"

Husband: "It seems that he is really blind!" " "

20. Several scientists are having a meeting together. Someone asked, 1 1 times 1 1 how much is it? American scientists can't wait to put out their feet. China scientists immediately answered 12 1. American scientists immediately severely criticized: How can mathematics be fooled? Science is a very serious topic. Then I took out my calculator and pressed it for a long time. It really is 12 1. I can't help wondering: damn, you are really accurate.

2 1, a boy pursues a girl, and the girl is not interested in him and tells him the truth many times, but the boy

But still stubborn.

One day, the girl couldn't help it. Under the boy's repeated pestering, she suddenly turned around and said angrily:

"What do you like about me? Can't I change it? "

Roll call after class, 50 points will be deducted if you don't get the final grade! When I saw a brother, I jumped over inexplicably, and he shouted, "Teacher, you are beside the point!" " "

The old teacher over sixty lowered his head and said, "No ~"

22. I can't wake up ~

The teacher said, "Let's call it a day ..."

Wake up ~

1, Dad: "Why don't you quit smoking at a young age?"

Son: "You have been smoking for decades, why don't you quit?"

Dad: "I am old. It doesn't matter whether I quit or not. "

Son: "I'm still young, and it's not too late to quit later."

After dinner, the father asked his son, "Did the teacher leave homework today?"

The son replied, "Yes."

Dad sighed and said, "Alas, it's time to wash the dishes again."

At the reception, a woman asked the man next to her, "Who is that ugly guy across the street?"

"It's my brother." The man replied.

The woman said, "I'm sorry, you look so alike." Why didn't I see it? "

4. A young man tried to tell his beloved girl.

"Although I am not as rich as Bill; Although I don't have the luxury car owned by Bill; Although I can't buy you beautiful diamonds and pearls like Bill. But I love you. "

The girl said, "Is Bill married?"