Interpersonal communication, distance creates beauty

Biologists once conducted an experiment: on a winter day, a dozen hedgehogs were placed in an outdoor open space. These hedgehogs were shivering from the cold and leaned closely together to keep warm. After getting closer, the long thorns on their bodies stung their companions again, and they soon separated. But the cold forced them to gather together again, and the pain forced them to separate again. After doing this many times, they finally found the best position - maintaining a distance that could endure the slightest pain while maximizing warmth and cold protection. In fact, the same is true between people. Whether it is parents and children, couples, or relatives and friends, good communication requires maintaining an appropriate distance. Only then will each other feel safe and comfortable, and a good relationship will last.

I often hear words like this: "You didn't even tell me this, do you still think I'm your friend?" "My parents are doing it for your own good, there's nothing I can't see (said)" "I'm your wife, what's wrong with looking at your phone?"... People are like this. They feel that the relationship between two people has reached a point where they can talk about everything, and they can naturally infiltrate their own opinions and actions into the other person's life. They think this is a way of "I care about you" and "I value you". This kind of words and deeds that ignore the safe distance between each other is often the beginning of the outbreak of conflicts. No matter how close you are to someone, you must be aware that no matter how good your relationship is, you must keep a distance and give each other some private space, and don't be too self-conscious about restricting each other's behavior and thoughts.

As the saying goes: distance creates beauty. But once people are far apart, the relationship will fade; if they get too close, they will hurt each other just like hedgehogs. The distance that produces beauty is only suitable, not optimal. Different relationships require different distances. Just like in a basketball game, offense and defense are the same. When an offensive player dribbles the ball, each player has the right to own his position on the ground and the space above him (cylinder). The defensive player can enter the cylinder at will, that is Personal foul. Some experts pointed out that if the distance between the earth and the sun is 1% closer, the earth will be an eternal "flaming mountain"; if the distance between the earth and the sun is 3% further away, the earth will be an eternal "Guanghan Palace". Not too far, not too close, just right, is the right distance to produce beauty. People get along with each other, just like the earth and the sun. Only by maintaining a moderate distance can a permanent balance be maintained.

Get along with your partner and give them freedom and respect. It took a hundred years to cultivate in the same boat, and it took a thousand years to cultivate to sleep on the same pillow. No matter how intimate and intimate the couple is, they still have to leave some space for each other, just like wooden floors. When paving, expansion joints must be left out. If the joints are too tight, it will easily become baggy. Couples in love are all sweet, wishing they could stick together 24 hours a day, hello, me, hello, everyone. But over time, honey may turn into arsenic if it gets tired. But after you get married and start a family, you have more responsibilities on your shoulders. There are seven things to do when opening the door, firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar, tea, and trivial matters one after another. I hope that the other person will help out a little more and be responsible for the other person's time outside the family. You will pay special attention to your behavior. Sometimes interrogating your activity track, checking your mobile phone, etc. will make the other party unhappy and cause disputes. The partner you spend your whole life with is someone who is closer than your parents, but he or she will not tolerate you unconditionally like your parents, so you must give the other party appropriate freedom and respect. Bernard Shaw said: "Home is the only place in the world that hides human shortcomings and failures. It also hides sweet love." The relationship between husband and wife is like flying a kite. The string of the kite is the relationship between two people. If the relationship is deep, you dare to fly the kite high and far. If you hold the string too tight, you will not be able to fly the kite far. Put it high. Although it is important for couples to live together and be loyal to each other, they always need to leave some private space for each other to do their own things in order to keep the relationship fresh and long-lasting. Too close distance will make both parties feel suffocated.

Between parents and children, parents should learn to let go, and children should be grateful. Being a parent is the best thing in the world, and being a child is the best thing in the world. As a parent, the greatest comfort is that your child is happy and safe. Family is the first classroom in life, and parents are their children's first teachers. Family education involves many aspects, but the most important thing is moral education, which involves how to behave.

Nowadays, many parents are afraid that their children will suffer hardship. Since childhood, they have had food to open their mouths and clothes to stretch their hands. Education, it is very likely that children will be good-for-nothing giant babies, ungrateful white-eyed wolves, or ignorant old people who do not know how to make progress when they grow up. The stock god Warren Buffett once said: "Heaven does not provide for idlers. The best gift parents can give their children is to teach them the ability to survive." Zhou Guoping once said: "Children are only temporarily fostered with their parents. The day of farewell will inevitably come. You will miss them, but you cannot go with them. The children will surely go on their own path in life. You can bless them, but you cannot control them." As a parent, you must learn to let go. When your children are young, you must dare to let go and let your children do things within their capabilities. Even if they fail, there will be no harm. Do not raise your children like flowers in the greenhouse in the name of loving your children. You must listen to everything when and what you do. Parents' arrangements include peeking into children's diaries and checking children's mobile phones. They cannot do this or that and require children to grow up completely according to their own requirements. When it comes to children's education, employment, marriage and family, we must give them the right to grow independently and design their own lives. When children become adults, do not interfere too much in their lives, otherwise conflicts will easily break out in the relationship between the two parties. Not happy.

Between friends, avoid being careless and demanding. Life is fast, true friends are hard to find, and true confidants are hard to make. True friends understand each other, respect each other, appreciate each other, and help each other. For real friends, there is no need to fawn over or be polite. When you come to your home, you can find a drink in the refrigerator by yourself. When you are sad, you will cry loudly without fear of embarrassment. When you are happy, you can gather together, drink and toast, eat, drink, have fun, and laugh. No worries about alienation. But this does not mean that good friends have no scruples when they are together and can do whatever they want. They must not ask for excessively and have no boundaries. Friends are not friends of interest. Helping you is a matter of affection, and not helping you is a duty. Don't be unscrupulous and unscrupulous just because your friends are good to you. Good friendships must be well maintained and carefully managed. No matter how good the relationship is, no matter how deep the friendship is, it will be consumed less once. Friends must remember to ask for nothing and be cautious about their sense of propriety. Only in this way can friendship become stronger and stronger over time.

In social interactions, you must have a sense of public morality and enhance your own quality and cultivation. Social activists recommend physical distances for people to interact with each other: within 15 centimeters in intimate relationships, 46-76 centimeters in personal distance, 120-210 centimeters in social distance, and 370-760 centimeters in public. Too close physical distance will make people nervous. Restlessness and anxiety. In real life, crowding on buses is objective, and people are more tolerant. However, when driving a vehicle to follow, overtake, or meet another vehicle, if the distance between the two vehicles is too close, traffic accidents will easily occur; more often than not, traffic accidents will occur between people. When communicating with each other, words and deeds that cross the line can easily cause conflicts or destroy harmonious relationships. We must strengthen our sense of public morality, do not do to others what we do not want others to do to us, improve our personal qualities, and maintain a good and comfortable social distance. There are some things you can only say to yourself, and there are some things you can only shoulder and bear. Everyone has things they want to say and don’t want to say, things they like and don’t like to do, and there are also minefields of sensitive points that cannot be touched. Therefore, in social interactions, do not ask questions that you should not ask, and do not do things that touch the other person’s bottom line. While understanding and caring about each other, you must also learn to be as polite and decent as a stranger. For example, if someone shows you a photo on your phone, please don’t flick it around and don’t touch other people’s things. If you want to use them, ask others for their opinions first. If they are lent to you, be sure to take good care of them. When traveling on a narrow road, one step is the best way to go; when you are drunk, it is best to leave one step behind. A philosopher once said that no one has the right to judge anyone. Everyone has the right to choose their own preferences, which has nothing to do with others. It is their own business to retain their own preferences and maintain a certain safe distance from them. It seems too much for others to make irresponsible remarks. However, we are always too fond of preconceptions and use our own prejudices to speculate and measure others. But in fact, we have no idea what experiences others have had and the pain in their hearts. Therefore, no matter how much weight your words have, don’t take them lightly.

Only by maintaining an appropriate distance and making everyone feel comfortable and safe can we create a good relationship and a good atmosphere.