Humorous stories in Western life

Mark Twain received a letter. It was written by a young man. He wanted to ask Mark Twain for tips on becoming a great writer. The letter said: "I heard that fish contains a lot of Phosphorus, and phosphorus is good for the brain. It seems that to become a great writer, you must eat a lot of fish, right? But I don’t know what kind of fish you eat and how much you eat?" Mark Twain wrote back: " It seems that you have to eat a whale." Mark Twain answered a reporter's question at a cocktail party: "Some members of Congress are ***." The reporter made his words public, and the Washington congressman made it public. We must ask Mark Twain to publish the truth in the newspaper and apologize. So, Mark Twain wrote this notice: "I once made a speech at a banquet and said that some members of Congress were communists. I have thought about it again and feel that this statement is inappropriate and untrue. Here is the report. Statement, modify my words to: Some members of Congress are not ***. By chance, Mark Twain and the orator Jonesy M. Debiao were invited to attend the same dinner, and Jonesy began to speak. · M. Debiao spoke with great emotion for 20 minutes, and then it was Mark Twain’s turn to speak. He stood up and said with embarrassment: “Everyone, really. Sorry, Mr. Johnsy M. Debiao asked me to exchange speech notes before the meeting, so what you just heard is my speech. I sincerely thank you for your careful listening and enthusiastic support. However, for some reason, I cannot find the transcript of Mr. Jonesy M. Debiao's speech, so I cannot speak for him. Please forgive me for sitting down. French celebrity Poquet made fun of the short history of Americans, saying: "When Americans have nothing to do, they often like to miss their ancestors, but when they think of their grandparents' generation, they have to stop." " Mark Twain responded: "When the French are fine, they always want to find out who their father is, but it is difficult to find out. When Mark Twain was still a little-known writer, he was introduced to General Grant. After the two shook hands, Mark Twain could not think of a word to say, and Grant remained silent as usual. Attitude. Finally, Mark Twain stammered: "General, I'm embarrassed, how about you? "Mark Twain went out to take a train. When the conductor checked his ticket, he rummaged through every pocket and could not find his ticket. It happened that the conductor knew him, so he comforted Mark Twain and said: "It doesn't matter, if you If you really can’t find a ticket, that doesn’t matter. "Ahem!" Why don't you get in the way? I have to find that damn ticket. Otherwise, how will I know where I'm going? "Mark Twain often tells people about a sad past when he was a child. It is said that Mark Twain was born as a twin. He and his twin brother looked exactly the same, and even their mother could not tell them apart. There is One day, when the nanny was bathing them, one of them accidentally fell into the bathtub and drowned. No one knew which twin was drowned. "This is the saddest thing. "Mark Twain said, "Everyone thinks I'm the one who survived, but I'm not. The one who survived was my brother. The one who drowned was me. "Mark Twain once stayed at a hotel in a certain place. He was told in advance that the mosquitoes here were very bad. When he checked in at the reception desk, a mosquito happened to fly over. Mark Twain said to the waiter: "I've heard that the mosquitoes are very bad. The mosquito is very smart. As expected, it will check the room number I registered in advance so that it can come and have a feast in the evening. "The waiter couldn't help but laugh after hearing this. As a result, Mark Twain slept well that night, because the waiter also remembered the room number and entered the room in advance to do mosquito control.

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." They were brought directly from the United States. An old Chinese woman came back from visiting her daughter in the United States and went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars given to her by her daughter. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked each banknote to see if it was counterfeit. This approach made the old woman very impatient, and finally she couldn't bear it and said: "Believe me, sir, and please believe these banknotes. These are real U.S. dollars, and they are brought directly from the United States." November The 1st is Halloween in the West, and it has also become the Ghost Festival in the West. Speaking of Ghost Festival, people can’t help but think of pranking friends. Below, we have listed a few funny 08 Halloween text messages. I wonder if they can meet your requirements. I heard that today is the Ghost Festival, and there are demons dancing on the street. Remember to go home early, lock the door when you enter the house, don’t run around in the middle of the night, go to bed on time, and send me a text message before going to bed! Happy Halloween! The pumpkins light up, the magic brooms fly, the little ghosts and devils jump up, and friends and friends shout, HAPPY! HAPPY! Halloween! Today is Halloween. To keep you safe, please scroll down... keep scrolling... and scroll again... and keep scrolling... You are so good! So obedient! Happy Halloween! Can you bear to leave me alone on Halloween night? Aren't you afraid of a handsome ghost coming to seduce me? You're damned if you haven't replied to my message after saying so much. Happy Halloween! As long as you forward this text message to ten friends, you will receive the affectionate blessings of the Halloween Super Ghost King for free, wishing you a carnival night. Sometimes I feel that being a human is very tiring, but I still have to be a human being, but today is different. You can relax and be a ghost for once, and you will be very happy, because today is the festival of Halloween and ghosts. I give you a gift that represents my heart, and I give you a happiness that represents the ghost’s wish. Being a successful person will be very tiring, but being a happy ghost you can enjoy the blessings of Halloween today. Halloween is a ghost festival. This website recommends that you don’t go too far when you prank others, so as not to scare people into heart attacks. *Returning to Politicians Anne Landers (born in 1918) is a female columnist for the American "Sun-Times". At an embassy reception, a quite respectable senator came up to her and joked: "You are the writer Anne Landers, tell me a joke!" Miss Anne replied without hesitation Said: "Okay. You are a politician, tell me a lie!" *Film Advertisement George Kaufman (1889-1961) is a famous American playwright and director. Once, a film producer asked George Kaufman to adapt the French comedy "The Man in the House" written by Jacques Devore. Although the rewrite of the script was successful, due to poor actors and a cold epidemic in the city at the time, the theater's box office was low and the show was finally suspended. In order to win over viewers, Kaufman came up with an advertising slogan: "If you want to avoid crowds, go to the Knickerbocker Cinema to watch "The People in the House." *On-demand silence* George Kaufman was frail in his later years and was bedridden for a long time Get up and listen to the radio to relieve your boredom. One night, the on-demand program on the radio stopped playing only a few bars of the requested music. The playwright was annoyed.

So I picked up the phone next to me and called the radio station according to the phone number given to the audience by the program host. After he revealed that he was George Kaufman, the host was very happy because such a celebrity was listening to his program. "Sir, what do you want to request? I will arrange it immediately." "Silence, what I request is 5 minutes of silence." Kaufman said to the host and thousands of listeners. *So edited Eugene G. O'Neill (1888-1953), a famous American playwright who won the 1936 Nobel Prize for Literature. Like many writers, O'Neill disliked being asked to cut out his work. Once, director and playwright Russell Kraus asked him to shorten the script "Ah, the Bad Place", and he reluctantly agreed. The next day, he called Klaus and told him that 15 minutes had been reduced. The director was surprised and delighted after hearing this: "Great, I'll come and pick up the revised script right away." When he arrived at O'Neill's office, the author explained to him: "Oh, the script itself has not been changed, but you know , we originally performed this play in four performances, but now I have decided to omit the third intermission.” *Secret* A reporter asked Hemingway: “What’s the secret to the simplicity of the language in your work?” "Sometimes I write when I'm hungry, and my stomach growls with hunger; sometimes I write standing up, with only one foot on the ground; sometimes I deliberately wear only a single coat in the cold winter, and I shiver with cold while writing. . These very unpleasant feelings forced me to write as little redundant words as possible!" *Tie and Novel* An American clothing company sent Hemingway a tie at one time, along with a text message: "My company. The ties produced by the company are very popular among customers. Here is a sample for you to try, and we hope to send back the cost of 2 yuan." A few days later, the company received a reply from Hemingway, with a copy of the novel attached. : "My novels are very popular among readers. I hereby enclose the first volume for you to read. This book is worth 2 yuan and 8 cents, which means you still owe me 8 cents." *One word, one gold, one jealousy The jealous person wrote a sarcastic letter to Hemingway: "I know that you are now worth one dollar per dollar. Now I am attaching one dollar, please send a sample to see." Hemingway accepted the dollar and answered The word "thank you". *Most writers are editors* Once, the American publisher Robert Giroux asked the poet Eliot (1888-1965) if he agreed with the common belief that most editors are failed writers. Eliot pondered for a moment and said: "Yes, I think some editors are failed writers - but most writers are editors." *The Day of the Snail Waiter, American novelist Irving Shaw (1913-1984) ) and walked into a French restaurant. After ordering, he waited quietly for a long time. When he became very impatient, the waiter in the restaurant recognized him, approached the writer, and introduced him that the snails in this restaurant were very good. Would you like to have some? share. Owen Xiao nodded and said: "I already knew it. Look, you made the snails wear waiter's clothes." *Discuss with the dog* The Indian writer Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941) received a letter from a girl: " You are a writer I admire, and to express my admiration for you, I plan to name my beloved pug after you." Tagore wrote a reply to the girl: "I agree with your plan, but before naming it. , you'd better discuss it with the pug to see if it agrees.

” Master of Humor 1 Steve was unemployed and desperate for money. He decided to go to the richest neighborhood in town and look for work. One homeowner offered him a job painting the porch. The man told Steve the paint and brushes were in the garage. An hour later Steve rang the doorbell to collect his pay. "Thank you, sir," he said as the homeowner handed him the money. "Oh, by the way," Steve added, "you don't have a Porsche—it's a Ferrari." This story uses the same pronunciation of Porsche (a brand of car) and porch (porch) to achieve an unexpected comic effect. The owner asked Steve to paint the porch, but Steve understood that he was asking him to paint it. Car. 2 What is the most contradictory sign in a library? To speak aloud is not allowed. The pronunciation of allowed is the same as aloud. If you don’t read the text and only listen to the sound, this sign will be misunderstood as “To speak aloud is not aloud” (loud) Speak not loudly)", then you can make noise in the library, which is really ridiculous. 3 Ultra-short Professor: Order! Students: Beer! order means both "quiet" and "order food (or drinks, etc.) " means. The professor asked the students to quiet down, and the students understood it as asking them what to drink. Clever translation in Chinese can also have this effect: Professor: What are you making (shouting)! (Want to drink) Student: Beer! Chinese also The homophonic meaning of the Chinese word "yell" and "want to drink" is used to appropriately express the humorous meaning of the original English pun. 4 A man who was involved in a serious motorcycle accident was unable to speak when he first regained consciousness. Wishing to. know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bedstand and, after writing “Date?” on it, gave it to his nurse. She handed it back to him after she had written the word “ Married" on it. Date can refer to "date" or "dating between men and women." The doctor's original intention was to ask for the date, but the nurse understood it as an invitation to go on a date, so it was a joke.