Give a few top jokes

1, all relationships that are not aimed at marriage are hooligans! Hehe, I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day! Don't be a hooligan, don't be fooled by hooligans! Can find the right one!

2. A classmate walked into the dormitory and announced to everyone, "I will never buy cigarettes again. I want to quit smoking! " Everyone expressed their support and lent him cigarettes.

I've been wanting to say three words to you for a long time, but as an ordinary friend, I'm afraid I can't even do it, but I can't help it. I still want to say: borrow some money!

The first ray of sunshine in the morning is my deep blessing to you. The last blush of the sunset is my heartfelt greeting to you: "How are you, fool?

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig!

6. Once the legs of the table in our dormitory were short, we padded it with turtles for a semester. Finally, it was still alive, and two guys said I was an animal.

7, single-minded, two eyes on money, three meals at public expense, cheating everywhere, five poisons, disowning six relatives, bullying and being afraid of hard work, eight stresses, nine important positions, full of corrupt officials.

Falling sky, I am on the other side of your home, and the scenery is very romantic. I hope to have your company. When you hear the phone ring, pick it up and watch it on the spot. Either a fool or a fool.

9. People may need very little in their life. A glass of water and a bowl of rice say I love you. But I hope you poured water and cooked. I love you. You told me yourself.

10, head radish, body like watermelon, face like banana, sour like hawthorn. As it grows, it is all sediment. Guess who it is. -You are such a fool!

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12, the professor asked a beautiful but not smart girl to explain the difference between adultery and premarital sex. The girl said hesitantly, I have tried everything, and it seems that there is no difference.

13, you are handsome, with hair like kelp, a sack and shoelaces around your waist. If you have nothing to do, you love to be bad! Do you think you are the most handsome in the world? Actually, it's the second generation of nerves!

14, the happiest thing in life is that I can do things that others can't. For example, I can send text messages to scold you, but you don't know who I am, hahaha!

15, I heard that a toad jumped out of the lake today and was run over by a car. I've been worried. I'll text you right away. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

16, please pay attention: a patient in a mental hospital is lost, please be careful. Patient characteristics: I like to giggle while reading short messages on my mobile phone. Spell: psycho!

17, I heard that you will come to our house to play, and my brother will pick you up. To confirm your identity, please take two fine cigarettes in your left hand and two bottles of Maotai in your right hand.

18, everyone watched the fight between the coal seller and the egg seller. The egg seller said, let's judge, is there anyone like him? I shouted: Eggs! He shouted: sell coal!

19, recalling our days together, my mood is misty. Your youthful body always comes to my dreams with moonlight, which makes me worry.

20. Forward this message three times, and you will be lucky; Forward it 6 times and you will be official; Forward 10 times, and you will be lucky; Forward it 20 times and spend 2 yuan!

2 1, the son seriously asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" Dad: "It's hard to calculate! Because dad is still paying the bill!

22. Your face is more beautiful than Chen Shimei, and your eyes are brighter than Zhuge Liang; My love is deeper than Lu's, my affection is longer, but my promise is more empty than the Monkey King's.

23. If your phone bill balance is insufficient, please recharge it according to the prompt: burn a 100 yuan bill to ashes, open the back cover of the mobile phone, pour the ashes in and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation.

24. Bears and rabbits shit in the forest. The bear asked the rabbit, "Does it matter if the hair goes into the stool?" The rabbit replied, "Never mind!" So the bear rubbed it with the rabbit.

25. Doctor: "Hello! Wake up! " Patient: "What is it?" Doctor: "It's time to take sleeping pills." Patient: "Oh, I almost forgot.

26. Today you are no longer yesterday, and tomorrow you will not be today. Want to know what you will be like tomorrow? Look in the mirror.

27. Dear, I ordered a power train for you. Please put your head under it and hit the washbasin ......................................................................................................................................................................... All right, the song list is over!

28. There are two words I've always wanted to say to you. Today, I finally got up the courage: the first sentence, I love you and I like you very much; The second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously.

29. Don't get drunk in the future. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a glass and shouted, "Are you a brother?"? Brother did it!

30. One day I went to the zoo to see orangutans, and I threw up! Another day, you went to see it, and the orangutan vomited! I don't understand, why is the gap between people so big?

3 1, you're a book, I'm a bag, you're a mouse, I'm a cat, you're a wood, I'm glue, you're pork, I'm a knife, we have such a good relationship, you pay for dinner today!

32. You are cool, you are cool. You drink water in the reservoir, sleep in the ancient tomb, have a waterfall in your mouth, and your limbs are like sleepers. You think you are The Story Of Diu Sim Lyu3 bu4, but you are actually an Antarctic native.

33. Warmth is what I want to give you, keeping warm is what you should pay attention to, caring is what I want to send you, reminding you that this is natural, and it is cold, so pay attention to adding clothes to keep warm.

34, you are a little aura, I am a little stupid; You are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; You are a little fragrant, and I am a little drunk; If you are angry, I won't lose my temper.

35. Under the starry sky, a man and a woman are sitting by the lake, and a bright moon shines on the lake. This is the man affectionately saying to the woman, "Have you eaten?

36. Hello! I am Xiao, the legendary nephew. This year I flew from Afghanistan alone to visit your old uncle Wang Cai!

37. I feel that my IQ is quite high, I feel that I am very humorous, and I feel that I am very attractive. Test results: quite shameless!

38. What moved me was your name; What attracts me is your appearance; It is your silver that surrounds me; I am your finger; Close to me is your body; Tie me up! This is our baby!

39. Success attracts success, and migrant workers attract migrant workers; Flowers attract butterflies, and butterflies attract bees. And you are the most unusual, specializing in attracting flies. No wonder you call it the toilet.

40. Is your Mandarin up to standard? Please read with me: hope, hope, forget, forget, forget. All right! Stop barking and go to study, dog.

4 1, people are really tired when they are alive! Standing really wants to sleep, getting on the bus has to wait in line, eating is tasteless, going to work is very tired, and going to school is really idle. Alas! Even sending messages to pigs costs money.

42. You are really not smart enough. Your nose is like a smooth stick, your eyes are like red pepper and your eyebrows are like two knives. Walk on both sides, like the crab is going to faint!

Miss, you are so beautiful. Let me kiss your mouth. Miss, miss, you are so coquettish. Let me rub your waist. Miss, miss, you are too bad. Why did you untie my belt?

44. Do you really want to know what I like about you? But I really dare not say it, and I have to say it. I just want you to stay away from me.

45, a dozen bamboo boards, I won't boast about others, boasting that you look like a flower. Although you look like a flower, you have to hang down. You can eat three buns if you ignore the dog!

46. I would like to wait under the starry sky until a star is touched by me, breaking through the silence of the night sky for me, full of my wishes and falling on your sleeping pillow to kill you!

47. Seismological station forecast: There will be a slight earthquake from tonight to tomorrow morning. For your safety, please sleep under the bed tonight, cover yourself with a quilt, put a toilet on your head and put a straw in your nose.

48. Lanaha, once a thief, was in front of my eyes. I didn't care. Now I regret it! I want to shout out now: love tiger oil!

49. If I am riding a horse, you can call me a groom. If I am driving, you can call me a coachman; If I am in charge of accounting, what should you call me?

One day you will understand that kindness is more difficult than beauty. Beauty is a gift, and kindness is a choice. Of course, if you can choose beauty, who the fuck wouldn't?

5 1, congratulations! You have won the grand prize of/kloc-0.00 million. Welcome the Spring Festival with SMS. Please take your saber, shotgun and soil cannon to the Bank of China on Valentine's Day.

52. You whisper that you love me, let me close to your chest, and gently touch my heartstrings with gentle words. The world belongs to both of us, and our hearts are closely linked.

Honey, there are some things I can't wait to tell you. I miss you so much, especially your face. I'd rather ask you-how many days have you not washed your face?

54. Poor you. Today is your birthday, but you have to go to work. But it doesn't matter, because you received my blessing. I believe you will have a good time today!

I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that your patience has won my respect. The bad news is-I will redouble my efforts to repair you!

56. I threw you a steamed stuffed bun, and from then on there were legends and two-part allegorical sayings. The legend is called' The Legend of the Hungry Wolf', and the two-part allegorical saying is called' The meat steamed stuffed bun hits the dog and never comes back'!

57. Every time it rains and winds, I ask you to take care of it and give you food in times of famine. Your simple and honest expression excites me. In fact, raising a pig is quite fulfilling!

58. The person who received the message was an Egyptian mummy, the person who deleted the message was an African bug, the person who replied to the message was a Rwandan wild boar, and the person who did not reply was a Thai shemale who failed the operation!

59. A group of Dai girls are walking slowly. Their figure is so slim, their steps are so light and their manners are so generous, as if a group of beautiful fairies descended from the sky.

60. Sometimes people are really like the moon in the sky and the lake on the ground. Only when they are far apart will they take photos with each other. I miss you very much. For us, the horizon is just a stone's throw away!

6 1. Do you know why I like you? The doll's face is funny, the panda's figure is stupid, his ears are lucky and his steps are funny. Best for you to see the exhibition.

62. My husband wants to travel and have fun with his wife, who is menstruating. My husband wants to adopt the backyard again, and my wife says the hemorrhoids are broken. My husband was furious and said that anyone who mentioned oral ulcer again would kill him!

63. Conjecture: A bamboo plant in Hanshan Temple, if it is not intentional to fly apart, will feel half-hearted, make a cup of gold without a dish, and the swan pool will fly away. Bottom; When you pay me.

64. You tell a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers "No". Have you heard this story?

65. You have beautiful arms, but you think you are stunted. Hold your chest high and pretend to play with a broadsword. Thick thighs, walking whirring, complaining about the gravity of the earth.

Honey, I'm sorry. I killed the mosquito that you sent to see me yesterday. To apologize, I decided to send a nest of mosquitoes to see you today.

67. Big Wolf caught the lazy sheep and let it go instead of eating it. Do you know why? I tell you, lazy sheep is thinking, thinking.

68. Seismological station forecast: There will be a slight earthquake from tonight to tomorrow morning. For your safety, please sleep under the bed tonight, cover with a quilt, wear a toilet on your head and put a straw in your nose.

69. I want to see you talk, but why do you bury your face in your * *? . Oh? Sorry, I didn't know it was your face. What about your * *?

70. One day, I met him in the street. I gave him a disdainful look and said that being fat means being fat. What belt are you wearing? It's cool to say no, don't stand upside down!

7 1, you are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but God lost his temper. Living, without you, who will set off the beauty of the world!

72. Will I never see you again? Why? Many people don't need to meet again, because they are just passing by. Forgetting is the best memory we give each other.

73. Say You Zhu is fat, lazy and stupid. Why do people always blame pigs for things they don't want to admit? You are furious: stop insulting me. Don't eat pigs if you can.

74. I wish: the leader is partial to you, * * lets you, the court treats you, the official transport accompanies you, the daughter-in-law lets you eat and drink, and the fortune covers you. Only you won the prize!

75. I know you have no money to spend, but be poor even if you are poor, and be ambitious. You would rather be a duck than rob a woman at night! Damn it.

76.let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers "No". Have you heard this story?

77. You are a dark crow, a green frog, a fragrant sweet potato and a fresh lobster. I greet you gently: Are you all right now?

78. Notice: There will be a leadership inspection tomorrow morning. Dear colleagues, please dress as required. Man: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; Lady: swimsuit, pants, shoes!

79. The pig cried sadly. Mother pig asked, Why are you crying? I feel stupid, said the pig. Mother comforted: don't cry, the pig reading this news is dumber than you!

80. A lamb is about to be slaughtered. The butcher came to catch him viciously, but the lamb said passionately, "What is there to be afraid of when you die?" When I finish reading this news.

8 1. Beggars beg along the street with monkeys. He told them to laugh, cry, bow and read short messages.

82. I miss you countless nights and think of the happy time I spent with you. I pray for a meteor so that I can meet you in my next life and love you forever!

After the English exam, the English teacher said to the class representative, Let the students who failed stay. As a result, the class representative wrote on the blackboard: after school, stay and not be afraid of death.

84. In one school, the teachers' canteen is open to students. The door said that teachers monopolized and students were sold, but teachers were sold first and then students were sold.

85. Standing under a tall building, I feel sad and my face is wet. It tastes a little salty. Is it rain or tears? Look up at the sky ... who is peeing upstairs!

86. I like crawling around on you, touching every inch of your skin and lying in your arms. I can't live without you for a moment. I love you.-Sofa!

87. I had a dream last night. God ordered me to send messages to ten pigs, or I would be single for life. Shit, I can't find a second head except you.

Life is very uncomfortable without you by my side. I hate that unscrupulous third party who stole you. Come back to me quickly! My beloved wallet!

89. Today is your birthday. Your friend ordered a power train for you. Please take your mobile phone and knock hard on the floor. All right, the song order is over.

90. Given the dominance of mm, it is simply a disaster; When I practice my skills and have a successful career, I can serve my parents well; Be sure to lay down your life and take it to the Civil Affairs Bureau!

9 1, baby, it's so hot, are you sleeping soundly and dreaming with a smile? It's a beautiful day today. Remember to take a bath in the afternoon, lest your fragrance put me down tomorrow!

92. A fat woman often boasts of her good figure and insists on a compliment from Lao Liu. Lao Liu said: It's really full. How can you put the wind Yun Dan on your waist?

93. Urgent order: Want money, no money, talent and no looks, has been listed as "three noes". You must leave the city within 24 hours after receiving the order, or hell to pay!

94. Starting from tomorrow, the municipal government has decided to eliminate all young people with mental retardation who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance! Pack your things and go out for refuge. Don't say I informed you, remember!

95. Every time the App pops up a variety of praise windows, I choose "cruel rejection", hoping that this will establish a tough user image for these companies.

96, family rule, life Kangxi, character Yongzheng, career prosperity, everything Jiaqing, bright future, wealth and Xianfeng, internal and external governance, Qian Qiu Guangxu, and publicity!

97. You have high blood pressure, high blood lipid and low position. No speech at the conference, no speech at the meeting, prostatitis. The political achievements are not outstanding, the performance is not outstanding, and the lumbar disc is outstanding.

98. During the lecture, the zipper of the female teacher's pants opened, and a girl stood up to remind the teacher that your door was not closed! As soon as the teacher waved, the dean came.

99, you are still so charming, wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly, looking detached and lovely. I really don't know how you hit the rabbit at that time.

100, my friend came back from buying cakes. The cake says Zhuge Zang Zang, and we are all curious about who Zhuge Zang Zang is. My friend said: I'm just hungry and want to cheat more cream.

10 1. Urgent reminder: Look at the left first, then look at the right. Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with a mobile phone.

102, tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is very stupid. When someone asks him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers' No'. Have you heard this story?

103, first time to see you! I like you so much! You noticed me, too. You smiled brightly and kept waving to me. I can't help hugging you! Cute lucky cat!

104, the white clouds in the sky drifted slowly, the stream in the valley gurgled, the beloved girl hurried by, your pants fell off one by one ... your pants caught fire.

105, I've always wanted to say thank you for appearing in my life. My life depends on you. For you, I can go through fire and water, at all costs ... money!

106, I miss my childhood: I remember the primary school teacher scolding me: "I slapped you and went out!" " "I wanted to laugh at that time, but I was afraid to laugh. Now, I dare to laugh, but I can't.

107. Recently, there was chaos in the Wulin. The dragon slayer reappeared in the Jianghu. Rivers of blood, Wulin chivalrous men competing to tell each other, I hope your face can be made into a treasure shield to save the people of the world in from the mire!

108, forward this message 3 times, and you will be lucky; Forward it 6 times and you will be official; Forward 10 times, and you will be lucky; Forward it 20 times and it will cost 3 yuan!

109, I desperately looked for you at night. I waited for you naked. I can't live without you. Only you can make me comfortable. Where the hell are you ... pajamas.

1 10, a puppy whispered to a mouse: Do you like me? The mouse said affectionately, I really like you. You can read text messages and pretend to be human.