I broke up with my boyfriend, but I really miss him now. Can he send me a message now?

If you feel that when you break up, you want to let go of this relationship and come out quickly, then don't contact, because every contact will only cause your mood ups and downs, which will make you more entangled and anxious. It is better to delete all contact information in order to prevent the black hand.

But if you want to save it, then you must make the necessary contact. Many people will have extreme feelings about saving the chat, either making a long speech and trying to get back together, or dying there after no effect. This is an extremely wrong way to rely on emotional instinct. The former is too purposeful and easy to arouse disgust, while the latter is completely resigned and too passive. The correct idea is that we must take the necessary initiative in the recovery process, but to control the rhythm and attitude, the whole process should be as relaxed and casual as possible.

First of all, it should be clear that effective chat in redemption should have a certain purpose. Many people want to send messages to each other purely out of emotional instinct. They want to send messages when they are lonely and miss him, but this aimless chat for the sake of chatting can't create any value. On the contrary, it exposes their strong sense of demand.

Several purposes of redemption chat:

1. exploratory attitude

Suppose you have been disconnected for a month after breaking up, and you want to start trying to contact each other, but at this time you don't know what the other person is thinking, and you don't know what distance and rhythm to talk to him, then the first thing we have to do is to test his current attitude.

So at this time, you can find some topics with weak sense of demand, such as the intersection of business in your life, or just like these two days, you can simply say Merry Christmas and see each other's response. If he doesn't answer, it is obvious that he still refuses or disdains you. If he asks, he will say: Merry Christmas, how are you recently? Explain that he is not exclusive to you, wants to know you and cares about you.

But if he comes back for a Merry Christmas, which is vague, he needs to come back for a round or two to see his reaction. For example, you can go on to say: I feel that the street is colder this Christmas than in previous years, and see how the other person reacts. If we find that his attitude is relatively cold, we should be prepared for a long war and extend the chat cycle once a week or even twice a week.

If he responds well, he can do it more frequently, two or three times a week. Of course, the above is a macro test, and the micro can also be realized in a specific chat. If he doesn't respond well, it means that he is not interested in chatting at the moment, so he should retreat in time and not talk.

Establish attraction

The core of starting a relationship is attraction, but this attraction includes two parts. Part of it is self-improvement. For example, if you change your hairstyle and send him a beautiful photo, he will think that you are much more beautiful than before, so it is the most intuitive attraction. Or if you inadvertently reveal that you are learning to cook in fitness or some advantages that he has not discovered before and some chat skills will help to mobilize the other person's emotions, which will help to re-establish attraction.

The other part is to show yourself.