The shortest and funniest joke

1, what if you are hungry? Have a hot pot rinse! What if you are thirsty? Go to the seaside! What if I have no money? Find a fool to cheat! What if you have no guts? Practice with bin Laden! What should I do if I miss you? Look at the pigsty!

2. I ran into you and was at a loss. I can't avoid your affectionate eyes. I know your heart. I ran as fast as I could, but you followed me closely. I cried, "Whose dog is nobody's business?"

3. Measure the window and the wall, jump on the bed and measure the bed against the wall. The wall is longer than the bed, the bed is longer than the window, the window is longer than the bed, and the bed is longer than the wall, so the wall is longer than the bed. If you don't study hard, you will hit a wall.

Experts recently invented a multi-purpose computer disk, which is called floppy disk when it is soft, hard disk when it is erected, and CD when it is peeled off.

5. Send you the zodiac: I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and dragon as a pig.

If a star falls on your head tonight, please don't worry. This is a gift from my immortal brother. From now on, you will live a carefree and happy life, because you are stupid.

7. A drop of water is very small in the ocean and very large in the desert; Red-crowned cranes are small in cranes and large in chickens; You are small in the crowd and great in the pigsty!

I don't know! You don't understand, fool, boy! The phone is upside down!

9. I am a lonely tree. For thousands of years, I have been standing on the side of the road, waiting for loneliness, just because one day you walk by me and I will fall for you. If I don't hit you, it's for nothing.

10, oh! It's snowing. I really want to turn into a snowflake and fly to your arms. I flew into your collar, your cuffs, your ... why don't you zip it up!

1 1, you and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. It is said that people come into the world to find the other half. I finally found you through hard work, damn it! Only to find that our wings are on the same side.

12, when you are in a bad mood, you can say to yourself in the mirror, "I am beautiful, I am really beautiful" so that you will feel better! ! But don't do this kind of thing often, because lying often is not good.

13, in my eyes, you always look so carefree, you always eat with relish, and you always sleep soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.

14, you are the sun in my heart, but it is raining; You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first. ...

15, just a gust of wind, but so eternal, just a dream, but so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you: Next time you fart, let me know!

16, I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from the face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

17, yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so boundless. You stood on the blue beach and I stabbed you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard, his shell is quite hard!

18, your quality is as strong as plum blossom; My personality is as subtle as a glacier; You have a convincing connotation; You are indifferent to people; So we respectfully call you "Yokai Neishuang"!

19, freeze! Robbery! Hands up. Men stand on the left, women stand on the right, perverts stand in the middle, hey! I'm talking about you, pretending to look at your mobile phone!

20. Do you have a TV? Watch CCTV 1. The White House was bombed and the whole building collapsed. The police have sealed off the whole of Washington, 19 people were killed, 32 people were injured, 1 1 people were missing. . . 1 person cheated!

2 1, the first time I saw you, I said to myself: You are my goal in this life, I want to pursue you, I want to hug you. I want to announce: I love you ... RMB!

22. I want to see the sea with you but I can't grasp the unpredictable future; I want to climb the mountain with you, but I am full of confusion about my ideal; I want to wander with you but I can't reach the paradise of happiness; I wanted to go shopping with you, but the police refused. He said, don't walk the dog!

23. Urgent reminder: Look at the left first, then look at the right. Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with a mobile phone.

24. I told my mother that I like you very much and want you to accompany me day and night. Do you know that?/You know what? Through this period of communication, I found that I can't live without you now. But my mother refused. She said, "Pigs are not allowed at home."

25. Frankly speaking, I like you very much. Your eyes, walking posture, happy expression, coquetry and even the way you sleep fascinate me! But what annoys me most is that you don't catch mice, and you always lose your hair!

26. One day, we came to a wishing pool. I bent down and made a wish, and then threw a coin into the well. You wanted to make a wish, but when you bent down, you accidentally fell into the well. I was startled and muttered, How clever!

27. When we were young, we didn't guess. I sing and you dance. I can sing 200 songs and you can dance 200 dances, so people affectionately call me 200 songs and you 200 dances.

28. Do you know why you and I are meant to be in this life? In fact, we met thousands of years ago, and it was also spring. You chased me for a long time and left your teeth marks on me, which made an eternal story. My name was Lv Dongbin at that time.

29. Dreaming of God, he said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult. Let's change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted to make this look good. He thought deeply and said, take the globe and I'll look at it again!

30. When you wake up, there is a mosquito lying next to your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so thick-skinned.

Let me live in this world without shame! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

3 1, hello, this is 168 information desk. Your friend ordered a power train as a friendship gift for you. Next, please hit the washbasin with your head. Did you hear "when"? Ok, the song list is over!

32. fall in love! Happy! Spend a lot of money from now on! Get married! Cool! From now on, someone is in charge! Divorced! Free! Sex costs money! Aids! Be silly! Lie in bed and die!

33. Don't be crazy with me! Easy to die! Don't pretend with me! Easy to get hurt! Beat you up! Nobody! No one-on-one hit! I'll beat you into Zhang Haidi! Or mummify you! Give you some face! Beat you to death

34. People are really tired when they are alive! Standing thinking about sleeping, getting on the bus and queuing up, unrequited love is really painful, eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, work is particularly tiring, and robbery is not enough.

Yes, you have to pay taxes to earn money, and even you have to pay for texting pigs!

35. You are cool, you are cool. You drink water in the reservoir, sleep in the ancient tomb, have a waterfall in your mouth, and your limbs are like sleepers. You think you are The Story Of Diu Sim Lyu3 bu4, but you are actually an Antarctic native.

I worship you like a raging river, and the Yellow River overflows out of control. .........................................................................................................................................................

37. I live like this every day: playing ball with Jordan, boxing with Tai Sen, playing chess with Wei Ping and chatting with Clinton.