Classic funny sentences in 2020

1. Now, what you can't get up is grades, what you can't get down is weight, what you can afford to put down is chopsticks, and what you can't get in and out is quilts.

The money is yours only when it is used up. Open your wallet and look at the unused money. It says "People's Bank of China", which has nothing to do with you.

3, you are the spring wind, blowing my tired heart green; You are the water in summer, nourishing my dry heart; You are the valley in autumn, which has matured my hope heart; You are the fire in winter, illuminating my cold heart!

Time has been drifting away. The so-called unforgettable is just a wisp of smoke in the world of mortals. The so-called life is just a blank in the depths of the soul.

5. When my hair is waist-length, it is like the tip of a binary tree. I got up early and ate a lot of hay. Before going to bed, I lay in the trough with fluffy hair. If you want to go out like a human, you need a kilo of hair gel first!

6, thinking about your passion, watching you eager to try, kissing your face, burning your desire, loving you with a red face, pulling you apart! You make me love and hate, my favorite pepper!

7. In fact, Qingguo College is nothing remarkable, except that the teacher is handsome, the lectures are humorous and the results are fast. I can leave if I want.

8. The price of loving you is $330 for breakfast (I miss you), $380 for lunch (I want to hug you), $370 for dinner (I want to kiss you) and $0/314520 for midnight snack (I love you all my life).

9. Actually, you are charming. Otherwise, all men will be around you! Alas, it's wasted. Why don't you go to some hongyi yuan? Men are also recruited at home, so there are still tickets!

10. Marriage is a consolidated statement, the lover is an account payable, the children are other accounts payable, life is a continuous operation, quarreling is a bad debt reserve, fighting is an operating loss, and tears are a reduction in the owner's equity.

1 1. The teacher said I was scum, so I stopped going to school. Come on, you should think so. You are an asshole. What are the others?

12, I finished with a classmate today. I really can't stand such people. He used my charging treasure to charge his charging treasure.

13, you have a left dragon and a right white tiger with a suction cup tattooed on your chest. Why is your invincible face against my clever language? Your cerebellum is so developed that it occupies all the space in your brain.

14, monkey hunting apocalypse: I lost a furry little monkey. Features: dirty, covered with runny nose, carrying a mobile phone, and reading text messages. I love monkeys and reading short messages. Write back to my master quickly! Master misses you so much!

15, I used to be a willful child, willfully thinking that you only belong to me and I only belong to you. Thank you for telling me that no one in this world belongs to anyone. After all, we will only belong to ourselves.

16, in the vast sea of people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please try your best to hit your head against the wall-see? Countless stars in front of you are my infinite concern!

17, I am an excellent white horse stock, and my parents will inject me with at least 20,000 yuan of pocket money every month. If you don't underestimate me, I'm willing to restructure my assets with you and you will be the chairman.

18, I'm not a lady. If you slap me, I won't slap her back. That's not like me. If I were you, I'd slap her until her hands are numb.

19, some people say that love is a debt owed in my last life, and I have to pay it back in this life-I must have been vulgar in my last life, so I have no debt to pay back in this life.

20. When people ask me if I'm busy, I always say I'm busy. According to my experience, nine times out of ten, if you say no, the other person will make you busy.

2 1, together is the continuation of love, breaking up is helpless crying, crying is ignorance and fragility, love is to get rid of each other's loneliness, fate touches your heart and leads you to my heart.

22. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life, I only got a pass in this life. If it is true, I am willing to exchange it with 10 thousand encounters with you. It's simple, but I went back in my last life.

23. It is a violation of criminal law to deduct points from exams. According to the criminal law, taking advantage of others' ignorance to cause losses to others is a crime of fraud.

Baby, you are the best gift from God, and I will treasure you in the deepest part of my love. Until we get old! Until the end of my life! I miss you, kiss you and love you!

25. I thought there was a better one, looking for it again and again. The best is around me, just like you … At first, I didn't take it for granted. As time goes by, I find that you are the best … bully!

26. You think finding someone who doesn't talk can make me quiet. The class teacher never thought that I cured that buddy's autism.

27. It's really important to choose a name. That day, I saw a person with a unique name, called "Silver Sword"; Unfortunately, his surname is "Fan".

28. * * * The dormitory is dark, and the boiling water voltage is insufficient. One person shouted: Sisters, stop being' coquettish'. Only heard someone answer: we are not coquettish on the third floor, but you are coquettish on the second floor.

29. As soon as I arrived in Shenzhen, I met a woman who was pulling business as soon as I left the station: "Big Brother, it's hard to ride on the road. Come in and have a rest! "

30. It's a pity that you don't go to the army. You are so ugly. More than half of you died when you were put on the battlefield, and even the nuclear weapons were saved. If you had been born a few years earlier, there wouldn't be a big Nanjing.

3 1, hello, dear! Sorry, I have to stand you up again. The Monkey King, Friar Sand and Tang Priest and I went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. It may take three or five years to come back. Wait for me!

As God is my witness, my shadow will always be with you, and my eyes will always look at you ... Damn it, I mean-except when you take a shower!

33. I have always had a soft spot for you, and your face has always appeared in front of my eyes! But I am too poor to expect, and now I have money! You can say loudly: boss, cut that pig head in half for me!

34. I was hit by youth, not only didn't apologize, but also pretended that nothing had happened. So I gave you a good beating. As a result, my youth was black and blue.

35, two people send text messages to convey affection called love, only sending and not receiving is narcissism, only sending and not receiving is unrequited love, sending and receiving is love, and often sending and receiving is love.

36, comrades. The summer vocation has come to a close. What do you mean by good study? What about a good way to lose weight? What about good study? What if I don't play computer? What did you do?

I am very excited to see your name, and I am moved by your voice. I asked you out again and again for fear that I would make a move, but I didn't move when I saw you.

38、? Do you have four poems about diaosi harassing the goddess? Why, did you eat? Oh, my heart hurts. Drink hot water! Put on more clothes and hurry back, it's cold outside! You are busy, have a good dream and go to bed early.

39. I am the salt in your dish. Without me, everything has lost its flavor. I am your winter sun, summer popsicle and cloudy umbrella.

40. Do you want to have good teeth? Here are three lessons for you: first, rinse your mouth after meals and brush your teeth in the morning and evening; Second, go to the hospital for a dental examination every two years; Third, mind your own business.

4 1. I walked alone in the street that day. It rained heavily and the ground was slippery. I accidentally fell and hurt my heart. Your name is on it.

42. When I was sleeping last night, I suddenly found someone pulling my quilt, so I kicked her out of bed. Now ghosts are getting bolder and bolder, fighting with Lao Tzu for quilts.

43. If you don't want to chat with people now, it's usually "eat" and "I'll take a shower first", which is not as cool as primary school and directly "not me".

44. When you are hungry, I am your meal; When you are thirsty, I am your water; When you are sick, I am your good medicine; I am your punching bag when you are depressed; When you got married, I was your lover! Marry me!

45. Let my thoughts fly wildly, fly to the sky, take my thoughts away and go straight to your dreams; Take away my tenderness and my love. When I am away, may sweetness always accompany you and love never leave you!

46. In fact, you should use Alipay to pay tuition. When the results come out, you can confirm the payment. You will get a good evaluation, depending on your mood. If you fail, you will apply for a refund.

47. I don't know why, but I recently got a strange disease. I will miss you when I walk, eat, work, read and sleep. Do you think I like you?

48. Sewing a needle and a thread, accumulating emotions word by word, enjoying happiness in minutes, winding sadness and joy with sincerity, and we are the "ten" points of perfect love. Love you enough.

49. You said I was ugly and grumpy, and left it on the side of the road, but you married me home. I want to say to you-husband, it's really hard for you in this life!

50. Shredding potatoes means cutting potatoes, shredding radishes means cutting radishes, and shredding cucumbers means cutting cucumbers. Who can tell me? How is silk made?

5 1, the rainbow is beautiful because it has experienced the baptism of wind and rain; Love is beautiful, and it is a yearning that is deeply concerned; For our perfect love, please stay away from me!

52. I shot you with a bunch of * * eyes tied with 10 thousand lies. You fell in a pool of blood, and your scarred body was covered with Cupid's bullets.

53. Actually, I like the airport very much, especially the radio there. I feel like I'm sitting in the king's seat: please prepare to board the throne on flight XXX.

54. Whenever we clean, the teacher will tell us: Make your school your home, but when you are late for school, the teacher means: You should make your school your home!

55. Paint rose petals enthusiastically and carve the theme of love on chocolate. At this beautiful moment, let's connect our hearts, walk into the moonlight and taste the sweetness.

56. Last night, death took my life. When I closed my eyes, he left angrily. He said I was just an empty shell, because my heart had been stolen by others. Dear, thank you for stealing my heart.

57. The landlord's surname is Yuan, and he just had a child. He wants to give the child a name and asks netizens to think of a good name. God answered downstairs: Fiona Fang, what do you think?

58. After all my salary is paid out, it is not as thick as a mobile phone. Damn it, I'll try my best, and I'll try to make a thin mobile phone as soon as possible.

59. Rice running, Snickers eating, Pulse, Red Bull drinking, Gatorade drinking, Nike wearing. As a result, I sprained my ankle while warming up.

60, snoring, swearing, laughing, pleasant voice (as long as it is your voice); Things, love things, sweet things, everything is tempting (preferably your business).

6 1, the highest way to pick up girls: tear your face, put aside your self-esteem, empty your wallet, empty your mind and run out of time and energy. Nothing can't be soaked!

Parents, please don't call your children "rabbits", because from a genetic point of view, this is very unfavorable to you.

Dear, I have changed and become a greedy person. I miss you greedily every day, I want to hug you greedily, I want to kiss you greedily, and I want to have you forever.

64. A successful man can earn more money than his wife spends, and a successful woman can also find such a man.

65. Holding your hand is like holding a dog; Touching your head is like touching a monkey; Holding your waist is like holding a cat.

66. I am like a ship looking for a harbor. I can't forget you! I don't want dew-like love, I want eternity! Dear, would you like to join hands with me for life? Waiting for you forever!

67. Gao Fushuai's wallet is like a flower. Every time you open it, it makes people smile. My wallet is like an onion. Every time you open it, it makes people cry!

Parents: Please don't call your children "Bunny", because from a genetic point of view, this is very bad for you.

69. Me! The sky is like a dragon, you are like a phoenix on the ground, I fly in the sky and you chase after it on the ground. I love you, and I won't lie to you, just as farmers love corn.

70, you are a little aura, I am a little stupid; You are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; You have a little aroma, I have a little smoke; If you are angry, I won't lose my temper.

7 1, alone in the cold window, the autumn wind is also sad; When I see you again, it is out of reach; When the wind stops and the autumn night stays awake, who will pity you in your sleep? Qiu Lai left the flowers and leaves, but you are still in my heart!

72. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, trying to hold you by my side." The pot said, "You're so stubborn when you're fucking ripe.

73. Lao Wang accidentally fell into a dry well in the village. With the help of Rexin villagers, he finally successfully adapted to the life at the bottom of the well.

74. Women spend their whole lives thinking about who loves me, while men are thinking about who I love more. Now I love you, not from my mouth, but from my crotch!

75. I like Teresa Teng and died; I like Barbara Yung. I like Anita Mui, dead; I like Ka Kui Wong, I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung, jumping off a building; I like you, do it yourself!

76. I work hard to make money, not because I love money. But in this life, I don't want to be with anyone because of money, nor do I want to leave anyone because of money!

77. To tell you a secret, please look at the back first, then at the left and then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

78. I really want to go with you all my life, and * * * rushes into the five lakes and four continents; I really want to spend my life with you. I won't be alone. My heart cares for you, my tears flow for you, and you will always be mine.

79. The house can be smaller, the furniture can be older and the electrical appliances can be less, but as long as you are around, there will be more love and intimacy, and happiness and happiness will be full. Your home is a five-star hotel.

80. In those days, we listened to the same ballad and wrote many equations, and went home noisily. Now, we can't learn to laugh.

8 1, if a thousand miles can only accompany you through the storm, I don't ask how true it is to hold your hand before and after, and how true it is to get together and leave this desolate world. The vast sea of people just wants to have a sincere one

82. The difference between an angel and a demon: when an old woman falls, an angel will help them; And the devil is often the reason for their fall.

I wish a girl had suddenly kissed me when I wanted to smoke. Tell me when you want to smoke in the future, and I will kiss you.

84. You are my heart, you are my liver and you are three quarters of my life. You are my stomach, you are my lungs, and you are the red rose in my heart!

85. After seeing you, I realized what your father meant when he scolded you all day that it was better to have an X fever than to have you. Look at X-burn, and then look at your comparison. It's really better to have an X-burn!

86. Girls like men who play guitar because they create poems. Women like men who play with cotton because they create benefits.

87. The ideal love is like this: a dead vine and a faint crow, fish and shrimp for dinner, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, sunset, you are ugly, nothing, I am blind!

If you want to get married, don't marry someone else, marry me. Take your passbook, take your sister and drive that BMW!

89. I don't need to be unfaithful all my life. Whoever lets me down will despair. You embarrass me, I won't give you a chance to go on stage.

90. You say you are a wolf in sheep's clothing, then I am a lamb raised by wolves. Even though I know that I am just your lunch, you are still my April, and my love is still gray.

9 1, I know you love me as God loves lambs and loving mothers love babies. Your kindness and kindness make me feel all kinds of warmth and intoxication.

92, love you for ten thousand years, exaggerated! Love you for five thousand years, hopeless! Love you for a thousand years, ridiculous! Love you for a hundred years, too long! Loving you for 70 years in a row is my strength!

93. After worshipping heaven and earth, I was exhausted by my wife. Second, worship Gao Tang and work hard for her; Husband and wife respect each other as guests, and then tighten their belts; Into the bridal chamber, I knelt down and put her on the bed. Alas-I am a sheep and she is a wolf!

94. A woman, standing in front of clothes like an emperor, thinks every day, who should I favor today? I looked, alas, it's time for me to be embarrassed again.

95. If * * stipulates that a person can only find one woman in his life, I would rather that person is you, and I have no regrets until I die! But it happened that * * didn't stipulate ... then forget it!

96. Love you is bread in the morning, ice cream in summer, garlic in Shandong and pepper in Sichuan. My heart beats faster when I meet you, but I don't see your mood getting worse. I dreamed that your time passed too fast, so don't wait for you too long.

97. The family is very poor, with a primary school education, a rural hukou, a shabby house with three thin acres of land, and a wife who is hot and cold. Today, I want a girlfriend by text message, and I dare to ask if I want it!

98. Emancipate your mind and dress in fashion; Life should be harmonious and work should be comfortable; Husband should be strong and children should be beautiful; Be reserved when you go out and be loud when you go home.

99. The teacher asked: There is a kind of horse in the world, which is black and white. What kind of horse is it? Xiaoming: QR code! Teacher: Get out.

100. In the past, the primary school teacher said to us when he was afraid of breaking the ice: Let me ask you a question, and all of you will raise your right hand instead of your left.

10 1. I'm moving. The address is No.520, Lane 520, Miss Street, Love City. The landlord is my favorite. The lease term is unlimited. Rent: My love, the contract is that I love you all my life. Will you take me in?

102, for men, the most beautiful woman is an unattainable woman; For a woman, the most handsome man is the man she already has.

103. The name of the program now is "Where's Dad?" And Running Man. Then I'll name a few programs, michel platini follows me and Sister-in-law doesn't want it.

104, I left home to kiss you in the morning, went home to hug you at night, missed you at work in Doby, and sent you a text message: I don't love the fairy in the sky, I only have you in my heart; I don't pick wild flowers in the world, I only really like you!