I dreamed about you.

I've been having the same dream over and over again recently. The air in the dream is very cold. I sat in the street of Taoyuan, with the pale street lamp shining on my face. You squatted in front of me, looked at my face and just laughed.

You gently held out your hand to me, and you said, Let's go, Chen Yining. I look at you, tears keep falling, as if all the tears in this life will fall in front of you.

Vaguely and in a trance, we are addicted to the chaotic world. You hold me, you have to look back at me when you take two steps. I can't see clearly the right and wrong around me, and the hazy sight is full of your thin back.

two

I don't know what happened, but it rained a lot this summer.

I sent a WeChat message to my friend with my mobile phone. I got up and went to the refrigerator to get an ice cream. By the way, I took out the old machine from the drawer of my study and began to read the previous text messages over and over again. They are all my past records, my lush years and a heavy and profound dream.

I try to get in touch with other boys and try to forget you slowly, but every time I face them, your bright eyebrows will overlap their faces, and when I look again, it's you.

When I have nothing to do, I will stroll around Taoyuan Street alone. Several stores have changed owners. The old red brick house was demolished and a noisy entertainment place in ktv bar was built. Even the bus stop sign was removed. The No.3 bus has changed its route and no longer comes to Taoyuan. Just like you, it's easy to leave, only I stubbornly live in memory.

This is the summer of 20 14, and seven years have passed since the summer when we first met. Seven years is really a huge number, so huge that I confuse my memory and can't tell dreams from reality.

I don't quite remember what your face looked like in 2006. You like playing basketball, and you have a brilliant smile. In fact, you were not tall at that time. You are about 1.7 meters, and the zipper of your school uniform has been pulled very low. Your skin is white, your eyebrows are delicate, and you stand out among the tall, dark boys, so there are always girls holding strawberry-flavored milk tea at halftime when you play, blushing and handing it to you in the cheers of the boys around you.

I always slow down and look at you when I pass by the stadium. I am a timid girl, unlike those girls who stand outside the stadium screaming and making public, I dare not even talk to you, even look at you carefully, and dare not stay for too long.

I added you to QQ in a weekend, and your screen name is your name, Zhou. You really have the proud capital to make these three ordinary Chinese characters stand out among the millions of online names in Qian Qian.

You agreed quickly. Play the word "you are".

I remember being stunned for a long time. By the time I realized it, you had sent several messages, such as "Talk", "Where are you" and "Ask you something".

I quickly knocked on the keyboard. My name is Chen Yining. After sending it, I added, I often see you.

But you won't reply to me. I'm so disappointed. I sat in front of the computer and stared at the screen for a long time. Shi Sheng, really, I thought this was the only way out between us. You will be a dazzling star in my memory. You fall in love, get married and have children, and who you will grow old with. Your life has nothing to do with me.

But the next day after school, when I passed by the stadium, you ran to me. The sunshine at five o'clock is gentle and falls on your face. Facing the light, your outline becomes soft. You called my name, Chen Yining.

Later, in so many brand-new days, so deep and so long years, whenever I think of those three words you called for the first time, I feel it is a very beautiful thing.

You said that the computer suddenly got stuck last night and didn't answer you. When you speak, you always smile. When I look at you, my mouth rises unconsciously.

You know me. I forgot to mention, I did very well in high school, and I have been in the top ten of my grade, which is different from your countdown.

In fact, you didn't look for me much after that, but I have been chatting with you on QQ. I want to be closer to you and can't wait to tell you everything I have done in the past ten years. I am a very sensitive person. I will consciously walk away if there is a little impatience in other people's words, so after I split a lot of words, you sent me a cold message. Chen Yining, don't you think your life is particularly boring and meaningless?

Like being poured down by a basin of cold water, my fingertips are shaking. I didn't reply to you. I don't know how to reply to you. This is really my life for more than ten years. You don't want to know, you don't want to know, how can I reply?

You came to see me several times later and asked when the exam was and what your homework was. It seems that I can only say this to you. Cho, I don't like this. I really don't like this. I always feel that there is a deep gap between us. I watched your colorful world across the street, watching you smile, and you were busy with others. This is completely different from my life. In your eyes, people like Chen Yining have no youth. Her youth is buried in endless books. Chen Yining is just a reading machine. You are bored, and you despise it.

I don't know how much I liked you then. I'm always guessing the meaning behind what you told me. I'm close to you like crazy. I can't remember when it started. I no longer hide in my room to brush my questions as soon as I get home. I no longer concentrate in class and don't go out on weekends. I also began to pay attention to my appearance. I took off my heavy glasses and put on my contact lenses. I bought all kinds of bows, stopped hanging my head when I walked, and went out with an umbrella to keep out the hot sun.

With the changes, my grades have also changed, from the original top ten to twenty or thirty, until I fell out of one hundred.

Later when you met me, you smiled and asked me if I was in love. My grades have dropped so much.

At that time, I looked at you and wanted to cry.

three

In the summer vacation of my freshman year, unlike in previous years, I didn't attend cram school, but went to work as a summer job.

I called you and asked you to help me find a job. In fact, my main purpose is to create opportunities to accompany you for a while, but you are too ignorant of customs, so it is embarrassing to see someone standing next to you.

You smiled and said to me, in fact, it is not easy for me to find a job. I have never worked, but he may have experience. Said and pointed to the boys around him.

That boy looked at me with a wry smile and stared at my face fooling around. He is a beautiful woman, but he is still an airport. Cho, so you like this fucking girl. I will laugh at you in the future.

You kick him and scold him with a smile. What are you talking about?

I think my face must have been ugly at that time, because the boy was lost for a long time and couldn't say a word. You tell me his name, Gu.

I didn't want to know his name at all, but he is your friend after all, so I smiled at him and said my name, Chen Yining.

He raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

I followed you that day, walking from street to street in Taoyuan, asking from house to house if I wanted to recruit summer workers, but none of them wanted to. We were not used to using the Internet to solve problems that year. If it is shown now, it will take me a whole afternoon to find an agent online for a few minutes.

Along the way, Gu kept talking, sometimes messing with you, sometimes coming to hurt me, and then standing by laughing.

Until after 8 o'clock in the evening, I really couldn't walk. We sat on the bench and you looked at me with gentle eyes. You said the summer job might be hopeless today.

I shook my head. It's okay. It's okay.

Gu Justin Chen raised his eyebrows and looked not far away. He reached out and poked me on the shoulder. Chen Yining tested something on you.

I looked at him, in fact, he was very good-looking, with a purposeful knife-shaped eyebrow, but at that time, my eyes were full of you, and I couldn't even see the best boys, and his mouth was so mean.

I asked him what the problem was.

He got excited when he saw that I ignored him. His eyes flashed sly, and he pointed to a middle-aged woman in the distance. Did you see that woman's dog?

I nodded. He smiled, beauty, do you think the dog is male or female?

Seeing the dog's big belly being dragged to the ground, I replied without hesitation, of course, it was mom. He laughed, idiot, it's male!

I have been competitive since I was a child, and now I am called a fool by a rogue boy. How can I give up? I just explained my reasons. Didn't you see its belly? It's huge. She must be pregnant, so she must be a bitch!

He looked at me, okay, let's make a bet. If it's a female, I'll treat you to dinner. If it's a man, you can let me handle it.

I was so hot that I didn't even consider how much damage this bet would do to me. I nodded, eyes firm.

He burst out laughing and pointed at the dog. Can we look at that thing behind the dog's stomach first? Too big for you to see? I looked in the direction of his finger, "Ah", and my face began to burn.

You suddenly laughed, squatted on the ground and your shoulders were shaking. You two laughed for nearly two minutes, and Gu Chen Liangcai came over and grabbed my shoulder. Rola Chen would rather "agree". How's this? Look, you don't want it either. I'm alone. Let's get together.

I froze for half a minute and looked up at you. You were still smiling, but your eyes were no longer so warm and your eyes were still wet, because you just laughed too hard.

No matter how turbulent my heart is, your eyes are still calm.

I threw off Gu's paw, turned around and jumped into a taxi. I looked at your thin figure through the rearview mirror, and tears came crashing down.

four

Days pass by day, maybe I haven't seen you for a long time. In so many repeated dawns, I always fantasize about our reunion in the vast sea of people. You must be mature, handsome and gentlemanly. I may cry or laugh, but I won't know, because I don't want to see you again in my life. What a sad ending this should be.

Su Mi in the movie I'll never see you again said: I've heard a lot of truth, but I still can't live a good life. When I was sitting in the cinema and saw this line, I buried my face in the dark and burst into tears, scaring the little girl next to me. She pointed at me and asked her mother why my sister was crying. The woman's voice is awkward, and her sister may have thought of something sad.

Shi Sheng, I really miss you. I miss the lingering years when we collapsed.

When I walked out of the cinema, it began to rain lightly. It suddenly occurred to me that I was with Gu in this weather many years ago.

My face was so tender at that time. Gu Xueliang held my hand and paraded through the city. I looked at his face, what a brilliant and happy expression it was. He did accompany me for a long time. Sometimes I envy him. Unlike me, he can do a lot of things for me aboveboard to please me, but I can't.

I've done a lot for you, too. I heard that you like girls with black and straight hair, so I went to the barber shop to straighten my naturally curly long hair. I went to the barber shop to straighten it every two months. Those potions are really bad for my hair, so now my hair is yellow. You like to sleep late in the morning. In order not to be late, you always skip breakfast, but it's time for you to grow up, so I always get up at 5: 30 every day and go to Taiwan Province in Taoyuan to queue up to buy two meat buns and a cup of soybean milk, so that you can sit at the same table and put them in your desk hole. I have been doing this for three years. In order not to let you know, your deskmate also blackmailed me for breakfast for two months. Senior three, the grade director won't let students play basketball, but basketball is like your life. You still go to the playground to play basketball after school every day, but do you know that you will get a demerit if you are caught by the grade director? You are a senior in high school. How can you be so ridiculous at this critical moment? So in order to stop the grade director from patrolling the playground, every time you go to play basketball, I will do something, either smoking in the classroom or playing with my mobile phone.

……

When I saw Gu Xueliang holding my hand, your eyes were in a trance for a moment. That night, I was holding my mobile phone and my fingertips were hovering in front of your name on the screen. Shi Sheng, I don't know why. At that moment, I missed you and wanted to see you.

But Shi Sheng, no matter how much I do for you, we will never meet again in our lifetime, which is really sad.

Gu takes me to do what all couples do, watching movies and shopping, and often gives me small gifts. He takes me to eat all over the street every day after school, and KFC is essential every Wednesday.

Sometimes I am very happy when I am with Gu. I haven't contacted you for a long time, and I didn't talk when I saw you at school. I thought I would forget you and like your feelings. Until Gu Guo's birthday, he asked you to pick me up at the hotel. It was winter, and we were across the street. When you smile at me, your face is a little unreal, and my nose is a little sour. ?

It's only 50 meters away, but I think it seems to be the longest distance I have traveled in my life. I buried my face in my scarf, and the hot tears crept into my neck and became cold again.

You didn't speak. As before, the corner of your eye kept smiling. Shi Sheng, you know how strange we are. You laughed all the way and I cried all the way.

When we entered the box, Gu didn't look very well. I didn't care too much. I gave him my present and sat next to him. I don't remember how long it was. I went to the bathroom on the way. When I came back, I saw a large group of people pulling Gu and saying that I was going to the bar. He is drunk, and his eyebrows are slightly drunk. I'll hold him. I said Chen Liang, I'll take you home. You are drunk.

He pushed me away in full view and slapped me hard. He shouted at me: Chen Yining, will you stop pretending! This really makes me sick!

The noisy crowd suddenly fell silent. I took a deep breath and caught him with red eyes. Tian Liang, I know you drink too much. Let's go home.

Go away! He pushed me so hard that I stepped back and knocked down the table. All the leftovers on the table fell on me, and I was embarrassed to sit on the ground.

I didn't expect you to come out, and I didn't expect you to hit him. You put your feet on gu's stomach and scold: fuck!

Then, without saying a word, you hit him. He was drunk and was no match for you at all. It took a long time for everyone to pull you away.

I got up from the ground and left. I went to Taoyuan. It's getting late. There are few people in the street. Many shops are closed, and occasionally a car passes by. It turns out that this city is so desolate.

I sat in the street, looking down at my own shadow, and my eyes were as wet as a light rain. You just magically appeared in front of me, squatted down and looked at my face, just laughing.

You gently held out your hand to me, and you said, Let's go, Chen Yining.

That was the first time I held your hand. Just like your face, your hands are beautiful, long and warm. You hold me and take two steps to look back at me. It's like I'll suddenly disappear.

That night, you took me to the Internet cafe, and you taught me to play online games all night. The next morning, you go to Laotaimen to queue up to buy meat buns and soybean milk. I cried when you handed it to me. You hold me, you say, don't think so much. There are still a few months before the college entrance examination, so study hard.

I nodded in the warm winter sunshine.

five

Gu came back, and I went to meet him at the airport. Walking through the crowd, he raised an eyebrow and smiled at me.

He wore a black suit, his hair was cut very short, and his eyes were mixed with many feelings. Without the sharp breath of that year, his edges and corners became extremely soft.

After all these years, the first thing he said when he saw me was not "I hope you are all right, Chen Yining." Not "I miss you so much."

But "I'm sorry." He said sorry to me seriously. Looking at him, I have a little illusion. This seems to be a dream for many years. When I woke up, I found that I was still sitting in the classroom in my fat school uniform, and the sun was still shining outside the window.

For a long time, I couldn't figure out why he was so angry with me on his birthday night.

It was the last semester of senior three, and everyone was very nervous about this problem. I haven't seen him or contacted him since my birthday. For senior three students, it is normal for two people in different classes in the same grade not to meet for a month or two. The students stayed in their seats all day, hoping that they had mildew.

I also brush questions all day, buy gel pens box by box, sit there all day, and have no spare capacity to deal with these children's affairs. Later, I heard that Gu dropped out of school.

When I found him, he was buying a barbecue at the barbecue stall with a cigarette in his mouth. I remember it was early spring and the air was still very cold. I'm still cold in a thick sweater. He only wears short sleeves.

Gu vomited a big smoke turn, and his handsome half face fell into the shadow, with his head down and kept silent. I suddenly found that he can be so quiet.

I put my hand into my pocket and rubbed the sole of my foot against the pebbles on the roadside. I said, Gu Xueliang, can you stop being so headstrong? No matter what happens between us, how much you don't want to see me, will you go back to the exam first?

He looked up and smiled, his lips were chapped and a little bloodshot. I looked at him and suddenly felt distressed. He said, Chen Yining, please don't be so smelly, okay? You are just a little girl. As for me, do you want to kill yourself like a bitch?

He paid the money and handed me a bunch of roasted wings. I stared at him and didn't move. He withdrew his hand and shrugged: I won't take the exam, and I will go to America in a few days.

Counting our days together seems like a long time. He slapped me in the face at the birthday party and embarrassed me in public. I am very angry. I don't understand. I am waiting for him to give me an explanation. I waited for him to apologize. I thought I would forgive him.

However, he now uses the word "going abroad" to perfunctory this relationship. No matter how serious he is, he will make up a decent reason to end our relationship, but he doesn't even bother to find an excuse.

To tell the truth, at that moment, I was really lost, otherwise I wouldn't have turned and left. He rushed up and hugged me from behind, and opened his mouth to bite my shoulder. I tried to get rid of the pain. I scolded him: you are a psycho!

He let go and buried his head deep in my neck. I suddenly stopped moving, and my whole body became stiff. In the busy street, in the noisy night, he whispered and sobbed in my ear.

He said, Chen Yining, you have gone too far.

His voice is hoarse, and the burning breath is in my ear. He said, we have been together for so long, have you seen my face clearly?

Do you remember that when we first met, you frowned when you saw me? When you saw Shi Sheng, you grinned. I find that you like to look into his eyes best. When he winks at you, your face will turn red.

I know from your virtue that you like him, but your little mind can't hide it from me. You get up so early every day to buy him breakfast, you change so much for him, and you approach him humbly. I know you like him to the bone, but I liked you very much at that time.

For the first time in my life, I care so much about a girl. I was so good to you. I thought you would gradually discover my goodness and like me like Shi Sheng, but I found that I couldn't. I can't stand it when I see Mann Shi Sheng's name written on every book.

On my birthday night, I asked Shi Sheng to pick you up and leave you alone. I want to see your reaction. You know, when I saw your eyes were red, I really, really collapsed.

It was a long time before he spoke: I want you to be happy more than anyone else, but I can't, and I have no right to tie you to my side, so he paused, goodbye, and coagulation.

Five years later, when we met, he said to me, I'm sorry. He also said, a clot, let's go and meet Shi Sheng. When the ancient Chen Liang mentioned this name, the snow-capped mountain I had buried for many years collapsed in an instant. It was a huge avalanche that overturned my whole world.

We haven't seen each other for five years, Shi Sheng.

six

Before I went to see you, I sat in front of the mirror and put on my makeup seriously. The person in the mirror is as beautiful as a picture. I'm wearing a long black dress with flowers at the hem.

Gu said, a clot, you are very beautiful today. Shi Sheng, I hope you will like it, too. But when I sit opposite you, you are still silent, and your appearance remains the same. After so many years, I have a lot to say to you, but you just look at me, just like smiling at me many years ago, with a quiet black and white photo under your eyes. I looked at you and smiled, and my tears fell.

Its moments said to me, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What?

I'm sorry, when you were a sophomore, you put that confession letter in my desk hole, and Gu Chen Liang tore it up before I saw it. Yao Ming liked me very much before him. So I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, the whole city was boiling on the day of the college entrance examination, and Gu sent you to take the exam. In the most prosperous Taoyuan Street, a school bus is coming, so you push him away.

I feel sorry for you, Cho. You can't be with Rola Chen for the rest of your life.

So, I'm sorry