A very popular family humor joke

● Daughter-in-law does housework at home, and her husband is lying on the sofa with his legs crossed and playing with his mobile phone. The child suddenly said, Dad, you are really something. I really admire you. Dad asked: Why? The child said: You are really capable of marrying such a good wife. You can cook and do housework, and you can earn money at work. You're beautiful? A delicious meal. Dad was proud, and the child looked up and said to his mother, Mom, you can't. What do you think you married?

● The wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the boudoir, so she took her husband downstairs and asked him: Have you been here? Husband said: no, I haven't been here. The wife asked again: Have you really never been here? Husband said: I swear I have never been here! The wife took out her husband's mobile phone and gave him a mouth. You've never been here before. How to connect wifi? Dear friends, you must use mobile phone traffic to surf the Internet in the future! Remember!

Wifi is risky, so be careful when surfing the Internet!

I finally know why the north is not as rich as the south! The heating bill was paid in vain for a month. Down jacket, half a month in vain. Autumn clothes, autumn trousers and cotton trousers have been dry for half a month. Two pairs of big cotton shoes, half a month in vain. Cotton socks, cotton hats, cotton gloves, and big masks are around the neck for half a month in vain. Three months for nothing. Originally, I earned less, and I earned three months less a year. It's cold, so eat two more hot pots, geese and pork-killing dishes. If you catch a cold again, take two injections and the money will go in for half a year. . Emma. I can't live this life. . .

● I went home on a National Day blind date and met a gold digger. See what I can do with her. W: Do you have five rooms and three halls? Me: No Woman: Do you have a Mercedes-Benz BMW? Me: No female: Has the passbook exceeded 6 digits? Me: No female: Then why do you want to get close and get ready to leave ... I said: I am the CEO and manage hundreds of people. Woman: Damn you, why didn't you say so earlier? You are enough. What do you do? Me: QQ group owner ...

● Wife: Husband, the National Day is coming, and the bowls are all washed for you. We'll be rich. Husband: Why? Wife: "Get rich by public washing" Husband: Then kneel at the door and wait for me to come back. Wife: Why? Husband: "Fu Gui (woman kneels) meets the door" ... Mother-in-law: What's that noise? Let's go and wash together. Husband and wife: Why? Mother-in-law: It's double washing. ....

According to the survey, this year's Mid-Autumn Festival benefits of major units are varied, including farting, hammering, hair and hair. What's more, it is extremely extravagant to send a girl! Some unit welfare is ok, send a ball! What's more, the reporter asked a director: What did your unit send? Looking at the sky, he murmured: send a bird ~ the reporter is not as complacent as our unit, and the leader said to send an eggplant?

● I found an Apple 6Plus on the roadside today, which was originally intended to be returned to the owner. Who knows this guy called me and said, you'd better give me my phone back. My mobile phone has satellite positioning, and I already know where you are! ? As soon as I heard TM's temper, I got up and bought a dozen hydrogen balloons and tied them to my mobile phone. As soon as I give up, I will go with the flow ~ ~ You still have satellite positioning, and I still don't believe I can't cure you. Fly to the sky to find it! We don't need balloon money-for those who don't know how to talk to me properly ...?

Husband: Honey, I just bought the moon cakes of 15 yuan.

Wife: Then what?

Husband: I gave it to the boss 100, and the idiot gave me 95. Haha, you said he was the best in the world? I am running.

Wife: What about moon cakes?

Husband: I forgot to take it.

● An old woman pushes her grandfather, who says to her:? Baby, that's very kind of you. ? How sweet! The reporter went forward and asked the grandmother: How to maintain the love of this life? Grandma said:? He had an affair before and once wanted to abandon me. ? The reporter asked:? How did you do that? Grandma:? No, I broke his leg! ? .................................................................................................................................................................................., you are over eighty, and you are still called a wife and baby. How did you do that? Grandpa:? Just forget it． I forgot her name a few years ago, afraid to ask, for fear that she would kill me.

● Son: Dad, I made trouble today, which made the teacher mad and made me cry. Dad: You son of a bitch, why are you angry with the teacher? Son: Today, my teacher found me playing with magnets in class. She wanted to confiscate it, so I gave it to her. Dad: Nothing! Son: But as soon as the teacher took it, she sucked it on her big gold bracelet. At that time, she cried and ran to the headmaster to fight. What a good scratch! The headmaster's face was scratched and bleeding! I don't know why. Dad: OK, that's all right. Why not play and take a magnet away from mom's jewelry in the future?

A rich woman said to the master. Master, I find it boring to live! I spend a lot of money casually; Man, I change every day; Delicious food makes me sick. Master, what do you think I should do? The host turned around, picked up the candle and lit the woman's clothes. The woman quickly blew it out. I thought about it and said, Master, I understand. You made me cherish my life. ? I want to know the fortune of your life, said the master. Wrong. I mean, if you don't blow, you'll die! ! ?

I was walking in the street just now when an old woman came along. When I passed her, she grabbed my arm and lay down slowly. I thought, it's fucking over! My legs are weak with fear. After more than ten seconds, grandma suddenly stood up by herself. Blow on the dust on my ass. ? Son, stabbing pain is not exciting, life is full of surprises. Help you relieve stress? Say that finish and left. Hey, I'll go! Heroes don't ask the source! Fun regardless of age! ! !

The wife said, let's divorce, this day can't live! Husband also growled: but you just left, who is the grandson! You can have this room! Give you the car! Here you go, son! I'll give it to you, too. I'll go wherever you go! The water my wife just drank spilled all over the floor! Then the wife left and the husband asked, honey, where are you going? The wife replied angrily, go shopping and cook your favorite braised pork! Husband said, I will accompany you! The wife asked her husband: Why do you let me go every time you quarrel? Husband: I am 175, and you are 160. Don't you bow your head when I talk to you? This is the old man.

Tell you a good news: Generally, cash trucks leave the vault on fixed lines, and are generally equipped with four people, one driver, one conductor and two escorts. These two men were armed with guns and shotguns. The first two rounds were empty bullets, and the third round was live ammunition. Almost all of them are from security companies, with little courage and little training. Generally, there are 7 to 20 delivery bank outlets, and the daily cash of banks is not much, about 500 to 1 10,000 for small banks, and a little more for large banks, especially the head office. The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming, so we won't send moon cakes. I hope this news can change everyone's fate! Wish you success!

● What is tolerance?

Xiaoming got his report card back. Dad: Math 0, Chinese 1. Xiao Ming nodded trembling ... the air was condensed, and the atmosphere was terrible. He felt something was wrong ... Dad took a deep breath of his cigarette and said, Xiao Ming, you are a little weird!

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