Funny and humorous blessing message

American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood? China: Not the United States: Then why is the word "cup" in China beside the wooden character? China people: Isn't there a "no" next to "wood", so it's not made of wood.

2, the chill comes quietly, because your cuteness explains it to you. Keep warm when you go out to prevent swine flu, show your head when you sleep, and don't suffocate your pig. It's nothing to grab a bone. I heard that this way can supplement calcium!

3. A rich cow is burly with a big waist and a round face. This is software. BMW Mercedes-Benz, each with two villas, covers an area of 100 mu. This is hardware. A flower heart, welcome to visit.

4. Reporter: What are your hopes for this game? Player: When I take the ball over the opposing defender and rush to the goal area to prepare for shooting, I hope the opposing goalkeeper will suddenly cramp and fall to the ground.

The old man's wife went to heaven last year, and today she proposes marriage just for a happy year. The family has retired, and the monthly salary can't be spent. I want a wife who can chat, take care of each other and help each other. As long as the other party has nothing to worry about, I will get the certificate early and get married.

6. SARS robbed vinegar and people became jealous; Japan's nuclear radiation grabs salt, and people become "salt" kings; Look up this "salt" to avoid the demon "salt" confusing people; What I am afraid of is caring for each other. There is no "salt", no "salt" right, only a thousand tears!

7. oh, my god Please send me a watermelon to those guys who forget me, don't call me, don't send me messages, don't miss me, wish them enough, and then walk on the watermelon skin!

Many years ago, a computer virus called "Y2K bug" prevailed, and there were related news on TV and radio. Since then, grandma has never allowed our children to use computers, for fear of bugs crawling out.

9. Wandering in the Jianghu since childhood, known as the savage butcher. I'm famous in the Jianghu, but I can't help but feel homesick and enjoy being single. Looking for a wife today. I hope this daughter is gentle and refined, as warm as an old mother. Life is long, and I will kill pigs for you every year.

10, sentimental and unreasonable, rich and heartless, entitled and without money, powerless, and I, a friend with only a "heart", sincerely wish you a good drink and good health!

1 1. Do you know the latest abbreviation of "envy, jealousy and hate"? I tell you: "Hum ~ cut ~ bah!" Pot friends, children's shoes, isn't this too vivid, too in place, too powerful?

12, shooting: Two men are chatting on the roof of a tall building. Suddenly, Man A said to the man, You are too fond of the China men's football team. After hearing this, the man looked sad and immediately turned around and jumped off the roof. At this time, male C ran over and said to male A: You cursed too hard.

13, coke, hamburger, French fries ready to jump off the building. Coke jumps first, and the floor at the bottom of the building is still coke. Hamburg jumps down again, and the ground at the bottom of the building is still Hamburg. The French fries finally jumped, so they became KFC together …

14, I need a daughter-in-law: I don't want much, I don't want a high degree, I don't want a good figure, as long as I am diligent and filial, I can do everything in laundry and cooking, I can move heavy objects and repair computers. The above points must be remembered, and there is a joint code: wife, where are you going!

15, the mountain is not high, Qian Mingliang; The water is not deep, but money is spiritual. Money is important, but health is more important. Health is the capital of your career. It is not difficult for you to make money from your friends. Take care of yourself!

16. Noodles were bullied by steamed bread, and I asked Hua Juan to avenge him. Hua Juan met a bean bag and mistook it for steamed bread, so she called it back. Noodles ask: revenge? Hua Juan said: Don't worry! Shit is coming out!

17, April Fool's Day is here, you people have fun, be a fool who entertains yourself, and be a fool who entertains others to please yourself; Stupid at work, stupid at thinking, stupid at wealth, stupid at life, enjoying the happiness of stupid water, and endless happiness and stupid taste!

18, the sea cannot have a bottom, and the mountain cannot have a top. Flowers cannot be without petals, and grass cannot be without roots. You can't live without money or company. Friendship can't be without blessings, and blessings can't be without messages.

19 On Sunday, a girl spent the whole morning surfing the Internet and was sleepy at noon, so she set the QQ automatic reply to "Hmm! Then what? " I went to bed and woke up two hours later to see a male netizen chatting with her on QQ!

20. One day, the teacher assigned an assignment and asked the students to write a proposal about ecological balance. There is a proposal that makes the teacher laugh and cry. It turns out that there are only a dozen words written on it: cut down less trees, eat less animals and be vegetarian.

2 1, my buddy is still single. Let me introduce you to a beautiful woman. The poor talk about her every day, and the rich miss her every day. Recently, even the guest website has devoted a special topic to let everyone discuss her. Oh, I forgot to tell you the beauty's name. The girl's surname is Wu, and her name is Ai Fa.

Manager: Hua, you are late for work in the morning and leave early after work. Is this not good? Hua: The road conditions are not good now, and there are always traffic jams. I'm late for work. I can't be late for home from work, or my wife will criticize me!

23. I didn't hear from you after the Chinese New Year, and I was very distressed. It hurts to miss you. I once cut off my pulse with a banana. Hit your head with eggs; Noodles. But none of them are dead. Please eat a meal and die.

24, full of personality, the coolest in the world: drinking Lushan Waterfall and sleeping in Cao Cao's tomb; Put onions in your nostrils and dog teeth in your mouth; Brawly, with branches tied to her waist, walked with light crane steps; Children cry when they see it, and they are called interstellar monsters!

I can't flirt with you now. I never cherished you before. Seeing so many people chasing you now, I really can't speak. I'm not radiation resistant. My house is really out of salt. You are the only one in my salt!

26, military training, suffering, crying dad called mom in vain. My back is not hunched, my legs are not bent, and I am no longer lazy. I washed my own clothes, and no one urged me to get up. My friend, you should know that we have grown up, so we should stand on our own feet and strive for greater success at a new starting point!

27. After reading the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar! Seeing that there were no pigs in the pigsty, he touched his beard and said, empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! I was overjoyed to see you again suddenly: yo-ho! And the honey trap!

28. Lovers should choose tenderness as water and sweetness as honey; Opponents should choose smart, capable and powerful; Colleagues should choose those who work hard and have no temper, and friends should choose those with pig's head and runny nose. Stop looking and wipe your nose. I wish you happiness.

29, smile, "worry" secretly thrown away; Have fun, and the "pressure" quietly recedes; Beauty is beautiful, and "sleeping" is gentle; May you be relaxed and happy again and again.

30, more than half of the Year of the Rabbit, inventory: Japan's nuclear leak, Libya's civil strife, rising oil prices, melamine dyeing steamed bread! Oh! You didn't do any of this. I'm just so picky that I'm never invited to dinner! Be good in the future!

3 1, Spring Festival is coming, what is a good year? Hello, everyone, it's really good! I also stated in advance: this year's holiday will not receive gifts, and gifts will also receive text messages. I choose, I like it!

32. It often rains and windy in spring, which wakes up all the leeks and onions in the garden. A tearful, frightened and lonely dream. Lazy enough to get drunk with two bottles of sand, shallots enjoy spring. I hate poverty because it is inflation.

33. The matchmaker takes the woman on a blind date and looks at the handsome guy from a distance. Q: Is that okay? Woman: Will he? He fell in love with you at first sight. Seeing a one-eyed man after marriage, I asked the matchmaker angrily. I said he has a crush on you!

There is no reason to love you, that is, I am in love with you. A big kiss has not changed my love, and I am calm? Look down when you are calm: look back at the first five sentences, and read the second word of each sentence one by one. When you are calm, I will count you as malicious.

35. I heard that you can't receive the short message on your mobile phone, so I sent you this short message specially. If you receive it, please reply: "Yes, just received it. Or your ... "

Dear friends, May Day is coming, so let me remind you first. In order to carry out the name of Labor Day, come to my house to brush the toilet and bring your lunch. Labor is the most glorious!

37. Is it difficult to light cigarettes regularly? On the table, some people advised that public relations should tackle key problems; Play mahjong several times, a lot of friends; Flattery is unusual, and the cause will always move forward; Text messages are the most important and the best to remember. I wish you all the best!

38. My daughter pestered my father to tell a story, but he couldn't ask: Do you want to hear a long story or a short story? Daughter said it was long. Dad said: Once upon a time, there was a mosquito buzzing. My daughter said quickly, I want to hear a short story, and my father said, my father was killed!

39. Losing weight means eating all the delicious food in the world in one day. In order to realize this lofty and happy ideal, I decided to eat it now! Only in this way can we save enough strength to lose weight!

40. A friend said that he has a durable old man who will take care of everything. A friend said that he has a very durable girlfriend and will not break up again; And I only have a boss who can stand it, and he won't give me a raise!

4 1, in hot summer, SMS brings you unlimited coolness. I'll send you a cup of Nongfu Spring, which is a little sweet, and a cup of coffee to ease your anxiety. There is someone outside, and one day behind you (hongta group), a friend shakes the cattail leaf fan for you. How's it going? Isn't it great?

42. A conductor went to a restaurant for dinner. When checking out after dinner, call the waiter loudly: "waiter, buy a ticket, buy a ticket." The dining customers and waiters here were shocked at once. ...

43. The law professor gave an example: "A man came to my house to steal something, and when I found out, he killed me. Later, the police caught him and called him a suspect. Then who am I? " The students said in unison, "Dead man!"

44. A bunch of workplace theories are basically blowing; Among them, it has its own true taste, only to experience it carefully; Go to work on time, the boss can't offend; Ask your predecessors humbly, your experience is valuable; Give full play to your work and learn to compliment.

45. Marriage: I am a zoo keeper, with a humorous appearance, a neck comparable to that of a swan, a simple and honest belly like a panda, a house and a car, and a BMW in the zoo dormitory. If you want to enter the park, don't contact me.

46. Spending money is the pain of happiness. Living in every corner of life, it hurts to pay utilities, buy daily necessities and send text messages. Making money is a painful pleasure, rolling back and forth in my blood. I have a headache when I work overtime, and my body hurts when I am busy with business. If only I could get a raise!

47. The standard of a good man in the new era: a diploma, two languages, three rooms and two halls; Famous brands in the four seasons, with correct facial features; Six parents don't recognize it, and the monthly salary is 7,000; Exquisite in all directions, nine cigarettes do not touch; Very honest.

48. Two people are drinking. One of them was drunk and slurred: now I see things in two ways. Another man quickly took out a hundred-dollar bill from his pocket and said, here's 200 yuan I owe you!

49, rice and steamed bread group, rice crowded, see steamed bread to fight, no one is spared! Zongzi was forced into the corner, tearing his clothes and shouting: Look clearly, I am undercover!

50, friends, the weather is hot, I wish you refreshed every day (exquisite sanitary napkins), work easily and count your wages, usually pay a drop of water, and have the Pacific Ocean when you are in trouble! (Pacific Insurance) No pains, no gains!

5 1, which has infinite magic, can make the wicked turn to good, the good turn to evil, the weak become stronger, and the strong become weaker. Guess what this is? Most people answer: the devil. Correct answer: love. -Everyone has forgotten the essence of love.

52. The petal rain floats, leaving the flower heart to you, the four monsoon blows, leaving the maple leaf to you, and the tide surges in Na Yue, leaving the joy to you. In the dead of night, leaving the deep blessing to you. When the weather gets cold, pay attention to your health.

53. May you never meet the wolf, get up early and watch the red sun * Every day is in Shuai Shuai, beautiful money is boiling, work is leisurely, you are leisurely, your heart is always warm, and everything is happy!

The goat introduced the elephant girl to the mosquito. In fact, mosquitoes have long fallen in love with elephants and agreed. But after mosquito's parents learned about it, they resolutely opposed it. Mother mosquito said, son, we can't even afford an engagement ring!

55. A meteor flashed in the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that I could become more handsome. Who knows, just after making a wish, the meteor came back and said to me: big brother! It's hard for me, isn't it?

56. Every time I touch the skin, I always have a strange feeling. Because your skin hair is soft, it always tickles me, so I can't help rubbing it on you. It took me half a day to do it-peaches are finally ready to eat.

57. The pig cried sadly. Mother pig asked, Why are you crying? I feel stupid, said the pig. Mother pig comforted: don't cry, the people who read this news are more stupid than pigs.

58. In the future, when China is rich, all foreigners will have to take CET-4, answer questions with a brush, and then carve Oracle Bone Inscriptions with a knife. The name of the paper is "On Theory of Three Represents". Jay Chou's songs will be played during the listening test and Peking Opera will be sung during the oral test.

59. The basketball player missed ten goals in shooting practice. The coach said, "Idiot! Look at me. " I also voted for ten times, but I still didn't get in. "See? That's how you just shot. "

60-year-old A Tong's youngest and favorite daughter, Wei Yi. It's beautiful scenery in the south of the Yangtze River, and I want to have a heart-to-heart talk with heptachord. We can feel her feelings, even before she plays, affectionate but always ruthless. I don't know if people are here, and a new generation will change the old ones.

6 1, one day, a handsome guy was waiting for the bus at the station. When he saw someone smiling at him, he thought he was handsome and made several gestures. Seeing him smile more brightly, suddenly an aunt said, stop stepping on shit, young man!

62. Soft hair is long and smooth, eyes are dark and liquid, slim figure is tall and straight, and fresh smile is beautiful. I am happy when I see you, but I am depressed when I can't see you.

As a professional goalkeeper, I really admire your professionalism. Yesterday at the class reunion, the old cow threw you a cigarette. I didn't expect you to kick it out with one foot, and it fell into the teacup in front of the old cow.

64. It is difficult to make money. It's really hard to make money. Making money is like climbing Mount Everest for the first time. The slope is steep and difficult. Spending money quickly, spending money really quickly, spending money is like the lower reaches of the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, fast and short. I wish you make a lot of money every day, don't spend it all!

65. You have wisteria in your head and Lu Huabing in your mouth, thinking that life like butterfly lovers is like summer flowers. So you are such a lovely little wild flower.

Dear, I want to melt like snow in your arms (Meiji chocolate), feel your breath and blend in with you; Dear, I was born of love (Johnson) and slept because of you. I will accompany you in this life, always by your side; Honey, did you buy me my beloved silk?

Note: the weather has turned cold recently, and your dress needs to be improved. Keeping warm is the first priority. You must wear a coat when you go out. Health and happiness are my hopes for you. (Tips: Don't wear open-backed pants in cold weather! )

68. One day, a frog kissed the rabbit and ran away. The rabbit ran after him. Frogs enter the pond in an emergency. Soon, a toad climbed out. Rabbit laughed: haha, sample, allergic!

69. I used the bet of my life, twice the effort, the courage to take care of the humble, the speed that four horses couldn't catch up with, and unparalleled patience to trot all the way, and finally caught up with you on 7 17. Dear, I want to kiss you and tell you that you are the only one in my life!

70. I have experienced ups and downs since I was a child. I have eaten poisonous snakes on barren hills, slept in a stinking moat, rode a broken bicycle and sang a loud single love song. Say Amitabha, pray for an ethereal female guest to sit in my broken car and sing the song of husband and wife together.

I have a kitten named He Miaomiao at home. I bite whoever I see. I have been to the epidemic prevention station several times because of my injury. I spent a lot of money, but I can't bear to throw it away. The whole family had to hide from it and let it go, so I kept a hide-and-seek cat.

72. The old man bought a slow ticket, but got on the express train. The conductor said, "Uncle, you bought a ticket for the local train. This is an express train. Please make up the ticket. " The old man said, "Then ask the driver to drive slowly! Anyway, I am not in a hurry! "

Modesty is worse than pride in some cases, so I think it's better to be realistic. That's who I am. Now that I have no money, I need you to treat me badly. You don't have to be modest. Come proudly with your wallet.

74. You are really elegant and dignified, like sunshine, refuse to be dirty, never be lazy and try to take care of your family, but even so, you can't steal our fish. Whose kitten is this?

75. Looking at the foot of the mountain, fog covers half the sky, looking back at the river, it is difficult to find water after years of drying up. Looking up at the sun seems to hide in the clouds shyly. There is no way but to look down at the earth and find an earthquake below. I am floating in the wind.

76, low-carbon life is a compliment, no car, no house is not ugly. Without a car, we are emission reduction people, without a house, we don't occupy land. Insisting on environmental protection has many advantages, and everyone who knows it is a fool. Men are more responsible for the low-carbon theory of SMS communication.

77. A: "I'll tell you a cold joke!" B: "Good." A: "This joke is cold!" B: "I see. Go ahead. " Silently ... B: "Tell me!" A: "I'm finished."

78. The day before the exam, the boy said to Ban Hua, "You should wear less for the exam tomorrow!" Ban Hua asked in surprise, "Why?" The boy said, "In this way, the invigilator only stares at you, so we can cheat!" " "

79. I wish you look like a beautiful sheep, your figure is comparable to that of a boiling sheep, your freedom is like a lazy sheep, your youth is like a slow-heating sheep, your career is developing rapidly, your mood is like Jonie, and your wisdom is more than pleasant goat. I am a grey wolf who always misses you!

80, one room and two halls, blue tiles and white walls, fences outside the window, flowers and fruits in front of the door, your home is in the middle, brothers and sisters want to, I wish your loved ones happiness forever, I wish you a pleasant journey!

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