Couples' humorous stories will be read online.

Humor provides a channel to express feelings, behaviors and impulses that are not accepted by society. I have collected some humorous stories of couples for you to read online. Let's have a look.

Selected humorous stories of couples will be read online.

1) My husband once in a while. After two days, my wife took a bite and said, What's wrong with you? It's either light or salty. The husband replied: this time I made up the salt I put less last time.

2) ? I met a girl the other day. I fell in love with her at first sight ? That's good! But why don't you go after her? I looked at her again. ?

3) The child pointed to the person in front and said to his mother: There is not a hair on that person's head! Mom: Keep your voice down so that others can hear you. Child: Doesn't he know?

4) A Jun showed his jokes to his deskmate, who laughed after reading them. A Jun asked excitedly: Is my joke good? The deskmate replied: Can this be called a joke?

5) M: We have been dating for so long, let's live together! My parents will never forgive me. What if we get married? W: I won't forgive myself.

6) When the hotel manager came to the restaurant, he said uneasily to all the guests: Sorry, the chef asked me to tell the guests that I hope you will be careful when chewing. He dropped his contact lens.

7) Customer: How much is the haircut? Barber: Ten yuan. Customer: It's so expensive! I am a bald man. Barber: Of course I know. One is for a haircut and the other is for a haircut.

8) The child came to his mother in tears, and her mother asked, What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

9) Bookstore clerk with a straight face: Don't look, this is a book seller, not a library! Customer: What's your attitude? You didn't smile. Shop assistant: Are you here to buy a book or a smile?

10) customers complain that these apples are really expensive. The fruit shop assistant replied, don't say that. Look how red they are. Customer: You charge too much, of course they blush!

1 1) It was late at night, and the child began to cry while sleeping. Father decided to sing a lullaby to coax him. As a result, just after singing a few words, the next door protested: let the children cry!

12) The young man who just learned to ride a motorcycle accidentally bumped into an old woman. Young man: Grandma, I'm sorry! I'm not good at riding. Grandma: I'm not good at riding. I can play so accurately!

13) mom: lipstick is from a male classmate. Daughter: Yes. Mom: Girls shouldn't just accept gifts from boys. Give it to him quickly. Daughter: I want to return it. I put it in my mouth every day and give it back to him.

14) man: my wife is missing. Please help me find it! Policeman: What are her characteristics? Man: Not tall or fat, a little bald, with a big nose. Policeman: Then why are you looking for her?

15) old woman: you want to invite the heroine, and I'll apply. Director: But you are late. Old woman: I came as soon as I saw the advertisement. Why am I late? Director: You are late.

Classic couples' humorous stories will be read online.

Wife: What do you think of sex? Husband: I don't think so, but there are many ways. Wife: What do you think of me wearing a bikini to this seaside party? Dave: No! So people will think you got married after my money. Wife: Husband! Will my hair be ugly? Dave: No. Your ugliness has nothing to do with hair. Wife: Let's see if I broke my palm. Dave: Don't look, there must be. Wife: Why? Husband: Otherwise, how could my life be ruined by you? Wife: Boss, give my husband a bottle of rice wine. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his capacity for drinking. ......

2) A couple has been married for many years. Suddenly one day, the wife asked her husband: Do you like my beauty or my cuteness? ? The husband replied:? I like your humor. ?

3) The wife bought a lottery ticket and said to her husband, "If I win the lottery, I will buy a dress." Husband asked:? What if you can't win? The wife said, "Then buy it for me! ?

4) Husband: Shaving in the morning makes me feel young! Wife: Hum! In that case, you should shave before going to bed. Wife: Honey, I don't look like my mother in this dress, do I? Husband: No, like parents. Husband: If I didn't make a lot of money, how could I have this home? Wife: You're right. If I had no money, I wouldn't go into this house.

5) I found that condoms have such a lovely name, called stop Genie. . . So ... Ready to sing! On the right side of the left leg and the left side of the right leg, there is an elf. They are thin and transparent, smooth and beautiful. They travel freely in the big black forest, safe and considerate to prevent being fathers ~

6) Today, a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party. We were so happy that I blurted out with excitement. Great! I must be a stepmother after the baby is born! ? Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I was wrong and quickly changed my mind. No, no, I mean stepmother. ? Actually, what I want to say is dopted mother.

7) Wife: Your new secretary is quite beautiful! Dave: Yes! Wife: What about aesthetics? Dave: Good. Wife: Are you considerate? Dave: That's great! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about your work? Dave: Just make do! Wife: How about getting dressed? Dave: Pretty fast?

8) One day, I had a good dinner and exercised in the square of the community. There is also a beautiful mm exercising in the spacewalker next to me. I started chatting with her, and it was very speculative, which made me feel that I had met her for a long time. At this time, I don't know where a child appeared and kept shouting at my distance. Dad, dad. ? I turned with her to see more. I said to her: Whose child is this? Probably looking for dad! ? She said:? Is it possible that the child has been separated from his family? We continue to talk. I didn't expect the child to come to me and hug my thigh. I immediately said to her: Whose child is this? So cute! ? At this time, the child's mouth jumped up again: Dad, dad. ? ......

9) The TV series that watched the police solve the case with mm disappeared when the real murderer was about to surface. Then we chat with each other. mm:？ Do you know how to identify the real murderer? I thought about it: it depends on the probative power of the evidence. ? mm:？ No, no, like me, supine, chest collapse, flat, is the real chest. ? ~*^_^*(

10) The young man wears a miniskirt and touches his girlfriend's thigh: Dear, I love you! Girlfriend is infatuated with being caressed: Come again, higher! The young man raised his voice: Dear, I love you!

1 1) A couple is watching a dance in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion: this world is really strange. Every ugly fool has a beautiful wife. The wife smiled and said, honey, you really know how to kiss up.

12) the police officer who executed the death penalty walked into the cell and announced the order to the prisoner with a raincoat. The prisoner said in surprise: You have to go to the execution ground in such a heavy rain! Officer: What do you have to complain about? I have to come back in the rain!

13) Lao Wang sat in the restaurant for a long time and saw other guests eating with relish. But he still didn't have a waiter to greet him, so he got up and asked the boss, Excuse me, am I sitting in the audience?

Couples' humorous stories will be read online.

1) In the middle of dinner with her sisters in the restaurant at night, she takes out paper to wipe her hands when there is oil on her hands, and also takes out a pack of sanitary napkins. But she didn't find it. Tear it open and wipe it. I hurried over to catch it. How embarrassing it is to be afraid of being seen by the waiter. As a result, she didn't know what was going on, so she shouted when she saw me grab it. Everyone on the side gathered their eyes! At once, two waiters rushed over and looked quite handsome. Try to stop me. ? Miss, you can't change here! Can't change it! ?

2) A beautiful woman found that lipstick was too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

3) Two hens were chatting when they saw a rooster coming listlessly. Asked the hens. What happened? No spirit? The rooster said, do some business! ? The hen asked, what business are you tired of? The rooster said shyly, huh? Sell chicken essence

4) One day, my wife dug out a photo of a beautiful woman in an old book of mine and asked me for it. I said quietly. Oh, this is my junior high school classmate. We used to be kicking wives. Half a minute later, I was dying on the ground and spit out two words? Deskmate ~ ~ ~?

5) In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, you are so stupid. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. ?

6) A lady walks into a sex shop and wants to buy a vibrator. The boss said: it's all on it, tame it yourself. After careful selection, the woman said, I want the red one! ? The boss took one look and said? Miss, that's a fire extinguisher! ? .

7) The Internet cafe just opened in the morning, and the waitress was mopping the floor. Xiaoming is here. Xiaoming:? Can I go now? Miss:? Don't leave until I'm finished taking it off. ? Xiaoming:? Then I'll take it off for you. You told me to get on the bus quickly. I'll take it off under you first. Come on! Lift your legs. ?

A truck driver with his pet parrot is carrying a truck full of hens. On the road, the truck driver was lonely. Suddenly, a young girl on the roadside beckoned for a ride, and the driver readily agreed. On the way, the driver was dishonest and groped, and the girl was furious. Driver threat: Do you want to touch it or not? Go down without touching. ? When the girl got off the bus, the driver had nowhere to vent his anger and threw the parrot into the trunk. On the way, the driver suddenly found the hen in the back compartment jumping out of the car. It was strange, so he stopped to see what had happened. At this time, there was only a hen and a pet parrot left in the carriage, and only the parrot said to the hen. Do you want to touch it or not? Go down without touching. ?

9) When I first went to work, I met a man with bedroom eyes every time I turned around. One night, I received a text message from this man:? Are you free tonight? Be wary and answer in four words:? What do you want? . Not long after, a short message flashed on my mobile phone, just one word:? Think? . Don't mention how wronged you are.

10) granddaughter: grandpa, is it true that wearing miniskirts affects your health? Grandpa: Yes, look at the lady sitting there in a mini skirt. My blood pressure went up as soon as she changed her posture.

1 1) Maid A: Poor me. Do I have to keep talking every day? Yes, madam; Yes, ma 'am? . Maid B: I'm even worse. I have to talk nonstop every day? No, sir; No, sir? .

12) I arranged a blind date at home today and hit it off with the girl. Finally, that woman said something that made my back ache, and I will be your right-hand man in the future. . . .

13) My colleague Lao Liu has an electric car. A female colleague came to borrow his electric car early this morning to go out on business and will be back in half an hour. Colleague Xiao Li said: Brother Liu, borrow your electric car to ride tomorrow. I have something to do. I'll be back in an hour. ? The old cow said cheekily? Don't borrow it, hum! ? Xiao Li went on to say:? You see, this man only lets women ride, not men! ? Several people in the office were silent and burst into laughter. Damn it, ruin the three views. Xiao Li also smiled. Oh, you think too much, really think too much, hahahaha. . .

14) in the early years of the Republic of China, due to the hardships of people's lives, the whole family usually slept in a bed and covered with a quilt. One night in winter-Xiaoming's father suddenly wants to have sex with Xiaoming's mother. . However, Xiaoming's mother refused his father's request for fear of waking him up. Xiaoming's father still tries to pull the bow. . . So the two men covered themselves with quilts and began to do that. Just as the two became more and more enthusiastic, Xiaoming's father suddenly asked his mother to cooperate and cried. But my mother was afraid of waking Xiaoming, so she insisted. Just when they couldn't hold on, Xiao Ming, who slept next to him, finally spoke. . . Mom, please call quickly, I'm so cold! ?