Classic humorous short messages

Classic Humorous Short Message

Classic Humorous Short Message, we need some humorous jokes in our life to bring us happiness. Sending a humorous short message to others can also make the other person happier after seeing this short message. Let's share the classic humorous short message for everyone. Let's take a look. Classic humorous short message 1

1. A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered in the woods for a whole day without any prey.

It was dark, but he kept riding around in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't let me rest, and you want to kill me! ？’

The hunter was startled when he heard this, and immediately rolled off his horse, pulling the hound and running away.

When he ran to a big tree in Lesson One to catch his breath,

The dog patted his chest and said to him,

' Scared me to death, the horse can talk!'

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot!

2. A handsome boy in the dormitory just learned to play the violin, and the sound was like scratching his nails at the bottom of a pot ...

The sharp sound stimulated everyone's eardrums,

Out of kindness, the students still tried not to hit him.

One afternoon, while he was pulling, the door was suddenly pushed open, and the aunt who checked the hygiene came in and said seriously, "Who is burning illegal appliances in your dormitory! ！”

3. My classmate mm is going to get married, and the elder sister makes infinite envy.

Occasionally, in order to hit her, she said, "Don't do this, right? It's easy to get married now. You can do it by paying nine yuan for your ID card. "

Elder martial sister was shocked: "Isn't that just two people can get married?"

I embellished: "Yes, and there is no mandatory premarital examination!"

Elder martial sister rejoiced: "Then I can pull a man to the road and say,' Let's get married!'" "

I ~

Before I got up, the teacher elder sister added," It's only nine yuan ~, it's on me! "

I'm completely confused.

4. The math teacher is a man who is a little hard of hearing, a little older and more traditional.

One day in class, I came up with a math problem, and asked to see who can work it out faster, boys or girls. Written on the blackboard, for a moment,

asked, "Did the girl untie it?"

The students answered, "I solved it" (laughs)

They asked, "Did the male students get it?"

a: "I didn't get it" (laughs)

The teacher said, "Then you should pair up" (gushing wildly. . . . . . )

5. In the pub, the sailor and the pirate talked about their experiences.

The pirate had a wooden leg, a hook in his hand and an eye patch.

The sailor asked him why he had a wooden leg.

The pirate said, "The shark bit off my leg"

What happened to your hand? "It was broken when fighting with people. . . .

The sailor asked about the blindfold again, and the pirate said, "It's because gull droppings fell into my eyes.

The sailor was surprised and asked, "Are you saying that gull dung ruined your eyes?

The pirate said, "This happened on the first day when I installed the hook in my hand. . . .

6. A is very depressed and says to B.

A: "I have two bad habits that bother me.

b: what is the bad habit?

a: the first bad habit is to sleep naked.

b: that's not bad! What about the second bad habit?

a: sleepwalking. . . . .

7. A man came to the clinic for treatment, and the doctor asked him, What's wrong with you?

Man: It hurts when I touch it here (he touches his head and chest), and it hurts when I touch it there (he touches his stomach with his index finger). What's wrong with me?

The doctor replied: I think your index finger is broken. . . . . . .

8. A woman ran into the police station in a hurry, rubbing her hand hard and screaming:

My husband is missing. Please help me find someone! Tell me what he looks like, and maybe we can find him for you. "A police officer on duty asked her.

The woman said, "Oh, he is black and tall, very handsome, with wavy hair and beautiful eyes. He ……".

# # who stood by said, "Yeah! I seem to know your husband! He is short, fat, bald and swollen.

The woman replied:

Yes! But I think if you can find one that is the same as what I just said, I won't take that one.

9. When the truck driver was driving through a mountain village, it happened that his car broke down.

The driver jumped out of the car and found a villager, asking:

Excuse me, where can I find auto parts? Go ahead, there is a canyon outside after a sharp turn, and there are parts below. . . . . .

1. In the restaurant, a woman kept staring at a nearby gentleman.

The gentleman was embarrassed and decided to ask.

He politely asked them if they had met somewhere.

We have never met. "She replied," But you look like my third husband. "You have been married three times? "The gentleman asked,no.. . . . Only twice "

11. The teacher said," A pig is a very useful animal. Its meat can be eaten.

Its skin can be made into leather, and its hair can be made into brushes.

now, can anyone tell me if it has other uses?

A student stood up and answered:

Its name can also call names.

12. Woman A: Last time I hinted to my boyfriend that women like to keep things for a long time.

As a result, I got a diamond ring the next day. You can do the same for your boyfriend!

woman b: I have used this method for a long time, and I received a package of preservatives the next day. . . . . .

13. One day, Lao Zhang and Lao Wu were walking together in the street after work.

Suddenly there was a rapid horn sound behind them.

I saw Lao Zhang hurriedly hiding to one side with a nervous look.

Lao Wu asked inexplicably:

What are you afraid of? We are on the sidewalk, and the car can't hit us!

Lao Zhang caressed his throbbing chest and explained,

Hey! You don't know, almost a month ago, my wife ran away with a taxi driver.

Since then, every time I hear the horn, I will be shocked.

I am afraid that the taxi driver will send my wife back!

14 A man was sentenced to 12 years in prison and was very bored.

One day he found that an ant could understand him.

He was very excited and began to train it.

a few years later, this ant can not only stand upside down and somersault, but also walk a tightrope and jump into a circle of fire, which makes him quite proud.

Finally, one day he was released from prison.

The first thing he did was to run to the bar to show off his magical ant.

He first ordered a glass of wine from the bartender.

Then he took the ant out of his pocket and put it on the table.

He said to the bartender, "Hey! Look at this ant!

When the bartender saw it, he immediately slapped the ant to death, and then he said to him very sorry:

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll get you a new one right away.

15. Xiaoming has a dog at home. Once they invited a guest to eat,

When the guest came in, the dog wagged its tail at the guest.

However, when the guest was having dinner with Xiaoming's family,

the dog kept staring at him and growled as if he were very angry.

The guest was very upset and said to Xiaoming's father,

Your dog looks fierce!

Before Xiao Ming's father answered, Xiao Ming said to the guest,

No! It's usually not so fierce!

it's because you eat from its bowl.

16. A certain armour went to the hospital for a health check-up, and the nurse took a needle to draw blood for him.

A certain armour looked at the shiny needle and couldn't help asking, "Will it hurt?" I'm afraid of pain.

The nurse said, "Don't worry, I've been a nurse for more than 2 years ..."

A certain person said, "Great, I'm relieved."

Then the nurse pricked a needle and only heard a scream like a certain person killing a pig ...

The nurse slowly connected, "There's no time when it doesn't hurt ..."

The captain said impatiently,

I don't know. Every year when our ship passes here, he goes crazy!

18. In a bar, two drinkers are chatting.

drinker a: where are you from?

drinker b: okayama.

drinker a: what a coincidence! I'm from Okayama, too. Come and have a drink for Okayama.

drinker b: sure.

drinker a: which street in okayama are you?

drinker b: zhongzheng road.

drinker a: what a coincidence! I'm from Okayama Nakamura, too. Let's drink to Okayama Nakamura.

drinker b: sure.

drinker a: which primary school do you go to?

drinker b: zhongzheng elementary school, graduated in 1962.

Guest A: Really? I am also a junior high school student in Zhongzheng, and graduated in 1962.

drinker c asked the bartender, what's the matter?

bartender: nothing, the Zhang twins are drunk again.

19TONY is a stunt performer. His performance is throwing steel knives.

Three, four and five steel knives are thrown around.

One night, after his performance, he went home with a knife. On the way, he was stopped.

The policeman said, "Why did you bring the murder weapon with you?"

TONY: I perform stunts, and this is my prop!

the policeman said, "I don't believe it. Please try to show me!

TONY started throwing steel knives on the roadside ...

I heard someone say, "Wow! It's really strict to test drunkenness now!

2. One day, a lady called for a taxi. . . . .

miss: hello, I'm at the intersection of XX. I want to take a taxi.

driver: what are you wearing?

miss: I wear a blue coat and a white skirt.

driver: where?

miss: to the knee. . . .

21. Teacher: Why did you do so badly in the exam?

Maruko: My glasses are not strong enough ...

Xiaoye: I sprained my neck

Xiao Fang: The classmate in front is too tall

Xiaolan: The classmate next door uses a pencil, so I can't see clearly ...

What about Xiaoxin?

xiaoxin: because I sit among the four of them. . . .

22. A man went to the library to borrow books. He asked the female staff in the library:

Excuse me, where is the book "Happy Life in Marriage"? "It's a fantasy novel. Go to the third cabinet on the right. Then where is the book "How to get along with husband and wife"? "It's a martial arts novel. Look for it in the first row of cabinets on the left!

23. The judge looked at the defendant and asked suspiciously:

Do I seem to have seen you?

The defendant looked up hopefully and replied:

Yes. I introduced your wife to you twenty years ago. "It was you! "The judge gnashed his teeth and said," I sentence you to 2 years in prison.

24. Passenger: Miss, put my luggage up!

flight attendant: I'm sorry, sir. I can't lift it by myself. Would you like to join us?

passenger: aren't you an angel? ! The angel still can't put it up? !

flight attendant: sir, even if you are a god, can you put it on my angel? !

25. The flight attendant was serving meals when he approached a passenger and asked, "Sir, we have chicken rice and fish rice. Which would you like?"

the passenger replied, "ribs!"

The flight attendant repeated, but the passenger still replied, "ribs!"

At this moment, the flight attendant asked, "We have chicken ribs and fish ribs, which do you prefer?"

26. Tang Priest: We should find a shortcut to learn the scriptures this time!

Wukong: flying is faster than riding!

Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster!

Friar Sand took out a gun: I heard that this thing was immediately sent to the West. Classic humorous short message 2

1. What brings you bad luck every day is "sweeping away the stars", what ignores you every day is "meteor", and what chases you every day is "star". In fact, I am your favorite guiding star in the night sky-the Big Dipper!

2. Women's Day has just passed, and April Fool's Day is coming. The sad reminder is: Valentine's Day, he turned you into a woman … April Fool's Day comes after Women's Day, and when you become a woman, you find yourself cheated … April Fool's Day comes after Labor Day, and it's too late to find yourself cheated, so you can only make a cow and a horse for him … After Labor Day, it's Children's Day … Damn it, you have to give him a baby!

3. One day, classmate A went to the office to talk to the teacher. After a while, she came back and said to her classmate B, "It's a waste of time. There is no one in the office, just two teachers." Classmate B thought: Oh. It turns out that the teacher is not a person.

4. Recently, the weather is like the face of a girl in love. Like the face of a lovelorn girl, cold; Like a girl's face when she broke up, gloomy. Therefore, love depends on the face, go out to see the sky, friendship depends on the color, I wish you a colorful life!

5. After fighting for five days a week, your physical strength value has approached zero, your mental strength has approached zero, your dexterity has gradually disappeared, and your agility has gradually weakened. Hurry up and recharge your batteries. Let's have a happy weekend together!

6. In summer, I invited small animals to have a love trip. Nurse bee injects you with trouble vaccine, Miss Mosquito gives you pieces of red envelopes, and Prince Frog croakes for you. SMS blessing received, please reply loudly: Got it! Got it!

7. Something bad happened. I was followed by the police because I kidnapped a man named "Fu". I'm going to give him to you. If the police catch me, I won't give you up. Don't worry, put away the "blessing" quickly!

8. To be a workaholic, work hard to shine, and be stubborn and tough like the "fighting king kong". The professional boss will definitely appreciate it, but we must also take care of our health, and learn from each other's strengths is the best way to work!

9. Assembly number: Please pay attention to all media friends. In line with the principle of if you are the one, please report to your most sincere friends. This night banquet will not be closed, and the whole article will be written in gold! The TV stations that sponsored and supported the live broadcast throughout the whole process include: Hee Hee Kick, Tripping TV Station, Voice of Sister Country, Peanut Stewed Oil Explosion and other global heavyweight media. Thanks for this!

1. When Tang Priest came back from the Buddhist scriptures, the media came to interview him one after another and asked him: How do you keep calm in front of many beautiful women?