Seek classic short jokes and cold jokes

69. 1. After dinner today, I found a bench on campus and took a nap. When I woke up, I found this meal.

Put a few cents into the basin.

2. Last time I helped a classmate lift the computer, I rented a scooter at the north gate. Then ride back from the south gate.

Come on, near Nengke Building, a middle-aged man quickly caught up with me on a bicycle and asked, "What do you collect?"

What kind of rubbish? "I am very depressed.

3. When we were doing the basic design, there was a senior in the opposite laboratory, with three students in our grade.

Boys go to process circuit boards. Near the southwest gate of Yike factory, it is said that he is holding a rag.

At that time, Lanqiying Community was under construction, and it caught up with the dust that day.

Suddenly, other disciples were blown to the ground. When I arrived at the gate of the factory, I was guarded by the doorman.

Don't say that. They said it was used for processing. The doorman said, "Come here, one of you will write."

Word fill in the visitor list! "

4. I just moved to the new campus that day and went out to buy lunch boxes to help everyone buy them together.

7 copies, when I entered the gate of the dormitory area, two mm saw me, and then one of them

Said to the other, "Didn't you say you couldn't deliver food?"

5. Once in front of Shuang 'an shopping mall, I put my schoolbag on my chest and waited for my classmates, and I stopped alone.

After getting off the bus, I told me from the mall and walked away. ...

6. I once sent GF home and was stopped by the doorman downstairs, saying that I would not be allowed to clean up the garbage at night. let me ...

Come back to clean up tomorrow morning.

7./kloc-When he was 0/6 years old, he went to a public toilet to pee. After paying 20 cents, I went straight to the ladies' room to get it.

Old man Qian grabbed me and shouted, "Where are you going, smelly boy?" ! "

8. Three of our classmates were walking in Zhongguancun Street when a CD seller ran over and asked:

Do you want a CD? This classmate ignored it and asked another classmate if he wanted this software. Students ignore it.

He came to me again and asked me, do you want porn? Shit, the giant lost face and was driven crazy by his classmates.

Laugh. Go back and look in the mirror. It's not like watching too much porn.

9. Also, when our family first arrived here, we didn't know the manager downstairs very well.

Later, the manager downstairs once said to my mother, Your maid seems to be punctual.

Ah. When I got home from school, it was already 4 o'clock sharp. This misunderstanding was not solved until a month later.

Yes

10, I was waiting for the bus at Princess Station that day, and an uncle pretended to know a lot and came to pick me up.

Say, "cell phone receiver, you can't fool me!" " "Go ahead.

Then I took out a mobile phone from my coat. I said I don't accept it. I'm waiting for the bus! Na Ren ju

However, he said, "What's wrong with the current mobile phone dealers? Don't be such a good thing! "

Depressed!

1 1. I didn't shave once when I was in college, and then I went to the classroom to study and was caught at the door.

People stopped, um, "Uncle, what time is it?" Suddenly petrified! ! that

So sad! I am only 20 years old! From now on, shave every day!

12, there was a red dress in the university. I wore it to Carrefour and was pulled by an uncle.

Ask me: Miss, where can I find seasoning salt? ...

13, I saw someone set up a stall in our school looking for a tutor that weekend and was about to make a phone call.

A greeting, He MM stepped forward, "Uncle, do you want to tutor your child?" I feel dizzy

14, on the eve of graduation, I accompanied a buddy to the job market and saw a normal college.

The recruitment was over, so I sat at their recruitment desk and dropped in a plmm.

Q: "What major are you looking for, teacher?" I froze at that time, you know, I

Also a graduate:-(((

15, once I was walking in the street with a classmate. We are all boys, and there is one.

Someone came to us and asked, "Do you want a couple's watch? A pair of 28 yuan. " We are so much alike.

Pool?

16, when I used to have long hair, I went to my classmate's house to play and was praised by my mother: this.

This girl is really tall.

17, another time I went to the toilet and went in and saw a man with long hair, the two of us.

A Surprise: I may think I went to the wrong toilet. ...

18, moved into a new home, bought a lot of things to go home, and met my neighbor at the door.

Ask me sympathetically, how did you squeeze so many things back? Gao, I think

Does it look like someone who can't afford a taxi? I told him that I drove by myself, and he was big.

Being a taxi driver is hard and has a bad waist. Tall, I look bad.

Really? I told him I wasn't a taxi driver, and he suddenly realized, "Oh, you used to be.

It is the driver of the unit who drives the leader. "Lazy said, let it go. But one day I touched it.

He asked me to give him a ride when he knocked on my door early in the morning, because most of them were on the road, and I had to calculate.

Yes, but I actually said, "it's public oil anyway."

19, I know I look old, but some ticket sellers go too far and get on the bus every time.

Stand still, the conductor shouted, that comrade gave his seat to the master. we

Only 22 years old ... my brother, with developed hair, forgot to wash his face and ride a bike one day.

The broken donkey carries a big green cloth (non-military, pure green) to go out, which is not small.

The area was asked by more than n people whether to repair gas stoves, sewers and security doors.

20. Occasionally wear a US military jungle camouflage to go to the bar, and MM drinks too much. I am at the door of the toilet.

Wait a minute. Then a GG came over and borrowed a lamp from me and asked me what time it was. When he left.

Wait, he asked me, "What time do you go to work?" I don't understand, he stressed. You're not.

Security here? * *, he has seen the security guard wearing a set of 2500 original camouflage uniforms, with

6,000 yuan Roamer, soft box Chinese safety horse? One night I told mm-hmm.

Everyone is laughing wildly. Although I am not very bookish, I am a postdoctoral fellow after all.

ah

2 1, I have the same experience occasionally. I like to wear a black bag at work and dress casually.

Then, the hair is generally messy. As a result, I went to work in the morning and entered the office building, and I was old.

Someone asked me, "What's the phone number of your courier company?"

22. A friend's colleague went to Shanghai on business and went to the director's house to ask if the director was in.

The nanny shouted in Shanghainese, "Director, there are two country people coming to see you." I don't know

Colleagues can understand Shanghai dialect, so they say helplessly, "We are from Beijing." knot

The nanny called again. "Director, there are two country people from Beijing looking for you." disordered/chaotic/confused

Go to hell! Those two guys earn more than 1 10,000 a month.

23. One summer night, our brother walked past a construction worker.

Slowly, a brother in a rotten white vest and flip-flops came slowly.

A man was left behind when a kind migrant worker walked over and patted him on the shoulder.

Say, "Hey, it's time for dinner ..."

24. Chatting with a buddy and a girl I just met. He said tax, so he cursed.

Taxes are dirty, all kinds of bad styles, and finally asked me what I do, I touched my head.

Said I was from the tax bureau. She suddenly fell silent and said after a while that the tax was ok.

Yes, the most hateful thing is the Public Security Bureau, so he said a lot, such as collusion between police and bandits, eating that.

Waiting for the card ... I really can't live any longer, pointing to my eldest brother and telling her, you know what he did.

What is that? The girl was tongue-tied and asked, he won't be from the Public Security Bureau, will he? I ordered a little

Head. She didn't say a word until my brother and I left. No taxes and public security

With such a poor image, I think I am quite upright.

70. Letter from the Tang Priest: Dear Wukong, I wrote this letter slowly, because I know you can't read it quickly. We have moved, but the address hasn't changed, because we brought the house number when we moved. It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days. Yesterday we went to buy pizza, and the clerk asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I said 8 yuan is enough, 12 yuan can't be eaten. The coat I sent you was afraid of being overweight, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket. Chang 'e was born, because I don't know if it's a man or a woman, so I don't know if you should be an uncle or an aunt. Finally, I want to send you money, but the envelope has been sealed. New Year's Day is coming, don't forget to tell the children something that happened a long time ago: at that time, the sky was blue, the water was green, crops were growing in the field, pork was safe to eat, mice were afraid of cats, the court was reasonable, marriage came first, barbershops only cared about haircuts, medicine could save lives, doctors didn't need to sleep with directors when filming, and clothes were needed for taking pictures. The school doesn't want to make money, idiot can't be a professor, selling dog meat can't be a sheep's head, getting married can't be a MM, you have to pay for things, and you have to suck up if you can't finish reading it!