People with high emotional intelligence speak straight.

The higher the emotional intelligence, the more outspoken. Because he understands that between people, directness is the most efficient.

"Efficient love, please come straight to the point."

Many women complain that their husbands or boyfriends have low emotional intelligence, and they don't understand the implication at all, so they feel very tired.

But girls don't say what they want. It's men who really feel tired.

When a friend talks about his girlfriend, he always looks sour and bitter, and even shouts that he can't understand her mind. When I went out to eat, I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat. She said casually while playing with her mobile phone.

But when he really "casually" ordered the food and it came, his girlfriend was very angry. She doesn't think it's to my taste, and it's not delicious. She even asked, "After being with you for so long, you don't even know what I want to eat?"

But his girlfriend's taste always fluctuates randomly, sometimes sweet, sometimes salty, sometimes spicy hot pot, sometimes Cantonese dim sum. He is not a worm in his girlfriend's stomach, and God knows what she wants to eat at the moment.

In short, his girlfriend's idea is naive, so we should guess her true inner thoughts from her words and expressions. There must be such a tacit understanding between lovers.

If she always can't guess her mind, she will continue to think about whether her boyfriend doesn't love him, and the more she thinks about it, the more sad she becomes.

In fact, I don't say anything directly, even if I look at it, the other person can understand it in seconds. I'm afraid there are only third-rate romance novels for such tacit love. When looking for a partner, don't expect him to be a worm in your stomach.

American psychologist Wade and others found: "Men like women to speak directly."

If you have something to say, don't talk to men in a roundabout way. Only efficient communication can make love sweet.

"Find someone to help, please say it? 」

In real life, you can't wait to strangle someone who doesn't say it directly and wastes your time first.

Once I went back to my hometown for the Spring Festival and met a distant relative. Originally, I was in a hurry, and my relatives insisted on dragging me over to chat. I felt very serious and formal, as if I had something important to tell me.

So, he first talked about how difficult it was for him to work outside the home in recent years, and then talked about his only son, how excellent his son's grades were, how many prizes he was praised by teachers at school, and what kind of plans he might have in the future.

I have no idea what he wants to say. Worst of all, he spoke with a strong country accent. I couldn't understand many details, so I had to listen hard and keep smiling and nodding.

After listening to his story for about an hour and a half, he finally hit the nail on the head: his son graduated and will come to work in Guangzhou. He is a stranger here, except for me, so to speak, he has no friends. He needs my help to deal with this matter.

My heart can't help but tremble: after preparing for so long, I thought I had something important to say, either introducing me to a beautiful girl or telling me the opportunity to make a lot of money. Is that all you told me?

Other people's time is precious. If you have a bigger fart, you must say it directly. If you waste other people's time, it is tantamount to murder.

Nobody has time to listen to your nonsense.

「 ? Work efficiently, please get to the point. "

If you have something to say in the workplace, it is the ultimate killer of work efficiency.

A friend, Aju, once worked as a copywriter. His boss is very good. He wrote a copy for his boss to see. The boss doesn't directly say where he is dissatisfied and where he needs to make changes. He just said, "On the whole, I don't feel well. Take it back and modify it. "

Jim gritted his teeth, came to his senses, and then revised the six or seven drafts one after another, and showed them to the boss. The boss still frowned and said that it was not good. He couldn't say what was wrong, so he let Jim continue to revise it.

Poor Zhu had to bite the bullet and revise the copy more than ten times, often burning the midnight oil and working overtime until one or two in the morning.

But when he sent the last draft to the boss, the boss read it carefully for a long time, and then slowly said, "Actually, I think your second draft is quite good. Still use the second draft. "

How dare you spend so much time, work overtime and write so many manuscripts for nothing? !

Before you work for a boss who doesn't say anything directly and talks nonsense, you should speculate on the boss's mind and figure out what the boss thinks. It is the poor bottom-level employees who suffer.

Scholar colbert emphasized in Direct Communication: "Nonsense is everywhere in the organization, which will make communication beat around the bush and even lead to misunderstanding, thus reducing organizational efficiency."

If a company can establish a straightforward trust environment and improve the work efficiency of employees, it can also improve the operational efficiency of the company, which is beneficial to both employees and the company.

"Say what you have to say."

I like to beat around the bush if I don't say it directly. Although disgusting, it reduces communication efficiency, easily leads to misunderstanding and has serious consequences, it can still be popular in today's society.

The reasons are nothing more than the following:

Ideological relics of farming society

In the traditional agricultural society, it is difficult for people to have other recreational activities besides farm work, so it is a normal life to get together and chat endlessly every day.

Moreover, in the agricultural society, there is little need for efficient teamwork, so there is no need to be outspoken and improve the efficiency of teamwork.

We have just turned to urbanization, and it is not surprising that we have the imprint of the old times in our minds.

Psychological defense means

We are afraid that telling the truth will hurt each other, or be rejected by each other and make ourselves feel embarrassed.

Therefore, you can avoid the risk of embarrassment as much as possible by observing the other person's reaction and adjusting your tone and voice.

This is precisely a defensive measure derived from fear of things and lack of self-confidence.

Excessive egocentricity

I always feel that I said it so clearly and implied it so clearly. Should the other party understand?

This is actually, too self-centered, falling into a kind of taken-for-granted thinking.

But everyone's life experience is different, and the value system and thinking mode are also different. Why do people have to understand you?

Lian Yue said, "If you don't say something, just go around. This kind of communication is only more rural and does not conform to commercial civilization. "

In the fast-developing modern commercial society, efficient communication means, frankly speaking, efficient work and efficient love.

A solid guarantee for efficient communication.

The roundabout way of speaking in the agricultural era is doomed to be abandoned by society; People who talk in a roundabout way are also doomed to lag behind the pace of the times.

Writer Jiang Yan said: "For China people who are used to being conservative, this is also an outstanding talent.

Extended reading? People with high emotional intelligence speak softly?

What is the feeling of low emotional intelligence?

Every time he says something,

I want to say:

I saw a comprehensive collection of experiences about low EQ in Weibo, and two of them made me laugh the most.

One is that my girlfriend has a fever. She sends a short message to her boyfriend: "Fever ..." As a result, the other party replies: "Drink more hot water and cover the quilt tightly." Girlfriend replied: "39.2 degrees." The boyfriend marveled: "Awesome."

Pa, the phone is off, and I am doomed to be unable to chat happily.

Once a girl said to the boy at the same table, "What do you think will happen to us in ten years?" With eager eyes, the boy thought about patting the girl on the head and said, "I know, you must still be so short after ten years." And then it was gone.

In fact, people with low emotional intelligence will be very upset themselves, because they will find that others always don't understand themselves, and they always have to be explained by others to understand each other's ideas.

Sometimes people get angry, and I don't know why. Even flattery can easily be made into a horseshoe. Who is to blame?

This reminds me that I used to have such a good friend in my unit. Usually, he is very cautious and doesn't want to offend anyone. For the leader who is particularly picky about New Year greetings, he feels that the leader is not happy, that is, he has made a mistake.

But the emotional intelligence is low, and often one sentence can annoy each other.

One day, the leader played a joke with the people and talked about an exam he took that year. I remember it was an English exam. He said, "Oh, you know English."

No tone, in words, may still feel nothing, can also be understood as a compliment of "leading you to speak English, which is really smart and wise SHEN WOO", but a slightly frivolous tone becomes the meaning of "I can't see that you, a bumpkin, can still speak English".

The leader looks very dark. "What do you mean, you think I don't even know English?"

He explained at once, but objectively it did give people this feeling. He always talks about Liu Xiang and thinks about Shi Dongpeng in his mind. Once he plays, his brain will always be the second child.

Like in the entertainment circle, it's really important to be able to talk.

The stage is changeable and full of crisis. Every question is testing the IQ and EQ of the stars. Uncle Ying recently watched some interviews and programs in the past, and had to sigh that stars should not be bullied in the circle, and at the same time they should be likable, so the two businessmen really want always online.

Everyone knows that Yang Mi is a black witch, right? At that time, a netizen posted a post claiming to be the audience, who was in charge of the costume of the cast of The Legend of the Sword and the Chivalrous Man, and broke the news that the shoes worn by Yang Mi were particularly smelly. I didn't expect Yang Mi to send Weibo to feel ashamed on her wedding day: the wedding shoes have been changed.

People who laugh at themselves generally have high emotional intelligence.

I remember when Venus interviewed Yang Mi, she asked her: Someone combined you, Liu Yifei, Wang He into "Four Little Hua Dan". Who do you think has the most knives among the four people?

Yang Mi: "I move the most knives. Because I gave birth to a child. "

Sister Lexus is also famous for her high emotional intelligence. At the press conference of Red Cliff, the reporter asked Lin Chi-ling if he cared about Tony Leung Chiu Wai's height. She said, "A man's tolerance is far better than his height." In short, everyone at the scene was amazed.

Speaking of Lin Chi-ling, I can't help mentioning Bo Huang. Someone compared it to a king and asked, "Will you be mistaken for a king? How do you feel if you make a mistake? " Bo Huang said: "I am extremely proud of Bao Qiang."

Wang Han, the eldest brother of variety show, is also a well-known person with high emotional intelligence. In a program, Sa Beining asked: You and Yang Lele fell into the water at the same time. Who do you think He Jiong will save first? "Lele must be saved first", most people will answer Han, but he said in the second half: "He will read from my eyes what I want him to do most."

Such an answer not only affirmed his tacit understanding and friendship with He Jiong, but also sprinkled a touching dog food.

Dong Qing, a sister of CCTV, has also saved many times with her extraordinary IQ and EQ.

Once, in the rehearsal of the Spring Festival Evening, Dong Qing met a singer who accidentally fell down on the stage. She said this: "The singer Wang Li accidentally fell down just now, but fortunately it didn't affect her performance. In fact, the Spring Festival Evening is such a stage. The best actor can stand here. Everyone fell and got up before they got here! "

This passage not only resolved the embarrassing atmosphere on the court, but also made a pun, which was particularly meaningful.

For another example, in the TV series "My First Half Life", Lao Jin was the first suitor after Zijun's divorce. In all fairness, the theoretical conditions and Zijun are matched. He has three rooms in Shanghai Yaojiang International, which is about150,000 yuan. He is also the middle-level leader of high-end shopping malls, with an annual salary of several hundred thousand, and is considerate to Zijun.

However, Zijun refused him. The reason is that the two people's consumption views are inconsistent, and Laojin's emotional intelligence is not good.

Zijun wore an expensive suit to Lao Jin's friend's party, but Lao Jin thought it was too grand. Lao Jin expressed his dissatisfaction on the spot: you will make my friends think that I hooked up with a rich woman, and you don't look good enough for me in a coat of thousands of dollars.

It was only after learning that Zijun's ex-husband was a manager of a foreign company with an annual salary of one million that he realized that his lifestyle was far from Zijun's. Laojin used to scrimp and save. Zijun's shoes were Jimmy Choo, his jewelry was Cartier, and his bag was LV. The lifestyle of a watch is completely different, and it is impossible for two people to be together after all.

My girlfriend asked me, where is Laojincha? I said, the difference is that he is not He Han.

This is a joke, but Lao Jin doesn't have He Han's efforts and progress, let alone He Han's confidence, freedom and high emotional intelligence.

A person with high emotional intelligence often has the ability to make life happy, which is the meaning of our life. ? Emotional intelligence is a kind of wisdom, which is not only reflected in career, but also in life.