I'm sorry, but I can't be with you

I was still in high school when I met her. It should be on QQ. Because her name is a little uncommon, I unconsciously took her name as a screen name. It happened that I was in her class, but it happened that I arrived after she left.

Chatting with her for the first time, we are both universities, saying that we are close and far away, and one province saves two cities. I don't know why, every time I chat with her, I am very happy, and time flies.

At the end of my sophomore year, I tried to tell her that she didn't agree or refuse. She just smiled and said, I'll tell you the answer next time we meet. The days are still passing by, and she is still using QQ to contact and exchange ideas with each other. Although she hasn't promised yet, I have taken her as my girlfriend. I think about her all day, what she is doing and how to make her happy. But the more so, the more I feel powerless.

I don't understand why most long-distance relationships "have no good results". Isn't mutual vows worth the loneliness that separates the two places? Perhaps more unbearable than loneliness is the deep weakness.

Her heart is sensitive, and there are always some small things that will inadvertently touch her heartstrings, or be sad or moved. I always pretend as if nothing had happened and laugh at her idiot. She doesn't know how much I want to lend her my shoulder and help her wipe the tears from her eyes, but I can't.

When she has a cold, fever and stomachache, she always complains to me piteously and seeks comfort. At that time, I really wanted to find her, hug her in my arms, touch her head, give her medicine and tell her that I am with you. It's not uncomfortable, but I can't.

She was a bully in primary school and won prizes every year. Every time she comes to show off her achievements in an ostentatious manner, thinking about her lovely appearance. I want to hold her hand and tell her what I want to eat. I'll treat you as a reward, and then scratch her nose to see her proudly shake her head. I can't.

There are so many things I can't do. I can't hug her, I can't hug her, I can't wipe the tears from her eyes, I can't rub her little head in an ostentatious manner. Suddenly, as a boyfriend, I am really unqualified. So, we can't wait until the next meeting.

In the following days, she and I both pretended that nothing had happened and continued to talk about everything as before. We were both avoiding our feelings for each other.

Until her birthday, I smiled and wished her a happy birthday and asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She said, then you answer me a question. How do you feel about me now? This question choked me for a moment and I didn't know how to answer her. She went on to ask, to put it simply, do you still like it? I replied with a wry smile, I like it, but I dare not. She asked why, and I said I couldn't accompany you for fear that you might get sick. The chat was silent for a while, and she told me that if I really like it, I won't feel powerless, but I should be full of motivation. It is because of powerlessness that I want to work harder to make up for that deformity, and I will be more motivated to do anything I think is impossible for each other.

I like you, but I may still not be able to be with you. I will try my best to make sure that there will be no reason for us to be apart in the future. I want you to keep going. Please give me more advice for the rest of my life.

But things are always unsatisfactory. I work hard, just want to stay with her all the time, but I can't get rid of that sense of powerlessness. She said that my study is important, my class is important, and everything is important except her. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be more determined to do so many things than myself.

I am a lazy person, and I am more content with the status quo than struggling. It's just that I know I don't want to have any reason in the future, because I didn't do well enough to let us go on, so I will try my best to make myself work hard.

However, although the vision of the future is beautiful, it forgets the present. Forget that I can't be with you, forget that you need comfort when you are injured, forget too much, and forget the difficulties now.

On the day you said goodbye, we chatted in the morning as usual. At night, everything changed. I can't refute everything you say, I just feel wronged. I really work hard, but everything I do is for my vision. Although it's about your future, I forgot you.

It's been two months since we broke up, and I wrote this article again. I remember the first sentence was written two days before your birthday. Then, I realized that your birthday was written intermittently. Finally, I wrote "I want you to keep going, please give me more advice for the rest of my life". I thought this would be the end. ...