Looking at love from the love story of Chandler and Monica

“I thought the time and place I spoke were important, but in fact the most important thing is you. You have made me happy beyond my imagination, and I am willing to spend the rest of my life making you the same as me. Happiness. Monica, will you marry me?" "I do"

I saw on Weibo yesterday that it was the 15th wedding anniversary of Monica and Chandler.

Time flies so fast. I still remember the first time I came into contact with "Friends" when my English teacher in college gave it to us to kill time between classes. After that, I read it intermittently during college. The most profound impression on me, who was ignorant at the time, was still the pairing of Ross and Rachel.

THEN, graduated from college. In the past year of this work, in order to kill some boring time at night, I completed the second episode of "Friends" in the past few months.

In the past year of this work, during the second week, I was more concerned about Mo and Qian Na’s happy marriage based on their deep friendship. I was moved but did not shed tears.

Maybe it is because I have been subtly influenced by too many beautiful love movies or novels since I was a child. I have always had many unreal views on love. These views once made me doubt whether the so-called love is real. existence.

For example, the beginning of true love is either love at first sight, or it goes through all kinds of hardships and hardships, and finally achieves success, just like a princess must ride countless white horses before she can find her own prince charming. , or you can only find your own frog prince after kissing countless frogs.

For another example, a real couple must be in tune with each other and have a tacit understanding. It is an exaggeration to say that in life, they do not need to communicate at all with words. As long as they raise their eyebrows and blink, they will know whether the other person wants to go to the toilet or not. Want to eat.

It is these fantastic and beautiful love cases in romantic movies or literary works that let us know how beautiful love can be. It also conveys a point of view - if you want to have a pure and beautiful love that lasts until death, the first thing to do is to find your own The One.

However, from Mo Qian's love, we can get a revelation - find MR.right or Ms.right. Finding the right person is of course important, but cultivating a relationship is more important. Like Monica said - I don't believe in soul mates, either. We weren't designed to end up together. We fell in love and work hard? at our relation.

Love is not a noun that expresses results, but a verb that expresses process. If this statement is not completed, we need to work together to protect it for a lifetime.

Just like their love, they worked together, spent time together, and dedicated themselves to each other, making it their own unique love.

Of course, if that’s the case, what does working together mean? Below I will discuss five aspects: sharing the same goal, mutual understanding, disputes and conflicts, positive appreciation, and trivial details.

1. The same goal is the foundation of love. Just as Chandler said when he proposed - "You have given me happiness beyond my imagination, and I am willing to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as me." Living happily together is what makes both parties happy. The same goal. In many methodologies or ways of thinking, the goal of consensus is to resolve disputes and resolve conflicts. If the actions of both parties are for the same goal, then all disputes are just based on different ways of thinking from different perspectives. Just like during the wedding planning, the dispute between Qian and Mo was eventually resolved based on the mutual goals of both parties. In the strongest love, there is a deep integration between the two parties. They not only live together, but also support each other's wishes and ambitions, integrating common goals into their lives.

(You can refer to the pillow method for ideas)

2. Understanding each other is the most important means of love. I think the most important thing about the success of Qian Mo's Love is due to their behind-the-scenes friendship and understanding of each other. you know each other. Take the initiative to maintain love, understand each other, and be understood rather than recognized. By getting to know each other gradually, by getting to know each other better, by understanding each other, by getting to know each other as you know yourself. We must gradually open up our hearts and reveal our true feelings, which include not only the wonderful and wonderful things, but also the things we are not very proud of, shortcomings, and unknown past events that we are ashamed to mention. Just like in a certain episode, Ross, Chandler, and Monica exposed each other's shortcomings, giving each other a new feeling and understanding of each other, Qian Mo's love, Luo Qian's brotherhood, and Moreau's brother-sister love. Undoubtedly a step further. Two misunderstandings must be avoided as much as possible. One is to always express one's own strengths and deliberately maintain the image of being omnipotent. In this way, then the other person loves you, or the image you can maintain. Second, don’t blindly suppress yourself. Intimacy means allowing yourself to be truly understood, even if it’s something you or your partner don’t like. The shortcoming of wanting to please others for a long time is that you wear a mask. Love requires mutual understanding based on the same goals rather than recognition.

3. Disputes and conflicts are the propellant of love. Love can have countless patterns and differences, but every love is bound to have disputes and conflicts. If you are in a conflict-free relationship, it is very likely that both parties are suppressing each other's feelings and differences, and will only break up when they can't bear it anymore. Just like failure is the mother of success, because we can learn something from failure so that we can get closer to success. The same is true for disputes and conflicts in love. Every time both parties can focus on the positive side of each other and resolve the conflict steadily, then after each dispute, their relationship will become closer. After a while, I will look back and find that the dispute at that time was nothing at all.

4. Positive appreciation is the lubricant of love. Appreciate each other, respect each other, and enjoy getting along with each other. Don't wait for your lover to speak before you praise him. Taking the initiative to praise him doesn't cost anything, but its value is immeasurable. It not only benefits the person being praised, but also benefits the person who praises him. It is important to express your appreciation and love for the other person. Qian Mo couldn't praise each other too much.

5. Trivial details, the true meaning of love. What can maintain a happy love for a long time is the details, the little things, the daily routines and routines, love greetings text messages, gentle touches, affectionate gazes, having dinner, etc. Little things like telling your partner how much you love them and how much you miss them can make a big difference. Maintaining love requires long-term efforts and dedication to each other. The maintenance of a relationship mainly relies on paying attention to these trivial daily things. Many of these can be reflected in Qian Mo's story, so I won't list them one by one.

Then there is a passage from Harvard professor Taylor Ben-Shahar, which is also the source of inspiration and theory for this article - the most important thing in a relationship is to cultivate a deep friendship, John Gottman said to me The core of the method is a simple truth, that is, a happy marriage is based on a deep friendship. This sentence means respecting each other and enjoying getting along with each other. These couples can understand each other deeply. They are familiar with each other's likes, dislikes, and personalities. Quirks, ideals and dreams, they have a lasting respect for each other, expressing their love not only on big issues, but also in daily trivial matters. "Love lies in details, in understanding everything down to the smallest detail, in sharing and being understood, This is a healthy relationship. This is how to keep a relationship passionate for several years. This is how you continue to enjoy passionate and sexual relationships. Although physiologically, it is natural to be inclined to new experiences at the beginning and think that "new is passionate". ", but for a long-term relationship, a passionate relationship, the most fundamental thing is to be understood rather than recognized.

Finally, attached is the picture from Weibo: