Who has funny cell phone text messages?

The husband said to his wife, honey, if Edison hadn't invented the electric light, we would still have to watch TV by candlelight.

The doctor said to the nurse, ask the injured lady's name so as to inform her family. After a while, the nurse came back and said that the patient said no, my family knew my name.

Those who are stingy, father and son are on the road, selling wine every day, and they are prepared to taste it with chopsticks for fear that the wine will easily run out. The son drank it twice in a row, and the father was in charge: how to eat such a nasty wine!

Old rich husband: I want to quit my pilot. The plane he flew almost killed me. Young impatient wife: dear! I beg you to give him one last chance!

Two friends are chatting. "How can you type by yourself? Don't you have a skilled typist? " "Don't you know? I married her. "

Mother bought a net bag of fruit and reminded her son: You put the fruit where no one can get it. The son said, mom, just put it in my stomach.

Sister: Eat some spinach to add color to your face. Sister: Who wants the green face?

A lady fell and the Prime Minister held her. "Sir, how can I thank you?" "Vote for me in the next general election." "But I hurt my knee, but my head is not bad."

Teachers educate students that no amount of money can betray love for their loved ones. I will give you $65,438,000. Can you hit your parents? The student immediately asked: I hit my sister, how much is it?

Fred picked up two bottles of wine and ran away when the stall owner was not looking. The stall owner found him chasing after him and shouting, where are you going? Fred replied as he ran, don't chase. I'm going to the police station to turn myself in!

"Get up, slacker! Look, the sun is out and you are still sleeping! " "Nonsense! The sun went to bed at six, and I didn't go to bed until ten. "

Strange advertising sound company: a transfer. Lime factory: from scratch. Pawnshop: well deserved. Hat company: clothes bring people. Barber shop: penniless. Pharmacy: Ask for it.

The shopkeeper found a boy standing beside the biscuit. "What do you want to do now? Well, I think you want to try to get a biscuit. " "I'm trying not to take cookies." The boy replied.

The judge said, you said you stole the grocery store because you were starving, so why did you steal the till? The defendant replied: I always abide by the rules: I have to pay for everything I eat.

The farmer was forced by his wife to attend the funeral of his neighbor's third wife. He said: I don't want to go. The wife asked: Why? Too many. Sorry, unless we can invite him back.

The first diving test will be held soon. Diving student: How can I pass the exam? Coach: Come back alive.

There is a woman standing in front of a portrait of a tramp in rags. She said loudly: think about it! I don't even have money to buy a decent dress, but I can still ask someone to paint him.

Child: Why do you want to wipe my cotton ball before the injection? Father: That's alcohol. Get your ass drunk first, and then the pain will stop. Child: But it still hurts. Father: That's because you can drink a lot.

The professor tested a 6-year-old boy with precocious intelligence. The professor asked: When is your birthday? Child: February 20th. Professor: What year? Child: Every year.

Teacher: Why can fish only live in water? Student: Because there are cats on land.

Little Tom is used to pampering himself at home. When he came home from school on the first day, his mother asked Tom anxiously: How was school? Did you cry? Tom replied, I didn't cry! The teacher cried.

The China proverb "Money is like dirt, but friends are worth a thousand dollars" is problematic. Think about it. If these two sentences are taken as the premise, the logical conclusion should be that friends are like dirt.

"You want to borrow 20,000 kronor from me, Mr. Stein. Can you give me a guarantee? " "My promise is a gentleman's word." "Well, I'll lend it to you, but you can show me that gentleman."

Tom: How is your brother? Johnny: He is lying in bed injured. Tom: What happened? Johnny: We competed to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

Father: You only know how to spend money, but do you know that money is hard to come by? Zi: Why don't you know? Listen to a lesson every time I ask you for money.