Classic funny text messages

1. Life is not only a short life, but also a long life.

Holding a hot, charging mobile phone, regardless of life and death, is a rare heroic moment in my life.

Every time you go shopping, people will tell you that if you really want it, I will give you a cheaper price. You see, sincerity is so worthless!

Me: Master, pull over and I'll fart. Master: Nothing, just put it in the car. ..... poof ... Master: Dude, let's get off and have a cigarette. ...

Today, when I saw a little girl on the road, she was so cute that I thought of Doby. I said, little sister, what did you take in the final exam? She: Aunt, do you have a baby? Me: I don't have a boyfriend. Where can I get a baby? She: Aunt, don't lose heart. Stay out of other people's business and spend more time on blind dates. There is still hope for marriage.

6. Someone asked me: "There are so many swindlers and so many means, which sounds very attractive. Why do you always see through their tricks in the first place? " I showed a hint of disdain at the corner of my mouth and proudly said a word: "poor."

7. My roommate gave me a copy of Tao Te Ching and a copy of The Complete Works of Vegetarians. I asked him what he meant, and he proudly said, "I want to tell you that I am not a vegetarian!" " "

8. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside!

Xiao Ming and Xiao Li are in love. In order to avoid being discovered by the school, they met in the back hill on Monday, by the stream on Tuesday, in the park on Wednesday, in the Woods on Thursday, and had a concussion on Friday!

Looking through her wedding photo album with my mother, my mother said while reading it: I really want to go back to when your father proposed to me. I asked curiously: Was it particularly romantic at that time? Mom closed the photo album: If I had known you were like this, I wouldn't have married your father. ...

1 1. If you eat less than one meal every day, you can save a lot of money over time, which can be used to treat stomach problems in the future. Failure is the mother of success. No one will fail forever, just feel a little more maternal love.

12. A female colleague at work was pregnant, so she gently told her husband that she didn't need to buy sanitary napkins next month. Her husband didn't understand for a moment, but he also asked stupidly: Like China Mobile, can you save traffic until next month?

Thirteen. Man: Marry me! Do you think we will be happy after marriage? M: Of course. W: How do you know? Man: You are such a man. Even if love fails, friendship can last forever.

Fourteen. Contemporary four virtues: information comes back every second, appointments are on time, money is paid back on time, and people don't mind their own business.

15. Today, I went to the bathroom with some sisters. Then an idiot said, look who's been in the sauna for a long time. The first one who can't stand going out will invite everyone to dinner. We all agreed. As a result, I don't know what happened I woke up in the hospital. The first thing I said was: Who is buying?

15. I don't know how people who talk for half a year do it. I feel that if I don't talk about my talents every day, there is nowhere to display them!

17. On the eve of the wedding, my father handed me a wooden box: Son, this is the treasure of our family. You must take good care of it. I opened the box carefully and found a pair of knee pads inside. ...

18. Love is a lifelong dedication, and my personality is not unfamiliar, so I can't make do with it.

19. Every time I quarrel with my wife, I go to the kitchen and screw all kinds of cans and lids to death. When the cold war comes, my wife always talks to me first. If she can't be strong, it is willful. Research shows that as a smart person, you can't argue with an idiot, he will pull your IQ to the same level as him, and then beat you with rich experience!

Twenty one. A friend sells wine. One day, he chased the goddess and said to him, "I'm getting married soon, so leave me alone!" " "He lowered his head and said bitterly," Then you must use my wine when you get married! " "

The mother mouse suspected that her husband was having an affair, so she followed him to the grass. After a while, a hedgehog came out. The mother mouse grabbed the hedgehog and scolded, you damn fool, and said you didn't have an affair! Who are you trying to seduce by rubbing so much mousse?

Twenty-three On the tenth anniversary of marriage, the wife said to her husband affectionately, "Dear, talk about your feelings in the past ten years." The husband sighed and said, "Marriage is risky, so be careful when you apply for a certificate!" "

I want to train my dog to bark at me when it wants to eat, so I asked the pet doctor. The doctor said, it's simple. Every time it eats, you scream. A week has passed, and now the dog won't eat as long as I don't bark like a dog. Did I get it wrong?