What is it like not to be understood?

sometimes, for some people, if you think about it, don't say it.

it's not easy to find someone who wants to talk to him and can talk to him.

It's often not understood, so it's okay to start talking to yourself. You will find that it's more important for you to understand yourself in this world than for anyone else to understand you.

1

A year ago, I wrote this article in my diary for myself.

a year later, I published this article in WeChat official account and wanted to show it to you.

a year ago, I felt it was extremely painful not to be understood.

Because I am not understood, I always spend a lot of time explaining and trying to tell others what I really am. Because they are not understood, they always doubt whether others hate themselves very much and always try to please others. Because I don't understand, I always go to school alone, play alone, go home alone, and be alone in everything, and finally get used to being alone.

When I was in primary school, some students talked in class, so I sat very straight and listened carefully, for fear that the teacher would mistake me for myself. In the dormitory, if a friend loses something, I will help to get it back very hard, for I am afraid I lost it because of myself; In life, when talking to others, I always dare not joke, for fear that others will not understand what I mean and make others angry.

Some people said to me: Why do you have to live so hard?

I answered them seriously: I am afraid of offending others, I am afraid of being misunderstood by others, and I am afraid of not making friends.

I'm really afraid I don't understand.

2

My parents are both farmers. I haven't read much in my life, and I don't understand much. None of my relatives and friends in my family is a big official. Since I was a child, I knew that my parents were very hard, and I have seen many people's faces. It is really not easy today.

As long as I can remember, my family has always been bullied and said some ugly things. My mother felt very wronged and hid herself and cried secretly. Therefore, from childhood, my parents often told me that we are all ordinary people, and we have no innate superior conditions and a pampered environment. Every day we live, we have to work hard on our own. Some things are tolerated and compromised. Some people can get along well without offending, and sometimes some words are not said because they care more than others and don't want to destroy the relationship.

Later, when I was in college, I was also afraid of offending others, making no friends and being misunderstood by others.

so I often set up a good image in other people's minds.

when someone asks me for help, I will say yes without saying anything, because I think the person who comes to me for help must be in great need, and he must come to me for help out of his trust in me, so how can he let others down?

once, a friend came to borrow money from me, but at that time, my money didn't add up to more than 1 yuan, but I was afraid that he would call me stingy and I was afraid that I would lose a friend if I didn't help him this time, so I gave him 5 yuan.

I think it's proper for friends to help each other a little, so it's obligatory and I think it's okay.

Later, many people asked me for help. Even though sometimes I didn't want to do something, I agreed because I was afraid of offending others.

In my sophomore year, because of my teacher's trust, I took the post of director of the college's propaganda department, and later I had a calligraphy association, so I was busy with my own affairs every day. But whenever anyone asks me for help, I will say yes. A friend said that he would write a calligraphy work to participate in the class display, and then he was busy until midnight to help write it well; The students of the party branch said that they would write a notice in the college, and then they ran desperately to the college; The students in the class said that they would help to convert the format, and then they climbed down from the bed and turned on the computer that had been turned off again.

I was told: Wu Shenggang, you are really interesting.

but only I know, in fact, I am afraid of offending others, being misunderstood by others, and not making friends.

so I said to them: it's a small matter, it doesn't matter.

Later, I made more and more friends slowly.

One day, a friend told me with envy: It's good that you have so many friends.

I thought and thought, and I got a little understanding: Is it really good that I have so many friends?

once, I worked as an intern in Changsha. Because of the company's reasons, I promised to pay my salary on the specified day, but it was delayed. I am in a terrible mood and want to find someone to help me, because I think I have so many friends, and one of them will be willing. Because I have helped them a lot before, I sent them a short message with hope.

after waiting for a long time, I began to feel a little disappointed, but I still comforted myself. Maybe others were busy and didn't see it.

so keep waiting.

After that,

...

...

I began to feel a little sad. I wanted to find a friend to talk to them about my feelings, and then I looked up my friend's contact information in the mobile phone address book, ready to tell my friend. I just stopped at the moment when I wanted to send it, and found that these people had never contacted themselves actively, and only came to me for help when something happened. After thinking about it, I deleted the edited short message word by word.

I found that before I was afraid of offending others, I didn't even dare to say something. I used to be afraid that I couldn't make friends, and sometimes I always wronged myself; I used to be afraid of being misunderstood. I always spent too much time on others and never cared about myself.

I found that I was beginning to feel tired.

3

The friend I lent him 5 yuan told others behind my back that I was stingy, and he never mentioned that 5 yuan to me again, so I think it's okay. The friend I helped him write calligraphy just thought that I was the minister of the propaganda department and it was right to help him write his works, and he never thought of thanking me. Those classmates who asked me for help in format conversion felt it was my duty to help, because I was a class cadre in my class.

I'm beginning to understand.

I was afraid that I was responsible for others, not myself.

At the beginning, I was trying to protect myself on the surface, but I have been avoiding it.

after understanding this.

slowly start to indulge your own nonsense, even if you know there will be some consequences.

slowly start not afraid to offend some people, because you know that you will offend these people sooner or later.

I will take the initiative to detonate my little emotions slowly, just to make myself less tired.

don't please others at first, and don't embarrass yourself.

I also lost a lot of friends in the process, but fortunately, those left behind are good friends who can understand each other. Even if I sometimes say something ugly, they will say to me: It doesn't matter, we understand you, so we won't get angry.

Some people say: Wu Shenggang, you have changed.

I accept it frankly.

then I replied: you have changed, so why can't I?

People I met, things I did, you didn't participate in, and you didn't know, so don't talk easily. Whether I stay the same, get better or get worse is my own business. As long as I think the change now is my true self, why do you talk too much?

a friend said that doing ten things makes others think you are a good person, but just one thing makes that person think you are a bad person. It's not that you are really bad, but that you no longer satisfy them according to their wishes.

I think what she said is quite right.

More and more, I found that many times before I lived what others wanted, but I ignored my own feelings.

Don't care about people who don't care about you, don't think about people who don't care about you, don't worry about people who don't worry about you, and don't spend time with people who won't waste their time on you.

some people are blackmailed, not because of small emotions, but for big days. Give up some opportunities, not because you don't make progress, but to better enjoy the present life.

Get rid of some unwanted and disliked things, make life simple and pure, and then do more important things.

now I'm beginning to understand myself, and I know that there are some roads to go alone.

4

I remember the day when I just applied for WeChat official account, many friends questioned me.

They said: Is your writing as good as that of Han Han and Liu Tong? Will someone help you pay attention?

I can only smile awkwardly. I'm not Han Han, and I don't want to be the second Liu Tong. I'm Wu Shenggang, and my writing is different from theirs.

Strangely, at the moment when I dared to do it, many people actually said I could and thought I could.

I'm not so scared anymore.

if you put in time, you will naturally work hard. once you work hard, you will be immersed in it and you will not care what others think.

Now some people say: It's good that what you write has its own style.

Some people say: Come on, read your writing, it's real and warm.

someone else said: I feel the same when you write words.

I take this as an encouragement to myself and do it wholeheartedly.

some people hate it, but fortunately, some people watch it; Some people have cancelled their attention, but I am happy that more people are paying attention.

there will always be some people who pay attention to you in places you can't see.

so when I am questioned, I will comfort myself. It's okay. There will always be people who understand and support you. There are so many people in this world, how can I make everyone understand themselves? I just want someone to understand me. As for others, it's not as important as those who really understand me.

5

Later, it was very special. By chance, I met some people who understood each other.

One is my college classmate, Pan Qi.

I met her because of a message album and became good friends. The story about her has been posted by WeChat official account before, and she helped me a lot during my college years.

During my internship, someone asked me: You are so interesting. Did you have a good family education when you were a child?

I will proudly answer that person: I met a very nice person. Because of her, I learned to turn in inferiority, blindness, confusion, weakness and loneliness. Because of her, I became what I am now.

there is another very powerful person.

I met her in WeChat official account. I only know her WeChat name is "Gao Xiaoban".

She is a person who is not very dynamic. I don't know too many details about her life, but it's worth being happy: today I told her that you posted something that you were happy or unhappy, and then I saw her update a dynamic in the circle of friends.

I commented at the bottom: As long as you post it, I will give you a compliment.

I've always felt that it's a very lucky thing to know someone who is very powerful. Because of her, I know my own strengths, weaknesses, weaknesses and fearlessness.

Another one is an elder sister I met on the train.

We became good friends after a ten-hour drive.

Some people will ask: Can you really become good friends with a stranger in more than ten hours?

after thinking about it, it's really ok. Two people smile at each other. Although we met for the first time, I understand everything you said, which is enough.

People who want to be understood are often misunderstood, while those who want to be valued are often ignored. During the period when I was not understood, I always belittled myself for a long time.

now that I have written these words, I feel that I have done much better than before. Instead of falsely catering to others' wishes and daring to say what I really want to say, I learned to express my inner thoughts in another way; I have learned to do it for each other with actions. I am no longer afraid of losing some friends. I understand that some people are doomed not to reach the finish line together. I have learned to say goodbye.

After all, if you understand this matter, only when you really understand yourself can others understand you.

Later

Today, a year later, I reread this article and learned more.

I share this article today, not to make everyone understand me, but to understand that when others can't understand themselves, I may see it more clearly from others' perspective.

At one time, I was not understood emotionally, because of some casual words from the other side, quarreling with each other, having a cold war and even breaking up. Later, I realized that if two people want to stay together for a long time, what they need is: they can have differences, but they will also understand each other; You can have different pursuits, but you will really applaud each other; You can spit on each other, but you won't feel bad; You can speak freely, but you won't get angry.

don't step by step, be careful.

Those lovers who can really live for a lifetime don't necessarily have something to talk about, but they know the place beyond words, and they won't be embarrassed if they don't talk.

at one time, I didn't understand why my parents had to swallow things when they could earn everything back. Later, I realized that we are not tall, but we can have an inclusive heart. Some things are not done too well, and some things are not said too hard, not because we are cowardly, but because we care more than others.

when we learn * * * feelings, we can understand people we couldn't understand before and tolerate things we couldn't before.