I want some jokes. Who said that?

1. Remember when you were in kindergarten? The teacher told the children that whoever urinates in bed will be fined three yuan for the first time, five yuan for the second time and ten yuan for the third time. At this time, I saw you stand up and say loudly: How much is the teacher a month? In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet. You go to relieve yourself, fall into the toilet, fight with maggots, fight with shit, and no one saves you. You die heroically, live great and die silently. In memory of you, the toilet is lit. 3. One day, Cao Cao went to visit Jiang Gan, held Jiang Gan's hand and said enthusiastically, Fuck, how is your mother? Jiang Gan fainted, and it took him a while to wake up. He grabbed Cao Cao's collar excitedly and said, Fuck, how is your family? Cao Cao immediately vomited blood and died. 4. The beauties of Dongshi, the Han people of Jida, the industrial hooligans are everywhere, the flowers of Changshi, the grass of Agricultural University, the monks of science and engineering are everywhere, the handsome guys of TEPCO, the wolves with long taxes, the police are all hooligans, the rice grown up, the beds of Jihua University, and the girls of Beihua University frighten the wolves to death. 5. Agua broke up with his girlfriend. Agua asked his girlfriend: Do you think our relationship can be saved? Girlfriend replied: it's a key on the phone! Agua: Is it redialing? Girlfriend: No, it's speakerphone! 6. The fool stole the beggar's wallet and the blind man saw it. The mute gave a loud roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. Asako said, look at my face. The madman said: that is, people should be rational. 7. I like Teresa Teng and died; I like Barbara Yung and committed suicide; I like Anita Mui, dead; I like Ka Kui Wong, I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung, jumping off a building; I like you. It's up to you. 8. Money can buy a house but not a home, marriage can't buy love, and clocks can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Please remit your money to my account as soon as possible and let me bear all the pain personally. 9. God bless me, bless those who forget me, don't contact me, don't call, don't send messages, don't miss me, don't miss me, and their mobile phones fall into the toilet. Oh, my God! By the way, let the water flush. 10. When laughing, the wolf hangs himself, when barking, the chicken flies and the dog jumps, and when stopping, the stench is pervasive. When sweating, lice are infested, and if you don't dress up, you are uglier than a ghost. Kneel down as soon as you dress up, paralyzed. 1 1. jump instruction: I want to have fun on the ninth floor, I want to catch my breath on the eighth floor, I want to struggle on the seventh floor, I want to leave messages on the sixth floor, I want to be disabled on the fifth floor, I want to be hospitalized on the fourth floor, I want to be simply scary on the third floor, I want to be interested on the second floor, and I want to be lively on the first floor. . . 12. I almost miss you and my eyes turn blue in the middle of the night. I forgot to give money when shopping, and pork vermicelli was no longer greedy. 1+ 1=3 feels difficult. Zhao Benshan is regarded as Sun Nan, and I'm going to hurt myself by crying. . 13. The man offered his seat to the beautiful woman, and the beautiful woman wiped her seat with paper before sitting down. I didn't expect her to fart as soon as she sat down. The man smiled: Miss is so sanitary, if it is not clean, it will be blown. . . 14. Nine irons in life: one bed, two classmates and three fellow villagers. Four irons carried guns together, five irons went to the countryside together, six irons escaped famine together, seven irons suffered together, eight irons were dirty together, and nine irons went whoring together. ,。 15. A child yearns for the sea and finally has a chance to play at the seaside. He stood happily on the beach and shouted, "Sea, Mom". Suddenly a wave threw him down, and the child got up and scolded, "bah, stepmother." 16. There should be no drunkenness. When can I realize this dream? Girls are black and white, beautiful and ugly, and men are tall and thin. This is an old question. I hope that the group will last for a long time and there will be no more bachelors. I wish you all happiness! ! 17. The reporter interviewed 100 penguins and asked what you do every day. Penguin said: Eat, sleep, and beat peas. After asking 99 people, they all said so. After smelling the last one, it said: Eat, sleep. The reporter asked you why you didn't fight peas? It says, I'm fucking. 18. Get married in our village. The conditions in our village are not bad: clothing depends on spinning, eating depends on the party, getting rich depends on grabbing, getting married depends on thinking, traffic depends on walking, communication depends on yelling, public security depends on dogs, and heating depends on shaking! 19. Drinking a little wine, no one knows, cigarettes are mutually assured destruction, mahjong is rubbed day and night, dancing is exhausted, bragging until you don't believe it! 20. The elephant stepped on the ant nest, and all the angry ants climbed on the elephant's back. When the elephant shook its body gently, the ant was knocked to the ground, leaving only one ant holding the elephant's neck. The ants on the ground shouted in unison, "strangle it, strangle it."