Computer problems

The fortune teller said to the lady: "You have a bad fate." "Why?" "Because you have bad omens."

"Can I take off my bra?" "No, once you get rid of the bad omen, there will be two big waves in your life. One day, a Japanese tourist who can speak Chinese and is very arrogant comes to a Chinese restaurant to work as a waiter.

When he was served a plate of braised prawns, the Japanese asked the waiter: "In China, what do you do with the peeled shrimp shells? "

The waiter responded strangely: "No need to ask, of course throw it away! ”

The Japanese smiled contemptuously: “No, in Japan, we will recycle the peeled shrimp shells, make shrimp cakes, and sell them to you in China!” "

The waiter was very angry after hearing this, but he refrained from getting angry and continued to do his business.

After a while, the waiter brought a fruit plate to the Japanese. The Japanese pointed to the lemon inside and asked: "In China, how do you deal with the peeled lemon peels? "

The waiter replied angrily: "Of course throw it away! "

Japan raised the corner of his mouth: "No, No! In Japan, we collect the peeled lemon peels, make tangerine peel pies, and sell them to you in China! "

The waiter's face changed slightly, but he still ignored him.

Finally, after the Japanese finished their meal, they chewed gum and came to the waiter to pay, and he reluctantly paid. Question: “In China, what do you do with chewed gum? "

The waiter replied impatiently: "We will put it on the paper and throw it away! "

The Japanese hurriedly said: "No, No, No! In Japan, we collect chewed gum, make condoms, and sell them to you in China!

The waiter couldn't bear it anymore and asked the Japanese with a smile: "Sir, how do you dispose of used condoms in Japan?" "

The Japanese shouted: "Oh my God! Of course throw it away! ! "

The waiter smiled and said: "No! In China, we collect used condoms, make them into chewing gum, and sell them to you in Japan! ! ! ”

1.

There is a penguin. His home is very far away from the polar bear’s home. If you had to walk, it would take 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin stayed at home. I was very bored. I was going to play with the polar bear. He went out, but halfway through the walk, he realized that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door still had to be locked, so the penguin left again. He went home and locked the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off to find the polar bear again. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" "

After the polar bear opened the door, what do you think he said?..."Let's go to your house to play~"

2. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: “Boss, do you have a hundred buns? "

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's right. . . "The little white rabbit left dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "

Boss: "I'm sorry, but there is still no"

"That's it. . . "The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

3. Xiao Ming Said: "Akang, I ask you, "A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become?"

Akang said: "I don't know, what is the answer?"

Xiao Ming said: "Hey! Hey! The answer is "mung bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are stupid!"

4. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution?

Student answer: Make the lunch box blue

5. There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal problem. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor: "What should I eat?" What are you doing? Eat water.

Put melons on watermelons, eat cucumbers and pull cucumbers!"

The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think you only eat shit!"

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6. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why does the plane fly so high without hitting the stars?"

The little girl replied: "I know. , because the stars will 'shimmer'!"

7. There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear Said: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the hairs on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said: "It's really cold!"

8. There is one Bread, I felt hungry while walking, so I ate it myself

9

Q: What did the African cannibal chiefs eat?

A: People!

Q: One day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be vegetarian. So what did he eat?

A: Eat a vegetable! ~~

10

American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

Chinese: No!

Americans: Then why does your Chinese character for "cup" appear next to the character for wood?

Chinese: Isn’t there a “no” next to the word “cup”! That means it's not made of wood.

Little White + Little White=?

Little White Rabbit (TWO)~

12

Q: The fat man fell from the 12th floor What will happen when it comes down?

A: Fatty

13.

Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.

Asong: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing I have ever had was Children's Day."

Abo: "After ten years, it will be Youth Day."

A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day."

Abo: "In a few decades it will be Old Man's Day."

A Song: "It will be Father's Day again." After a few decades."

Abo: ".Qingming Festival. "

14

The millionaire drove by in a luxurious and extended "Lincoln" car. When he was in a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass to eat on the side of the road. The millionaire stopped the car immediately.

“Why are you eating grass?”

“We really have no money...” replied a beggar.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I still have a wife and two children at home..." a beggar muttered.

"Call them here." The rich man pointed to another beggar. "And you, call your family members here too." "

"My family has a large population. In addition to my wife, I have five children. "Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, call everyone, go quickly1

Just like that, the two beggars and their families got on the car. Fortunately, it was an extended car. .

During the ride, a beggar's wife said gratefully: "Boss, you are so kind. You can even invite poor people like us to your home."

The millionaire replied: "Nothing, I I just came back from abroad. No one has been taking care of the house. The lawn in the yard is probably more than one meter high. You can eat as much as you like

15

A certain day, the war in the country was in full swing, and the guild group The leader came to the front line of the prairie to boost morale...

The guild leader asked: How is the situation?

The group member archer reported: Report to the leader of the tent 20 meters ahead! There was an archer from Baisos next to him, but his accuracy was very poor. He had shot many times in the past few days without hitting anyone.

After hearing this, the regiment leader asked: Since he discovered the enemy. Archer, why don't you kill him?

The archer said: Report to the leader! Do you want them to change it to a more accurate one?

16

Soldiers: "Thirsty...thirst..."

Cao Cao: "Everyone, hold on a little longer!" I have been to this place before, and I remember that there is a plum forest nearby. If you walk for a while, you may be there.

All the soldiers: "Oh￣￣￣￣There are plums to eat￣" ￣￣Oh￣￣￣”

Half an hour later——Cao Ren: “Lord! The expedition found plenty of water! "

Cao Cao: "Hahahaha, did you hear it? Finally there is water to drink."

All the soldiers: "If you don't go... you must find Meizi..."

17

A certain girls' school is haunted.

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The ghost said: I have no feet.

Xiaohong: What’s the matter? Look, senior, I don’t have breasts.

18

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak. We met steak on the street, why didn't they say hello? (assuming they could talk)

Because.........

Because........................

Because they are not familiar with each other~~! Haha

20

The little snake asked the big snake in a panic, "Brother, are we poisonous?" The big snake said, "Why do you ask?" "The little snake said: "I accidentally bit my tongue just now. "

22

The tortoise and the hare are racing... The hare quickly ran to the front..

The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly. Slowly... said to him: Come up, I will carry you...

Then... the snail came up...

After a while... the turtle saw another The ant said to him: Come up too.

So the ant also came up.

After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said to him. "Hello"

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said: Hold on tight, this turtle is so fast...

26

Every time I see you wearing stockings...

There will be an indescribable feeling in my heart,

That is...

The radish is also wrapped in plastic wrap!

27

One day my mother-in-law was riding in a car

She didn’t know the road during the ride

The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said:

Driver: This is my butt.

A: "I'll take you." Go to a place where all the girls don't wear bras.

"

B: "Really? Where? Take me there quickly! "

A: "The kindergarten is right next door! "

29

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.

He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will gather together Wash and eat together after washing. "

All the children ran to pick fruits.

As soon as the gathering time came, all the children gathered.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, you pick the fruits. To what? "

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples. "

Teacher: "Where are you, Xiaomei? "

Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes. "

Teacher: "The children are all great! What about you, Amin? "

Amin: "I am washing my cloth shoes because I stepped in poop. "

30

Bad news: a pilot fell out of the plane

Good news: he had a parachute

Bad news : The parachute is bad

Good news: There is a haystack below

Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack

Good news: He didn't fall Shit on the fork

Bad news: He didn’t end up on the haystack either

35

A monkey has to stuff peanuts into his butt before taking them out to eat . The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core couldn't be pulled out, and the monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.

40

One day. Late at night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when she suddenly heard a "wow" sound from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, with the man behind her chasing after her. . No, there was a dead end ahead. The woman was so desperate that she knelt on the ground and cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want. I just ask you not to kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really?" Then now you start chasing me. "

41

There was a new nurse in a mental hospital. When she first arrived, she saw a patient in the hospital wandering around an ancient well, chanting: "13, 13,... ..." The little nurse felt quite strange. She couldn't figure out what this "13" meant. She kept observing it for several days and it was the same. She always wanted to go forward and ask what happened, but she was afraid that the patient would have an attack and never dared.

One day, the little nurse finally couldn't restrain her curiosity, walked slowly to the patient, looked into the well, and suddenly the patient hugged the nurse's legs, lifted them down, and began to read: " 14, 14, 14,..."

42

Suddenly, Matchstick felt his head was itchy, so he reached out and scratched it, and he burned himself to death...

43. In an open-air bathhouse, a group of strong workers were taking a bath. Several monkeys climbed up the tree next to the bathhouse to watch. One of the monkeys laughed while watching. The more he watched, the more funny he found it. Finally, he laughed so much that he fell off the tree and rolled on the ground. The other monkeys were surprised, helped him up, and asked him why he was laughing. The monkey still laughed non-stop and said: "Haha...hehe...human beings are really strange." Animals, haha... Look, their tails are so short, and they are born in front