Looking for jokes. The more the merrier. Thank you~~~I need it urgently~~~

1. The turtle was bathing in the river and was seen by the toad.

Turtle: Have you never seen a beauty like me? Your eyes are about to pop out.

Toad: Sister, please stop teasing me. Didn’t you see that I have goosebumps all over my body?

2. Huang Ying saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You are a thief who has been sneaking around all day long. You have brought shame on the old Huang family."

As soon as she finished speaking , the oriole was shot down, and the weasel cursed: "Silly X, you don't know that we are cracking down on pornography now!"

3. Dragonfly made a girlfriend "Cicada". Mother Dragonfly asked worriedly: What kind of job does she have?

Dragonfly: That’s a singer!

Dragonfly Mom: Singer? I used to be a tunnel digger!

4. An ant quarreled with a crow on the tree!

Ant: If you have the guts, come down!

Crow: If you have the guts, then come down Come up here!

Ant: Okay! Just wait for me, I’ll look good on you!

Crow: What do you want?

Ant: I’ll do it right away Go and ask all my brothers to shake you down and throw you to death!

5. Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. The dung beetle said: If I want to win the jackpot, I will use all the toilets within a 50-mile radius. Buy it and eat enough every day!

Shit Beetle B: You are so vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day!

6. The male butterfly sang to the female butterfly: "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" After singing, he flew to pick roses.

There was a scream, and the female butterfly sang: "My dear, fly slowly, be careful of the roses with thorns in front of you!"

7. A pair of ducks came to the river While playing, I saw a couple of frogs hibernating in caves on the river bank. Duck: Look, how happy. Female duck to male duck: Don't look at it, he is the big boss, he lives in a villa and spends his honeymoon, we should never think about it in this life!

8. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river. He caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but still didn’t catch anything and went home.

On the third day, as soon as the little white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use a carrot again, If you use it as bait, I will crush you to death!

(1) A village chief came home after drinking too much and entered the pig pen by mistake. He lay down next to the sow and said: Wife: Pour me a glass of water. The sow snorted and the village chief said, "No, I won't pour it." If you don't fall down, why are you being coquettish? I touched it casually and said: I am buying a leather jacket, or a double-breasted one.

(2) The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Do you want metering, backlighting, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can I leave it for your aunt?" A pair of pants? ”

(3) One day, a barber beat up a candied haws seller. When he went to the police station, the police asked the barber: Why did you beat the candied haws seller? The barber said: ***, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "I'm perming it" outside.

(4) A man went to the toilet with constipation, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and there was a sudden storm. He added, "Brother, I'm so envious of you, so fast." "Why are you envious? I haven't even had time to take off my pants yet!"

(5) A foreigner was traveling in Laiwu and met an old lady playing with a cat. Q: What are you doing? The old lady replied: Gudang Maoni! The foreigner was shocked, even the old man knew a foreign language! He was given chocolate as a gift, but the old lady thought it was dried sweet potato and said: I have it in Laiwu! The foreigner fainted!

(6) The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words but are reluctant to give them to me. The bee said: Hum! What about me? Why don’t you send me a text message with two antennas so long on your head?

(7) The Dung Beetle and the Mosquito fell in love. The Dung Beetle asked, "What's your profession?" The Mosquito said, "Nurse, an injector. How about you?" The Dung Beetle smiled and said, "It's fate. We're the same ones. It's made from traditional Chinese medicine.

"

(8) Husband: What time is it now? Wife: Ten o'clock. Husband: Is it sharp? Wife: It's too early. No one else is sleeping! I asked, is it ten o'clock? Wife: It should be around eleven o'clock.

(9) The young couple had a fight and threw a pillow downstairs. A beggar happened to be passing by. He was very happy, and then flew off a quilt. The beggar was ecstatic and wiped it. I cried upstairs: Brother upstairs, please throw that woman down too.

(10) Wife: Do you want to do some activities tonight? Husband: I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, wife. : Then don’t say you are tired after get off work, say you have no energy at night, and you can’t fool me. Husband: It’s necessary. Wife: Then wash all the clothes I changed in the evening.

(11) A young woman. I was taking out the garbage and accidentally slipped and fell into the garbage. Just as I was about to get up, I was hugged by an old man who was picking up rags. The old man said with emotion: People in the city just don't know how to live. If such a good wife says she doesn't want it, she won't.

(12) A person's big toe suddenly turned blue. The miracle doctor diagnosed it as cancer, so he removed it. Within a few days, the second toe also turned blue. After the removal, three days later, the entire sole of the foot turned blue and had to be enlarged. At the hospital, the final expert diagnosis was that the socks had faded.

A farmer drove a donkey into the city. The donkey ran a red light and was fined 10 yuan. The old farmer drank from the donkey and said: "You think you are a military vehicle!" Dare to run through red lights. After walking a few steps, the donkey knocked over another fruit stall and paid 200 yuan in compensation. The old farmer was even more angry: "Do you think you are the industrial and commercial city management? You can knock down whoever's stall you want." "The old farmer led the donkey home and passed by a green grassland. The donkey gnawed the grass and was fined 30 yuan. The old farmer was very angry and cursed: "Do you think you are an inspection team going to the countryside? You can eat wherever you go!" The old farmer cursed After that, he took the donkey to the river to drink water, but the donkey became stubborn and refused to drink. The old farmer got angry and said, "You think you are a rich man, and you won't drink without a lady." "The donkey turned around and ran away. There was a fishing net hanging on the shore. The donkey broke it when it got on it. The fisherman claimed 500 yuan for compensation. The old farmer said with tears in his eyes, "Do you think this is China Telecom? It costs so much money to access the Internet. "The donkey turned around and kicked the old farmer. The old farmer reluctantly cursed: "Do you think you are the leader of the group? You can kick whoever you want." "The donkey was so angry that he stopped paying attention to the old farmer and became very silent. The old farmer said: "You think this is in the QQ group, you can stay silent all day!

2. The boss called the secretary: This I will accompany you to Beijing for fun in a few days, please prepare yourself

The secretary called her husband: I am going to Beijing with my boss for a meeting in the next few days

The husband called his lover: This My wife is not at home for a few days, stay with me

My lover called the tutoring student: The teacher has something to do these days, so classes are suspended

The student called grandpa: There will be no classes these days, grandpa You play with me

Grandpa called the secretary: I can’t go to Beijing, my grandson wants me to accompany him

The secretary called her husband: The boss suddenly has something to do and won’t go to Beijing for a meeting

The husband called his lover: My wife is not leaving, let’s talk next time

The lover called his tutoring student: Classes will continue as usual these days!!!

The student called his grandpa Call: Teacher 555 said that classes will continue as usual these days

Grandpa called the secretary: Let’s go to Beijing, you are ready

3. A beggar knocked on the car window and said: Here I'll pay some money.

The gentleman looked at it and said: Let me smoke a cigarette for you.

The beggar said: I don’t smoke, give me some money.

The husband said: I have beer in the car, let me give you a drink.

The beggar said: I don’t drink, please give me some money.

The husband said: Well, I will take you to the mahjong parlor, I will pay you, and you will bet, and the winnings will be yours.

The beggar said: I don’t gamble, give me some money.

The husband said: I will take you to the sauna room to enjoy the "one-stop service", and I will cover all the expenses.

The beggar said: I don’t go to whoring, please give me some money.

The husband said: Then you get in the car, I will take you back and let my wife see what a good man who does not smoke, drink, gamble or go whoring can do!

4. Mr. Zhang, who graduated from the police academy, has been married for two years. He always feels something strange about his wife and suspects that she is having an affair. One day, Mr. Zhang always found a text message from a stranger on his wife's mobile phone, and the content of each text message was the same: "Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me."!

At eleven o'clock in the evening, Mr. Zhang captured his cheating wife and the man who was having an affair in one fell swoop.

Mr. Zhang cursed: You underestimate me. Do you think I don’t understand that text message? Read it backwards and read, “I will help you take off your bra at half past ten”

5. Dragon Boat Festival The turtle wanted to eat rice dumplings, so he asked the snail to buy rice dumplings. After 2 hours, the snail still hadn't come back. The turtle yelled anxiously: "I'll starve to death if I don't come back!" Then the snail's voice came from outside the door: "You." Damn it, I won't go!

One day, the cow asked the donkey which of the two bugs under the word "Stupid" was male or female. The donkey racked his brains. Unable to answer. Niu scolded: What a stupid ass, the man is left and the woman is right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a thirty-meter chimney, which took two years to complete. It cost 300,000 yuan, but it was finally completed at the end of last year. Today I went to check it out and was scolded, but I didn’t get the money yet! The drawings were wrong, they were going to dig a well. !

3. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived.

4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole. Damn, there was a bastard who passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave it to me. Two sticks!

5. One day, Turtle Dad, Turtle Mom and Turtle Son’s family decided to go for an outing. They brought a Shandong pancake and two cans of sea chicken

We set out for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, we finally arrived! They sat down on the ground and prepared to eat.

But they found that they didn’t bring a can opener! Turtle Son: “...Then I’ll go back and get it. "

Turtle dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go and come back quickly!"

Turtle son: "You must wait for me to come back! Don't break your promise Oh!"

So Turtle Son set out on his way home...

Time flies, and 20 years have passed in the blink of an eye, but Turtle Son has not yet appeared.

Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..."

Turtle father: "No! We promised our son! Well...wait for him Five years later, if he doesn’t come, I’ll leave him alone!”

Five years have passed and there is still no sign of the turtle son. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start.

Took out the big cake and was about to eat it...

Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree...

Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would steal it! You lied to me to go back and get the can opener? I waited for twenty-five years and finally got it! I hate it the most!

6. Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water in their lives. He was named Miao, and some people were named Sen if they lacked wood in their lives.

Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?

7. A pair. A boyfriend and a girlfriend were sitting on a bench in the park, talking about love. The girl suddenly wanted to fart and said to the guy: My schoolmate is singing, but you don’t hear it.

Mr. Sure enough, she was willing to listen.

So, the woman let out a loud fart under the cover of the cuckoo cuckoo sound.

Female: The elephant is not like the cuckoo bird. ?

Male: The fart was too loud, I couldn’t hear it clearly!

8. The turtle was injured. It took 2 hours for the snail to come back.

The turtle got angry and cursed: If you don't come back, I'll die! At this time, a snail's voice came from outside the door: Don't you dare say that I won't go back anymore!

9. Someone raises a pig. Annoyed, abandon it, but the pig knows the way back, and abandoning it several times will not work. One day, he drove around a lot of corners to abandon the pig. He called his family late at night and asked, "Has the pig returned?" The answer was, "Yes!" He roared, "Let him answer the phone. I'm lost!"

10. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out in large numbers and climbed on the elephant one after another. The elephant shook himself and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another ant on the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted "Strangle it to death".

11. One day in computer class, a row of classmates’ computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer has crashed, and our row is all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are also dead." At this time, the teacher asked: "Who is not dead? "Only one student stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?"

12. A monkey must stuff a peanut before eating it. Put it in your butt and take it out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.

13. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy..."

14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch..."

Someone couldn't help but ask: "What's down there?"

Continue Tell a story: "Down there? It's gone..."

15. There was a man who had just learned a foreign language. He was walking on the street that day and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man hurriedly said: "I 'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely: "I'm sorry too." When the man heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." The foreigner was dumbfounded and asked: "What are you sorry for?" The man said helplessly: "I'm sorry five."

16. A letter written by Tang Monk to Sun Wukong

Dear Wukong:

I write this letter very slowly because I know you can’t read quickly!

We had rain twice this week, the first time it rained for 4 days and the second time it rained for 3 days!

How are you doing in Huaguoshan? I have a very bad life in heaven. Since there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall. Do you think it's hard?

The beef noodles we have here are delicious. When you come another day, we will go to the restaurant on West Street to eat hot pot together!

Your eldest sister Guanyin is about to give birth, and because I don’t know whether it will be a boy or a girl, I don’t know yet whether you will be an uncle or an aunt!

Have you received the clothes I sent you? When I was going to send it, I was afraid of being overweight, so I cut off the buttons and put them in my pocket!

It’s getting late so I’m writing this here. If you have time to come to my place, remember not to drink too much water, otherwise it will be very uncomfortable when you get here and can’t urinate!

P. S I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was already stuck!

17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I eat whatever I eat, cucumbers, watermelons, watermelon. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

18. Someone went to Shanghai on a business trip and lost a dollar on the street. The police said, "We will help you find it." The man went back a month later, and the street where he lost the money was blocked due to road construction. After digging, he couldn't help but sigh, "Shanghai is the real thing."

19. One day, an ant was basking in the sun. Suddenly he saw an elephant walking slowly. He stood up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to him I'm asking you what are you doing? The ant said: "Shh~~~~~~~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him"

20. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Earthworm's mother thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Earthworm's father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football

21. The tortoise and the hare... The hare The turtle quickly ran to the front... The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly... and said to him: Come up, I will carry you... Then... the snail came up... After a while. The turtle saw an ant again and said to him: Come up too. So the ant came up too. After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him. You know. What did the snail say? The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

22. One day, a fire broke out in a house, and both parents escaped. Only one son was left inside. The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son...you are doing it...it's on fire and you can't come out..." The son replied: "I'm putting on socks... .." The mother said again, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire..." Five minutes later, the son hasn't come out yet... The mother nervously shouted again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, and you’re still in there..." My son said, "I’m taking off my socks...

23. A man went to the river to fish first. After wearing a leaf, no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Still no fish took the bait for a long time. He was so angry that he took out 100rmb and threw it into the water. Cursed: "*—# What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself!!!

24. My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, so he kept sucking the runny nose into his nose. On the blackboard The Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough!" Stop it! It’s so noisy! "The whole class was quiet. The teacher said again: "Who is eating noodles secretly in class and making such a loud noise? ”

25. The patient said to the dentist: “You are really good at making money. You made 3 US dollars in just 3 seconds.” ”

The doctor replied: “If you want, I can pull it out for you in slow motion.”

"

26. "Narcissism" means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in my next life and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means that when I order two dishes at a restaurant, I eat the first one: "In the world Is there anything tastier than this?!" Eat the second one. Damn! It really does!" "Speechless" means the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money

27. The Weaver Girl went down to the earth to take a bath and met the Cowherd, and performed a shocking love story. This incident tells us: there is no chance to take a bath at home, so you must take a bath outside...

28. Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiao Ming: "How do you say ant?" Xiao Ming looked confused... Said: "Ant... didn't say anything..."

29. A man kept farting loudly at work, and his colleagues couldn't help but said to him: "Can you not make any noise?" Then I saw him sitting there shaking non-stop. A colleague asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I am silent, and now I have set it to vibrating!!!"

30. Female Mosquito : "Child, what's wrong with you?" The little mosquito cried and said, "Today, the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire." The female mosquito said, "Don't pay attention to it, they are not good things either. Everyone grew up eating shit

31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou clay pot. Yesterday, I went to the lt; treasure appraisal gt; column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "Where is this?" Is it from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week!

32. Son: "Mom, I failed the math test today" Mother: "Why, what question." Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3 =?I said =6." Mother: "That's right, what next." Son: "Then the teacher asked me again 3*2=?" Mother: "Aren't these the same thing!" Son: "Me too. That's what I said...

33. A prisoner was executed by firing squad. The bullets were produced in "XX County" and were of poor quality. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired... and the third shot was fired. ...At this time the prisoner cried: "Strangle me to death, it's too scary!"

34. The father told his son a story: "The uncle asked Xiaoyang to chop wood, but he didn't expect it." Xiaoyang cut down his uncle's favorite peach tree. The uncle was very angry when he saw it but didn't scold him. Do you know why?" The son replied: "Maybe it's because Xiaoyang still had an ax in his hand, so he didn't dare. Scold him

35. Dung Beetle and Mosquito fall in love and meet for the first time. Dung Beetle: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, injector." Dung Beetle grabbed Mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: "Yuan Yes, I am also a doctor, a Chinese medicine practitioner, and a pill maker

36. A man can’t find a girlfriend, so he has no choice but to go to a fortune teller. The fortune teller said: You are destined to have no woman in the first half of your life; The man's eyes lit up: Then I should have it in the second half of my life, right? The fortune teller said: Hey, in the second half of your life you will get used to living alone

37. When someone eats, you can't see it in the beef ramen. I had a piece of beef, so I pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef ramen? The boss said lightly: Don’t take it too seriously, do you still expect to get a wife out of the wife cake?

38. Three The rats tasted American, Japanese, and Chinese wine respectively. The rat that drank American wine fell down after walking for 3 steps; the rat that drank Japanese wine fell after walking for 2 steps; the rat that drank Chinese Erguotou held a kitchen knife in its hand and shouted : "Where's the TMD cat?"

39. While eating in a restaurant, a customer who had been waiting for a long time called the waiter and asked, "Why is the braised fish I ordered not ready yet?" "Please?" Please wait a moment, sir." "What? Are you still waiting?" The customer was angry and said, "Are your fish caught fresh?"

40. Once upon a time, there was a man named Ah Shuang. .

He died.

The day of the funeral.

His family members cried: ‘

It’s so cool... it’s so cool. ’

Passers-by were puzzled. Asked: "What do you enjoy so much?"

'

The family members cried bitterly: 'It feels so good... so good!! Don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" After hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing next to him said: "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this

42. The director and the section chief *** were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief, "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't fart." Soon after, the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "You can't take on any big things, so what's the use of you?"

43. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat protected the mouse in every possible way, and the mouse quickly After getting fatter, the mouse was very moved: "My dear, why are you so nice to me?" The cat chuckled and said, "You will know when you get fatter." 44. Every time I look in the mirror, I always feel confused. I encourage myself by talking to myself: "I am very creative, and ugly is not my original intention. God, don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to bring out the beauty of this world! In fact, I am really, really creative...

45. My friends went hiking together. At the top of the mountain, a girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland! My mother! A boy who had a crush on her I quickly shouted: Motherland! My mother-in-law!

46. I bought two puppies before, the one called "Face" for you, and the one called "Butt" for myself! It didn't take two days. After "face" unfortunately died in a car accident, whenever I see "butt", I think of your "face"! If your "face" was still there, it would be as big as your "butt" now!

47. After Tang Zeng drove away Wukong, he encountered another monster. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: "I'm sorry. The user you called is not in the service area. Please try again later.

48. The mouse was going to go to the convenience store, and when he saw the bear, he was too frightened to say anything. The bear glanced at the mouse and said, "Will you shed your hair?" The mouse trembled and said nothing. The bear asked again: "Are you losing your fur, you?" The mouse said tremblingly: "No..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left! [Treat mice as toilet paper...

49. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

50. On Panda’s birthday, I would like to tell everyone: I made two wishes, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo

51. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail. The bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? The butterfly replied: I have my own house after all, but it’s not like you living in a dormitory

52. One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came over and said to the elephant. You stand up. Stand up when it starts. Ant! Just sit down. The elephant asked the ant what he wanted to do. Sometimes he stands up and sometimes he sits down.

Ant replied! I lost my underwear, let me see if you were wearing it

53. The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey happened to be in heat, so the production team employees beat her. Call the captain of the production team who is on a business trip out of town. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat, but the male donkey is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first or wait for you to come back?"

54. Little Shit Beetle: Mom , why do we eat shit? Mother Dung Beetle: How could this child say such disgusting things while eating?

55. A shooting star flashed across the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. Who knew that I had just made a wish? Wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me, "Brother, are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?!"

56. Give me a steamed bun from the cafeteria as a fulcrum, and I can lift it up Earth! lt; Please understand, the steamed buns in this cafeteria are too hard...gt;

57. See "The food in the cafeteria can only be fed to pigs, but they are still given to us?" "I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the cafeteria to prepare a meal. After the meal, he asked the cook, "Master, why is there rice in your sand!!!"

58. A must-see for girls. Story: A bat was reincarnated by God. God said that he can promise you three conditions. The bat said, "I was black in my previous life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body and wings. I am used to sucking blood. Please let me suck blood." "God said, OK, I agree. Do you know what he will be in the next life? "Sanitary napkin". Haha.

59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase fishy smells all day long, and I chase smelly smells all day long. Come here if you want to eat well! Toilet fly: If you don’t agree with each other, what’s the use of eating well? How many bare-butt beauties have you seen?

60. In your sophomore year, you were in the dormitory. Girls all like Zhou Huajian's songs, and a tape was borrowed from everyone. One day, the girl on the upper bunk asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: There was silence for two seconds, and then They all fell on the bed.

61. A boy nicknamed a classmate a fat pig. The girl cried to the teacher and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The teacher gave a lecture to the class the next day. : "A certain boy is so rude and gives others nicknames at will. You can't just call others whatever they look like, right? ”

62. When a police dog saw an ordinary dog ??approaching on the road, he ran to it fiercely and asked: I am a police dog, what are you? The ordinary dog ??looked at it with disdain and said : Idiot, look carefully, I am in plainclothes!

Seven Fairies were bathing in the lake, and Bajie was so anxious that he couldn’t see her.

Tang Monk shouted to the lake seriously: Donor, be careful of the crocodiles. !

The seven fairies rushed ashore naked.

Bajie sighed: The leader’s IQ cannot be surpassed.

Tang Monk and four others took a plane to travel. The plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.

So, Tang Seng said, everyone should answer the questions, and those who can’t answer will jump down.

Tang Monk: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Seng: I’ll give you one.

Tang Monk: Sha Monk, how many moons are there in the sky?

Sha Seng: One.

Tang Seng: I’ll give you one too.

Bajie on the side was happy, such a simple question.

Tang Monk: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?

． ． ． ．

Bajie jumped down.

Not long after, the four of them took a plane to travel again. It crashed again on the way and still only had three parachutes.

They continued to answer questions.

Tang Monk: Wukong, when was the People’s Republic of China established?

Wukong: 1949.

Tang Seng: I’ll give you one.

Tang Seng: Sha Seng, how many people died in the liberation war?

Sha Seng: 2.5 million people.

Tang Seng: I’ll give you one too.

Tang Monk: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people?

......Bajie jumped down by himself again.

The third time, the four of them took a plane to travel again, and there was another accident on the way.

At this time, Bajie said: Master, you don’t need to ask, I will dance by myself.

Then he jumped.

Tang Monk put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time

1. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi, and the female driver stared at him, naked. The man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

2. Male and female friends sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a line: those who cross the line are animals. When she woke up and found that the man had really failed to pass the line, the woman slapped the man hard: You are worse than a beast!

3. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest and approached him and said: I am Hong Tao Liu. The foreign guest said: I am still the Seven of Diamonds!

4. Zai Zai was repaired by his father. He ran to his mother to complain: "Mom, what will you do if someone hits your son?" Mom: "I will beat his son to take revenge!" Zai Zai: "... …”