Mom, your love is too heavy for me to bear.

A few days ago, the sensational Wu Yimu case was pronounced in the first instance. With the spread of trial video, Wu's psychological motivation for killing his mother was interpreted in various ways on the Internet. Wu, the high flyers of Peking University, undoubtedly has a very high IQ. It is said that his emotional intelligence is also good. One of his friends once said that every holiday, he would receive a blessing message from Wu. It can be seen that Wu did not send it in groups, but wrote it specially for him.

According to colleagues of Wu's mother, Xie, Wu's mother, is an excellent person with moral cleanliness and strong personality. She doesn't have much social activities. After her husband died, she put all her efforts on her son and could give everything for him. Wu's college roommate recalled that Wu telephoned his mother at least once a day to report his study and life, from his exam results to how much he spent every day.

It seems that the mother is kind and filial, but the reality is so cruel.

The famous senior psychological counselor put forward a point of view when he made a psychological analysis of Wu's motive for committing crimes, which made people feel creepy after reading it. He said that there is a "morbid relationship" between Wu and his mother, and only one person's will can exist when establishing this morbid relationship. It's not that I don't love you, it's that I love you so much that I can't breathe. Love makes one side lose self and the other side lose freedom and space.

So, as a mother, what is true love for children?

First, love for children is not possession.

We saw such a mother in a TV variety show. Her son is an actor, nearly forty years old and unmarried. The mother regards taking care of her son as her lifelong career. When her son was in college, she went to the dormitory to help him make the bed and fold the quilt. Afraid that her son would not adapt, she went to Beijing to accompany her. Write down the WeChat with my son and the Weibo sent by my son in the notebook. Worried about his son's malnutrition, he worked as his son's personal chef with the crew and got up at four o'clock every morning to make soup for his son.

In the program, my mother said, I have no ego, I have no ego at all ... I know every relationship of his, and I will interfere.

Son, I do everything for you, I live for you, you are the meaning of my life. How terrible such a declaration is, this is not love for children, this is possession in the name of love.

Second, don't pin your demands on your children.

Summer's daughter is outstanding from an early age. After studying abroad, she chose to work in a national defense enterprise with a professional counterpart, but her unit was in a third-tier town in other provinces. In summer, she has never left the small county where she lives. She very much hopes that her children can work in big cities such as Beishangguang. In her opinion, her daughter is fully capable of doing this. In the end, under her encouragement, her daughter failed to become her favorite unit and chose an Internet company in Shenzhen.

Although the daughter's choice satisfies the summer's wish, her daughter often has a deep sense of loss and feels that her ideal can no longer be realized, and all this is because of the interference of summer. Mother and daughter often quarrel about it, and summer is very upset about it.

As a mother, I can't pin my dreams on my children, nor can I ask my children to realize what I want in my life. We should be proud that our children can leave us and fly alone.

Third, allow children to make mistakes.

Kobayashi's son became interested in video games and learned to smoke after he went to high school, and his academic performance once declined.

Kobayashi is in no hurry about this. She agreed to her son's request, helped him configure the equipment for video games, and then discussed with him to reasonably determine the time to play games. She didn't simply and rudely stop her son from smoking since he was a child, but communicated openly with her son, hoping that after he tried it, he would realize the harm of smoking and then give it up slowly.

The children didn't make a fuss like their classmates' parents when they saw their mother's outrageous behavior. After trying, they gradually lost interest in video games and smoking. At this time, Kobayashi asked the school teachers to cooperate with him, give appropriate encouragement and praise, and gradually shift the child's interest to school activities and daily study, and his academic performance has been greatly improved.

Trust your child, he is only interested in the unknown, and he is a little lost when he moves forward. What we should do is to help him find his own way and let him go further and better.

There is an old saying in China that an adopted son is a hundred years old, but a worried son is ninety-nine. As a mother, it is natural to worry about taking care of children, but don't forget that children have their own future and destiny, and we also have our own lives. The process of children's growth is a process of staying away from their mothers. The best love for children is to help them become mature and independent people and stand on their own feet.