Three parents’ parenting experience: Parents should reflect on their children’s troubles

In the past few days, Dongfang Jinbao's reports "Why Angels Broken Wings" and "The Growing Pains of Three Teenagers" have attracted heated discussions. Many parents called and bluntly stated that "parents should reflect"; Psychologists also recommend that parents with their own strengths and weaknesses set up "helping groups" to help their children grow better.

Hot discussion

Ms. Zhao said that she is also the mother of a child who has graduated from college. Seeing the troubles of the three teenagers, it was "heartbreaking and painful".

Ms. Zhao believes that the parents of these three teenagers have conflicts and the family atmosphere is tense, which directly leads to the children’s insecurity; Lin Lin’s mother, no matter how bad-tempered she is, cannot quarrel with the teacher. The child’s teacher We also need to reflect, how can any teacher turn the conflict with the parents onto the children? No matter how much money Dongdong’s father and Li Ke’s father make, they cannot be a hands-off shopkeeper. They don’t see their children all day long, and when they do, they scold them. Not caring about the child's growth and only caring about the child's test scores will only make the relationship between oneself and the child more and more alienated; and the mother is too doting and does not understand the child's growth psychology, and ultimately gives up the child due to the lack of father's love and the mother's doting. Ruined.

Tip 1: If you don’t enroll in a class, your child’s grades will be top-notch

Only when parents do the right thing can their children be outstanding. Ms. Mei believes that the most important thing is to respect children.

"My daughter is in her third year of junior high school. She has almost never signed up for a class since she was a child. She doesn't want to go, so I don't force her." Ms. Mei said, "My child has too much energy, so she goes to cram school in the evening. , Dozing off in class during the day is actually more gain than loss.” Ms. Mei's daughter is in the top three of a key junior high school every time. She has no extra homework burden and is quite happy studying.

Of course, there are times when children do something wrong. “I was angry and quarreled with her at first, but then I thought about how I was naughty when I was young.” I would suppress the anger and give her appropriate treatment. reminder.

"When it comes to managing children, you should listen to their voices. Letting your children live is also giving yourself a way to live." Ms. Mei said.

Tip 2: Parents accompany students to study, and children become more conscious in reading.

In Mr. Yang’s view, parents and children grow up together, which is much more effective than simply “talking” to educate children.

Mr. Yang works in a public institution. His son is in the third grade of junior high school this year. Since he was in the first grade of elementary school, Mr. Yang has enrolled in an on-the-job graduate class. “When my child studies, I compete with him.” Mr. Yang said that we watch TV at home for no more than one hour a day and often read and study, which has a subtle influence on our children.

Regarding the problem of children surfing the Internet and playing games that worries parents, Mr. Yang also "leads by example". When his children are at home, he never sits in front of the computer and plays games.

Mr. Yang said that when his child proposes to play games, he will not refuse. He will play with the child and tell him that games are a kind of adjustment. There is no harm in playing in moderation to change his brain. , children are not addicted.

Regarding children’s problems, if Mr. Yang doesn’t know how, he will tell the child frankly: Dad doesn’t know either. Dad is not born knowing everything. He learns it all through learning. There is no end to learning and he knows how to communicate with his children. Find answers together.

Tip 3: Text messages become a communication tool, and problems don’t happen overnight

Her husband works out of town, and Ms. Li has to work and take care of her daughter. Her daughter will be in the sixth grade soon. It's "little promotion".

“Math Olympiad class, English class... plus the homework assigned by the teacher, the child is indeed very tired.” Ms. Li said that her daughter showed resistance and did not want to do homework. It meant that she couldn't go to a good junior high school. The two had a quarrel the day before yesterday, and her daughter went to school crying.

Later I also thought about it. The most important thing is for children to grow up happily.

"My mother is very distressed when you go out crying. In fact, grades are not the only thing. You just need to do your best. Mom will never force you to study again. Forgive me!" After the child left, Ms. Li sent her daughter a text message, Soon, her daughter called Ms. Li: Don’t worry, Mom, I will work hard!

“It’s my fault for not leaving the problem overnight. I will take the initiative to apologize to my daughter.” Ms. Li said that Chinese people are more reserved and have many words that they cannot say. Text messages are a powerful tool for her to communicate with her daughter. Although There were quarrels and disagreements, but the problems were definitely resolved on the same day, not overnight. The daughter knew her mother's love, and her emotions were quickly relieved.

Expert comments: Find experienced parents to set up a "help group"

Children's education expert and national second-level psychological counselor Zhou Jianxun suggested that parents must pay attention to skills in educating their children.

In terms of words, it is not stimulating; in terms of processing, it helps children find solutions to problems. When a child does something wrong, he may feel very regretful. If you criticize him again, it will hurt the child's heart, causing the child to be unwilling to communicate with his parents when something happens in the future. On the contrary, if what he gets from you is The way to solve the problem will make him willing to ask you for help next time. This is a cyclical process.

Many parents are busy with work and may not be able to find a good way to deal with their children's requests or problems. Zhou Jianxun suggested that they can find experienced parents or professionals through relatives and friends to form an "advisory group" ", "Help group", communicate in time and ask for help when encountering problems, so that the situation will not worsen.

If you want to have good children, you must first educate them as an adult. Zhou Jianxun believes that good parents should be more role models and less preachy. If you want to have a "good child", you can only lead by example and be a "good adult" first.

If you don’t want your children to be addicted to games, then quit these habits yourself first; if you want your children to be tolerant and friendly to their friends, don’t worry about it...The behavior of parents is the vane of their children. Zhou Jianxun also suggested that we should understand the characteristics of children and respect them. With a correct attitude, educating children will no longer be a problem.

Pay attention to the educational role of the father

Yuan Linfang, director of the Zhengzhou 12355 Youth Rights Protection and Psychological Counseling Center, proposed that the educational role of the father in his children should be paid attention to.

Nowadays, children have received enough maternal education. When they are babies, they are mostly fed and cared for by their mothers; all kindergartens are taught by female teachers; primary and secondary schools are basically educated by female teachers; if If the father gives up the responsibility of education at home, the children will lack masculinity.

Yuan Linfang said that lack of male education often causes children to show characteristics such as sentimentality, cowardice, timidity, isolation, and low self-esteem. This is why more and more boys are not masculine. important reasons.