50 little jokes

Isn’t it just 50?

1. One day, the cow posed a problem to the donkey, asking which of the two bugs under the word "Stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: What a stupid donkey, men are on the left and women are on the right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project, building a 30-meter chimney. The construction period was two months and the cost was 300,000 yuan, but it required an advance payment. It was finally completed at the end of last year. I went to inspect it today, but I was scolded to death and I didn't get any money. Damn it! The drawings are wrong, they want to dig a well!

3. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk Man: I don’t know. I just arrived.

4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, "I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole." Damn, there was a bastard passing by, thinking I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!

5. One day, the turtle father, turtle mother and turtle son decided to go for an outing. After buying a Shandong pancake and two cans of seafood chicken, we set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener!

Turtle son: "...Then I will go back and get it."

Turtle dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go and come back quickly!" ”

Turtle son: “You must wait for me to come back! Don’t break your promise!”

So Turtle son set out on his way home...

Time flies like an arrow. Shuttle, 20 years have passed in the blink of an eye, but the turtle son has not yet appeared.

Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..."

Turtle father: "No! We promised our son! Well...wait for him Five years later, if he doesn’t come, I’ll leave him alone!”

It’s been five years, and there’s still no sign of the turtle son. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start.

Took out the big cake and was about to eat it...

Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree...

Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would steal it! You lied to me to go back and get the can opener? I waited for twenty-five years and finally got it! I hate it the most!

6. Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water in their lives. He was named Miao, and some people were named Sen if they lacked wood in their lives.

Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?

7. A pair. A boyfriend and girlfriend were sitting on a bench in the park, talking about love. The woman suddenly wanted to fart and said to the man: I am singing like a bird, but you don’t hear it.

Mr. Sure enough, she was willing to listen.

So, the woman let out a loud fart under the cover of the cuckoo cuckoo sound.

Female: The elephant is not like the cuckoo bird. ?

Male: The fart was too loud, I couldn’t hear it clearly!

8. The turtle was injured. Two hours passed and the turtle didn’t come back. He cursed: If you don’t come back, I’ll die! At this time, a snail’s voice came from outside the door: Don’t you dare say I’m not going anymore!

9. Someone raises a pig, annoying, He abandoned the pig, but the pig knew the way back, and abandoned it several times to no avail. One day, he drove around many corners and abandoned the pig. He called his family late at night and asked, "Has the pig returned?" The answer was: "I've returned!" "He roared: "Let him answer the phone, I'm lost!"

10. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out in large numbers and climbed onto the elephant one after another. The elephant trembled. The ants all fell down. At this time, there was another ant on the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted "Strangle it to death"

11. One day in the computer class, there was an elephant. The computer of the classmates in the platoon crashed. So a classmate stood up and said: Lonely School Beauty QQ: 935332133 "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon is all dead." "At this time, many classmates said: "We are also dead.

At this time the teacher asked: "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?" ”

12. Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to stuff them into his butt and then take them out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed him a peach, but the peach core couldn’t be pulled out, and the monkey was frightened. , be sure to measure it before eating.

13. Xiao Ming: “Dad, am I a stupid kid? "

Dad: "Silly boy, how could you be a stupid boy..."

14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time there was a eunuch…… ..."

Someone couldn't bear to ask: "What's down there? "

Continue telling the story: "Down below? No more..."

15. There was a man who had just learned a foreign language. He was walking on the street and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man hurriedly said: "I'm sorry." He also said politely: "I'm sorry too." When the man heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." The foreigner was dumbfounded and asked: "What are you sorry for?" The person said helplessly: "I'm sorry five."

16. A letter written by Tang Monk to Sun Wukong

Dear Wukong:

I I write this letter very slowly, because I know you can’t read quickly!

We had rain twice this week, the first time for 4 days and the second time for 3 days!

How are you doing in Huaguo Mountain? I am having a hard time in Heaven. Since there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall. Do you think it's hard?

The beef noodles we have here are delicious. When you come another day, let’s go to the restaurant on West Street to eat hot pot together!

Your sister Guanyin is about to give birth, because she doesn’t know whether it will be a boy or a girl! , so I don’t know whether you want to be an uncle or an aunt!

Have you received the clothes I sent you? I was afraid that they would be too heavy when I wanted to send them, so I cut off the buttons and put them in the pockets of the clothes. !

I’m writing this now. If you have time to come to my place, remember not to drink too much water, otherwise it will be very uncomfortable if you can’t urinate here!

S. I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was already stuck!

17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently, eating whatever I want, eating cucumbers, pulling cucumbers, etc. Watermelon pulls watermelon, how can you return to normal? The doctor was silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit

18. Someone lost a dollar on the street on a business trip in Shanghai, and the police said: "We will definitely do it." Help you find it." The man went back a month later. The street where he lost his money was dug up for road construction. He couldn't help but sigh, "Shanghai is the real thing."

19. One day an ant was walking While basking in the sun, I suddenly saw an elephant walking slowly. I quickly stood up and stretched out my front legs. The rabbit next to me quickly asked what are you doing? The ant said: "Shh~~~~~~~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him."

20. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces to play badminton. Mother Earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Earthworm Dad thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother Earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" It will kill you if you cut it into pieces like this! "The earthworm's father said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football

21. The tortoise and the hare race... The hare quickly ran to the front. The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly. Very slowly, he said to him: "Come up, I will carry you." Then... the snail came up. After a while, the turtle saw another ant and said to him: "You come up too." .So the ants also came up. After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him. Do you know what the snail said? The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast.

22 . One day, there was a fire in the house. The parents escaped, and only one son was left inside.

The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son...you are doing it...it's on fire and you can't come out..." The son replied: "I'm putting on socks... .." The mother said again, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire..." Five minutes later, the son hasn't come out yet... The mother nervously shouted again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, and you’re still in there..." My son said, "I’m taking off my socks...

23. A man went to the river to fish first. After wearing a leaf, no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Still no fish took the bait for a long time. He was so angry that he took out 100rmb and threw it into the water. Cursed: "*—# What do you want to eat! Go buy it yourself! ! !

24. My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, so he kept sucking the snot into his nose. gt who was writing on the blackboard; the Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough! Stop it! It's so noisy!" The whole class was quiet. The teacher said again: "Who is eating noodles in class and making such a loud noise?"

25. The patient said to the dentist: "You are really good at making money. You made 3 dollars in just 3 seconds." Dollars."

The doctor replied: "I can pull it out for you in slow motion if you want.

”

26. “Narcissism” means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in my next life, and then marry a man like me; “Despair” means that when I order two dishes at a restaurant, I eat the first one: “In the world Is there anything more delicious than this?!" Eat the second one. Damn! There really is!" "Speechless" means the judge asked: Why did you print **? The criminal said: I can't print real money

27. The Weaver Girl went down to the earth to take a bath and met the Cowherd, and performed a love story that shocked the world and made us cry. This incident tells us: there is no chance to take a bath at home, so you must take a bath outside...

28. Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiao Ming: "How do you say ant?" Xiao Ming looked confused... Said: "Ant... didn't say anything..."

29. A man kept farting loudly at work, and his colleagues couldn't help but said to him: "Can you not make any noise?" Then I saw him sitting there shaking non-stop. A colleague asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I am silent, and now I have set it to vibrating!!!"

30. Female Mosquito : "Child, what's wrong with you?" The little mosquito cried and said: "Today the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire." The female mosquito said: "Don't pay attention to it, they are not good things either. Everyone grew up eating shit

31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou clay pot. Yesterday, I went to the lt; treasure appraisal gt; column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "Where is this?" Is it from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week!

32. Son: "Mom, I failed the math test today" Mother: "Why, what question." Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3 =?I said =6." Mother: "That's right, and then what." Son: "Then the teacher asked me again 3*2=?" Mother: "Aren't these the same thing!" Son: "Me too. That's what they said...

33. A prisoner was executing an execution. The bullets were produced in "XX County" and were of poor quality. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired... .Third**...At this time the prisoner cried: "Strangle me to death, it's too scary!"

34. The father told his son a story: "The uncle asked Xiaoyang to go While cutting firewood, Xiaoyang unexpectedly cut down the uncle's favorite peach tree. The uncle was very angry when he saw it but didn't scold him. Do you know why?" The son replied: "Maybe it's because Xiaoyang still had it in his hand. Ax. So I dare not scold him

35. Dung Beetle and Mosquito fall in love and meet for the first time. Dung Beetle: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, injector." Dung Beetle grabbed Mosquito's hand and cried bitterly. Runnyin: "It's fate, I am also a doctor, a Chinese medicine practitioner, and a pill maker

36. A man can't find a girlfriend, so he has no choice but to go to a fortune teller. The fortune teller said: You, in the first half of your life Destined to have no women; the man's eyes lit up: Then I should have one in the second half of my life, right? The fortune teller said: Hey, in the second half of your life you will get used to living alone

37. Someone eats beef, There was no piece of beef in the ramen, so I pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in beef ramen? The boss said lightly: Don't take it too seriously, do you still expect to get a wife out of the wife cake?

38. Three mice tasted American, Japanese, and Chinese wine respectively. The mouse that drank American wine fell after walking for 3 steps; the mouse that drank Japanese wine fell after walking for 2 steps; and the mouse that drank Chinese Erguotou fell down after walking 3 steps. Take a kitchen knife and shout: "Where's the TMD cat?"

39. When eating in a restaurant, a customer who had been waiting for a long time called the waiter and asked, "Why hasn't the braised fish I ordered been cooked yet?" Okay?" "Please wait a moment, sir." "Why? You still have to wait?" The customer got angry and asked, "Are your fishes freshly caught?"

40. Once upon a time There is a person named Ah Shuang.

He died.

The day of the funeral.

His family members cried: ‘

It’s so cool... it’s so cool. ’

Passers-by were puzzled. Asked: "What do you enjoy?"

'

The family cried bitterly: 'It feels so good... so good!! Don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" After hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing next to him said: "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this

42. The director and the section chief *** were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief, "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't fart." Soon after, the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "You can't take on any big things, so what's the use of you?"

43. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat protected the mouse in every possible way, and the mouse quickly After getting fatter, the mouse was very moved: "My dear, why are you so nice to me!" The cat chuckled and said, "You will know when you get fatter." 44. Every time I look in the mirror, I always feel confused. I encourage myself by talking to myself: "I am very creative, and being ugly is not my original intention. God, please don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to bring out the beauty of this world! In fact, I am really, really creative...

45. My friends went hiking together. At the top of the mountain, a girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland! My mother! A boy who had a crush on her I quickly shouted: Motherland! My mother-in-law!

46. I bought two puppies before, the one called "Face" for you, and the one called "Butt" for myself! It didn't take two days. After "face" unfortunately died in a car accident, whenever I see "butt", I think of your "face"! If your "face" was still there, it would be as big as your "butt" now!

47. After Tang Zeng drove away Wukong, he encountered another monster. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: "I'm sorry. The user you called is not in the service area. Please try again later.

48. The mouse was going to go to the convenience store, and when he saw the bear, he was too frightened to say anything. The bear glanced at the mouse and said, "Will you shed your hair?" The mouse trembled and said nothing. The bear asked again: "Are you losing your fur, you?" The mouse said tremblingly: "No..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left! [Treat mice as toilet paper...

49. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

50. On Panda’s birthday, I would like to tell everyone: I made two wishes, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo

51. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail. The bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? The butterfly replied: I have my own house after all, but it’s not like you living in a dormitory

52. One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came over and said to the elephant. Lonely School Beauty QQ: 935332133 You stand up. Stand up when it starts. Ant! Just sit down. The elephant asked the ant what he wanted to do. Sometimes he stands up and sometimes he sits down.

Ant replied! I lost my underwear, let me see if you were wearing it

53. The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey happened to be in heat, so the production team employees beat her. Call the captain of the production team who is on a business trip out of town. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat, but the male donkey is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first or wait for you to come back?"

54. Little Shit Beetle: Mom , why do we eat shit? Mother Dung Beetle: How could this child say such disgusting things while eating?

55. A shooting star flashed across the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. Unexpectedly, I had just made a wish. Wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me, "Brother, are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?!!" 56. Give me a steamed bun from the cafeteria as a fulcrum, and I can lift it up Earth! Let’s understand. The food in the cafeteria can only be fed to pigs, but it is still given to us? "I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the cafeteria to prepare a meal. After the meal, he asked the cook, "Master, why is there rice in your sand!!!"

57. See "In the cafeteria" The food can only be fed to pigs, but it is still given to us? "I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the cafeteria to prepare a meal. After the meal, he asked the cook, "Master, why is there rice in your sand!!!"

58. A must-see for girls. Story: A bat was reincarnated by God. God said that he can promise you three conditions. The bat said, "I was black in my previous life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body and wings. I am used to sucking blood. Please let me suck blood." "God said, OK, I agree. Do you know what he will be in the next life? "Sanitary napkin". Haha.

59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase fishy smells all day long, and I chase smelly smells all day long. Come here if you want to eat well! Toilet fly: If you don’t agree with each other, what’s the use of eating well? How many bare-butt beauties have you seen?

60. In your sophomore year, you were in the dormitory. Girls all like Zhou Huajian's songs, and a tape was borrowed from everyone. One day, the girl on the upper bunk asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: There was silence for two seconds, and then They all fell on the bed.

61. A boy nicknamed a classmate a fat pig. The girl cried to the teacher and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The teacher gave a lecture to the class the next day. : "A certain boy is so rude and gives others nicknames at will. You can't just call others whatever they look like, right? ”

62. When a police dog saw an ordinary dog ??approaching on the road, he ran to it fiercely and asked: I am a police dog, what are you? The ordinary dog ??looked at it with disdain and said : Idiot, look clearly, I am a plainclothes man! The buns in the cafeteria are too hard...gt;