Mourning our lost youth: fifteen years waiting for the end of migratory birds

Pei Shangxuan finally realized that he had always loved Lili, but Lili only answered him: It's too late, and I have no strength to fly back. Lili has leukemia, because her life is coming to an end, so she can't love him anymore. Ren Qian stayed with Lili in the hospital and asked her to tell him their story. Ren Qian found Pei Shangxuan and gave him 15 diary. The ending is open-ended, without writing whether the woman is dead or not, but Pei Shangxuan said to him: I want to fall in love with you first in the next life.

Lili, a woman who makes me feel warm when I think of it.

Waiting for your love for fifteen years like a migratory bird.

Finally, the return of migratory birds brings happiness.

Even if she is terminally ill, she is still happy, isn't she?

This is the last chapter.

Li Li broke up with her boyfriend after dating for four months. She doesn't have feelings for him, and she is even bored with weekly dating. She was relaxed, but Liu Zhixian began to worry again. She also took two photos at the weekend dinner and asked Li Li for advice.

Liu and Lili sent Liu Zhixian home and left together. In the company, apart from business, they generally don't intersect, and almost no one knows them.

They are brother and sister formed by their parents remarriage. Li Li is very satisfied with this. She has a general feeling about Liu, who is a bachelor in the whole company. If it wasn't a job requirement, she would probably regard him as a security guard.

His car was parked in the community garage and he wanted to part ways with her at the intersection. Li Li was secretly happy, and Liu's voice reached her ears: "It's ridiculous, I like you for so many years."

The muscles of the whole body couldn't help tightening, and she looked up at the handsome man nervously. The wind blows his soft hair, and the road lights are projected on the handsome face without domain. His facial features are better than Pei Shangxuan's. Since the reference book and Milan? After Kundera discovered his secret in the novel, Li Li was convinced that Liu liked himself, not to mention that he said "I love you". But love doesn't mean that whoever loves you will definitely fall in love with each other's transactions. Reason is useless here.

He clearly understands this truth, and there is deep helplessness in his eyes. "If not, is it possible for you to give me a chance?"

She has liked Pei Shangxuan for many years, and she has been exhausted all the way down. She wanted someone to lean on, but guilt haunted her all the time. If you can't love her wholeheartedly, isn't it unfair to others?

Li Li half hung her head and frankly admitted, "I'm sorry, I still like him." She doesn't have to mention her name. Anyway, Liu knows who he refers to.

He sighed disconsolately: "Lili, I met an excellent woman, beautiful, with a good figure and a rich and powerful family." I am considering whether to seize this opportunity. " He took the corner of his mouth and said sarcastically, "Since I can't get love, I have to choose reality."

She moved her lips and swallowed back. There is a ringtone in her purse. She looked up and smiled shyly, but she was relieved. She couldn't help feeling grateful that the call came at the right time.

Caller ID is Pei Shangxuan's name. She pressed the call button, but she heard a shrill voice. She recognized the voice, and it was Pei Shangxuan's mother.

Strange to say, Pei's voice is normal at ordinary times. Once it is propagated by electromagnetic waves, it will distort and become sharp and thin. Pei Shangxuan joked with her that her mother had scientific research value.

"Li glass, you hurry up to persuade them. The couple quarreled again. "

She hung up the phone and couldn't help sighing. Ten years to build a boat, a hundred years to build a pillow. How much saliva the couple wasted on her finally got back together, and they took pains to start a small quarrel for three days and a big quarrel for five days. They are tireless. They look at the guest as if she had already felt tired.

"Sorry, my friend has something to do. I'll go first. " Put your cell phone away. She said goodbye to Liu by the way to get rid of the embarrassing situation.

He heard the contents of her mobile phone, and Pei's high decibel made her have to move her mobile phone two centimeters away from her ear. Liu's smile was joking, but what he said was very gentleman: "I'll take you there." It's hard to get a taxi here. "

Li Li guessed that Liu would secretly laugh at her as a complete fool. I like Pei Shangxuan, but she helps him mediate the contradiction between husband and wife again and again. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel like a really fucking good person.

But it's like always wishing him happiness, even if he didn't give it to himself.

There was a traffic jam on the road, and Liu took her around to the designated place. Li Li quickly thanked her and rushed into the building. Pei Shangxuan lives on the top floor and the 30th floor. She waited anxiously for the elevator to come down. From the tone of Pei's mother, it is estimated that the hot-tempered couple will soon stage a fist fight. Sure enough, as Li Li expected, the room was in a mess, with pieces of glass and porcelain everywhere and two chairs upside down.

Li Li carefully looked for a foothold. Pei Shangxuan's mother came out of the kitchen with a broom and dustpan and suddenly sighed when she saw her.

"Where's Shang Xuan?" She was worried because she didn't see the hero.

"I went to the hospital for stitches, with his wife." Pei's mother shook her head, took Li Li's hand and burst into tears. "Xiao Li, this day really can't go on." You said that when she married our family, even if she was thinking about her family, she couldn't move all the good things to her house all day, right? "

It's about this problem again. Li Li had no choice but to recall her previous speech and prepare to be a lobbyist again. Pei's mother pulled her hand, and she realized that she had just been fascinated and didn't hear what Pei's mother said.

"Li glass, don't persuade them, let them divorce, a beat two scattered. I won't hang myself from this tree. " Pei's mother's tone is quite indignant.

She thought maybe she was really too conservative and took love and marriage as a once-in-a-lifetime commitment. In fact, the world has long been unrecognizable, and returning migratory birds can't find their former habitat.

Pei Shangxuan has a divorce plan, but when it comes to the distribution of husband and wife's property, the two are at loggerheads. It seems that the road of divorce by agreement will not work. He asked Li Li if any lawyers and friends were going through the divorce formalities.

Li Li didn't expect her marriage to come to a dead end, and her heart was full of sadness. On the contrary, the parties are open-minded, smiling and vowed never to set foot in the besieged city of marriage again.

"Lili, getting married is a mistake, and remarriage is stubborn." He teased with popular jokes on the internet, and she managed to squeeze out a smile, which was not much better than crying. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk big in front of people who have never been married. You have no psychological shadow. " He misunderstood her expression and quickly cheered her up.

Li Li raised her hand and punched him. She curled her lips and said, "You idiot is ok, but I just want to get married."

PeiShangXuan suddenly on striking table, as if thinking of something. "Lili, do you remember what I told you in junior high school?" She rolled her eyes and laughed at him. "I'm too lazy to remember anything that is not constructive."

Not angry, he continued, "I tell you, when you are 30 years old and nobody wants you, I will marry ..." Li Li choked on the water before her voice fell. She never expected to say so many words, but he mentioned this sentence.

"You are almost twenty-nine, and becoming an old maid will be psychopathic." When she recovered, he deliberately worried and warned. She almost blurted out "I'm not", but fortunately stopped in time, glared at him angrily and whispered, "I think you are a little abnormal now."

What Pei Shangxuan really wants to ask is whether he had sex with her that day. He vaguely remembered having sex with a woman. He felt very excited and vaguely called her name. But afterwards, her reaction was completely different, so he thought it was an absurd dream of spring.

For so many years, Lili didn't have a close boyfriend. He intuitively knew that she would never have a one-night stand with her morality, so he boldly speculated that she was still a virgin. He remembered the first time he saw blood with Han, but this time he didn't find blood on the sheets, and Pei Shangxuan was relieved.

There is also a faint fear. In the dream, his name is. Is it true feelings?

He actually regards his best friend as the object of sexual fantasy, which is a great blasphemy against friendship. Even if he is killed, he should keep his mouth shut.

On the way home, after passing the disc shop, Lili went in and picked out a romantic film made in England, holding the sofa cushion to watch Hugh? Grant plays the role of British Prime Minister, watching a man who secretly loves his best friend's fiancee record his beloved woman's wedding with a lens, and watching a little boy bravely declare his love at the airport. ...

True love lasts forever, even in today's increasingly high divorce rate, it is still worth believing.

So, Li Li picked up her mobile phone and sent a short message to Pei Shangxuan, urging him to seriously consider whether this marriage is really irreversible.

He didn't sleep, and quickly replied: "True love is dead, remember to burn paper."

Li Li feels lost. The movie arranged a happy Christmas, but in 2005, I was still alone.

She opened the drawer and neatly arranged fifteen diaries with locks, recording Lili's silent love. She never asks for fairness. Secret love has always been a personal matter. Pei Shangxuan did nothing wrong.

He doesn't love her, but she only likes him. One plus one equals two. But feelings are not so easy to add, subtract, multiply and divide. Even with calculus, you can't figure out why.

Therefore, Li Li doesn't blame others, which is her willing choice and won't die in the heart of the Yellow River.

Liu is getting engaged. His fiancee is the daughter of the boss of a listed company. Her name is Zhang Wenxi. Li Li met her two or three times and drove a BMW convertible to pick Liu up from work. The arrogant and charming young lady obeyed him.

Li Li watched the red BMW go away, and his words echoed in her ears. "Since you can't get love, you have to choose reality." He is much cleverer than her.

Pei Shangxuan's divorce case was originally scheduled to be heard on August 20th. That day, the company arranged for Li Li to go to Beijing to participate in Microsoft's business activities. She said that she was sorry that she could not attend the court.

"It won't help if you come." Pei Shangxuan is not angry with her. "This is not a marriage. Do you want to say congratulations? "

But this marriage is really my "congratulations"! She remembers how hard it was for her to say these two words that day. Lili swallowed her condescension back and smiled awkwardly, thinking that the person who wants to divorce must be in a bad mood and not worth caring about with him.

Pei Shangxuan lit a cigarette and looked at all kinds of building materials piled up in the store. He said hesitantly, "Maybe I really don't love her. Divorce is not a bad thing. "

"Since you don't love, why do you want to get married?" Lili sighed gently, vaguely unwilling. The same is not love, why not see him willing to marry himself?

He zheng, for a long time without words. The official contact with his current wife was in 2002. After Li Li's mother died, he saw her hugging another man. Pei Shangxuan stared at the woman in front of her with mixed feelings. She has neat short hair and a plain face for more than ten years, which is far from the adjective "good-looking". But he likes to see her, and this face impresses him more than all women with light makeup.

Think about what every girlfriend has said-being your best friend is happier, and you care about her more than your girlfriend. On that day, he sneered at these words, treating them as jealous women and secretly making fun of their inscrutable figures. Think about it now, he can't laugh.

Some dreams are so real that he is confused. He remembered kissing the woman's palm and calling her "Lili".

Has the person he really loves always been Li Li?

Startled by this idea, she didn't realize that the cigarette was burning on her finger, and she didn't notice it until he let out a yell and threw away the cigarette butt.

Pei Shangxuan never has to worry about her handsome image in front of her. She has known him for more than ten years and has long been used to his antics.

"Anyway, good luck." She gave him a hug and whispered her blessing.

Pei Shangxuan's heart beat faster and watched Li Li turn and leave the shop. His mind is in a mess at the moment, trying to find out his true feelings for this woman.

Did he mistake love for friendship and miss it for many years?

"Hibiscus flowers with sawdust, red calyx in the mountains. There is no one at home, and it has begun to fall. " On the long scroll of memory, a girl named Li Li recited the poem and said, "If someone appreciates it, who really wants to let it go?"

It was this woman named Li Li who cut her palm with a sharp blade. Red blood is shocking. She endured a painful smile: "Pei Shangxuan, I will always be your friend and will never betray you."

In his memory, Li Li is everywhere, and scenes of images are overwhelming to Pei Shangxuan. He has nowhere to hide. The fact that has been neglected for a long time has swept away the dust of the years and gradually become clear.

The woman he regards as a confidante has already surpassed any simple feelings that can be expressed in words, including friendship, love and affection. Will her feelings for him always be like this?

As soon as Lily arrived at the hotel, Liu called and asked her to go back to Shanghai immediately. He was so tough that he didn't give her a chance to ask. He dropped a sentence "company decision" and hung up the phone.

She stared at the ultra-thin Motorola V3, and it took a long time to react. She was going back to the airport without stopping. She called the department and asked her colleagues what had happened in the company.

"No." Helen in the same department gave her a guarantee. Hearing the voice at the other end, Li Li asked curiously.

"Oh, the physical examination report of last month came down, and everyone was discussing the physical condition." Helen's voice disappeared for a few seconds, and then came back to her with some doubts: "Lillian, I didn't find your medical report."

Li Li's heart thumped and she had a bad feeling.

When she returned to Shanghai, she saw Liu waiting for her at the domestic flight exit of Hongqiao Airport. The handsome boy took her suitcase, took her arm and went out without saying a word.

This time she obediently cooperated and followed him to the parking lot. Before getting on the bus, Li Li finally couldn't help asking, "Is there anything wrong with my blood test report?" Last month's physical examination, only two results of blood and urine tests could not be obtained on the spot, so she naturally thought of it.

"My doctor friend suggested that you'd better go to the hospital for a detailed examination." He's not going to hide it. With Lili's cleverness, it won't last long. "Sorry, I withheld your medical report." Liu can't fool herself, but she still loves her. I saw a thick stack of envelopes of physical examination reports from the marketing department and the sales department in the personnel department. He offered to distribute them upstairs and brought a copy of Lili back to the office by the way. The expert opinion on the first page scared him. He went to Google to find relevant information, without exception, pointing to the search results of "acute leukemia".

Li Li has no time to delve into his invasion of his privacy. She looked at him with strange eyes and tried to stay calm. "Liu, take me to the hospital."

She had blood and bone marrow tests, and the report won't come out until next Monday. Liu sent her home and took her luggage into the bedroom.

He went to the living room and saw Lili sitting there in a daze. Liu stepped forward and sat down beside her. "Lili, you will be fine." He comforted her to relax and stop thinking. "Good people are rewarded, and you will live a long life in peace."

"Maybe God doesn't want good people to stay on earth and continue to suffer, so he will come and take me away this time." She forced out a smile and tried hard.

He held Lili's shoulder and let her lean on his chest. "You can't leave. I haven't paid back what I owe you in my life. You can't leave. "

Li Li had tears in her eyes and was moved by Liu's infatuation. His love is bitter, mixed with inexplicable hatred, even more bitter than himself.

"Are you willing to accept the debt I paid you back?" He held her face and asked seriously. Deep in the eyes, there is accumulated love, and there is no end in sight.

This man is not just himself. Cell phone ringing broke the charming atmosphere and brought Li Li back to reality. It was Pei Shangxuan looking for her. She hesitated for a moment and walked by under Liu's gaze.

"Li Li, I'm going to settle out of court." He informed her about the progress of the divorce case. "Dissolve the marriage as soon as possible." His voice is sincere: "You have to wait for me."

She didn't understand the last sentence and asked subconsciously. Pei Shangxuan seemed to take a deep breath and told her loudly: "I want to understand that I love you, Lili, and the person I love is you!" It's always been you! "

Suddenly, there was silence between heaven and earth, and all she could hear was "I love you". Lili bit her lip and licked the red sweet blood on the tip of her tongue. Fifteen years is a long time, just like an old movie about desolation. At the climax, the audience came out because of impatience.

"It's too late, Pei Shangxuan." She said word for word, "I, I don't have the strength to fly back." Whether he listened clearly or not, Lili turned off her mobile phone.

Liu listened quietly, holding her sweaty hand, and his palm was sweating.

"Ren Qian, thank you." Lili shook her head and said no within two minutes: "But don't give me love without a future."

Li Li was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia and was hospitalized for chemotherapy. Drugs can only delay the spread of cancer cells, and only bone marrow transplantation can really cure leukemia. And finding a matching bone marrow is extremely slim.

She turned off her mobile phone and didn't give Pei Shangxuan the slightest chance to find herself. Lili is determined to leave her life without hesitation. He said "love", which is the best gift for her. She can't let him watch himself die.

After the first chemotherapy, she couldn't eat anything. Liu cooked chicken soup and forced her to drink it to supplement nutrition and improve immunity. Li Li threw up all over him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She quickly picked up the towel and wiped his coat hard.

"It doesn't matter, my cooking is so bad that it's normal for you not to drink." Liu grabbed her hand and softly excused her unintentional loss, not mentioning the word "chemotherapy". "It seems that dad is going to shoot."

Li Li shook her head with wide eyes, and Liu Zhixian treated her like her own daughter. She really can't bear to let him suffer another blow. "No, Ren Qian, having you with me is enough." She smiled sweetly, only to see his eyes suddenly red. Don't turn to the beginning.

She was depressed and felt guilty. He said he owed her and was willing to pay for it in his life. After careful calculation, she actually owes him more.

Liu Qu Hospital takes care of her after work. Before he arrived, she carefully tidied up her lost hair. The man gave up his easy-to-get fame and fortune for her, and she pretended to be positive and optimistic every day to avoid his worry.

But all day long, Li Li often looks at the sky in a daze. I have heard Liu talk about Pei Shangxuan and asked her whereabouts several times. She thinks that time with him is always missed.

When she is healthy, he doesn't love her; Now that she is dying, she can't love him anymore.

Li Li's love for Pei Shangxuan is like a migratory bird, but there is no return this time.

Ber Ber's absence was inadvertently seen by Liu, which brought profound pain. She still loves the worthless man after all.

He can't help but want to know their story. In the long years, they have been entangled for half their lives, and the three of them are trapped in the strange circle of "I love you, you love him, and he loves others", which is inextricably linked.

"Do you have to say it?" Li Li listened to the torrential rain outside the ward and said softly. She held up her hand, touched her hair and squeezed it again.

He nodded, took it and threw it into the wastebasket.

She leaned back on the bed, smiling softly and looking tired. "That you should be prepared. This will be a long fifteen years. " She owed him a gambling contract, and the name "Pei Shangxuan" has never been separated from her life.

She talked for a long time. The rain outside has stopped and the water is dripping. It sounds like rain. Liu holds Lili's hand, and he understands why his rival in love won't let her go. This woman will treat a relationship with lifelong loyalty. She longed for warmth, but she didn't know that she had given others warmth first.

"Why do you love him?" This is his last question.

Li Li's eyes passed him, looking at the blue sky outside the window, looking for birds passing by the city. "Because only I can see his kindness to me."

Love does make a person a hopeless fool.

Liu took Li Li's secret book to Pei Shangxuan and gave him a good beating.

"She told me your story so that I could die completely. It's the first time I've met such a stupid woman, and I'll never meet her again. " He disdained to look at the man who was still in shock and turned to leave.

Pei Shangxuan was bleeding at the corner of his mouth, holding fifteen diaries in his bruised left eye socket, and frantically looking for a locksmith in the street. He can't imagine that Lili has loved herself for fifteen years. What did he give her? It's just a cheap cake and some matches blown out by Jiang Feng.

She called him a fool since she was a child, but no one is more stupid than her.

Fifteen little keys show the girl's worries in front of him every year.

"I don't like Pei Shangxuan again this year!"

After fifteen years, this wish has never been realized.

Pei Shangxuan came to the hospital and appeared in front of Lili's bed. She lost a lot of hair and wore a hat all day to hide her ugliness. When she saw him, she was intrigued and then grinned at him. As in the past ten years, he could see that her heart was raining.

"Idiot, how did you find here? This guy must have betrayed me, didn't he? "

His nose is sore and his eyes are constantly stimulated by the heat flow. No, she can't distract me anymore. Pei Shangxuan cleared his throat and said seriously, "You owe me a bet. I think I want something. "

Lili put away her disguised smile and looked at him quietly, waiting for him to go on.

"You have to live to be one hundred years old by my side. This time is not very long, right? " He bent down to her and held out his little finger, waiting for her to stamp her feet.

Lili slowly raised her hand and hooked her little finger with him. With tears in her eyes, she nodded solemnly and said "hmm".

On August 8, 2005, it was sunny. Pei Shangxuan accompanied Li Li in the sunshine in the garden.

She wore a pink wool hat and showed it off contentedly. Pei Shangxuan felt ashamed because this hat was the result of his cramming with his mother to learn knitting.

"Speaking, when I was in the first grade, it seemed that your girl's physical labor class was knitting, right? "He remembered the past and found that the mainland seemed to be screaming.

"yes." Lili's feet are hanging in the air and shaking happily. "What's the problem?"

"The question is, can you knit?" His arm wrapped around her shoulder affectionately. "If you can, knit me a' love card' sweater, will you?"

She bit her lip and giggled. "What should I do?"

Pei Shangxuan sighed in frustration and said with a sly smile, "You still have 7 1 year to learn slowly, and I'm waiting to wear it."

"Do you have so much confidence in me?" On second thought, she decided not to tell him about her poor performance in the handicraft class in junior high school. She almost failed only one exam in her life, that is, handicraft class.

He leaned down, his thin lips gently touched hers, and said seriously, "This is not a question of confidence. To be Pei Shangxuan's wife, you must be able to knit sweaters. " The domineering tone, of course, is like a teenager proudly ordering her to "be brave in the future" by the Huangpu River.

Shocked by the word "wife", Li Li was cold. Before she came to her senses, Pei Shangxuan spread out her palm, and an elegant and simple diamond ring lay quietly in his palm.

"Marry me, Lili." He got up and left his seat, knelt down and stared at her face eagerly. A couple sitting on the opposite bench noticed his behavior and whispered in this direction.

The sun shines on you, and warm weather always makes you sleepy. Many years ago, he was her deskmate and dozed off in such a warm sunshine. Many years have passed, and they bid farewell to their youth, but they seem to have returned to the original point.

She shook her head and looked at the ring in his hand with longing eyes. "I can't ..." After saying his word, his arm hooked her neck and pulled her to his side.

"Shall we make a bet on next year's World Cup?" The forehead is offset, he asked with a smile. "I bet on Germany, do you still support Argentina?"

"hmm." In this life, she will never like the second team, the second person.

"Remember that bet, Lili?" Pei Shangxuan looked at her and said, "In the next life, I will fall in love with you first." Every word is about love, and she can't refuse it. It took her fifteen years to like him, more than half her life.

She held out her finger and watched him put the ring in the middle finger of his left hand and slowly pushed it to the end. Pei Shangxuan sat back to Lili and gave her a big hug. Fallen leaves are covered with gold, and it is the annual migratory bird season.

Lily looked at the sky. There were birds flying south. She nudged him to show him the sky.

"We will go to see migratory birds again when we have the opportunity." Tired, she leaned on his shoulder, her eyes half closed, almost whispering.

There is not a trace in the sky, but the birds have flown.

"Very good." Pei Shangxuan made a promise.

This is a promise, a promise of return.

In fifteen years, the returning migratory birds brought back happiness.