Funny stories

Collection of funny stories

Based on the cognitive view of reality, the story describes it as an abnormal phenomenon. It is a literary genre that focuses on the description of the development of events. Emphasis on the vividness and coherence of the plot, which is more suitable for oral narration. Below are the funny stories I have collected. Welcome to read and collect them.

Funny Story 1

At noon, a woman walked under the building. Maybe it was because her shoulders were uncomfortable and she wanted to raise her head to stretch. But when she looked up, she saw a red banknote floating in the sky. It was a hundred-yuan RMB.

The woman felt very strange. She was chatting with netizens at home in the morning, and a netizen sent her a picture. In the picture, Takeshi Kaneshiro has long hair, a long sword on his back, dressed as a warrior, and hands forward. Stack of hundred dollar bills. There is a word next to it: reward! At that time, the woman smiled knowingly and replied to the netizen with a drooling picture. Now the woman looked at the flying RMB and thought: Could this bring good luck?

But the RMB did not float to the woman's side, but to the crowd on the street. At this time, someone also saw it, and the sky immediately raised a palm. The five fingers of his palm are spread apart, always ready for grabbing.

The woman knew that she could not rob so many people, so she stood there dumbfounded. When she looked up again, another RMB floated down. This one did not float in front of the woman. People on the street saw it and rushed towards the RMB with a roar.

Unexpectedly, there were RMB floating down from upstairs, one after another, but none of them landed in front of the woman.

The woman wanted to see where the renminbi floated down from, but she couldn’t see clearly. The building was all white under the reflection of the sun, and her pair of 400-degree myopia glasses couldn’t help her. What a busy thing.

Suddenly, the woman saw a ball of red rushing towards her chest. The woman immediately realized that it was a stack of RMB! The woman was once a member of the basketball team in school and was a top player, so she quickly caught the stack of RMB. That action can be described as "quick as lightning".

The woman quickly put the money into her bag and ran away. The woman thought, there is no need to fall again, people must be content, otherwise the joy will be in vain when the police come!

The woman ran a few steps, heard the booing from behind and turned around. Look, there are RMB floating down! The woman was so satisfied that she ran home without stopping. The woman wanted to do something when she went out just now, but now she doesn't want to do anything. She just wants to go home and put the money away.

At home, my husband fell asleep on the sofa in the living room and dropped his cell phone on the floor. The woman entered the bedroom, opened the drawer, and put the money in. Only then did she see that there was a note attached to the stack of RMB, which read: Dear, this is my Valentine's Day gift to you.

The woman felt a little confused.

The woman went out to the hall and picked up her husband's cell phone. Unexpectedly, she saw a text message on it, so she opened it and read it. "Brother Zhong, Chinese Valentine's Day will be in two days. What gift do you want to give me? You want to give me a surprise!"

The woman suddenly became jealous and threw the phone on the sofa. , dragged her husband up again. When the husband opened his eyes and saw his fierce-looking wife, he suddenly looked panicked. The woman pointed at the mobile phone and said, "What's going on!"

The husband picked up the mobile phone and looked at it. He immediately became calm and calm and wrote lightly: "Some goblin must have made a mistake. How did you send it?" Come to my mobile phone!"

The woman said: "Did you spell it wrong? People will know that your surname is Zhong!"

"There are many people with the surname Zhong in the world." Husband. He said lazily.

The woman snorted and suddenly realized that her son was missing. Their son is three years old and a naughty boy.

The woman asked: "Where is my son?"

The husband said: "Isn't my son at home?"

But they searched two rooms, but there was no sign of his son. Later, the woman found the balcony and saw her son lying on the edge of the balcony, holding a plastic bag of RMB in his arms and throwing it down one by one!

The woman was shocked and hugged her quickly. Got his son and grabbed the money. The woman was very angry, so she slapped her son on the butt several times and scolded: "Let you be naughty, let you be naughty! What you are throwing away is money, money! This is the eighth floor. If you fall, little My life will be lost!..."

While the woman was scolding, the husband beside her became panicked. He suddenly grabbed the money from the woman's hand, opened the bag and took a look. He immediately fell to the ground and muttered: "Ah? Why is there only so little left..."

What did the husband realize? , quickly grabbed the door and came out downstairs, and saw a group of people downstairs holding their hands in surrender, chasing the RMB falling from the sky...

“My money, my Valentine’s Day gifts are all ‘distributed’ like this!” The husband was extremely frustrated. Funny Story 2

The identities of the four wives playing cards are the wife of the newspaper president, the wife of the chairman of the dairy company, the wife of the general manager of the power company, and the wife of the justice.

While playing cards, they were chatting, and while chatting, they got involved in that matter...

The wife of the newspaper president was the first to get angry and said with emotion: "Alas! Our old man is like this On the other hand, just like the newspaper boy delivering the newspaper, he stuffed it into the mailbox and left."

The wife of the chairman of the dairy company touched a card and continued: "This is not unusual at all, we are. The milk delivery boy at home is just like the milkman who just leaves it at the door and doesn't go in at all." When it was the turn of the wife of the general manager of the power company to make a speech, she shook her head and said helplessly: " Alas! In fact, you are all pretty good! My husband, like his company, only comes once a month to check the electricity meter."

Finally, everyone wants to hear the opinion of Mrs. Justice. She said in a very chic tone: "Our boss has court every day, but unfortunately we never prosecute!" Funny Story 3

There was an older man named Daming, who suffered many setbacks in his love life. In anger, he simply raised a golden retriever dog to keep him company.

One day, Daming saw a piece of news on the Internet that a blind date event was held at Jade Park on the weekend. Daming became interested and signed up immediately. On the weekend, he took his dog to the park. There were so many beauties in the park. Daming was thinking about how to take the initiative. Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. When Daming looked back, he saw a beautiful woman. She had a slim figure and a face as pink as a flower. She looked at Daming with a smile and said, "Sir, I would like to ask you to sit over there for a while." Daming's legs were numb, and he nodded quickly like a chicken pecking at rice, feeling very happy. flower.

The two walked to the bench and sat down. At this time, the golden retriever followed him very ignorantly. Daming quickly stared at it and mouthed three words silently. : "Get away!" The golden retriever was very aggrieved. He stared at his big eyes and refused to leave.

The beauty didn’t mind, and waved the golden retriever over. Upon receiving the order, the golden retriever immediately rushed over, wagging its head and tail at the feet of the beautiful woman, looking flattering. The beauty was very happy and asked Daming how old the dog was, what he liked to eat, whether he was naughty and so on. Daming was a little disappointed when he saw that the beauty's attention was focused on the dog, but he still answered them one by one. The beauty teased the golden retriever for a while, and suddenly said seriously: "Shall we talk about it?"

When Daming heard this, he was very excited. He knew that an important moment was coming, and felt that he should take the initiative, so he He mustered up the courage to say, "No matter what you say, I... agree."

The beauty was surprised, then smiled: "Really? You are so nice!" Daming was a little embarrassed. He nodded, then lowered his head and looked away. After a while, the beauty suddenly extended a photo to Daming's eyes.

Daming took a closer look and saw a dog on it, which looked quite familiar. After a closer look, it turned out that it was also a golden retriever with a bow tied on its head.

The beauty said a little embarrassedly: "This is our Niuniu. She is one year old this year. I want to find a partner for her, but I haven't found a suitable partner... Thank you so much." , the beautiful woman petted the golden retriever affectionately. Funny Story 4

A sewing competition with prizes is being held somewhere. The host made three holes in a piece of clothing. He announced: Whoever can mend these three holes in three minutes will be the winner. You can get a bonus of 10,000 yuan. Many housewives came up to try their skills, but no one succeeded.

Just when the host and the audience felt a little disappointed, a man with messy hair, pale face and glasses walked up. He picked up the needle and thread without saying a word, and quickly repaired the three holes in less than two and a half minutes.

The host was extremely surprised. He did not expect that a grown man could be so good at such a trivial job as sewing, while so many experienced housewives could not do it!

When the host awarded the man a bonus of 10,000 yuan, he asked the man: "That's amazing. You mended it so quickly just now. It's really amazing. You are so good at mending. Listen. He said that there are many tailors in the garment factory who are responsible for repairing and repairing defective new clothes. Are you sure that?" The man replied politely: "You are only half right. I am responsible for it in the company. I work on sewing and finishing new products, but I am not a garment maker in a clothing factory. I am a programmer at Microsoft. Funny Story 5

In a hurry

The chairman wanted to attend the banquet. , hurriedly jumped into a taxi in front of the company, and said loudly at the same time: "I'm in a hurry, drive faster!" Only twenty minutes left! "After that, he opened the evening newspaper in his hand and read it. After reading for more than ten minutes, he raised his head. When he saw that the car was still in front of the company, he was very angry. When he was about to get angry with the driver, he realized that there was no one in the car. No driver.

Eyes got bigger

A woman went to the plastic surgery department in the hospital for wrinkle removal and double chin surgery. After the surgery, the doctor asked her: "Do you still have any problems?" Any other requirements? ”

“Is there any way you can make my eyes bigger and brighter? "

"Oh, yes, you just need to look at your bill. ”

Invoice

I work in a magazine. Last month’s magazine was reviewed by the company and 5 typos were found. According to the company’s regulations, the responsibility for that issue The editor, Teacher Zhang, had to pay a fine of 15 yuan. The company leader asked me to take charge of the collection.

I went to Teacher Zhang and said embarrassedly: "Teacher Zhang, the company leader asked you to pay the fine." "Teacher Zhang said: "Xiaozhao, after you pay the money, can you issue an invoice to me? Maybe I can scratch out 5 yuan to subsidize my losses. "

Financial training

In order to train my son to manage money from a young age, I asked him to bring back receipts after buying things. My son is very obedient. He bought a can of yogurt after school yesterday. Today I bought a lollipop at school, and I got back the 80 cents.

When I got off work that day, there was a vendor selling green onions at the entrance of the community, which was much cheaper than in the supermarket. Just when I was about to pay, the phone rang... After I got home, I remembered that I had forgotten to buy onions, so I had to let my son go for a run.

After a while, my son went out happily. I came back with a bunch of green onions and handed me a receipt. I told my husband that hawkers now prepare receipts when doing business. My son heard this and ran over and said, "Mom, when I asked, they didn't have receipts." , bought in the supermarket. "When I saw it, the price was 80 cents more per pound than the price at the stall, which was an extra four yuan.

Picking people up

The director sent me to the train station to pick people up. Pick them up. I don’t know the person, so I’m going to make a big card with my unit and name written on it.

When Da Li saw it, he said: "You are still using this thing in what age. It is too vulgar. Besides, letting others see the name of the company and the name of the company has no privacy at all." I thought about it, and it was right. The way to pick up people should be Progress with development. I asked Da Li how to pick it up. Da Li said: "Mobile phones, the communication equipment is so advanced."

I arrived at the train station. There were many people holding signs to pick people up in the crowded train station. It was not like what Da Li said. The train arrived on time, and I called each other on the left and right at the exit, asking each other about each other's height, weight, and what color clothes they were wearing. After everyone was almost gone, we found each other while talking on the phone.

After I came back, I complained about Da Li, but Da Li said: "Just one sentence, you should be anxious, you should wait until everyone is gone before calling on the phone."

Grandma and aunt

During dinner, my daughter said to me: "After school today, an old lady came to pick up my classmate Honghong. Honghong said that she was her old aunt and grandma. Mom, Do you have an aunt or grandmother?" I said, "I have an aunt, but I don't know about my mother's aunt." Seeing that I didn't understand, my daughter became interested and decided. Ask Honghong tomorrow.

The next day, my daughter finally found out. It turns out that this old lady is not Honghong's mother's aunt but Honghong's grandma's aunt, so she is called "Grandma and Aunt". Among the several "grandmothers", this one is the youngest. In northern dialects, "老" is sometimes used to describe the last one, so it is called "老grandaunt".

Real and Fake Tiger

Meet some friends at home to play cards. Just as Xiao Zeng was taking cards, Xiao Zhu was looking around and was suddenly attracted by a photo placed on the speaker. In the photo, I am smiling proudly, happily, and satisfactorily while holding a tiger cub that is several months old. You know, it cost me 20 yuan to take this photo with a real tiger as a "tiger hugging fee." "Woolen cloth.

Xiao Zhu asked me seriously: "Is that a real tiger you are hugging?" Hearing his words really felt hateful and ridiculous. It was obviously a blasphemy against my courage and dignity. I said to him: "You are so funny. If I take a photo with a fake tiger, I have to find a big one." Funny Story 6

We are never shameless when doing big things

Yan Jiehe, the former chairman of the board of directors of Pacific Group, once said some controversial words.

He said: What is face? Those of us who do important things have never been shameless. We can tear off our skin and throw it to the ground, kick it a few times, and walk away with disdain. He believes that not taking oneself seriously, not taking face seriously, and treating face as nothingness is the demeanor that a person who really does great things should have. Although his words were biased and sharp, the biggest problem faced by enterprises in the early stages of starting a business is the issue of face.

Yu Minhong, the principal of New Oriental, suffered a lot from losing face. Lu Yuegang recorded Yu Minhong’s entrepreneurial experience in detail in his book "Oriental Carriage". Reading it still makes people cry.

Once, an employee of New Oriental was stabbed with a knife by a competitor. In order to deal with the matter, Yu Minhong asked a police friend he had just met and asked him to ask a political commissar from the Criminal Police Brigade to come out and "sit down for a while." sit".

Because Yu Minhong couldn’t speak and only knew how to drink; and because he was not calm in his heart, he only drank wine without eating food. As he drank, Yu Minhong lost consciousness and got under the table.

The teacher and the police took him to the hospital and it took him two and a half hours to revive.

The doctor said that for ordinary people, if they drank like this, they would never come back.

That day, Yu Minhong drank a bottle and a half of Wuliangye and almost died from it. The first thing he shouted when he woke up was: "I quit!"

As the school staff carried him home, he cried and shouted heartbreakingly for more than an hour. He said: "I won't do it! - I won't do it anymore! - Close the school! - Close the school! - I won't do it!"

He kept shouting , shouting so that the people around are frightened, crying enough, shouting tired, fell asleep, woke up, woke up from wine.

There was still class at 7 p.m., and he put on his schoolbag and went to class as usual.

There are still tears in the corners of his eyes, but he has to do what he should do. According to Yu Minhong's own words, if you don't run a school, why go there?

Yu Minhong has another thing to kneel down. , is also well known in New Oriental School.

His mother recruited Yu Minhong’s brother-in-law to work in New Oriental despite everyone’s objections. He was first in charge of the canteen’s finances and then the distribution department. For some reason, someone moved Yu Minhong's brother-in-law's office equipment away. Yu's mother was furious and yelled at the school.

The principal of New Oriental School, the "godfather" of studying in China that is admired by thousands of people, knelt down to his mother in front of everyone.

Wang Qiang, who witnessed the incident, later recalled: "We were expecting Yu Minhong to walk uprightly in front of his mother, but he knelt down, which immediately made me collapse! Human nature collapsed, dignity collapsed, very Painful. "

When an outsider sees such a scene, he feels "broken" and "very painful". So, how does Yu Minhong, the person involved and the one who kneels, feel inside?

Yu Minhong also has many legendary experiences. If you really want to talk about it, in his words, he can talk about it for several years. In fact, face is the first obstacle in life. A smart person will never be a person who "suffers the consequences". If you love face too much, you will lose opportunities. People who take themselves too seriously will find it difficult to achieve great things.

If you want to do big things, you can’t take face too seriously. Those who became rich and successful in the early days of reform and opening up embarked on the road to success because they took off their masks of vanity. A large number of rich people got rich by working as "rag kings" and "stooges". People who dare to be "rag kings" and "stooges" have an outlook on life that is different from ordinary people. values. ;