After the marriage, the husband contacted his predecessor. Should I be patient?

Patience, how are you going to stand it? For the sake of "long-term", submit to humiliation, unwilling to endure? Even if the husband/wife takes the mistress home to perform in public, she must endure it, just for "long-term", so endure it?

Change? How are you going to change? For "long-term", you can give each other anything you want and make yourself the dream lover of ta.

Over time, the other person is in heaven, and you are a walking corpse. It doesn't matter. Anyway, as long as you are "long-term", nothing else matters.

Marriage is a complicated process, which cannot be managed simply by "forbearance" or "change".

Even if you are patient, you should bear it willingly and gladly; Even if it changes, it is natural and recognized by the heart.

How to endure, how to change, and how to do your own behavior are all from the heart and need to be learned.

0 1 "pain" is not absolute, it is related to our judgment.

One thing has triggered our inner "painful" feelings, and we will think that the culprit is this thing and the party who caused it.

One morning, reader Yan Yan's husband told her that she had an appointment with her first love to have dinner and talk business together in the evening.

Yan Yan heard it, but her heart was very uncomfortable because:

1, she thinks that she should not contact after breaking up;

2. Husband and first love had deep feelings, and she was worried that they would spark again;

Then, yan yan put forward dissatisfaction:

You are married, why are you still involved in your first love?

She is the only person in the world who can solve this problem? You have to find her?

This psychological process takes place in an instant, in the blink of an eye. Yan Yan believes that:

I was hurt by my husband.

Because of this, Yan Yan and her husband had a big fight. She asked me privately, "Teacher, should I be patient?" Should it be changed? "

Of course, we must endure it, of course, we must change it. The problem is the way and method.

Patience is to buffer your emotions, change is to solve your own problems, and finally you really won't be affected by this matter and accept it from the heart.

"Pain" is not absolute, it is related to our judgment. If we define events as normal, then "pain" will not happen.

If we define an incident as an attack, then we will be injured and then fight back.

Pain has nothing to do with external things, but only with our hearts and the definition of external things.

Feel inward and see the truth behind the behavior.

Yan Yan said that she felt "hurt" and "pain" about her husband's socialization more than once.

Intellectually, she understands her husband's social life, and accepts her husband's concept of "breaking up with his ex, there is no need to hate each other and become strangers", but from the heart, she is suffering all the time.

"Why don't you feel well?" I asked her.

"When I think of other women seeing my husband, I feel very sad," Yan Yan said. "What if he meets someone who is cheating?"

"Do you think your husband is that kind of person?" I said.

Yan Yan thought carefully for a while and said, "No, he is very kind to me. He will tell me who he met and what he did, and he will take me to most parties. "

"What do you think, in your heart, who hate most? Close your eyes, empty, take a deep breath, the first name that comes to mind, "I guided Yan Yan to say.

A few minutes later, Yan Yan replied, "It's my first boyfriend in college."

Yan Yan experienced betrayal in college. At that time, her boyfriend was with Yan Yan's good friend behind her back. "At that time, I felt that my soul was smashed to pieces and destroyed to be worthless," Yan Yan said.

That betrayal was the root of Yan Yan's pain and led to her stress reaction.

With her husband, whenever another woman is involved, this stress reaction will begin, making her experience pain.

Once the crux of the problem is solved, whether it is patience or change, it is self-contained.

Through consultation, Yan Yan realized that she had projected the pain of the past on her husband, just like a sleepwalker who was awakened and faced the same thing again, and her thoughts were different.

She is no longer afraid, but also sincerely supports her husband to go out to socialize, and her relationship with her husband is gradually warming up.