Many mothers ask for divorce one year after giving birth. Who is the culprit?

I think the biggest reason for divorce one year after giving birth is the loneliness of women who are not understood and supported. 01. Conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Getting married was a bit simple before having children, but after giving birth to children, various things are not so simple. According to the family and news statistics I have come into contact with, at least 60% of families have mothers who want to divorce after giving birth. And this kind of thought will appear intermittently and frequently in the postpartum year, and the desire to divorce is especially strong in the first year.

For the wife, after giving birth, she has to start integrating into the other party's family. Especially for the vast majority of families in China, living under the same roof as the man’s family is a very real problem.

Some families have to live with their grandparents due to the cost of childcare, and some families do so because the other elderly person "increases their own happiness without caring about the feelings of others" in the name of "helping with the children". "In fact, they lived together.

This has led to the emergence of the "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problem". Of course, there are some families where the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problem does not exist. In some families, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same as that of mother and child. These families are all similar. These families are characterized by the elderly having a clear sense of boundaries and the husband and wife having sufficient respect and understanding for each other.

A good mother-in-law has actually determined the quality of a father to a large extent, which is mainly related to family education.

However, it is a reality for two people to be together. What the mother-in-law is like is not actually the main reason for the intimacy of the relationship between husband and wife. How a couple sees each other is an important factor. 02. Division of household labor between men and women and balanced income.

Although it is a discussion about marriage, the result is very cruel, that is, the marriage process is more difficult for women than for men.

From ancient times to the present, men have enjoyed too many benefits in this society. Maybe fathers will think when they see this point of view, how difficult it is for us men, even more difficult than you women.

In ancient times, it was basically difficult for women to change their destiny. The quality of their destiny depended entirely on marrying a good husband. If you unfortunately marry a bad husband, divorce will be very costly.

In modern times, women are often asked to think about "how to balance work and family."

Whether you want to think about it or not, this is the label that society puts on women, and it is something that you have to think about and face. It seems that balancing family and work is a woman’s business. Zhang Quanling was asked this question a while ago, and she asked the interviewer if he had ever asked such a topic about men. The other party was stunned...

Because most of the evaluation standards for a good husband and a good father in this society are: "can make money and don't mess around." Basically, it can be evaluated as excellent, of course. I'm not saying that being a man is easier than being a woman. But the reality is that in this society until today, many things and low-grade education have been continued, and they have penetrated deep into the bone marrow.

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, for the vast majority of families, women bear more responsibility for housework and childcare than men.

If you don’t make much money, then of course you have to take care of your children and take good care of your husband;

If you make as much money as your husband, you still have to take care of both. When it comes to raising children, because the milk is in you and the child is born to you, you naturally have to enter the role earlier than the father;

If you make more money than your husband, you can’t take care of the child like a man. Give it up to your husband, because the prerequisite for you to let him go is that your husband must feel that he is not ashamed to take care of the children and is willing to support his wife in her career. If you encounter a husband who doesn't understand, he will feel that your wife is not gentle enough and not lovable enough.

But the roles are reversed. Very few families face this situation where men want to work hard and women do not support it, because women should take care of children.

There is nothing that can be done about the natural attribute of women to enter the role of raising children earlier. This is how nature has evolved, and we cannot deny the attribute of nature that female animals have to take on more childcare responsibilities.

But as advanced animals, each of us does not need to be too wild and savage when looking at this issue. We think that raising children is a must for women. Third, there are differences of opinion on parenting.

When two people live together, it is not about deciding who should work harder, otherwise it would be too boring for a couple to live together. When two people live together, they hope that after being together, they can support each other and bear the burden together, and both husband and wife will be willing to pay for each other.

What postpartum mothers actually want is not physical fairness, but understanding and support from their husbands. This understanding supports whether you are tolerant enough and like a true gentleman.

Many mothers I have met are not very afraid of the difficulty of putting them to sleep. What is more difficult than coaxing her to sleep is her husband's lack of understanding and support.

I often hear complaints of one kind or another, whether it is a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or complaining about my husband. But they all contain the same message: mothers do not receive enough respect, absolute recognition and support in this family.

After meeting more and more mothers, I found that their requirements are actually very simple. It’s not that they expect their husbands to do more than they do. Many mothers feel distressed that their fathers have to go to work, so they take the initiative to take on all the work of coaxing them to sleep.

They don’t care if they do more, but what makes mothers feel tired and unable to persevere is their father’s lack of understanding and support.

What is understanding and support? It’s not just that you have reason to listen to you, but that you have the strength to listen to you. Married life is not a debate, it is not about comparing who’s opinion is better. Understanding and supporting each other means tolerating the other person, that is, I am considerate of you, and I may not approve of you, but I am willing to shoulder the responsibility with you if you choose.

When it comes to childcare, it can’t be a matter of not working and having a lot of opinions.

Since mothers take on more childcare work, they must be given sufficient voice and respect. Even if you don't agree, if you are not the one doing the work, don't deny it to your mother easily. This is like not letting the horse run without letting it eat grass. Fourth, the husband is inconsiderate of his wife.

In terms of understanding and supporting mothers, if you really can’t put yourself in your mother’s shoes and understand her difficulties, then please imagine your daughter (what a pity, if you give birth to a son, there seems to be nothing you can do) It’s so easy to put yourself in someone else’s shoes) The living environment of being a woman and a mother in the future.

Do you want your daughter to be in a complicated relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Would you like your daughter to take on the main part of the housework? Do you want the daughter you have grown up in the palm of your hand to consider the topic of work-life balance alone when she marries someone else?

When the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law arises, I hope dad will think about it. Your wife is the only "outsider" in this family. She has to learn to integrate into this family. She is lonelier than you. You need more support, and she is the one who will spend your whole life with you;

When disputes over parenting arise, I hope fathers will think about who is mainly responsible for the trivial aspects of the parenting process. There are frustrations, entanglements, and a lot of uncertainty in these trivial matters. It is because your wife is doing homework to accumulate professional knowledge about parenting and spending time to try her best to raise a child;

When fathers feel that they have earned Money is enough. When you think it is easy to take care of a child, have you ever experienced the state of taking care of a child? When the work is still done, taking care of the children is 24 hours a day;

I have seen many responsible fathers who share the hard work of childcare with their wives; but more often than not, the fathers in most families do not care about the child. My mother is even less understanding and less supportive.

Some fathers say: "You envy those husbands who help you take care of your children, but their husbands may not be what you want. You may also have to pay other prices." There is some truth to this, and the choice of anything Everything comes with a price, but you can't feel that you are doing better than the losers in society. If you feel that you are doing well, you will be complacent. If you feel that your husband is doing better than you, then he must be worse than you in some aspects.

The culture of favoring boys over girls in China has only gradually improved now. There are many trash men who have failed in education. What is there to compare? Do you have to drag yourself down to a low level to run a tasteless household?

To put it another way, what is your evaluation system when you look at your wife? Are you totally grateful when she takes on the kids full time? Do you complain when she goes to work and leaves the kids with you? She doesn't make much money, do you feel that she is of low value and has to depend on you? In this way, the attitudes of wives and husbands will be very different for the same thing, and it is obvious that this society is much more tolerant of men.

Even maternity leave is a special case for women (which in disguise increases the cost of women’s employment). Why should we deny that women’s social status is more embarrassing? Five, summary.

At the end of writing, I hope that my father can understand and support my mother more, be more responsible and responsible when problems arise in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and provide more spiritual understanding and support to my mother when raising children.

This understanding is to understand that it is not easy for women in family relationships, instead of thinking about debates all day long and thinking about being persuaded before understanding, which is a way of getting along with ordinary interpersonal relationships. Instead of engaging in a debate, it is better to do it yourself and get a feel for it.

I also hope that mothers who are temporarily disappointed with their husbands will not be discouraged. Most fathers in this world love their children. They may be slow to enter the role, but in the end they will love their children as much as you do. Please give them more. Make time for him to participate with you.

Life still needs to go on. We can’t give up easily just because of temporary difficulties. Some relationships will become stronger after running in. Please don’t lose confidence in your married life. A marriage that can withstand the test is a good marriage, right?