Ask for funny and humorous short messages

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It's been a long time since I received your message, and I feel very distressed.

I want to die. I used to cut my pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu and jump off a building with a parachute.

Dried noodles, but died of ink.

Just invite me to dinner and go to hell!

1, I had a dream last night that the white Venus told me many secrets! It turns out that we were all immortals 500 years ago. I cried, I remember! Sweet, it's Jiro! Do you remember me, Xiao Tian? How about these hundreds of years? 2, don't be crazy with me, my eldest brother Qin Shihuang! Don't pretend with me, the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China is behind me. If you don't believe me, bin Laden is my uncle. Bomb first, then poison. If you refuse to obey again, the registered policeman is my aunt. Change your account to a pig! 3. How much I fucking love you, and you fucking ignore it; I give you a fucking discharge, and you fucking pretend not to see it; I fucking want to jump off a building, and you fucking want to turn back; You fucking changed your mind! I fucking landed! 4. When a meteor falls in love with the earth, it will fall without hesitation, just for that moment; When clouds fall in love with running water, they fall without hesitation, just to solve the pain of acacia; As soon as I think of you, I will not hesitate to pay a dime to tell you in advance: Happy June 1st, little P-boy! You drag a pig shopping, and you look very happy. I passed by and said sympathetically, "Look at a person's grade and who he is with." Before I finished, I saw the pig abandon you with disdain. 6. On the first day, were you a pig? You answered no, and you were beaten-dishonest! The next day, I asked you if you were a pig, and your answer was, beaten-not modest! On the third day, I asked you if you were a pig, but you didn't say a word and were beaten wildly-even if you were a pig, you still dragged on! ! ! 7. It's the end of the month. If you still have something to say, please read this tongue twister after me: level 1 difficulty: nonsense, waving phone bills. Level 2 difficulty: the phone bill will evaporate. Level 3 difficulty: playing nonsense and volatilizing phone bills! 8. College students = eat+sleep+fall in love with pigs = eat+sleep, so college students = pigs+fall in love with more college students-fall in love = pigs, that is, college students don't fall in love with pigs. 9, affectionate days, affectionate places, affectionate I am waiting for you. I miss you with a lonely pillow: I love you+miss you+hope you+miss you+wait for you = I can't live without you, I love you-Xizhilang cici jelly! 10, God bless me, bless those who forget me, don't contact me, don't call, don't send text messages, don't miss me, don't miss me, and their mobile phones fall into the toilet. Amen! By the way, let the water flush! 1 1, it rains in every city, just like I miss you everywhere. Missing is a kind of fruit, sweet and sour, full of memories of the night. I miss you and want to crush you with uncertainty ~ ~12. What happened when I called your cell phone just now? After the bell rings, the prompt says: The user is eating grass, please don't disturb. I can't believe it. Call again and say: the subscriber you dialed has been sent to the slaughterhouse. Please share it later! Are you okay? ! 13, days without you/melancholy/days without you/upset/life without you/it's really hard/when can I really have you/my dearest. . . . . . Not beauty, not you, but money! 14, if the ear itches, it proves that someone misses you; If your eyes itch, it proves that someone wants to see you; If your lips itch, it proves that someone wants to kiss you; If your body itches. . . . Stop joking, it's time for a bath! ! ! 15, I saw you that day. You are very uncomfortable sitting in the sun. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: "Keep your voice down, no one will call me an idiot after tanning!" " "16, the legend of Cupid: one arrow through the heart represents love at first sight, two arrows through the heart represent wishful thinking, and three arrows represent three lucky lives. . . I am shooting an arrow at you. . . Small sample, you just wait to become a hedgehog! 65438+ Oh, I bought it! Wofa beats Yinle! 18, you know? I dreamed of you again last night. We snuggled up by the river. You look at me, I look at you. Suddenly, you looked up and said three words to me affectionately: "woof, woof, woof!" " "19, I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky is so blue and the sea is so clear. Lovely you are swimming in the sea, and I poked you in the back with that twig on the shore: hey, this little bastard is quite hard! 20. I am an onion, standing in the rain. Who dares to dip me in the sauce? His ancestor K went through hardships and crossed the north. I drink water behind the toilet, run over my legs on the train tracks and kiss pigs. what are you reading? Kiss you! 2 1, one day you won the lottery and traveled by plane for free. Sadness: The plane crashed. Hi: There are parachutes. Sadness: I can't open it. Hi: There are haystacks on the ground. Sadness: There is an iron fork on it. Hi: I didn't fall on the fork. Sadness: I didn't fall on the haystack either. . . 22, hey! I dreamed that you were swimming in the water last night. I looked worried, so I called you to come up quickly. I didn't expect you to ignore me and look up at me: what are you yelling at? Haven't you heard that dead mice are not afraid of cold? 23. Are you a dung ball that has been rolled by a small retarded dog, a cockroach that has been trampled, and adopted by a mentally retarded master in Shaolin Temple, claiming that pear blossoms crush begonia? 24. Melatonin said that if you don't go to cut class today, you will skip professional courses. Hui Renbao said he fled, and I also fled. Dabao said you escaped today? Hao Di said that everyone's escape is the real escape. Colgate said that our goal is that no one will attend classes! 25, Tianjin version: "Mud intermediary four grasp hemp?" "Saunders Das is seventh!" "Is four dollars high or four dollars high?" "The staff is high!" "The staff is tall enough!" "Cowshed hemp! I was seen by the wall! " 26. The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace, war and discovery. Connect these three words and read them aloud for three times, and a historical unsolved case will be solved. 27. If autumn leaves, I will wait for you in the snow. If the world dies, I will love you in heaven. If you leave, I will miss you with tears. . . If I leave, . . . . The feed is in the trough, don't starve yourself! 28. Not every flower can represent love, but roses do. Not every tree can stand thirst, but poplar can. Not every pig can get a text message, but you did it! 29. 10 I can't stand it. I miss you very much. I want to see you every day. You can give it to me yourself. I will never let you down seven times. I will keep you by my side forever. I will never be half-hearted, half-hearted. I swear I only keep you 1 pig! 30. being ignored? Being bullied? Nobody loves you? It doesn't matter! Even if no one in this world loves you, cares about you and values you! My door is still open for you! Chengdu Mental Hospital gives you a five-star home! 3 1, I can't sleep when I miss you, I have a lot of thoughts when I love you, and I am lonely without you. I want to be a wing bird and fly to your head to pull a pile of shit, yeah! 32. Missing is like chocolate, bitter! That's great. Dare not miss you! Afraid of missing you! I dare not say I miss you, but I'm afraid I miss you more! In fact, I really miss you, miss you, and become a pig! 33. This may be the short message I sent you in recent days. I'm hesitating to tell you that I'm going to Japan, and all the formalities have been completed. I won't forget you, really. My family got bird flu, so I went to infect it. . . 34. When the devil knocks on the glass in front of your window, the toad gets into your bed, the poisonous snake ripples on your head, the earthworm shuttles on your toes, and the centipede has climbed into your nostrils. Don't be afraid! I rode a snail to save you! Drive! Drive! 35. The Tang Priest met a beautiful woman on his way to learn from the scriptures. Bajie decided to marry her. Wukong suspects that it is a demon. Tang Priest said it doesn't matter. Send a text message to test it. If she doesn't reply to the message, she will marry Bajie! Our destiny began thousands of years ago. That autumn, we played in the maple forest with fire leaves. You chase me. Finally, when you caught up with me, you kindly bit me. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin. 37. I have always been an unknown knight in the Jianghu, until one day I met the most mysterious you in the legend and even called out your name. Since then, I have also had a famous name in the Jianghu: Zhu Zhixia! 38. Calculation problem, choose a number from 1 to 8 as A, A plus 3 minus 2 to get B, B times 9 to get C; Add 10 digits to C to get D, multiply D by 50 to get E, and subtract 200 from E to get F, which means your life. Very clever! I dreamed that you were singing last night! Your singing is very sweet, and your sentimental expression touched me. I almost vowed to love you for 10 thousand years, but I dare not, because you are singing to a donkey: I will be you when I grow up! 40. Legend has it that wishing on a meteor is smart. I wait every day. That day, I finally saw a meteor. I close my eyes and make a wish before it falls, hoping that you will become smarter from an idiot. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to find that the meteor flew back in the same way! 4 1, full moon night, the top of Huashan, alone, like a fairy? Long hair fluttering, far-reaching eyes, holding an object, pointing to the sky! Retract slowly, stretch slowly, look up and shout after three laps: "Unicom, no signal!" " If I had a candy, I would give it to you, because I want you to be happy. If I had two sweets, we would each have one. I think we would be very happy together. If I had three sweets, I would give you two, because I hope you have more cavities than me! 43. The falling rain reminds me of my infinite thoughts ~ ~ To put it bluntly, I miss you! When the weather is fine, I will take you to that green meadow. But I agreed with you in advance: only eat grass and don't arch the ground! 44. It's the Spring Festival, and there's nothing for you. I'll change all the change in my pocket into steel for you. If someone bullies you, hit him with steel and let him know how powerful we rich people are. Don't forget to pick it up after smashing it. We must live!

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clocks, but you can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

Send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

You are always farting in the office, and your colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

Legend has it that you are cruel. You are lying opposite the theater, occupying four seats. When someone tells you to get up, just hum twice and don't move. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Where are you? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

Dear users, at this time, we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the Palestinian national liberation cause. Therefore, the Palestinian self-government has decided to give you a lofty title in the name of the whole Arab world: Ben Shalebaki!

Miss you, miss you, find an artist to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water all day and watch you-are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you, whether I care about you as much as I care about you, little boy, I am dizzy!

Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

A beautiful woman works the night shift, followed by a man of the same color. This beautiful woman is very scared and is passing a cemetery. People of the same color are about to start. The beauty went to a grave and said, "Dad, open the door, I'm back." The frightened man escaped. The beauty smiled proudly for her cleverness, but the laughter did not fall. A gloomy voice came from the grave and said, "Daughter, why did you forget your key again?" Scared the beautiful woman to run away screaming. At this time, a grave robber climbed out of the grave and said, "It affected my work and scared you to death." Suddenly I found an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel in his hand and asked strangely, "What are you doing?" ? The old man said angrily, "These black sheep carved my tombstone wrong and asked them to change it themselves." . Hearing this, the grave robbers ran away in fear. Looking at the back of the grave robber, the old man sneered: "Stealing Lao Zi's business scared me to death." Accidentally, the chisel fell to the ground, and the old man was about to bend down to pick it up, but he saw a hand sticking out of the grass and a cold voice came: "Oh, dare to change my house number." Scared the old man to roll and climb away. A scavenger climbed out of the grass, picked up the chisel on the ground and sighed, "It takes such a great god to pick up a piece of rotten iron these days."