Jokes that make people happy in 2017

When you have nothing to do, watch more interesting jokes and cultivate your own sense of humor. You will find that it is so easy to make people happy. The following are the jokes I compiled for you to make people happy in 2017. I hope you will like them.

Excerpts of funny jokes in 2017

1. A brother was suffering from constipation and could not relieve himself in the toilet for a long time. When he was trying his best, he saw a brother flushing like a wind. I entered the toilet and entered the seat next to him. As soon as I entered, there was a really violent storm. The brother said to the brother enviously: "Brother, I envy you so much." The brother said: "Why are you envious? I haven't taken off my pants yet." Here!" -

2. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roasted chicken. You said angrily: "I will do whatever you dare to do to that roasted chicken. What do you think?" As a result, the puppy licked the chicken's butt and you fainted. The puppy said happily: "Let's see who is cruel."

3. Two counterfeiters accidentally made a banknote worth ten. The two decided to spend the counterfeit five-yuan bills in a remote mountainous area. When they bought one-yuan candied haws with a fifteen-yuan bill, they cried. The farmer gave them two seven-yuan bills.

4. Person A: "Brother, why do you look so sad?" Person B: "I accidentally posted nude photos of my wife online!" Person A: "Then it's not too late for you to be sad now" Too early, you will be sad if that post sinks!" (Think about it carefully, you will understand)

5. I saw two children chatting at the entrance of the kindergarten. The little girl asked the little boy: "What's the matter? Is there anything you can't do?" The little boy said shyly, "I won't leave you." "Is there anything you can't do?" the little boy asked expectantly. The little girl smiled shyly and said: "I won't like you."

6. The father said to his son: "You don't have to go to school today. Last night? Your mother gave you two babies." Brother, just tell the teacher." The son replied: "Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one; I want to save the other one for next week!"

7. Sister-in-law When I went to school and lived in my house, I often played Three Kingdoms with my classmates. I became addicted to it. My wife firmly opposed it and said that I still play games at my age. Once, my wife was on a business trip and we were playing Three Kingdoms with my sister-in-law and her classmates. My wife called me and asked me what I was doing. I said in a hurry: "I'm sleeping." Wife: "I don't believe it." Me: "If you don't believe it, ask your sister, she is right next to me."

8. One afternoon I skipped class to play games. plane and didn’t get home until after eight o’clock in the evening. At the door of the house, I thought: "How can I lie to my parents? Dad will definitely beat me up." Suddenly I heard my parents talking to someone in the house, and I sighed to myself: "God help me, we have a guest at home. My parents won't ask me about my absence from class. "I opened the door excitedly and went in. When I saw it, it was the head teacher. It turned out that my buttocks were swollen.

9. My niece was five years old and had just eaten a banana. I called her: "Baby, come and eat a banana!" She said leisurely: "You are so good or bad!" I was stunned: "What's wrong? "Unexpectedly, she said: "Every time my father said this, my mother would answer like this."

10. I was riding home in the car today. There were many people in the car. I saw a girl’s bag was put into by an obscene hand. I was so impulsive that I went over to hug the girl, patted her bag and said, : "Honey, we're almost at the station." Then I winked at her. Seeing me stunned for two seconds, she said to the man: "Husband?" I'll go! What a couple, I got off before we even reached the station?

11. I won a lottery ticket with my mother and went to a counter to collect the prize. The person giving out the prizes asked us whether we wanted twenty yuan or an apple. My mother and I thought that of course we wanted to make money, so we said we wanted twenty yuan. So, the man took out a knife and cut the apple into twenty pieces?

12. A male teacher angrily said to a girl who was sleeping in class: "I am so tired up there! You are down below. Not moving at all! Just not cooperating, not even reacting at all. If there is nothing in your stomach in the future, don’t blame the teacher!"

13. A three-year-old boy pulled a three-year-old boy The little girl's hand said: "I love you." The little girl said: "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said: "Of course you can, we are not one or two years old anymore!

< p> 14. My nephew likes roast duck very much. He wanted to eat roast duck today but he didn't tell me directly. He told me: "Uncle, if you don't eat roast duck in winter, you will freeze to death!" "Why?" I was shocked.

"If you don't eat roast duck, you won't kill ducks. If you don't kill ducks, you won't pluck duck feathers. Without duck feathers, you can't make down jackets. Without down jackets, we will freeze to death."

15. Two armies in the valley There was a confrontation inside, and the guard came in to report the enemy's situation: "Sir, the enemy's reconnaissance plane is taking pictures of us." Chief: "Give me my order? Don't laugh!"

16. Working part-time in a supermarket during the summer vacation . A customer came in and asked, "How much is that red plum?" "Four and a half." "What about that one?" "Chinese forty-five yuan." He took out forty-five yuan resolutely. I respectfully handed over a packet of Zhonghua: "You can tell it's the big boss at first glance!" He said impatiently: "Stop talking nonsense, get one for four and a half yuan!"

17. Passed by an early morning snack stall in the morning Go up and hear a conversation with God. "Boss, for a bowl of hot dry noodles, add more green onions, more peppers, more vinegar, more sesame sauce, more noodles." "Miss, just say you want two bowls!"

18. Once, on the subway, an old man next to me stared at me for a long time and suddenly said to me: "Young man, judging from your face, you should weigh 80 kilograms!" At that time, I I was shocked! I said: "Uncle, you are so accurate. Can you help me check my fortune this year?" The uncle replied: "Look at you, uncle! You stepped on my toes!"

19. I usually take the bus home from work, but one day I am anxious to get home so I take a taxi. After getting on the bus, the driver asked enthusiastically: "Would you like to listen to some music?" I said: "Listen!" Then the driver sang for me all the way?

20. I was passing by an intersection that day and I had the desire to fart, which was just the time. There was a person riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover up the sound of my fart, but the sound was too loud. The person riding the motorcycle thought the engine was on, so he put it into gear and was about to leave. I was really embarrassed that time.

Appreciation of funny jokes in 2017

1. The administrator was talking to a girl: "I'm sorry, swimming is prohibited here?" "Then why didn't you tell me before I took off my clothes? "Me?" "We are not prohibited from taking off clothes."

2. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grows up in her composition book: 1. I hope to have a lovely child; 2. I also want to have a lovely child. I hope to have a husband who loves me. As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

3. Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote "Newton". As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. It turned out that everyone wrote the name of the instructor?kao, what kind of world?!

4. The butterfly said to the bee: "You are so stingy. You pretended to be full of sweet words but couldn’t bear to say anything to me.” Bee said, “Huh! You’re still talking about me. Why don’t you send me a text message when you have two antennas on your head?”

5. A taught the parrot to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "You "Don't be ridiculous."

6. Late at night, Bush saw Bin Laden standing in front of his bed, with his hair disheveled. Bush was shocked and said, "You are so bold, you dare to break into the White House at night!" Bin Laden shook his head. With a chest-length beard, he smiled eerily and said, "Rejoice, you are so confident!"

7. The mother was about to give birth, and her relatives and friends were waiting anxiously outside the delivery room. The nurse finally took the baby out, and everyone gathered around him. "Is it a boy or a girl?" Fathers are most concerned about this question. He couldn't wait to put his hand into the swaddling clothes, groped for a moment, and then shouted happily: "It's a boy! It's a boy!" "What boy?" the nurse scolded angrily: "Let go of my fingers!"

8. Teacher: "Xiaoxin, your problem is that you use the wrong words. Now I will test you. Use an idiom to describe the teacher's happiness." Xiaoxin: "With a smile on your face."

9. The fish said: "I keep my eyes open all the time so that I can't leave you." The water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up." The pot said: "Everything. He’s almost mature and still so poor.”

10. During a military drill, a cannonball went very far.

The soldiers sent to investigate found that the shells had fallen in the farmland. There was a farmer standing in the field. His clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes: "I just stole a few cabbages. Do I need to shell them?"

11. A hen laid a giant egg, and a news reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The rooster rolled up his sleeves. I will not comment on this matter at the moment. I will wait until I catch the ostrich!

12. A person accidentally swallowed the artificial eye into his mouth, and finally it got stuck in the anus and could not be taken out. , I went to the hospital. After the doctor looked at me, I fainted on the spot. When I woke up, I said: I have been looking at the butthole all my life, but I didn’t expect that I would be looked at by the butthole at the end?

13. The Henan baby asked the Henan mother: "How do you make a sentence for ABCDEFG?" Henan mother: "A, this B child, from C family? Standing on D with bare feet, EF is not wearing any, and GG is still exposed!" Haha?

14. A man kept farting loudly in the office, and his colleague couldn't help but say, "Can you keep quiet?" Then he saw him sitting there shaking and shaking. A colleague asked: "What are you doing?" He replied: "I set it to vibrate."

15. I heard from a friend that when he was in college, a boy with a low EQ finally met a girl he liked. I just started dating. Once the girl was sick, the boy accompanied her to the infirmary for a drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and there was no movement. The boy wanted to break the silence, so he asked: "Is it cold?" "Cold" "Cold, can I cover it for you?" The girl blushed and whispered "Okay" and then the boy stood up and covered the drip bottle with his hand.

16. When I was a child, I always bullied my younger sister based on how old I was. One night, my father came over to cover us with quilts, and he suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting upright in the dark looking at me sleeping soundly! "Why aren't you sleeping yet?" Dad asked. My sister hurriedly said: "Shh! Keep your voice down, and I'll beat her when she falls asleep!"

17. I have a classmate who is a disciple, and he feels a little obsessed. The school had to do morning exercises in the morning, and he felt that teachers had to get up early to do exercises, otherwise it would be unfair. So I went directly to the principal to negotiate. The principal was stunned for a moment and said: "Where did you come from?" My classmate said lovingly: "I was sent by God to save you." Principal:?

18. As soon as this person got older, he I'm prone to hearing loss. I remember when I was a child, I was at my grandma's house. One morning, my grandfather was going to go fishing. As soon as he left the house, he bumped into the old man from the house next door. The old man said to my grandpa: "Go fishing!" My grandpa said: "No! I'm going fishing." Then the old man said: "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" Am I petrified?

19. I took my wife for a prenatal check-up in the morning. After the blood was drawn: Nurse: "Come and get the examination form on the 32nd." Wife: "January 32nd or February 30th. "I (weakly): "February 1st." Nurse (sweat): "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

20. I was on a plane a few days ago, and when I got on the plane, I found that there was a man sitting next to me. Beauty, according to the principles of pick-up, I blurted out and asked: "Where are you?"

Selection of 2017 jokes to make people happy

1. I was using a rice cooker in the dormitory last night I was cooking porridge when my roommate suddenly rushed into the dormitory and said, "It's not good. The hospital leaders are leading a team to check the illegal electrical appliances in the dormitory. They are already next door. What should I do with the pot?" In desperation, I hid the pot under the quilt. After the teacher came, he said: "Well, I still trust Xiaolei (himself), so I won't look at your cabinet." I secretly felt lucky, but the teacher went on to say, "I just want to see if you use electric heating." A blanket will do." I got written off.

2. The cat pounces on someone, he has a new girlfriend, he is in love with his concubine, and he wants to visit his girlfriend at home. The girlfriend knows that he often talks dirty words, so he repeatedly tells him not to talk nonsense, and the person happily agrees. After the meeting, the man responded freely and did not reveal any secrets. His girlfriend's parents were very satisfied. After dinner, in the dead of winter, my girlfriend's parents also insisted on sending her off to the roadside. Someone was quite moved, and blurted out: "Uncle, don't send her away, go back quickly, and show my auntie how cool she is!"

3. Today, my boss asked me to delete all the CS in the Internet cafe. I have been busy all night. As for why CS should be deleted? In fact, the reason is this. Today's temporary inspection by the Public Security Bureau had been reported before. For several days, I acted as a scavenger, driving out all creatures under the age of 18 from the Internet cafe. So when we watched the police officers coming from a distance, my boss and I were not nervous at all.

But it's a pity. When the police uncles just stepped into the door of the Internet cafe, a group of people playing CS in the Internet cafe happened to shout excitedly: "The police are coming! The police are coming! The police are in the dog hole! Come on, brothers! Kill them!" "Okay, I admit, at that moment, not only the faces of the police uncles turned green, but the faces of the boss and me were also horribly green.

4. She had a mobile phone and a PHS phone. One day she got a new mobile phone sim card. A colleague asked her what the new number was. She said she had forgotten it, so she used the phone with the new sim card. Dial your PHS. While dialing, she continued chatting with her colleagues. After her PHS phone rang, she picked it up and asked, "Hey, talk. If you don't talk, I'll die!" All the colleagues present were petrified. After that, she hung up and said, "I'm crazy. I called and didn't say anything."

5. A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's toilet. After entering, he found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was no one in the toilet. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When I was opening the door, I met a girl coming in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room? -

6. The hunter saw a bird in the sky Bird, three shots were fired without hitting it, but the bird still fell down. It turned out that the bird saw that the bullet missed, so he patted his chest and said, "I'm scared to death, I'm scared to death!" -

< p> 7. A man was passing through a cemetery at night and saw the light of fire and thought it was a will-o'-the-wisp. Then he threw a brick, and the fire moved to another grave. The man threw another brick, and then he heard: "Damn it! I can't even poop. I got two bricks in the same time as smoking."

8 . A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms, making a hug, then stepped forward and kicked him. The man fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: "It's already the third piece of glass. Who did I offend? Is it so difficult to bring a piece of glass home?" -

9. A novice went to collect loan sharks. He took out the IOU and said with a smile: "It is clearly written in black and white on the paper that you owe me one million! Do you want to default on the debt?" The person said that there was indeed not that much money, so he threatened: "Humph! Don't blame me for not reminding me. You! If you don't pay the money tomorrow, your house will be like it." He took out his lighter and burned the IOU?-

10. I once liked a girl, but she didn't like me. She said that the kind of man she likes is the kind that no one dares to approach while driving on the road. She thinks that such a man is domineering. last month. She got married, and as she wished, her husband drove a sprinkler truck.

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