Little humorous jokes in life

These little humors all come from real life, and it's quite interesting to think about them alone, so I'll remember them for my friends to enjoy. The following is a little humorous joke in my life. Welcome to read the collection.

Humorous jokes in life 1 (1)

That day, I found a novel-Hongyan in a second-hand bookstall. My wife read it first when I took it home. Unexpectedly, her wife didn't read it for a few days, and all the pages were scattered.

Yesterday, I asked my wife, "You saw my Hongyan several times before it came apart." The wife is puzzled: "How many times have your beauty been scattered by me? ..... You mean you broke up with your confidante because of me? ...... "I feel in distress situation:" Alas ... no ... I mean, I recently bought the book "Red Rock". After you read it several times, all the pages are scattered. "

My wife woke up from a dream and bent down with a smile: "Oh-that's because the quality of your book is too poor. I just turned it over gently and it all fell apart. "

(2)

One day, I walked into the house and my wife was burying her head in mopping the floor. I strode to the living room and sat down on the sofa. At this moment, I heard my wife nagging around: "Look at you! I take it one step at a time ... "I looked back at my" masterpiece "and replied with a smile," Ha ha, isn't this a habit? I have always been so strict with myself-everything is down to earth, one step at a time. " My wife looked at me speechless.

(3)

Once, I attended a dinner party with several leaders. It happened that the leaders who came this day were all ladies and I was the only man, so one leader said humorously, "In my opinion, today we are all green leaves, and the height (referring to me) should be red flowers, haha." I originally wanted to follow her words: "It should be green, fat, red and thin (more boys and girls)." However, as soon as I looked up and saw the plump figures of the leaders, I was afraid of causing their misunderstanding, but I still swallowed my words. I just muttered to myself, "I don't know what this flower is." Winter is coming, and there are so many fat and big green leaves! ……"

Little humorous joke in life 2 1, A: "You are a very curious person"

B: "Why do you say that?"

A: "Look, you asked again".

2. There used to be a classmate named Han Xiao. Later, I hurt my leg playing football and limped. Later, he got an absolutely resounding nickname: smile half a step.

3. Several friends fought the landlord together, and one buddy lost. As a result, he was furious and said, if people are unlucky, they can shit their teeth!

My classmate complained to me on QQ that her five-month-old child is picky about food. I asked her: choose the left one or the right one. ......

5. A: "What is seven divided by two?" B: "It is equal to your character, no three no four!"

6. Which is stupid, the star, the moon or the sun? Stars, because "the stars in the sky can't talk".

7. Q: Why is Chang 'e fickle? Because her name is change.

8. A goddess sent a Weibo: "The three most important words for boys are never that Gao Shuai has money, but that he is self-motivated!"

Then she deleted all the male friends who transferred to Weibo.

3 1. The company is hiring, and one person has come to apply.

Boss: "We need a responsible person for this job."

Applicant: "I am the one you want. When I used to work, every time something went wrong, others would say it was my responsibility! "

2. "Xiao Li, I heard that you use the bonus check as a bookmark and are indifferent to fame and fortune! Worth learning! "

"hmm? I read about it in a book? That book, Emma. I look crazy! "

3. Today, when I went to work, I came in and saw a punching machine posted: Being late will ruin my life, leaving early will make me poor for three generations, neither of which will make Gao Fushuai. -the company is also trying to make everyone work hard.

In the restaurant, two colleagues engaged in auto repair are chatting. One of them said, "The auto repair industry is so fucking dirty, there is oil everywhere."

The other went on to say, "Yes, you always bring oil flowers when you pee."

5. I went to work in the morning. Shortly after sitting, a beautiful colleague came up to me and casually said, Good morning, did you have breakfast?

She replied: Why did you invite me to breakfast?

I pretended to be serious and replied, if I asked you if you slept last night, do you think I would invite you to sleep?

She left with a black face!

Little humorous joke in life 4 I'm so cold.

A polar bear is idle and bored, so he pulls out his own hair, one, two, three ... When they are all pulled out, the polar bear suddenly says, "I'm so cold!" " "

Itchy

When an old man saw the train for the first time, he couldn't help touching the carriage of the train. At this moment, the train just whistled and made a loud noise. The old man exclaimed in surprise, "Oh, this guy is ticklish, too!"

The problem of elephants drinking water

I went to the cinema to watch Ice Age 4 this evening. A chicken asked the mammoth, "When you drink water through your nose, does the water taste like booger?" This question is so profound that I didn't think of it.

a family of three

A family of three went to a restaurant for dinner. After eating, my father paid the bill, and my mother said to the waiter, "Can I take the leftovers home to feed the dog?" "Sure, please." The son next to him jumped up with joy, clapped his hands and shouted, "Our family is finally going to buy a dog!" "

Sinful June

June is really evil. The first week of college entrance examination, the second week of senior high school entrance examination, the third week of final examination and the fourth week of examination. Now I finally know that Children's Day is in June 1, that's just to comfort me.

skill

Drinking yogurt often breaks the straw and can't insert it? Here's a trick: calmly take out the straw, and it's best to play with it in your hand for a while. Don't look at yogurt with your eyes, pretend as if nothing has happened, and then poke it while it is not paying attention!

This is really ...

A: What constellation do you think has the most heterosexual people? B: Well ... it depends on the appearance ... A: ......

Hair split millimeter

Teacher: "I have a heart attack and apply not to participate in military training." Counselor: "Do you have a certificate from the school hospital?" Hmm: "... does this need to be proved? "Counselor:" Of course! Except for the trauma that can be judged by the naked eye, everything else must be proved. " Mm: "Well, my hair is split."

Turn the person you like into a wife in 3 seconds.

Turn the person you like into a wife in 3 seconds: Step 1: Find out her mobile phone number. Step 2: Save the number in your mobile phone. Step 3: Change the storage name to wife. When you make a phone call, it will show that you are calling your wife. When you receive a text message, you will receive a message from your wife. Very practical, let's try it!

5 1. There are two new people in heaven. One is wearing only underwear, and the other is a skeleton.

Out of curiosity, God himself received them both and asked the man who was wearing underwear alone: Why are you naked?

I'm a gambler, and all I lose is underwear!

God asked the skeleton again: How did you become like this, worse than him?

The skeleton replied: my god, I am a stockholder, and all the meat has been cut off.

I have been an intern in the company for half a year. One * * * We three interns, and the other two left one after another.

I have nothing to do recently. I joked with the department manager and said, "I have no task here. Why don't you leave me?"

The manager replied, "No, there are no temporary workers. What if something happens? "

3. Gan Long asked Liu Yong, "Where is the national silver?"

Liu Yong replied, "I fell into the river."

Gan Long asked again, "Why not fish?"

Liu Yong replied: "The river is deep (small Shenyang)!"

The king came to inspect and the local tribal leaders held a grand banquet to welcome him.

At the banquet, the king asked, "What will you do if the wolf comes?"

The leader said, "We welcome you, Your Majesty! Because a wolf only needs one lamb at a time, we don't need to receive it; A king wants 30 fat sheep at a time, which is very troublesome to put away. "

Humor joke in life 6 Where is the scenery good (1)

The father took his youngest son panting and climbed to the top of the mountain.

Dad said, "Look, how beautiful the plain under our feet is!" "

"Since the scenery below is good, why should we spend three hours climbing it? Dad. "

Wonderful answer (2)

Dad asked little Charlie: What has two heads, six legs and 1 tail?

A man on horseback.

The little boy who walked into the orchard (3)

The gardener found a boy sneaking into the orchard and climbing an apple tree, so he hurried over. Little guy, what are you climbing my trunk for? You see, sir, an apple fell from the tree, and I want to hang it again. The little boy raised his apple and said to the gardener.

A boy at the same table (4)

For a long time, when I was in the third grade of primary school, a boy at my deskmate put his head into the desk (probably to study the size of his head).

Not long after class, the boy's head got stuck in it and could not be taken out. This made him anxious, and all that remained was crying. Later, teachers, classmates and parents worked together. ......

My mother has milk.

One day, my mother took Yu to take a bus. Seeing some cute kittens in the car, the little guy said, "Uncle, can you give me one of your kittens?"

The man smiled and said, "No, the cat is too young to eat its mother's milk."

"Don't be afraid, my mother has milk." Then, the little guy turned to his mother and said, "Right? Mom. "

Monthly Subscription (6)

The frequency of bed wetting in a kindergarten is too high and too frequent. The teacher said, "The penalty for wetting the bed is 50 once, 2 times 100 and 3 times150 ..."

A student thought for a moment and asked, "Teacher, how much is the monthly subscription?"

Altman (7)

One day Altman raised his hand in class to answer questions. Then ..... the teacher died.

For you (8)

Son: Dad, do you have any money?

Father: I still have a dollar in my wallet.

Son: I'll give you a dollar, which I usually save.

Father: Why?

Son: Because you like spitting everywhere, one dollar is not enough.

Little Humor Jokes in Life 7 Life Guidance

A blonde walks into a barber shop with headphones on.

She said to the barber, "Cut my hair, but don't touch my headphones."

The barber began to cut his hair, but he had to move his headphones to finish it. He thought the girl wouldn't find out, so he took off his headphones. The blonde then fell to the ground and suffocated, her face turned purple, and she died soon after. The barber picked up the earphone and listened to what she was listening to: inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. .......

What interesting things have you encountered abroad?

When I first went abroad, everything was new and I didn't understand anything. One morning, I went to McDonald's to buy something, found some steel bars and jumped out of the door. I met an old man, a black man, in rags, squatting at the door of McDonald's, holding a cup in his hand. I was in a good mood, so I threw the steel bar into the old man's cup, and the sound was wrong. Then I turned around and saw someone with a cup of coffee in his hand.

environmental problems

American President Wilson is giving a speech.

Suddenly, a man shouted, "Shit! Garbage! "

At this time, he was all smiles: "The environmental problem you mentioned just now,

I'm going to talk about it soon. "

Small humorous jokes in life 8 phone calls

As soon as the exhausted husband got home, he said to his wife, whoever asks for me, just say I'm not at home.

Before long, the telephone rang and the wife picked up the receiver: Oh. My husband is at home.

The husband slipped out of bed and said unhappily, I didn't ask you to say I wasn't here!

Don't be angry, dear. My wife said that the mobile phone is not for you.

follow each other like body and shadow ― be inseparable

A scholar is still studying hard when he is newly married. The wife complained bitterly: I wish I could become a book, too.

The scholar is puzzled and asks: Why?

Only in this way will you hold me in your hand all day and all night. The wife said.

Seeing that his new wife was full of anger, the scholar said: This is no good-you know, I have to buy a new one every time I finish reading a book. ......

Eat your own fruit-eat your own fruit

A wife born in the palace often boasts that she has brought such and such things in front of her husband, which annoys her husband.

One night, when the wife heard something outside, she woke her husband up and said, Go and have a look, I'm afraid there are thieves!

The husband said, what does that have to do with me? You brought everything in the hall!

Require perfection

A couple looked at the wallpaper that had just been pasted. The husband is not satisfied, but the wife doesn't care. Therefore, the husband was very angry and said to his wife, "The difference between us is that I am a perfect person and you are not."

"You're absolutely right. So you marry me and I will marry you. "

How forgetful

Wife: Honey, be careful on the way to work!

Husband: Ah! I forgot my briefcase. .....

Wife: I'll get it for you.

Husband: And a coat. .....

Wife: What else have you forgotten?

Husband: Yes! I forgot that I was fired yesterday!

That man is really strange

At a banquet, two wives were talking in private.

"The man standing by the window is really strange," said a lady. "He kept looking at me before you came, but now he doesn't look at me."

"He is my husband." Another lady replied.

What a lovely wife.

I dreamed that my husband was dead, and the one who cried was unconscious. When I woke up, I was still very sad and continued to cry with my husband.

My husband asked me lovingly: What's the matter?

I said, "I dreamed that you were dead."

"How did I die?"

"I am so angry."

Whoops, I didn't mean to. ......

braised beef with brown sauce

At noon, my wife said to me, "My son is not at home. Let's eat braised beef. "

I said, "All right."

After a while, my wife came out of the kitchen with two bowls of noodles: "The instant noodles are ready, and they taste like braised beef."

Because there is only you in my world.

Tell my husband to hang clothes. He angrily asked me why I always have to take care of him.

I replied affectionately: "if I control you, I control the whole world, because my world only has you!" ! "

He's in a good mood now, so he's hanging clothes! !

As usual

When Lao Zhu came back from a college reunion, his wife asked him how he felt about the reunion. Lao Zhu replied: Some people are "like Laozi" and some people are "old-fashioned". Madam: What kind do you belong to? Zhu: Me! Still "the same".

Send a text message to your wife

A man sends a message to his wife saying "I love you"!

The 20-year-old woman replied: I love you too!

A 30-year-old woman replied, Are you drunk?

A 40-year-old woman replied: Are you sick?

The 50-year-old woman replied: Is it sent to the wrong person? Go home and pick you up!

Support playing mahjong

Dear, I heard the family next door playing mahjong again!

They beat you last time. Do you want it back?

Here is your change. Have fun and wait for your good news!

Uncle, I was instantly sprouted by you.

An uncle who is nearly 60 years old is going to retire. He is a ghost, and he is often seen smoking in the bathroom.

But at the party, as soon as he saw his wife passing by, he immediately pinched his cigarette.

Asked if he was afraid of his wife, he replied, "I never smoke in front of girls I like."

A cruel wife

The young couple quarreled.

When my husband came home, he found that his wife had returned to her mother's house. My 3-month-old son sat in the stroller and looked at him with a naive smile, holding a note in his hand: how to make milk powder, refer to the instructions on the milk powder bucket; How to take a bath, refer to the CD issued by the hospital. ......

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