"Alive" and those children

After watching "White Night Walk", my sister recommended "Alive". She said that as a Chinese, you should still know the stories of that era.

When I got home, my husband asked me why I was reading such a miserable book. I'm still fascinated.

Last night I saw Youqing being blood-drawn to death, and Fugui holding his son's body and silently burying it. I couldn't control my sadness, and tears almost came out of my eyes. Go to the bathroom quickly, wash your face, and go to bed.

I watched the Japanese movie "White Night Journey" the night before yesterday. I couldn't stop crying at the end, and it took me a small basket of tissues to stop it.

I like Youqing very much as described in the book. The way he hugged the lamb, ran with his shoes, and said he didn't want to go to school all made me feel sad. I had an urge to hug him and love him.

Lying in bed, I repeatedly thought about the scene where Youqing’s blood was drawn, and imagined the process of a child’s blood being drained. I always wanted to step forward to stop it, or I thought some medical staff would find out and stop such an operation. . It's like seeing a familiar movie scene for the second time and thinking to yourself, it would be nice if he didn't do this. As I thought about it, my heart was twitching, and I wanted to go up and scratch the skin of the medical staff who were drawing blood.

Thinking of the description of Youqing’s corpse in the book, I can even feel Fugui’s sadness.

I know that every time I see the poor child, I will think of Aaron.

Aaron is the youngest cousin and the most beloved child of his grandmother.

Aaron's mother left home when he was 5 or 6 years old, and his father was not often at home. Aaron's sister Ahua is only 12 years old.

I was in junior high school at that time. One evening, I came to the classroom early and seemed to hear a child crying. I nervously thought it was Aaron's cry.

In fact, Aaron's home is a 10-minute bicycle ride from the school, and I knew it was impossible to hear his voice in the classroom. However, the sight of Aaron crying has lingered in my mind. I told my deskmate that there was something important at my cousin’s house and I would go there. If it was too late for self-study, please tell the teacher for me. So he hurried to Aaron's house by bike.

As soon as I entered the door, I called Aaron's name. I heard someone answer, but no one came out to greet me. I walked into the house and saw the siblings sitting on the bench, hugging each other. Cousin Hua was comforting Aaron, and both of them were crying. I immediately went over to hug them and cried with them.

My cousin said to me in a crying tone: Cousin, my father and mother are not at home anymore. I comforted them and said that their parents would come back. I also told them that if they were afraid, they should go to their uncle’s parents’ house. I gave them the snacks I bought from the roadside cake shop, but they didn't seem interested and were in a very low mood.

I told them that I still have to go back for self-study. Cousin Hua was very sensible and immediately comforted Aaron and asked me to go back to school quickly. I hugged them again and rode off.

While riding on the road, I kept thinking of my grandmother’s love for Aaron. Aaron's family was poor. After my grandmother passed away, I said to myself that I would try my best to take care of Aaron, because I knew that the one she couldn't let go of the most was Aaron.

Along's sister was not good at studying. When I was in the second grade of junior high school, she dropped out of school.

On weekends, my cousin Hua will bring Aaron to my house. Like a parent, I would ask about Aaron's academic performance and often encourage him to study hard and become a useful person in the future. I was very pleased to hear that my cousin said that Aaron was very good in school. I think grandma will also be very pleased.

Later, when I went to high school in the county town, I didn’t see Aaron anymore. The third aunt also cares about Aaron's sister and brother very much, and brings news about Aaron every time she comes.

Gradually, I heard Third Aunt’s bad description of Aaron. It was said that Aaron and a group of children went to climb telephone poles and poke bird nests. I quickly asked Aaron about his study status. The third aunt said, these people, how can they study seriously, if they don't do bad things, they will be very good. His eyes were full of resentment and helplessness towards Aaron for not living up to expectations.

I also said to myself that it is really difficult to cultivate a child who loves to learn in a family environment like theirs. I just hope that he will not make mistakes and go astray.

On New Year’s Eve in my freshman year of high school, I went to the streets with a few classmates to join in the fun. At the corner door of a shopping mall, we saw a child begging.

The child was about 3 years old, sitting on the ground in the middle of winter, with a broken bowl in front of him.

The child's face was already red from the cold, and his little fingers were also red and swollen.

Somehow, I suddenly thought of Aaron when he was 3 or 4 years old. His face was also red, a little dirty, and his skin was a little chapped.

My classmate wanted to give money, but I stopped him. I said what is the use of giving money to a child? He must have been caught begging. I don’t know where I read this. It says that when you encounter beggars, giving them a little food can help them the most. In addition to food, the child may also need warm clothing.

I told my classmates what I thought, and they all thought I was too stupid. They were even more afraid that I would be targeted by human traffickers, so they dragged me away.

We walked into the mall, but the child's face lingered in my mind, and I had no intention of buying anything.

When I came to a boutique, I chose a pair of children's gloves. My classmates didn’t object to me anymore. We didn’t stay in the mall for long, we walked to the bakery opposite and bought freshly baked Dorayaki and milk.

I held the still warm dorayaki, returned to the child, put the gloves on him, and then fed him dorayaki bite by bite. Several classmates gathered around me and watched me feed this poor child half a dorayaki. We didn't leave until the child stopped eating.

We stood in the square at the entrance of the shopping mall to see if anyone came to snatch the poor child's food. After watching for a long time, no one came. I told my classmates that I wanted to call the police, but they didn't support me and said that maybe the traffickers had already targeted us. They persuaded me for a while and then took me away.

Later, I passed that place several times but never saw the child again.

I haven’t seen Aaron since I went to college.

One year during the Spring Festival, Aaron suddenly texted me and said he wanted to come and see me. I'm very happy.

When we met Aaron again, he had grown very tall. I still wanted to pinch his face as usual. He was a little embarrassed and said that he was no longer a child, so he should stop pinching his face.

After some pleasantries, Mom and Dad asked Aaron to stay for dinner. He refused and said he had an appointment with a friend. Mom didn't keep him.

After Aaron left, his mother said, "Don't interact with him less. This kid has started to take drugs now." I was a little shocked. My mother said that he contacted me just to ask me to borrow money, but he didn't. Maybe my mother is too worried.

Later, I also contacted Aaron intermittently.

Occasionally I heard my mother and sister scolding my cousin Cui, saying that she borrowed 1,000 yuan from her sister and never paid it back for a long time. When we met, she turned around and left for fear of being recognized by us. My sister secretly told me that cousin Hua actually lent her 5,000 yuan, but she was afraid that her mother would be angry, so she didn't tell her.

Once, my sister and I met my beautiful cousin on the street. Seeing her turning around and walking away, my sister immediately chased her and asked her why she didn't dare to see us and asked her if she wasn't ready to pay back the money. Cousin Hua immediately cried and said, Cousin, my brother was caught taking drugs.

Looking at her crying, I remembered the way she and Aaron hugged each other and cried at home during their junior high school year.

My sister also relented and advised Cousin Hua to cheer up and come to us if she has any problems. My cousin wiped away her tears and said, cousin, I will definitely pay it back to you when I have money. After saying that, he excused himself and said he wanted to go home to cook, and left.

My sister said that I didn’t expect her to return the money to me, I just wanted to see what she had to say. And I only have Aaron in my mind. I wonder if he will suffer. Or it's okay to suffer a little bit. I hope he will change his ways and live a good life after he comes out.

After graduating from college, Aaron began to contact me and talked about some things that I had and didn’t have.

When I returned to Shenzhen, I could see Aaron’s likes on the Moments I posted.

One day, he sent me a message saying, cousin, I am coming to Shenzhen to work. He said a friend introduced him to work in a factory in Longhua. I encouraged him to work hard and asked him to come to me when he came to Shenzhen.

On the night when I moved to the factory dormitory, he told me, cousin, the quilt in the dormitory is not warm enough and it is so cold to sleep in.

Although I knew that he was an adult and should learn to solve these small problems in life, I still felt sorry for him and asked him to come to me after get off work the next day.

After get off work, I made an appointment with Aaron to have dinner at a restaurant. I asked him if he had living expenses, and he hesitated. I said I would give you 500 yuan, so you can save some money.

He said that the factory had food to eat, but I didn’t want so much money. I took back two hundred-yuan notes, handed him 300 yuan, and told him to take it. He was a little embarrassed and said I would pay you back as soon as I paid the salary.

At the dinner table, Aaron didn't eat much, even though I kept asking him to eat. He was thin, dark and skinny. His face is no longer as round as before, but sunken, much like his father. He has long arms and legs and is very tall, just like his father.

After dinner, I took Aaron to the department store to buy quilts and quilt covers. I didn't pull him. If I got closer, he would move further away, as if he didn't dare to get close to me.

Aaron’s WeChat Moments often post nonsense words accompanied by a non-mainstream picture.

Before a month had passed, he sent me a message asking me to borrow money, saying that his phone was broken and needed to be repaired, but his salary had not been paid yet. This time, I sent him a red envelope of 200 yuan. He said I will return it to you after I pay the salary.

For a while, he didn’t even look for me. When he came to see me again, two or three months had passed. He sent me a message telling me that he was going to Foshan to work. I blamed him for not feeling at ease in Shenzhen. He said the salary was low. I was worried that he would have to start all over again if he went to Foshan alone. He said he would go with friends. I failed to convince him. I knew there was no way I could convince him.

Later, I didn’t know if he went to Foshan, but I saw that the Moments he posted was located in Xiamen, and he went there with a girl. The text accompanying the Moments is some love words that promise eternal friendship.

He never told me any of this. Every time he spoke, he just borrowed money.

The last time, when he borrowed money from me again, I said, you lent me so much money before and you still haven’t paid it back? He didn't text back.

I am becoming more and more indifferent. I no longer think about what Aaron is like now, because I know that I will not have any good influence on his life. I know that even if grandma is still here, she can't stop Aaron from becoming what he is now.

Just watching "Alive" last night, Aaron seemed to be Youqing. Suddenly I was glad that Aaron was still alive.

And the kid who once begged outside the mall. I don’t know how he is doing now, I hope he is alive and well.

Isn’t this life just for living? As long as you are alive.