Humor hilarious jokes _ funny jokes

Funny jokes are very popular and can catch our eyes and attract our attention immediately. The following is a funny joke I compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

Excerpts from humorous jokes

1. A group of elderly men and women are in the university for the elderly. One day, they collectively forgot to do their homework. When the headmaster heard this, he was furious and punished them for standing on the gymnastics field. At the same time, I brought a Taoist priest, dancing with knives and swords, painting spells, and burning paper for a long time. The old people were deceived and asked, what is this? The headmaster said very seriously: What? Please parents!

2. If you feel bored at night, turn off the light, turn on the computer and put on a ghost film, and then you will feel: There is someone in the kitchen! There's someone in the toilet! There are people under the bed, too! There are people everywhere! Is the old man busy?

A repairman came to repair the TV set, and there was only one sexy woman at home. The maintenance man kept looking at the woman while repairing the TV. After the repair, the woman said to the repairman: I have an embarrassing request. Can you promise me? The repairman vaguely felt something and repeatedly said, yes. ? The woman continues: The thing is, my husband is very weak, and there are some things I can't refer to him. Look, you're a man and I'm a woman? In fact, as soon as you came in, I noticed your strong body. The population is about to flow out, and can't wait to say, then let's start! ? You are really refreshing! ? The woman replied happily:? My new refrigerator is at the door, so please help me move it in! ?

4. The friend said that his daughter-in-law was very lazy. I asked why. He said that his family lived on the third floor. Every time his wife buys something online, she writes:? Pregnant women, mobility is inconvenient, please deliver to your door! ? The little brother who sent the courier a few days ago finally couldn't help it and shouted downstairs. Three years! I put up with you for three years! Are you pregnant with Nezha?

Spaniards like bull balls. After each bullfight, they will cut off the testicles of the defeated cattle and eat them. One day, a Spaniard went to a restaurant to order beef balls. The waiter said, you pay the deposit and I'll give it to you tomorrow. ? The next day, the man came to get the cow pill and found it? Maru? Very small, just ask why. The waiter replied:? Sir, bullfighting is not always lost. Today, the matador lost.

6. After fully releasing the second child? A student made a mistake at school, and the teacher asked him to call his parents. The student said that his parents were not at home, so can my uncle? The teacher said yes. The next day, my little brother, who just turned one, ran to school with him on his back?

7. Life is not easy. Don't laugh at others. Every family has a difficult lesson, and everyone has a difficult song. No matter how beautiful the scenery is, there is also cold pain behind it; No matter how happy people are, they also have helpless difficulties in their hearts. . . No one's life is easy. To laugh at others is to laugh at yourself, and to respect others is to respect yourself. The poorest is nothing more than begging, and the undead will always emerge. Whose life is perfect, whose life is not thin and cool, who can guarantee that life has always been proud. . . A love begins with a heartbeat and is also a silent joy; A love, stop at chilling, speechless. Love can watch but can't expect, love can tolerate but can't condone. * * * sound mind, continue; Without distractions, you can last forever.

Before Malaysia Airlines was shot down, Xiao Ming was in charge of a village in Ukraine. At this moment, a policeman saw it and asked Xiao Ming, What are you doing here? At this time, Xiao Ming faltered and answered:? Me. . . I'm-I'm masturbating!

9. A girl came to the classroom and introduced herself. I may not be the smartest, the most beautiful, the best and the most humorous. ? Everyone in the class praised her modesty. After class, I saw her name and realized that her name was Wei.

10. A group of elderly men and women are in the university for the elderly. One day, they collectively forgot to do their homework. The headmaster was furious and punished them for standing on the collective playground. At the same time, I also brought a Taoist priest, who danced knives and swords, painted spells and burned paper for a long time. The old people were deceived and asked: What is this for? The headmaster said very seriously: What? Please parents!

1 1. If you feel bored at night, turn off the lights, turn on the computer and put on a ghost film, and then you will feel: There is someone in the kitchen! There's someone in the toilet! There are people under the bed, too! There are people everywhere! Is the old man busy?

12. As soon as my sister came home, she began to complain about her brother-in-law. I sneered: He is so bad, you can get a divorce! My sister looked at me strangely: there are so many boys chasing me in those years, but you tell me how good he is every day. Can I marry him? Now you want me to divorce him. What do you mean? I roared: He is a rotten person. He said that if I helped him catch up with you, he would help me catch up with his sister. His sister is married now?

13. People who live in jokes: men are hungry, women, and lonely young women are looking forward to hooligans; Tricky bitch, silly, strong, praised by cuckolded people; Old abbot, money girl, cucumber and radish; Old driver, racing king, if you don't agree, it will be yellow.

14. girlfriend QQ status:? I am not used to getting married. I woke up in the morning and found a man lying next to me, and I kicked him down. ?

15. Men on the wine table frequently call their wives. ? Honey, I'll be home soon. ? Everyone got goose bumps all over the floor and laughed at him for being afraid that his wife would steal from his family. The man answered with a sad face:? It's much worse than that. She is at home Taobao! ?

16. Now everyone is playing mobile phones. How many years later? Only the QR code is engraved on the tombstone. When you pass by, take out your mobile phone and sweep it, and the story of your life will come out. Who have you loved, hated and worried about? It's called. Grave sweeping? .

This is not the most terrible. The most terrible thing is that you receive a message after scanning, which reads: the other party has agreed to add you as a friend.

17. After the company dinner, we went to play poker. A colleague called his wife for leave: hello, wife, everyone is at work. I'll play with my colleagues for a while and go back later. His daughter-in-law asked on the phone: When is a little later? Colleague said:? I don't know. I'll go back as soon as I'm done. ? Putting down the phone, I asked, Brother Liu, have you taken a vacation? Colleague:? Can't you come down? Your sister-in-law is quite reasonable. ? Me:? How long have you been invited? Colleague:? One night? She said, don't come back for a while, don't come back at night. ?

18. Ask a woman why she wants a divorce. "Because I have him!" Ask a man why he wants a divorce. "Because I have found out all the ins and outs of her!

19. My colleague bought a new kidney P and showed it off to us every day! My colleagues and I are going to screw him. Let's form a discussion group and bring him in! Colleague A sent a blank voice, and Colleague B replied: Really? Colleague c replied: absolutely! I saw it, too! Colleague d replied: I will pay attention to it tomorrow! The next day, my colleague asked for leave to repair his mobile phone?

20. Square and rectangle go shopping, and a triangle comes along. Whispering in the square: Look, the one in front must be a young lady. ? Rectangular wonders:? How did you know? Fang proudly said:? Because he is an equilateral triangle! ?

rich joke

1. A noble little sister is getting married soon, and her mother tells her: When sleeping on your honeymoon, don't take off all your clothes at once, but keep a little reserved. ? After the honeymoon, the groom asked his mother-in-law. Is there anyone in your family who is insane? Don't! What happened? Your daughter wore a hat to sleep every day during our honeymoon. ?

The moon revolves around the earth day and night, but the earth ignores it and still revolves around the sun, even though it braves the scorching light. One day, the stars asked the earth: Why did you put down your favorite moon and risk your life to chase the sun? The earth said helplessly: I just missed the sun.

One day, a colleague in the company was giving a report, and suddenly he farted. Idiot calmly said, I didn't fart. Before I could say the second sentence, a faint sentence came from the corner of my eye: it's your chrysanthemum sighing.

4. In the middle of dinner with her sisters in the restaurant at night, she takes out paper to wipe her hands when they get oily, and also takes out a pack of sanitary napkins. But she didn't find it. Tear it open and wipe it. I hurried over to catch it. How embarrassing it is to be afraid of being seen by the waiter. As a result, she didn't know what was going on, so she shouted when she saw me grab it. Everyone on the side gathered their eyes! At once, two waiters rushed over and looked quite handsome. Try to stop me. ? Miss, you can't change here! Can't change it! ?

5. A man said to another man:? Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Soap was used for bathing 500 years ago. ? Ashamed to ask questions, what is it for now?

6. A pure little girl came to work. In order to welcome her, she organized a ktvhappy trip. A buddy ordered a difficult song and said to the little girl after the high note:? Look at me, Dick. ? ,? Don't look? , the little girl said solemnly.

7. Bears and rabbits shit in the forest. Finally, the bear thought about it and asked the rabbit: Does it matter if the hair goes into the stool? The rabbit replied:? It doesn't matter! ? So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass.

8. I changed the signature of the buckle to Yes? I love your wife? At this time, many people asked me if I was in love, but most people still insisted that I was hacked. In fact, the fact is that I entered a space in the wrong place. When I changed my signature back to:? I love your wife? Later, everyone said that this is the goods, that's right.

When Wang Xianzhi was a child, he asked his father the secret of Wang Xizhi's calligraphy. Wang Xizhi said that where there is any secret, it is only in a diligent word. You go and finish writing the eighteen jars of water in the yard, and calligraphy will be finished. Wang Xianzhi worked hard day and night to become a generation. Sima Guang's father, Sima Chi, liked this story very much and prepared 18 altar water at home for Sima Guang to practice calligraphy. After a while, the housekeeper came to report: young master, young master is really smart!

10. An Asian doctor came to work in a tribe in Africa. One day, the local chief angrily found him and said, Why did one of my wives give birth to a yellow-skinned child? ?

1 1. The doctor was very flustered, thought for a moment and said, Did you see that sheep outside? All the other sheep are white, but it is black. The director said to the doctor with a gun. As long as you don't say anything and forget about you and my wife. ?

12. Dreaming that he was married, the priest said: Now please exchange QQ passwords between the bride and groom. ? I'll wake up soon, okay?

13. One day, the rabbit was watching TV in a great place when he heard a knock at the door and went to open the door, but he didn't see anyone. ? Hello, can I have some water? The rabbit found a snail at the door. ? Don't! ? The rabbit kicked the snail away angrily with its foot. A few years later, the rabbit was watching TV at home alone, and the knock on the door rang again. The rabbit ran to open the door, and the snail said, why did you kick me just now?

14. A woman has three lovers. One is Gao, the other is Li and the other is Chen. A few months later, the girl gave birth to a son. The woman doesn't know whose son it is and is worried about the child's name. A monk named Child. Guo Chunhai. ? I was very happy when I heard about it. Take? Tall? The first half of the word? Lee? The bottom of the word? Chen? The left half of the word? Guo? So it all adds up? Three people a day, Chen, each a little. ?

15. I have a friend who is good-looking and has a good personality. Many girls like him, but he has a girlfriend. One day, my girlfriend played with his mobile phone and sent a status in the circle of friends with his account. It was like this at that time: If you dare to reply that you love me, I dare to be with you. ? Then silently deleted all the girls who replied. My good friend just found out today?

16. which monster Tang Yan likes best, only the white horse dragon under his leg knows best. hahaha. .

17. One day, the female secretary said with a dignified face: Manager Wang, I am pregnant. Wang continued to look down at the file, and then smiled faintly: I had a vasectomy. The female secretary stared blankly for a while and smiled. I'm kidding you! Wang looked up at her, took a sip of tea and said, me too.

18. It was dark. On my way to work, suddenly a car stopped next to me. Man: Beauty, I'll take you wherever you go. When I turned around, I only heard. Cut? People drove away. Me?

19. The man proposed, and the woman's parents: Please introduce yourself. A said: I have 10 million; B said: I have a mansion worth 20 million; Parents are very satisfied. Just ask C, what do you have at home? C: I have nothing but the baby in your daughter's belly. AB is speechless and left.

On the day of the end of the college entrance examination, I sent a short message to all the teachers, and one paragraph said: Thank you for your concern these days? . Today, I was bored to delete redundant short messages, and suddenly I found that when I wrote that short message, I put? Heart? I lost my message. I'm a girl.

Funny hilarious joke

1. A male cadre is afraid of hardship and doesn't want to help Tibet. He lied that his eyes had suddenly gone blind. Hearing this, the leader stepped forward to let a beautiful woman stand naked in front of him and asked? Did you get a look at him? A: No, the leader flew a leg to his hip: Shit, the second child is straight and still can't see? Pack your bags and enter Tibet tomorrow.

2. Henan University teacher's graduation speech is on fire: I wish all graduates can buy apples without bugs, and the drinks they buy can last a lifetime. Take-away brothers are all Song Like-heavy, female students can find good mothers-in-law, and male students' mothers-in-law can swim. Lying in the trough, against the sky. . .

There are only two kinds of women that men yearn for: one who can do everything and the other who can't do anything.

Miss Zhao Si has been with Zhang Xueliang since she was sixteen. One year is adultery; It takes three years to derail; Sixty years later, it will become eternal love!

5. Hunan candidates Xiaoming and Xiaohong are childhood friends. They made an appointment to apply for the same university in the college entrance examination. The tense college entrance examination is over, and both of them got good grades. So in autumn, one went to Lanzhou University, and the other went to Nanda Haha dialect to kill people. .

I never understood why my boyfriend broke up with me. Today, I finally couldn't help calling him. He was silent for a while and said, I'm pregnant with your child! ? I was surprised, thought calmly and asked him, but you are a man! ? He howled hysterically: Look at you, you still don't trust me! That's why we broke up! ?

7. The ladies' bathroom caught fire, and the people inside were in chaos. They ran naked and saw a large group of shiny flowers in the street. An old man shouted? All right, all right, the naked women suddenly woke up, but there are three important parts on their bodies, and they are at a loss, at a loss. Then the old man shouted again:? Just cover your face, it's all the same below! ?

8. It's really cool to live to 100. Look at her sitting peacefully at the gate of the community basking in the sun and knitting wool pants. Maybe she was thinking: my colleague who tried to make me feel bad has been dead for eight years, right? Hey hey! That mistress and bitch, what, have been dead for 20 years?

9. Fengxian Xiao, a famous prostitute in the early years of the Republic of China, was the target of pornography if she followed migrant workers; If she follows Cai E, she will be immortal; If she follows Sun Yat-sen, she may become the mother of the country.

10. Organizing several people to collect protection money is the underworld. Zhu Yuanzhang organized millions of troops to seize the throne. This is the Great. Wu Zetian slept with her father-in-law and son. Although it was incest, it was messy enough, so she became a queen.