Ask for classic funny jokes (not less than 20)

1, chasing a girl, the result is the competition of rival in love: I invited her to eat KFC, and the rival in love invited her to eat leopard; I took a taxi to take her out to play, and my opponent picked her up in a BMW. I queued up all night to buy her an Iphone4, and my opponent ordered her a SII；. Online. Finally, I couldn't bear to give up, but my rival in love had already dumped her! Tragedy! Tragedy! How to be so much worse than people step by step! ! !

2. During the Chinese New Year, my relatives finished eating and walked home with my cousin. On the way, I drove a motorcycle with two beautiful women on it. It doesn't drive very fast. Because those two women are good-looking, I have been staring at them. Unexpectedly, the beautiful woman in the car waved to me. In this case, I didn't respond, so I waved to them. My brother turned his head and said to me in wonder, classmate, what are you waving?

I told my mother about the new marriage law. My mother said, "Women who scold the new marriage law are incompetent women, and men who praise the new marriage law are men who are ready for divorce." A serious family doesn't need marriage law.

At the concert, a buddy excitedly said to the star on the stage with a microphone, "I am your most loyal fan." I have attended almost every concert of yours, and today I finally have a chance! Can you take a picture with me and my girlfriend? " The star felt very moved and agreed without hesitation. Then the buddy listened happily and asked the audience, "Great, so ladies, who wants to be my girlfriend?"

5. My brother needs to write the word "grace" when he enters the examination room to do the problem, but he can't write the word "benefit". He thinks and thinks fruitlessly. . . Surprise! Bring a bottle of drink into the examination room during the exam. The bottle cap should have the words "thank you for your patronage", which is the same as the word "grace". Sneaking, pretending to drink water, unscrewing the bottle caps one by one. Dizzy! I saw "another bottle" printed on the cover!

6. failed geography? Normal! How can you not know the way home? Failed politics? Normal! China has a population of1300 million. Is it your turn to be president? Fail physics? Normal! Do you have to calculate the air resistance when jumping off a building? Fail English? Normal! We are all from China. Fail Chinese? Normal! Do you swear by rhetoric? Fail math? Normal! Do you need functions when shopping?

7. Every "Oh" has a fart, every "Um" has a "Che", every "Hehe" has a "**GB", every "Pro" has a "NB" and every "Haha" has a "Fuck you".

8. Counting the college entrance examination, we spent 12 years of youth and at least 400,000 to 500,000 tuition fees to support the transportation of Chen Guang Factory, True Color Factory, Machine-readable Card Factory, numerous paper mills, numerous printing houses, Hanlin Bookstore, Xinhua Bookstore and the city.

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Industry, restaurants around the school, all teachers' salaries and bonuses, the headmaster's car fuel money ... The college entrance examination is a national pillar private enterprise!

9, joke movie: A woman died, a man killed hundreds of guards, and finally took her away is an American movie; After a while, it was English movies that made her struggle to become a vampire; Suddenly a group of people appeared, singing and dancing in Indian movies; A Tianshan snow lotus poured on her is another Hong Kong movie that comes back to life. It's a Japanese movie in which a wretched man climbs on top of her to do piston movement. It's China's movie, and an organization regards her as a member of the organization.

10. Today I went to Zhongguancun to repair my computer. While waiting, a man came in and said he wanted to buy a camera, so the boss gave him one. He poked fun at his boss with a camera, about 1 half a year old. He held the camera and asked the child to kiss him. He said otherwise, he would take his things and pretend to go outside. The boss thought it was a joke and didn't care. Then, the goods took this. ...

1 1. At that time, the Weaver Girl went down the mountain to take a bath, met the Cowherd, and performed a love story that made the gods cry. Zhao Linger took a bath outside, met Li Xiaoyao and staged a fairy tale. This incident at least tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, and he must take a bath outside.

12, I don't want to break up with you! ! Mr. Summer Vacation! ! Why did you push me to Mr. Xue Kai? ! ! Mr. Xue Kai loves me again, and I still want to follow you! ! Even if he is more serious and better than you, I still love you. I will always love you, Mr. Summer Holiday! I won't be happy with him! Why did you leave! Do you know how much I love you! ! ! Mr. Summer Holiday, let's start over! Don't go, stay with me and let's start over!

13, Liu Zhenyun: The 20th Mao Dun Literature Prize was awarded to me, saying that I bought food at the vegetable market. I am particularly hesitant. Should I buy tomatoes or eggplant? Because we eat tomato juice noodles or tomato juice noodles at noon, tomatoes are more expensive than eggplant. While I was hesitating, my publisher called me to say that you won the prize, and then told me that the prize money was higher than before. I immediately decided to buy tomatoes.

14, a boy who is as unattractive and tasteless as me, chasing girls is not about how hard he works, but how blind the girls are! ! !

15, I used to sleep with my girlfriend. One day, I brought my girlfriend home! As a result, my girlfriend slept with my mom and I slept with my dad! I stared at my dad at night, and he slapped me down, and then I touched my dad from top to bottom! Dad jumped out of bed, woke me up with two slaps and said, "You son of a bitch, you're going to die!" " "then, I stayed up all night