Super classic funny short message daquan

1, Wukong is sucking on the ground with a magnet. Friar Sand said, Brother, what are you looking for? Wukong: Hey! I dropped my golden hoop, and it didn't take long to grow!

A group of space tourists landed on a strange planet. Xiao Li's four gods warned: "Don't urinate here. Careless will create a new world. "

In court, Xiao Qiang stood in the dock, and the judge asked majestically: Xiao Qiang, why don't you repent and continue to make counterfeit money? Xiao Qiang said very grievance: Your Honor, if I can make real money, will I still make counterfeit money?

4. At lunch time, Xiaoming pushed the bowl to Xiaogang next to him: "Try the rice I brought …" Xiaogang took a big spoon and put it in his mouth. Xiao Ming added: "How about it? After two days, can I still eat? "

6. The girl said to her lover: You haven't sent me flowers for a long time. The boy said, ah, what flowers do you like? The girl is angry: we have been together for so long, don't you know? I like "rich flowers"!

8. The optometrist teaches the newcomer the price: he asks how much, and you say 600 yuan; If he doesn't blink, you say it's the price of the frame; If he doesn't blink, you say 400 yuan, and you say: one piece.

9. The stallion excitedly came to the donkey with a divorce certificate. He was overjoyed and said, hehe! I'm finally leaving! The donkey sighed, alas, we can look forward to this day! Mule! Come here, this is your father!

1 1. A middle-aged man is buying underwear. He took out a pair of underwear and looked at it very carefully. Suddenly he asked: Is it nice? I only heard the salesgirl say angrily, Go home and ask your wife!

12, full moon night, top of Huashan Mountain, isolated, far-sighted, holding an object, pointing to the sky, stretching backwards, after three laps, looking up and shouting: There is no signal here!

13. When my husband came home from work, he found his wife lying in bed. The husband asked with concern: Wife, are you uncomfortable? The wife nodded. Husband quickly comforted: you don't have to worry about cooking, I'll take you back to the kitchen later!

14. On the train, a white woman and a black woman are breast-feeding their baby. "Mom, mom," the white baby stopped to play the woman, "I want chocolate milk, too."

16, grandiose era: buildings with about three floors are called buildings; * * * The big open space is called the square; Palm-sized turf is called lawn; A place where a tree is called a garden; A pool of flowers is called a garden …

18, when a person is walking in the cemetery in the middle of the night, he hears a knock at the door, and the more he listens, the more afraid he is. Finally, he saw a man carving a tombstone. I was relieved and said to the other party: I almost scared to death! What are you doing? They carved my name wrong. I'll change it!

19. Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

20. The ant married the elephant, but the elephant died a few days later. The ant was very sad and cried and scolded: Dear, why did you walk in front of me? I don't have to do anything in my fucking life, so I buried you.

23, a family has a cat, annoying! Throw it away, but a cat knows its home, and it will be self-sufficient after a few dislikes. One day, the man abandoned the cat after driving and called his wife that night: Did the cat go home again? Wife: Come back! Male roar: I asked you to answer the phone. I'm lost.

26. A diner called his boss and asked, Why are there chicken feathers in this roast chicken? The boss said, this is our anti-counterfeiting mark.

3 1, the vast road of life, who is better? Wife to take care of, little secrets to get along with. Leave a cook at home, a good-looking one at work, a cheap one outside and a vacancy in the distance. Such a life is infinitely happy.

33. The camel and the elephant met on the road. The elephant said strangely, hey, how did your * * * grow on your back? That's weird. The camel was unhappy and said, die and go away. I don't talk to things that grow on jj's face.

34. A gentleman was drunk and vomited in the ladies' room by mistake. It happened that a woman was peeing, and a gentleman was angry and said,' You said you don't drink, how can you pour wine? The woman stopped suddenly, but she didn't expect to hold her breath. You were furious:' Who the fuck opened another bottle! '

Give you a holiday to make you happy, give you a little sunshine to make you brilliant, give you a greeting to keep you warm, and give you a hat to float? I wish you a happy new year and step by step promotion!

40. Qianshan has been in love. Can you contact me? It's love to travel all over China, and only ten short messages are one!

4 1, silence, blindness, no food for three meals, weakness of limbs, abnormal facial features, denial of six parents, ignorance, momentum, unable to sit still for nine days, very useless.

42. I would like to be a winged bird in the sky, because the air pollution is too bad; Make branches on the ground again, and deforestation is not reliable; People in the world should be happy, and environmental protection should come first!

43. Men's love is affection, women's love is duty, men's playboy is talent, and women's playboy is nameless.

44. I was glad to see you just now. I didn't realize you were a playboy. I am so cruel after cheating. I'm fascinated by you. I'm worried that I can't see you. I'm so sad that I can't keep you.

45. I am crazy about you, crazy about you, and I am heartbroken for you. Crazy for you, crazy for you, the sea of suffering is always endless.

46, flat, no temper, sage also; Have a level, a temper, and a sage; No level, no temper, mediocrity; No level, no temper, bad guy.

47. The secret of finding a job: age is a fortune; Graduation certificate is essential; Relationship is the most important; Reference ability.

48. Four flowers in the hospital: queuing for registration, dizziness; The doctor diagnosed that the goddess scattered flowers; Drug charges, looking at flowers in the fog; If it doesn't heal for a long time, the cost of medicine will be wasted.

49. How do you say love? The glass is full of wine. I take one bite after another, and I won't let go when I'm drunk!

50. What I wish you before marriage is mine, and what I want is yours. What is sure of you after marriage is mine, and what is mine is yours. After the divorce, you are still yours, and I am still mine. .

5 1, the southeast and northwest are looking for you, turning around you, loving you in spring, summer, autumn and winter, holding you in the storm and thunder.

52. There is a crescent moon in the dark night sky, with flowers in white hands. Your acquaintance with me is a myth. Since we care about each other, let's get married!

53. You are happy and worried about you, and you have been sad and infatuated. You dare not change your mind. Don't doubt. I took great pains to write it. I am most afraid that you are unintentional.

54. I am not afraid of anything, I am afraid that the teacher will come to my house. Sitting on my pier and drinking my tea, my mother beat me as soon as the teacher left.

Miss, I think your eyes are like the moon. Woman: Really! Thank you for your compliment! What are they like? Man: One eye looks like fifteen, and the other eye looks like the first day.

56. How to treat a man correctly: help him spend money if he has money; Avoid him when you have no money; Follow him if you succeed; Abandon him when frustrated; Hit him when you are lonely; Let him despair; Help him when he commits suicide; Torture him when he's old!

57. 1 I fell in love with you at first sight, and I have no second thoughts. I am willing to take care of you for three generations. I dreamed about you four times last night. You're charming. You fascinate me. A broken heart can't be calm. Say 10: I was wrong!

Lovely you stole my love and my heart. I've decided to sue you in court. What should I sentence you to? The judge searched all criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

59, wine is a good meal, the more you drink, the younger you are; Wine is Yangtze River water, the more you drink, the more beautiful it is. Wine is dichlorvos. You are not drunk, and I am not drunk. Who will sleep on such a wide road?

60, hilarious car rear window slogan: "You can be the boss at will" "The female driver runs in for the first time = the devil in a hat" with a small face posted "Face in the middle" and an aunt posted "You think I ran a red light"

6 1, I will be blue if you are unhappy; If your heart is bitter, I am sweet; If you are sad, I am smiling; If you are cold, I am spring.

62. Here's how to tell the direction: When you are in Pan Meichen, face the dawn, Chen Xiaodong is in front, Edison Chen is behind, and Sun Nan is on the right. If you don't know the left, ask the beautiful girl!

63. You are my sun, but it is raining. You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are the Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first …

64. I wrote your name in the sky and was taken away by the cloud. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and the police took you away.

65. Love is empty, and I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

When the emperor saw the princess's sad face, he called the doctor. Medical prescription: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went out to visit the palace. He was overjoyed when he saw the princess's radiant face. Suddenly, he saw eight thin people standing in front of the temple. Who was surprised by the doctor's answer: slag!

67. Someone called his girlfriend and joked: Hello, Xiaoli? If I had a stable and well-paid job and won 5 million lottery tickets, would you marry me? Sure, tell me who you are.

68. The students' outdoor military training is bitterly cold. Instructor: Are you cold? Student: Cold, instructor: Then run five laps. The next day was cold and windy. Instructor: Is it cold? Student A: Not cold! Instructor: That station stood in a military posture for two hours.

69. Skipping classes: Hao Di said that everyone is really fleeing; Dabao said that skipping classes is good; Huiren Shenbao said that he fled and I fled; Melatonin said that this year, no classes, only physical education class; Colgate said that our goal is that no one will attend classes.

Patient: I can't sleep. Doctor: These medicines, Orange Jun can dream of Andy Lau; Red can dream of F4; Jeff Chang Shin-Che Shenche's White Dream. Patient: What if I eat them all? Doctor: Then you can see Leslie Cheung.

7 1, the branch secretary organized everyone to donate money to Project Hope, but there was little response. A boy came with a rice basin and a hundred-dollar bill in his hand. The branch secretary was overjoyed and was about to call on everyone to study. Boy: I want to change some small change so that I can cook.

72. The accountant saved the female star from the fire, politely refused the reward methods proposed by the female star, such as having dinner, and only asked for her signature. The actress smiled: Of course! So the accountant took out a blank check.

73. The stingy guy went to his girlfriend's house for the first time. I bought you a watch and it was stolen by a thief. The girlfriend said gratefully: Be careful next time. Young man: Hum, I'll take nothing next time and see what he steals.

74. Veteran: The patrol route ends at that red light, understand? Recruit: Got it! Who knows, the recruits left and came back three days later. Depressing report: Oh, my God, that light is just a taillight of a car. It actually drove all the way to new york.

75. Naughty Xiaoming pushed the portable public toilet near his home into the river and was beaten by his father at night. Xiao Ming refused to accept it and moved out of Washington to cut down trees for several hours to reason with his father. Father: When Washington cut down trees, his father was not in the trees.

76. During the New Year, animals have a dinner. An ant with a heavy capacity for liquor is drunk. A friend asked: How can you get drunk? Ant: Alas, the centipede's grandson is going to fight with me. Damn, he can't see with so many hands. This is a terrible loss.

77. Practical SMS: A boy saw his favorite girl walking alone on the playground and didn't know how to strike up a conversation. In desperation, he picked up something on the ground and asked, classmate, did you drop this brick?

78. The little snail shouted, "Oh! I climbed Mount Everest. Dad, where are you? " The old snail replied, "Son, I just climbed to the Pacific Ocean." It turns out that father and son are on the map.

79. After receiving the newly printed business card, the professional consultant called the manufacturer to report the situation: "My business card is printed with a' professional door' and there is a hole missing!" A few days later, I received a new business card with the words "Professional Door Care" printed on it.

80. Elephant ants divorced after two days of marriage. The judge asked why, and the ant said, kiss for 20 minutes! Elephant airway: Leave! You have to find a kiss with a magnifying glass for a long time, and you can't breathe!

8 1. The young man bought a sofa at the cost price and asked for a bed at a discount price. The proprietress said angrily, you are too greedy. You just took advantage of my mother on the sofa and tried to take advantage of her in bed!

82. An earthquake survivor was rescued by a Russian rescue team and interviewed by reporters. He thought for a long time and said, "The earthquake is so fierce! When I was dug up and saw foreigners, I thought I was shocked abroad! "

83. The boss took his secretary to the party and made a toast. The secretary said: Let's die together! The boss was unhappy and asked her to read more books. Roll night, female secret night reading! Wake up the boss in the morning and say, your time is up!

85. What is politics? Black. What is power? Make it complete. What is promotion? Send it. What is learning? Copy it. What is chic? Don't go home. What is impulse? I'm loaded. What do you mean, capable? Blow.

Please skillfully use the addition, subtraction, multiplication and division in today's society, and you will enjoy it. That is, report grades by addition, accept tasks by subtraction, calculate rewards by multiplication, and check errors by division. ...

88. There is a kind of warmth, which comes from the memory in the heart; There is a kind of happiness that comes from the memory of falling asleep; There is a kind of care that transcends the secular trajectory; There is a warmth in my heart as beautiful as a rainbow! I wish you a good mood every day in the new week!

90. The butterfly said to the little bee, "You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words but you can't bear to say a word to me. " The bee said, "Hum, you are talking about me. Why don't you send me a text message when you have two antennas on your head? "

93. When the Marriage Law was amended, the typist changed monogamy into monogamy in an instant. When the Party Committee of the National People's Congress deliberated, it was generally reflected that this article had been changed well and kept pace with the times, but it was afraid that the supply of goods could not be supplied.

95. In a literacy class in rural areas, a female teacher said: Day by day, day by day. An old farmer stood and said, teacher, we can basically do it day by day, but I'm afraid it's not good to do it day by day.

97. The production team killed the goose and added vegetables. The captain wrote a notice, and the word "goose" was scattered, and it became: "In the afternoon, men killed my bird, women plucked my hair, and men, women and children ate my bird meat at night! You can also eat my eggs! I'll sell the rest of the bird hair tomorrow. "

Finishing: zhl20 1702